A/N: Wow this is depressing. I don't even know why I wrote this. Warning: DARK. Like c'mon, what's wrong with me. I don't like this fic. But I kinda do at the same time. Don't read it, unless you have a bit of a masochist in you, like apparently I do. This was painful to write.

The metal twisted, the blood flew, and River danced in some terrible parody of a ballet. Everything fell silent, and River realized the bodies around her. All lying down. And they would never get up.

She swallowed. She needed Simon. Running over to the blast doors, River fiddled with the electronics, her fingers automatically following patterns, things that she never really learned herself but stole from Kaylee. Something was wrong. Something was very very wrong.

The doors opened, and River heard the gasps and smelled the fear and the pain.

"Simon?" she whispered. She dispassionately noticed that she was covered in blood and still holding the battle axe and sword. Dropping them, she ran to her brother's side.

Simon was dying. River could see it. It was in his eyes.

"Ge ge," she whispered. It had been a long time since she had called him that. She had stopped using it, after the academy.

His smile was bloody. "Mei mei. I'm so proud of you."

"Simon, you have to stay," she begged.

Simon's eyes creased with pain, his muscles in his neck working spastically. "River, I can't. You'll be okay. I promise, mei mei, I promise."

River kissed Simon's forehead gently.

Her brother's heart stopped.

And River broke.

"The Operative is dead."

River vaguely heard Mal's voice, and noticed that his voice was also dead. She didn't even have to read him before she knew what he would say.

"We failed. The message, it didn't get out."

The despair was like a cloud. River ignored it, keeping Simon's head in her lap, stroking his hair.

"Report," Mal choked out.

"We lost Simon," Zoe said unnecessarily. "Jayne's been shot in the shoulder. Kaylee was poisoned, but the doc got her fixed before he . . . I have a back injury."

"River? Inara?"

"Sand's slipping," River murmured.

"We have to . . . we have to get Serenity fixed," Mal said helplessly.

"Sir, with the Alliance . . ."

"Tell tall tales, spin the threads," River interrupted. Mal stared at her before nodding.

"River's right. We can claim this was a Reaver attack. With the Operative dead, hopefully we can pull this off. Get our hurt patched up. Let's regroup in Serenity. The Alliance'll be sniffing around here pretty soon."

It was a good plan. But River could feel how Mal was stretching, his faith broken, his hopes dashed. "Desperate people," she said aloud, but there was no one who heard her.

River stayed behind as the others left for Serenity. The others mumbled promises to come and get her once they were fixed. River really didn't care.

"Do you remember mom and dad? I don't. Not really. All of that is fuzzy. But I know we had some good memories. You kept a hold of them for me, and when I was sad, I could listen in. Now it's all fading. You weren't supposed to go, Simon. You were supposed to stay with me."

She waited for his answer. It never came.

"River, c'mon, sweetie."

She looked up at Inara, whose eyes were wide with death and despair like they never had before.

"I can't. Simon's asleep."

The companion choked down something like a sob. "I know, River."

"I'm strong. I can carry him."

Inara stared at her for a moment before nodding in silent agreement, moving down to take hold of Simon's feet. River lifted her brother, remembering how he would carry her to bed when she was little. She held onto that small memory as her brother's head lolled against her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Simon."

River had forgotten that Wash was dead. But the instant she stepped onto Serenity, she felt the ship mourning. Staggering briefly under the weight, River nearly dropped Simon.

"Easy, River."

She could hear the others in the med bay. A flash of irritation ran through her. That was Simon's. Not theirs.

"River, we should put him down," Inara said. The companion's arms were trembling, and River took pity on her.

"Set him here."

Simon was asleep. But it was just a body. A body laying down, and it wouldn't get up.

"I don't understand," River said.

"You're not supposed to," Simon responded. River spun around and cocked her head at him.

"You're dead."

"Yes."

River nodded solemnly. "The air is still."

Grief was ugly, River decided. For Kaylee, it consisted of stormy crying, and a clinginess that River did not understand. She knew that she was supposed to be attached to Kaylee now; River had heard Simon confessing that he had wanted to be with Kaylee, so that was supposed to make her more bonded to River, but River felt nothing. She was drifting. Drifting like her name.

River preferred Zoe's grief. It made sense. It was quiet, and hidden, just like the baby inside of her.

"He's very smart," she informed Zoe solemnly.

"I suppose so." Zoe was tired.

"He'll have your skin and Wash's smile."

Zoe's eyes snapped onto her like they always did at the mention of her deceased husband. Her lips tipped upward into a bitter smile. "River, you know so much."

River looked over to Simon's ghost, who grinned at her. "No, not really."

"We've got a job."

