A/N A songfic by me... never thought I'd do a songfic! First try, so pleas ebe nice, and revie. If I don't get any reviews, or if people say they don't like it, I'll remove it... So please tell me what you think! The song is Trouble by Coldplay. If you don't know it, then go listen to it! Inspired by the sonfic Drowning Lessons by xXCompleteOblivionXx (at leats I think thats the name...). Go read it, it made me cry. But please read this first. And tell me what you think.
Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl... although, Colfer, if you'd like to make an offer, I wouldn't say no... And I don't own Coldplay or the song either. But I do think Coldplay are awesome.
P.S The italic/bold bits each stand for different people. One's Holly, one's Artemis. And if you can't work out which is which, shame on you.
Caught
Oh no, I see,
I spun a web, it's tangled up with me,
"Well you didn't seem to have a problem hurting me before. Why should I think that this is any different?" I flinch at the words, feeling them hit more painfully than any blow, more deadly than any bullet.
And the words stick, driving sharp points again and again through my mind.
And I find that it helps the pain. Because this way I can fight it. I can fight a pain given to me by someone else.
ow do you fight a pain you gave yourself?
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
Stupid, stupid tongue.
Stupid, stupid thing to say.
Stupid, stupid me.
I blink, realizing what I've just said. The worst thing I possibly could. "Artemis, I didn't-"
I stop as I look at him. The sight that drives deep into my chest, a shard of ice that refuses to melt. And it stays lodged there because I know it's me that made him feel like that.
That I am responsible for that pain.
To look into his eyes is unbearable.
To look into his eyes is to see pure pain.
As if I'd just shot him.
Maybe I have.
Oh no what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
She looks horrified. I feel horrified. I thought I could trust her.
Maybe some wounds run too deep to heal.
And I flinch again, only now understanding what I must have put her through.
The realization changes the anger I'm feeling.
I've caught myself in a trap of my own making.
And there's going to be a price.
There always is.
Maybe this time it will be having to hold this pain.
Forever.
And I nearly scream, because I know I couldn't endure that. I know it would tear me apart.
And I wouldn't care about it for me.
I just don't want you watching.
I don't want to hurt you any more.
So I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,
Of all the things I've done, of all the things that I've endured, this is the worst. To have been so stupid. To now be paying the price. And that price is steep, far too expensive for me to cope with.
Because when he looks at me, there's hatred in his eyes. I didn't think that me saying two sentences could have directed that hatred at me.
I've seen that hatred before. And every time, it freezes me.
Only now I'm the recipient, it feels like I'm far too hot.
But, if that's how he feels…
…so be it.
I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
I feel a desperate urge to apologize. To cry out for forgiveness. To beg.
But I don't know how.
And now she looks at me, and sees the hatred.
And now there's hatred in her eyes too.
She thought I hated her.
But that's not true. I never hated her, and never will.
I never meant to hurt her.
I never wanted this.
And the pain builds, tearing through my mind, pulling at the edges of my sanity.
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.
He's crying now, tears rolling down his cheeks.
Probably a first for him. I wonder if he even realizes he's crying.
And the tears cut me more than anything he's ever done to me.
Because, even if he hates me, I can't hate him back.
Because I don't want to hurt him.
And that's why I fail. That's why I trip every time, Artemis Fowl.
Because I can never, could never, would never hate you.
Because it would hurt you, and that would be the most painful thing for me.
Because I am you.
And you are me.
Oh no I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
I'm caught. How do you apologize to someone you've hurt so deeply? How do you repay them for the price you took?
I laugh at the irony. Always, always, gold was the aim.
Now I need to repay someone, suddenly it's no use.
Empty, useless, lifeless metal, always gained at the expense of others. Always gained by making others feel this same pain that's tearing me apart.
Because I see now that it's a trap. Life is a trap. A test, full of surprises and sudden assessments.
And I've failed.
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in love in a bubble,
I look at you, the tears on your cheeks, and realize I was wrong. You don't hate me.
You hate yourself.
Why?
I walk over to you, and you sink to your knees, crying into your hands. I momentarily catch your eye, and I nearly stagger backwards.
Because I never knew anyone could hold that much pain inside.
Because I can see it's ripping you apart.
Piece by tiny piece.
And I find that I don't want you to hold the pain.
I find that I'd rather have it instead.
I look at you again and find that I'm caught.
Caught by you.
Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
I can feel her. I can feel her presence as she stands next to me.
What must she be thinking?
A hand on my shoulder. A voice.
"I don't hate you."
The words shock me back to rationality.
"How could I hate you?" My voice, equally quiet.
I don't deserve this, I know. I don't deserve to be forgiven.
But I'm willing to let it go. Let it slide away and inhabit the dark recesses of my brain.
Because that knowledge is easier than the pain.
And now I finally, finally realize.
I feel her pain, because she is me.
And she felt mine, because I am her.
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Although I never meant to do you harm.
He looks up at me, his eyes shining. The pain is gone.
He's free.
I freed him.
Then he brushes away his tears, and mine, and takes my head in his hands.
Mismatched eyes staring into mine.
Blue into blue.
Brown into brown.
A part of each other.
And then I realize he's not free. He's been caught, like me.
But this time because he chose to.
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me.
We caught each other.
A trap we made together.
And we don't ever want to get out.
A/N I really have no idea where that came from, so please don't ask. I was just thinking about Artemis, and how he would feel if he had to confront the fact that he once kinapped Holly, who is now his friend...
You can see it as A/H if you want. I kind of wrote it like that, but you could just see it as... something different. No idea what... Please review.