I wake up, confused for a moment, before I realise what has happened. I clutch at my neck and feel my still beating pulse. I am alive. For now. I get up and stretch, pushing all emotions out and away until I feel only cold and, well, feelingless. I dress quickly after glancing out the huge window that takes up a whole corner of my small room. It's raining- again. I pull on my blue patterned cut off denim shorts and a tank top emblazoned with the Union Jack. I ruffle my chin length, curly, dirty blonde hair, looking pleased at the one orange streak in the front. I rummage through my battered dresser until I find two socks- one orange with yellow stripes and another that is brown with little foxes on it. I sigh while pulling them on, then grab my striped oxfords and grey jacket with orange piping and buttons. I shuffle tiredly down the spiraling stairs until I reach the bottom floor. "Morning Hannah" I call as I fling open the heavy kitchen door. Hannah drops the bowl she was washing and fans her face while clutching at her throat, gasping. "You have... The ribb... The ribbon... But how long?" Her face is pale and her eyes wide. "48" I reply stiffly, reminding myself to feel nothing and eliminate the fear. Hannah bustles over to me and hugs me tightly, I can feel her large frame shaking as I stand rigid in her arms. "Oh you poor dear!" she cries as she pats my arm in a matronly way. "It's fine I'm going for help right after breakfast," I say trying to make my voice sound confident and reassuring. It doesn't work very well because Hannah looks as though she is about to cry and she pulls me to her side going on about how I'm too young and the whole thing is simply wretched. She pauses to take a breath and I tell her, "17, Hannah. I'm 17 now," she merely sighs and says quietly that that's still too young. I wiggle my way out of her iron grip and make my way to the fridge, my stomach rumbling. I find nothing suitable and groan in complaint. I slide up onto the counter, slipping my oxfords on and lacing them up. Hannah looking worriedly at me from the other side of the huge kitchen bursts out, "At least let me cut it off honey, it only serves as a reminder and you don't need that today." I look down at the crimson ribbon tied on to my neck and picking at the bow part I look warily at the small printed 48. "No." I say forcefully and Hannah backs up a step or two. "Surely you don't mean that Laurie?" she whispers frightened. "Lara. And yes- I do mean it!" I growl before stomping out of the kitchen and through the huge rooms until I reach the small, side door that I always use. I pull on my jacket but don't button it even though I know it is cold. I need to be cold today- I need to feel frozen or I will lose myself. I grab my phone and check the time before heaving the oak door open and leaping down the brick steps. I hear Hannah call from the doorway, "Come and get an umbrella dear, you're not properly dressed, and I don't want you to catch a cold!" I pretend I can't hear her and flip up my collar to keep some of the rain off. I walk through the grass and pouring rain for ten minutes before I reach the cab. I slide in wordlessly and we drive off. I shake my hair, already completely soaked, and smile.