He doesn't love me. He never will. He love's Sandstorm. Yes, there are plenty of reasons why he can't ever love me. I'm a medicine cat, he's a warrior and much older, and him and Sandstorm are meant to be. But, the most devastating fact? I was the only one loving. He didn't feel that way towards me. Ever since I became his apprentice, I had always had a crush on him. My only goal was to please him, so that maybe, one day, he'd find out he loved me too. And then, we'd be happy forever. So, when he told me to stay, I wanted to show him how capable I was, that Cinderpaw could save the day too. He and the whole clan would respect me, I'd get my warrior name, and he asked me to be his mate. But it wasn't meant to be. The monster came. I was what you called 'Damaged'. A mistake. A lesson you'd tell your kits, so that they'd never go near the Thunderpath until they were older. If I was the error, then Sandstorm was the correction. She was perfect in every way. The whole clan liked her, she was pretty, a great hunter, and the mate he chose. Eventually, after not wanting to believe it, I realized I wasn't meant to be with him. So, I became a medicine cat. I plastered on a smile, and worked effortlessly, to keep my mind off him. Of course, whenever he needed me, I jumped to my paws, ready to do some battle training. Until I remembered I couldn't jump to my paws, and I couldn't do any battle training. I wasn't the apprentice anymore. I was the listener; the one who listened to his problems. Nothing more. Everytime I saw him with Sandstorm, my heart broke a little more.
And then, I had to watch as Sandstorm's kits were born. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get away from them. Some moons later in the new territory, Sorreltail started having the kits, right when the badgers attacked. I can feel the badgers claws ripping through my fur, tearing flesh. It's somewhat a bittersweet relief. I can see the bright stars. Their…. welcoming me. Bluestar, Yellowfang…. Wait, where are you going? Their fading…. I can feel my soul being driven from my body, but… where is Starclan? Sorreltail's first kit is about to be born…. Starclan? Is this my fate? Another chance, maybe? Oh well. I can only hope they know what they are doing. Goodbye, Firestar…..