Draco stood, waist deep in the shallow end of the massive pool. His moist, muscular body shimmered in the moonlight as drops of water slowly dripped down his chiseled features. He looked towards the mansion on his left, eyeing the windows to see if...who was he kidding. There's no way Hermione would come to his pool party. Draco sighed and pulled his goggles over his eyes, taking in a deep breath he pushed off the wall of the pool and back into the water. Draco's firm, throbbing arms pulled him effortlessly through the water, his front crawl was rumoured to be olympian material, and to any who had witnessed his performance tonight it was no secret why Draco almost made the team. After tearing through several lengths of the pool, Malfoy peeped his head over the side of the pool to catch his breath. Between each of his ragged inhales and exhales he heard approaching footsteps. He looked up to see a blurred figure standing over him through his goggles. He lifted them for a better look...it was Hermione!
"Hey Draco...not bad. Not bad at all." Draco immediately straightened his posture and through his goggles to the side,
"Hermione? You came! And you're…." Draco trailed off as he noticed that Hermione was wearing a scarlet-red two-piece bikini, which accentuated her tight body perfectly. Draco was speechless...he had never seen her outside of her baggy Hogwarts uniform before...he could definitely get used to this. Hermione gave him a lingering side glare before slowly dipping her long legs into the pool, and sitting on it's edge.
"So...Looks like it's just us eh?" She said with a mischievous smirk. Draco, swallowed nervously before replying,
"Uhhh Yeah...is that ok? Nobody else RSVP'd." Hermione scooted a little closer to Draco and gave another one of her intoxicating smiles
"I don't mind at all…" She pushed off the wall and gently lowered herself into the water in front of Draco, her eyes never breaking off from his.
"I wanna race you." She said as she smiled again, wider this time. Draco looked at her, eyebrows raised quizzically, doesn't she know who he is? He chuckled,
"Uh no offense Hermione but I'm kind of the fastest there is." Hermione placed her hands on her hips,
"Oh yeah?" She said mockingly as she pulled him nose to nose with her. "Prove it."
The two lined up side by side on the wall, Hermione took three deep breaths before saying,
"One...Two...Three...GO!" aaand they're off! The two wizards pushed off the wall with all the force they could muster, keeping pace with one another until Draco ultimately took the lead, and reached the deep end wall. He hooted and hollered as he rejoiced in his victory. Hermione crossed her arms before swimming back to the shallow end.
"You know why I won Hermione? It's called aqua-dynamics. Like Aerodynamics? Except with water. Your posture, stroking patterns and even your hair can slow you down." Hermione reached the wall opposite Draco and, without turning to face him began to tantalizingly untie her bikini top.
"What about clothes?" She peeked over her shoulder at him and smiled. Draco, desperately trying to keep his cool nodded,
"Yeah...clothes too…"
She smiled, letting her top fall off of her and into the pool.
"Wanna try me again?"
Draco, finally picking up on her advances, swam full-speed towards Hermione, but once he reached where she once was standing he looked up to see that she was gone, and saw a flustered Shaquille O'Neil standing over the side of the pool, arms crossed across his broad chest.
"When I said you could have some kids over for a pool party I did NOT say you could have some kids over to make babies in my pool Malfoy!" Malfoy looked up, confused,
"What?" Shaq sighed before lifting lifting the little blond wizard out of his pool.
"What I mean Malfoy is I trusted you! And you let me down man, you let me down." Malfoy looked around,
"Where's Hermione?" he said in a daze. Mr O'Neil rolled his eyes,
"Hermione's gone Draco, I sent her home about half hour ago. What's that you said about aqua-dynamics? That raging stiffy of yours slowed your front crawl down substantially. She waited here for fifteen goddamn minutes before I told her to go home. " Draco looked down at his fantastically large erection. Shaq was right. It was for this exact reason he didn't ever make it to the podium.
"You ready to go home too?" Draco let his head fall to a defeated nod. Shaq smiled,
"Same time next week?" Draco nodded again before Shaq threw him all the way back to Wizard-England. Shaq laughed,
"That never gets old."
