Disclaimer: This doesn't exist. I was never here……but, in the small chance I was (witch I wasn't) I do not own any rights to Evangelion. This is my first time writing a short story, so I would like to not get sued……please. If suing must ensue, sue erkman3…..he helped. You wouldn't get much from him though, he's poor. He's got a computer, but that's not much to give.

Summary of idea: The world is reborn by Shinji's wish, but this time without angels or evas. The world moves almost normally…well, almost. Shinji keeps all his memories of how things were, and to everyone else, and odd sense of de ja'vue. This is how things may have been.

Prologue: Sans Angels and Evas

This Rei, is your heart. She embodies your hopes and dreams. "What is it you wish for?"

"No one understands me."

You never understood anything.

"I thought this was supposed to be a world without pain and without uncertainty?"

That's because you thought that everyone else felt the same as you do.

"You betrayed my feelings!"

You misunderstood from the very beginning. You just believed what you wanted to believe.

"Nobody wants me, so they can all just die."

Then what is your hand for?

"Nobody cared whether or not I exist. Nothing ever changes so they can all just die!"

Then tell me, what is your heart for?

"It would be better if I never existed. I should just die too."

Then why are you here?

"Is it ok for me to be here?"

Silence……silence followed by panic, screaming, a hundred negative thoughts.

"Should we be one?"

I don't understand. I don't understand what reality is.

You can't bridge that gap between your own truth…and the reality of others.

I don't' know where to find happiness.

So you only find happiness in your dreams.

Then this is not reality, this world where no one exists.

No, it's only a dream.

Then I don't exist here either.

This convenient fabrication is your attempt to change reality.

Is that wrong?

You were using fantasy to escape reality.

Why can't I dream that I'm alone?

That is not a dream. That is a substitute for reality

But where is my reality?

It is at the end of your dream.

"Ayanami, where are we?"

This place is a sea of LCL. The primordial soup of life. A place with no AT fields, where individual forms do not exist. An ambiguous world…where you cannot tell where you end and others begin. A world where you exist everywhere…and yet you're nowhere all at once.

"Is this death?"

Not quite. This is a world where we are all one. This is the world you wished for.

"But this isn't right. This feels wrong."

If you wish for others to exist, the walls of their hearts will separate them again. They will all feel fear once more.

"Okay then. Thank you."

"Don't worry. All living creatures have the power to be brought back to life…and the will to go on living. Anywhere can be paradise, as long as you have the will to live. After all, you are alive, so you will always have the chance to be happy. As long as the sun, moon and earth exist…everything will be alright. Will you be alright?"

"I still don't know where my happiness lied. I'll still think about why I'm here, and whether or not it was good to come back. But that's just stating the obvious over and over. I am myself.

Chapter 1

Shinji blink. Awakes, and panic sets in. "Where, why, how!" Just some of the questions that flash through his mind in a second. He realizes where he is, was before. Standing now where he had been sitting seconds before, and yet, months ago. "This is where it started." Shinji looks down to his hand and sees the papers he's holding. Security clearance, a note, and a picture with the words…"P.S. Note the cleavage" written on it. He remembers, no thinks again, "Weirdo."

"I should try to call. It won't matter though. All the lines are down." "Due to unforeseen problems all lines are currently busy. Please hang up and try your call again." Shinji hangs up the phone, "Yeah, I know." A flicker in the corner of his eye.

"Ayanami!...no, just some birds" A smile floats across his face. "She'll be here in a minute. Late…..again."

Standing at the side of the road Shinji could hear screeching tires getting closer. "Block and a half away and around the corner…."

More screeching tires

"Almost here…."

Then Misato's blue Alpha skidded around a corner and speeded to the train stations parking lot. Shinji doesn't move. The car speeds closer, Shinji still doesn't move. Still getting closer there is no sigh of the car slowing down. "Maybe I should move…." Shinji said to him self. Then stepping to the side, just as Misato's car skidded in to the empty spot where Shinji was standing. Moving his arm away from his face, the dust settles and he could see the window roll down.

"Ikari Shinji?"

Misato's voice was soothing to Shinji, the last time her hear her voice was just before she pushed him in to the elevator. It was also then he realized she was shot. But this time things where going to be different, things where starting over truly from the beginning. He had placed it all together.

"Funny it feels like I sort of like Déjà vu." Misato said with a laugh. "Hop in I'll give you a left to your Dad's office."