It had been a few months, and Serenity was repaired, on the outside. Mal had used Mr. Universe's accounts, River was pretty sure. Everyone was buried as well.

"Sir, how . . .?"

Mal swallowed. Still trying to be strong, but there were cracks.

"He's scared," Simon commented. River silently agreed.

"It's a simple smuggling run from Boros to Persephone. Shouldn't be a big deal."

"What about the Reavers?" Jayne spoke up. River snapped her gaze onto him sharply. He had been quiet. Too quiet, and she didn't know why.

The cracks grew wider. "We just do the job, Jayne."

For once, Jayne didn't fight with Mal. River suddenly realized that Jayne was grieving Shepherd Book.

"They always did get along really well." Simon leaned against the wall next to River. "Pity. Shepherd Book was good for Jayne. Gave him purpose, gave him hope. His memory won't be enough, though."

"It all fades away," River murmured.

"River?" Mal focused on her. River's wide eyes took in the Captain, and she offered him a vague smile.

"Who . . . who's going to fly Serenity?" Inara's voice was muted, but Zoe still stiffened.

"I can do it," River offered. Simon gave her a proud smile, and she felt warm inside.

"You . . . you can?" Mal's voice was skeptical. River nodded firmly, fixing her eyes on his. He was the one to look away.

"I'll make sure you can handle her," he finally said, gruffly.

The others drifted away.

Serenity responded to River like no one else did. Wash's dinosaurs took a little while to get used to her, but they warmed up over time. Simon kept her company in the other chair.

"I think it will get bad."

River shot him a look. "You don't have to be so negative."

"No, that's your gig." Simon had gotten a lot more relaxed since he died. "I just want you to be safe, little sister."

"I can take care of myself," River said petulantly. Simon fell silent at that, and River realized she had said the wrong thing. "Dui bu qi," she murmured.

"Who're you talking to?" It was Kaylee again. River restrained herself, and didn't sigh.

"Nobody," she replied sullenly.

River remembered once liking Kaylee. Her innocence, her naivete had been refreshing. But now . . . now, Kaylee liked to remember Simon with her. Like Simon wasn't sitting right there, watching the two of them in amusement.

"You shouldn't be so mean to her, River."

River barely resisted snapping at Simon. She glared, though.

"I talked with Inara. I think she's going to leave again."

Kaylee always had liked to blurt things out. River regarded her carefully.

"Hao," she commented.

Kaylee blinked. "Hao? Why, how could Inara leaving be good?"

"It's dangerous," River said shortly, returning her attention to the stars. They made sense. She didn't even notice when Kaylee left.

"River, do you . . . do you want to come with me? I don't think the Alliance is hunting for you anymore."

Inara's offer was kind, but her world had nothing to offer River. Not anymore. She couldn't dance-she had tried one day, but her wings were clipped.

"Ground's too heavy," she explained to Inara. The companion smiled gently, briefly touching River's shoulder. "You can't stay, because the fire burns," River realized.

Inara's eyes were confused, and then resigned. "I think you're right."

River could see Mal locking down. Trying to control himself. The cracks were there, growing and growing.

Jayne said nothing. Zoe hugged Inara briefly and carefully-the baby was showing. Kaylee was a mess, and River told herself not to sneer.

And then the companion was gone. "And then there were six," River murmured.

"What, you won't count me?" Simon smiled at her, shaking River from her mood.

"Corporeal only," she returned smartly.

The jobs got rough, even worse than they had been before. River mostly did the flying, but occasionally Mal would get a hard look in his eye and ask her to use a gun.

Simon always frowned at that and would disappear. Sulking.

But River couldn't say no. How could she? Mal was a force, never stopping. He would destroy them all. And killing was easier than dancing.

"You shouldn't be here."

Zoe looked at River sharply. "Be where?" she asked.

"On Serenity, there is no serenity."

"I'm not leaving the Captain," Zoe said firmly.

River reached over and touched Zoe's growing belly. "Wash knows it. You know it. It's too late."

Zoe's smile was pained. "How can I leave Serenity? I've been following the Captain since the war, River. You don't just betray that."

"You will," River said confidently. "For Wash."

She left Zoe staring after her.

Jayne died. River had the slight suspicion that he let himself die.

"For one minute, he had something to believe in. When that was ripped away, he lost himself," Simon said solemnly. River watched as Jayne's mother wept and Mal stood stoically by. Just a simple job, but it went wrong, and Jayne had caught a bullet in the heart.

"And then there were five," River murmured. She frowned. Zoe and the baby had to be next. If any of them would survive, it would be those two.

"You can save them, mei mei. I know you."

"Couldn't save you," she whispered.

"You didn't need to."

River closed her eyes. "You're not real. The brain is lying."