The warm night in mid-july sent kind, gentle winds towards the towering star. Shaq smiled at the massive property which extended before him, taking in the inviting sights of his pool, hot tub, second pool, space-age fallout shelter and personal amusement park, all found in the backyard of his multi-billion dollar mansion in the Hollywood hills. These, among many other fantastical articles of luxury, were the fruits of his savoury line of soft drinks, legendary career as a member of the NBA, and as an esteemed actor in such hits as Freddy got Fingered, Kazaam, Smurfs 2 and Grown ups 2. Shaq was one lucky guy. He wanted for nothing, or at least that's what he had always told himself. Soon the contrary would be revealed, however, as a lingering desire deep within his heart would fight tooth and nail to the surface...the question is, dear reader, is Shaq ready? Perhaps or perhaps not. We shall soon see.
Scene 1 of 1, the O'neill residence:
(Enter Shaq stage right, rye and coke in one hand, television remote in the other. He makes his way over the his sofa-chair and plops himself down elegantly on it's lucious cushion, sipping his beverage.)
Shaq: Lets see what's on today!
(Shaq flips through channels, Enter Morice stage left, tail wagging, ears twitching, hops up on couch next to Shaq)
Shaq: Oh Morice! How are you my favourite lil' Chihuahua?"
Morice: Bork bork!
Shaq: Who's a good boy?
Morice: Bork bork!
Shaq: Yeah! That's right!
Morice: Bork bork!
(The two watch television for quite a while, before Morice puts a firm paw on Shaq's leg.)
Shaq: Woah shit! You making moves on me Morice? I'm a married man!
Morice: Bork bork!
Shaq: No no... I cant! You're my dog and…
Morice: Bork bork!
Shaq: So what? So what?! So it's wrong Morice. It's Wrong.
Morice: Bork bork!
(Shaq gets up and wipes the sweat from his brow)
Shaq: I need some air.
Morice: Bork bork!
(Shaq walks out alone unto the balcony.)
Shaq (aside): My God, my God! Why hast thou lay this tragic choice upon me? Why must I choose between the shadow of my own desire and the light of your kingdom? I have done my part and have always lived by the commandments you have laid before me...would I...be forgiven? Would I be forgiven if I allow this selfish, primal lusting consume me for no more than fifteen minutes? I hope it so but do not know it so...Would I be risking eternal fire for momentary heaven?
(Shaq peeks through the blinds and at the THICCCQ ass dog that lie in wait.)
Shaq (aside continued): Indeed I would...and I'm afraid I must. I look to you now, God in heaven, and all your angels...forgive me for the carnal acts I shall soon enact...I do this out of the blackness of my human heart and all of it's flaws.
(Shaq charges back into the room and holds down a squirming Morice.)
Morice: Bork bork!
Shaq: WHAT NOW YOU DON'T WANT IT?! YOU LITTLE TEASE!
(Shaq begins to strangle the Chihuahua with one monstrous hand as he hastily unbuttons his trousers with the other)
Morice: Bork bork!
(Shaq then realizes that his Phallus is just too damn big for the little dog. And gets up, from the couch, before extracting a knife from the kitchen drawer.)
Shaq: Forgive me God.
Morice: Bork bork!
(Morice leaps from the couch and bites Shaq in the neck.)
Shaq (In pain): AAAGGGHHHH!
Morice: Bork bork!
(Blood gushing from his arteries, Shaq lets the blade fall from his hand and collide loudly with the marble floor.)
Morice: Bork bork!
(Morice catches his breath as he reaches for the phone and dials for the police.)
Morice: Hi this is Draco Malfoy...I'm at 69 Shaquille O'Neil way...I need an ambulance and the police...Shaq tried to rape me...I had to bite him to make it stop.
(Morice smiles as the polyjuice potion slowly wears off...he reverts back to his Malfoy form.)
Malfoy: That's what you get for ruining my pool party...You die...and your legacy dies.
FIN.