The ride is erratic, panicky….life threatening. A thought passes through Shinji's mind.

"I thought I'd be ready for this ride. I guess I think I should be ready for a lot of things."

"Misato, am I going to have to help you flip the car back over again?" Misato thinks a moment, remembers something and forgets it just as quickly. "What's that Shinji?"

"Oh nothing. Just curious about what's to become of me."

Misato glances over, "I'm sure the meeting with your father will go fine. He's excited to see you, well….," awkward "I'm sure he is." Shinji sighs to himself, and looks out the window. They pass a battery store on the right, no need to stop anymore.

She hands Shinji a booklet. Absentmindedly, he sets it aside. "Not going to look through your Gahurn manual, Shinji?" "Oh, no need to i guess Misato. I already know what's not in it. Wait, did you say Gahurn?" "Yeah, why? I though you knew."

Shock, Panic, understanding…..calmness. Too many thoughts. That's right, they don't exist any more. Guess I should be ready for that as well. So, what will he be like this time around….without his toys?

Gendo Ikari is head of Gahurn, a research branch of the military. He patiently awaits the arrival of his son. Their first meeting in a long time, or has it only been months. Gendo knows something doesn't fit but remains himself. Ikari, a man always calm, thoughtful.

Konzo Fuyutsuki, second in command of Gahurn, Ikari's right hand man. They trust each other. Fiutsky knows his commander all too well…"Is something wrong sir?"

"No, everything is fine. You to have an odd feeling?"….silence…."Hmmm, I see." Gendo adjusts his glasses

The elevator ride back to the surface was by all accounts good, but to Shinji's memories none of this happened. But still things where going good, but oh god the ride to the surface was long. Shinji watched the floor counter tick away.

"Your mother, is she well?"

Jumping at the question memories flooded Shinji's mind. He still remembered life with out his mother but there where new ones, ones where his mother was in his life, ones that where much happier. But these two memories mixed together, some made since others did not.

"S-She's doing well." Shinji replied with apprehension.

Gendo adjusted his glasses. Again more silence.

"I'll take you to my apartment, but I need to return to my work. I trust that you can behave your self while in my absence?"

Shinji sighed. "Yes sir…"

Again silence and another floor ticks away on the counter.

"And Shinji…." Gendo paused; Shinji looks over at his father. "I'm…. I'm glad you came to visit."

For being the head of Gahurn, Gendo's apartment was surprisingly small. Only two bedrooms, one used for his own bedroom, and the other as an office away from work. Bathroom and a living room.

"I do not have a lot of food in the kitchen so I will have something delivered shortly." Gendo said as he started to dig around in his pockets. "Here is a key to the apartment."

Shinji placed his gym bag on the floor by the door. The apartment was trashed, much like Misato's apartment was when he first came to her place but minus the beer cans.

"You may use the couch in the living room to sleep on …." Gendo was cut off by his cell phone. "Yes Ikari here… What d you mean that the balance program was no good for the project?" Gendo asked sounding more this a little displeased. Thin he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Vary well I'll be there with in the half hour." Hanging up the phone, he looked back at Shinji. "I must return to my work, the only thing I ask is that you do not use my computer nor disturb any of my papers." Then he walked out of the apartment leaving Shinji.

Again Shinji sighed. "At least some thing is still the same."

After moving his gym bag of close for the weekend closer to the couch he looked for some blankets to use. Then he saw the phone under some papers, so moving them so not to mix up the order they where in Shinji grabbed the phone and looked at the numbers.

"I was to call mother… when I got here…."

So using his thumb, he dialed the numbers like it was second nature but at the same time the numbers where alien to him.

"Yes hello?" (will you be alright) said a female voice from the other end of the phone.

"Mother it's me; I'm over at father's apartment now." Shinji said awkwardly.

"Shinji! How was the train ride?" His mother asked. "Is everything alright I've got this dreadful feeling that something terrible has happened."

'Yeah right now I should be fighting an angle…' Shinji thought. "No mother everything is fine." Shinji replied.

"That's good to hear." Yui said. "Now Shinji I know it's hard but it's only for the weekend and remember your father dose love you…. It's just hard for him to show it. And Shinji I put a box for your sister, can you please take it to her."

'The Divorce…' Shinji thought. "Yes mother…"

After talking some more to his mother, Shinji dug out his SDAT player. The one thing that will always be there for him and flopped down on the couch; trying to work out the finer details of what's happened.

'Weekend visits...'