Title: Stars light and Tear Drops
Author: Wanderlustlover
Email: PG-13
Category: Xena. After the last episode by a while.
Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine, as usual. I do this purely out of love and respect for the series and the characters.
Archive: Ask first, though I will usually concede.
Standing at the prow of the ship, her fingers stroking the wood gently, she looks out toward the horizon. The sky is still dark above her, but just at the point where the sky and the sea meet there's a line of golden light. The line of golden glows with a light of it's own and she leans her bare stomach against the wooden as though leaning to reach that splendor.
"One more day down," she whispered softly.
Bending down, she lets her elbows rest on the edges, and her chin on her hands. The day had been long and it was still new even now. The sais at hips, almost forgotten they're so much a part of who she is now, but the chakram weighed her down. She felt its presence even when she could feel anything else, her arms, her mind, her being.
"I saved a town today. I can't get over the idea that I'm doing all these things now."
Her eyes cloud slowly as the sun sinks completely below the sea, but instead of noticing the tears she looks up into the sky. Up toward those bright twinkling lights within the sky, letting out the barest of sighs. Reaching up she wipes the first tear from her face as thought she was just wiping dust from a shelf, like she hadn't even noticed it really.
"It's been years, and I'm still only as good as I'd ever longed to be. Not good enough to truly be you."
Moving, she rubs the bandage on her arm, wincing a few seconds when her hand contacts over where the deep gash is. She clenched her teeth and pressed her lips together as the pain intensified and then faded away again. The salve was wearing off. That was at least a perk of having studied many different paths before getting stuck on this one.
"I can't be you. I don't want to be you."
The sea is calm and so are the heavens, lacking any movement anywhere except around her. A breeze swirls around her body as it always does at about this time, and she can feel it, that presence just beyond her sight. The scent of earth, worn leather and skin fills her nose and her eyes cloud even more. She wants to reach out, but she's done it so many nights before. The air will still be empty.
"I just want to be with you."
It hugs around her body and she cries without any sounds at first. Not because she's lost Xena, but because while she knows she can never leave her, they exist just so slightly out of phase that she can also never have her. The futility of it drives her each morning and breaks her each night. She longs for a single words, a touch, anything more than the untouchable scent and presence of a soul mate who will never be further away than her own heart beat.