Dean wearily unlocked the door to his motel room. Sam was back at the bunker, probably doing research or something else predictable and dull. That was good. That meant he couldn't see what Dean had just done. It was another vamp nest. There had been six vampires, and at least four people. He hadn't even checked if they were dead or turning. He had taken off the head of everyone he came across. Somehow he had found his way into the bathroom, clutching his arm, right over the Mark of Cain. Staring in the mirror, Dean felt the urge to wash his face again, like that would somehow cleanse him of what he'd done. He knew he should feel much more guilty than he did. What he'd done was wrong. Hunting was about saving as many people as you could, not mopping up bodies. So why was he convinced that killing those liabilities, no, those people was the right thing to do? He dried off his face, again scratching at the mark. He plopped down on the bed, forcing himself not to rub the mark and instead rubbing his eyes with one hand. He tried to sort through his inner turmoil, failing as usual. He found himself wishing for Sam, for Lisa, for SOMEONE to comfort him, to anchor him. He felt his grip slipping and panicked. No chick flick moments. A tear escaped from under his hand and he let out a shuddering breath.
"Cas..." He hadn't planned on saying the angel's name, or anyone else's for that matter, but the second he thought of it he knew that's who he wanted to see. Just hearing Cas's voice would make everything better somehow. He almost smiled through his tears when he imagined the sound of wings.
"Hello Dean." Dean started and took his hand away from his eyes, letting it hover in front of him. He first saw Castiel's shoes. He looked up at him, barely moving his head, deciding if he should try to hide the fact that he was crying or ignore it and hope Cas would do the same. Dean stood up and took a casual step closer to Cas, deciding not to be mortified that he saw Dean's moment or weakness.
"Hey Cas. What's going on, where's the fire?" Dean asked. Clearly Cas must need something. Cas cocked his head to the side slightly and squinted.
"You prayed to me so I came." Dean planted his feet after shuffling a step, frowning.
"No I didn't."
"I heard you calling out. ..Are you okay?" Dean raised his eyebrows and turned about, stepping back towards the bed.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good." Cas tilted his head in disbelief.
"Would you like me to stay with you?"
"Yeah." Dean replied too quickly, in a low, broken voice. Cas walked over to Dean, who yanked him into a hug. Cas, unsure, raised his arms and rested them on Dean's back. Dean slowly curled into Cas, pressing himself against him, burying his face in Cas's neck. He was trying not to sob. Cas held onto Dean tighter, lightly rubbing his back with one of his hands. Dean sucked in a shaky breath.
"It's okay Dean." Cas said calmly.
"No its not! I killed people today, Cas! And I don't even feel sorry! I should be sorry! I'm loosing myself. I've lost everything, even Sam, and now I'm loosing me too!" Dean shouted into Cas's shoulder. Cas continued rubbing Dean's back soothingly.
"You have me. No matter what, you'll have me."
"You died! And then, in Purgatory, hell, even after, you were gone, Cas!" Castiel was quiet for a moment.
"I'm sorry."
Dean held on to Cas for a while, and finally, very quietly asked, "Just... Just stay with me tonight." So Cas did. They fell asleep on the bed together, Castiel protectively wrapped around the hunter as he tried to figure out what was left of himself, or who 'himself' even was. And when Dean woke up the next morning, Castiel was still there.