"Does it matter?"

River knew she was too logical for her own good. "Guess not."

"I can't give birth to the baby on the ship, sir."

Mal was scowling. "With you gone, that leaves just River, Kaylee and me. There ain't no way we can pull off a job like that."

River watched from the catwalk, willing Zoe to be strong.

"You need to leave with her, River." Simon was oddly agitated. River regarded him calmly.

"No, I can't."

"You know what will happen if you stay. Everything's falling apart, and Serenity is sick."

"Cancer, like the stars of earth-that-was." River swung her legs in the empty air, suddenly wishing they had cows.

Kaylee came up behind her. "River, are you hungry?"

River felt a strange rush of affection for Kaylee. Maybe she was channeling Simon. But it wasn't her fault she was annoying. "Kaylee, you should leave."

Kaylee flinched. "Shen me?"

"Don't you have a home?"

The other girl's smile was shaky. "My home's Serenity."

River stared at her solemnly. "Battle's coming to an end."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

She blinked at the mechanic. "Not much time left. All leave or all die."

Kaylee shivered. "I've gotta . . . go . . ." she mumbled something about the fuel lines and beat a hasty retreat."

"You tried your best," Simon reassured River. "You know you have to talk to him."

River let her fingers dance across the cold metal. "I suppose."

The argument below her finished with Zoe stalking, albeit a little slowly, away and Mal looking helplessly after her. River stood and glided down the stairs, the cold metal printing itself on her feet.

"Mal," she murmured. He whirled, cursing in chinese.

"River, don't sneak up on me," he said.

"You know what has to happen."

He looked away. "Wo bu dong. You're not making any sense."

"It's all falling apart and crumbling. Let the wind sweep the crumbs away, and they'll fly. Keep them and they will burn."

Mal's face twisted into something River almost couldn't read, until she realized he was angry. "What, you want to leave too? Is that it?"

River gazed up at him solemnly. "No. But Serenity isn't safe."

She knew she had lost the instant his eyes turned hard. He had been broken by the war, broken by the Reavers, broken by his failures.

"We're doing the job," he snapped and strode away.

River looked after him sadly. "It's all going to fall apart," she said, but even Simon wasn't there to hear her.

"Go with her."

River sadly watched as Zoe gathered her bags and strode out of Serenity.

"It's the end of all things," she said to Simon. He just sighed.

"River. Please. For me, just leave."

She shook her head.

And looked around the empty ship. "And then there were three," she sang to herself.

The Reavers surrounded the ship. River winced as Serenity took the hits.

"River, get us outta here!"

"Blood's drained," she explained, curling up on the chair.

"Blood-"

"We're outta fuel, Cap'n," Kaylee gasped, running up the stairs into the bridge.

"Zao gao," Mal spat. "So what, you're telling me there's no way out? This is it?"

"Burning," River whispered. She wanted Simon, but he was gone. He had disappeared once she decided not to leave Serenity.

"Cap'n, what do we . . . I'm scared." Kaylee's voice was full of tears. River stared out of the windows, looking at the night sky. They were on some kind of moon, and the stars were bright. The brilliance of a nearby planet made the scene peaceful. The opposite of their situation.

Mal's fingers were white where he was holding onto Serenity. Kaylee had dissolved into a sobbing mess.

"I'll do it, three bullets."

Mal's blank eyes looked at hers. River heard the first blast. The Reavers wanted to blow a hole into Serenity. River stretched out her hand, taking Mal's gun from his holster. Mal didn't stop her.

Kaylee gasped, and River turned to her. "I'm sorry, Kaylee."

She shot the mechanic.

"River," Mal said hoarsely.

"And then there were two," she whispered.

Mal was hollow and dead already. "Sleep, Captain," River commanded. Another bullet in the brainpan.

"And then there was one," Simon said. River turned to him curiously.

"You left me alone," she accused.

"You didn't listen to me." Simon was pouting.

River cocked her head. "That means I didn't listen to myself."

"Semantics." Simon waved an airy hand.

A distant crash told River that the Reavers had arrived.

"Does it hurt?" she whispered.

"I think you know."

"I just want to dance again," River confessed. The shouts were growing louder. River glanced at Kaylee's blank eyes, the blood between them. Mal's eyes had closed. Their souls were gone.

River lifted the gun tenderly.

Simon smiled, murmuring quietly. "And then there were none."

A/N: This is the most depressing and twisted thing I have ever written. In some terrible way, I'm proud of how it turned out. But I feel like I shouldn't be. Because it's awful.

Chinese:

ge ge: older brother

mei mei: younger sister

dui bu qi: sorry

hao: good

shen me?: what?

wo bu dong: I don't understand

zao gao: terrible