Title: He Needs It Too Much
Summary: Filled prompt for the st_xi_kink_meme st_xi_kink_ ?thread=12446416#t12446416. So i have a starvation kink. i also have a vomit kink. therefore, i have an eating disorder kink. I've seen anorexia prompts on here before, and i've even thought of filling them, but... people are always about the h/c, which i get, i really do, but... i... kinda... don'twantthevictimtogetbetter.
Pairings: McCoy/Kirk, implied K/S
Rating: R
Warnings: Anorexia, Bulimia, non-graphic sex, mental ranting.
He shouldn't have found it attractive. He was a doctor god dammit! He was suppose to prevent shit like this from happening!
He shouldn't have encouraged it. He shouldn't be pressed tightly against Jim's back, running a one hand through his hair, while the other is in his mouth, helping him bring up everything in his stomach. He shouldn't be whispering in Jim's ear, encouraging him to throw up, he shouldn't be telling him how much better he'll look and feel after he rids his body of all of the food.
He shouldn't have an erection. He shouldn't be pressed against Jim's back because Jim knows it's there. This is encouraging him. Damn.
He shouldn't have made Jim eat at all. He should have just given him the cocktail of hyposprays he has been giving him since he came into the Academy weighing one hundred and five pounds. Just enough to keep him healthy, not to gain weight. He knows Jim hates eating. Jim hates throwing up. McCoy also knows that Jim knows that it turns him on when he throws up everything his Bones made him eat.
On some level, McCoy thinks it's some sick kind of physiological mental problem of some sort (he's more focused on Jim gagging around his fingers then he is on thinking). He's sure it stems from being married to Jocelyn. She was the one that "wore the pants" and McCoy had been her bitch, in public and private. Now that he thinks about it (why the hell is he still thinking?), Jocelyn had always told him when and what to eat, and now he's projecting that same type of control on Jim.
Maybe he's punishing Jim? He's been a little touchy-feely with the hobgoblin lately. He may not be a Vulcan expert like M'Benga, but dammit he knows what holding hands mean to Vulcans!
Or maybe he just likes the feeling of Jim's throat around his fingers. Or maybe he likes the taste of bile that coats Jim's tongue when he kisses him. Or maybe he likes running his tongue along Jim's ribs and knowing that they are there only because he says so. Maybe he just likes fucking Jim on the bathroom floor. Or maybe he likes the way that Jim throws his head back and moans and writhers and fucking thanks him. Just over and over as he drives into that tiny willing body, and all he can hear over his own sick thoughts is Thank you, thank you, fuck! Thank you Bones! I love you, fuck, thank you!
He should feel guilty. He feels like the sick motherfucker he is. Instead, he's just that much more turned on. He thrusts harder into Jim and smashes his mouth onto Jim, and in some deep, neglected part of his mind , a part of him is just screaming that he is raping Jim. He's taking advantage, Jim doesn't know what he's doing, the stupid slut. He doesn't realize that he's killing himself.
And when Jim comes, he makes the most beautiful noise. He clings to McCoy's shoulders, cracked nails digging into his back, tiny legs clentched around his waist, boney hips digging into his own, and his sour mouth humming against his tongue.
And then Jim has his mouth pressed against his ear, his hand digging into his hair like McCoy's had been in his not twenty minutes ago. He's muttering, telling him it's ok to come, telling him he loves him, and just fuck Bones, comeinmeIneeditplease –
When he's done, he takes Jim to bed. He lays him down, shirt rumpled and pants stained. Jim tries to pull him down and wrap around him. McCoy tries to tell him no, tries to tell him that they shouldn't be doing this. He tries to tell Jim that he shouldn't depend on him like he does, that it's killing them both.
But in the end, he lets Jim wrap his Bones around him, all the while thinking, I'm a doctor dammit. I'm killing him. I need to make him better. I will, I'll make him better, I'll help him through this.
Even as he thinks it, Leonard McCoy knows he's lying. He'll never help Jim get better. He needs it too much.