Mal held River tightly against his chest, her dark hair splayed everywhere, blood flowing freely from the gunshot wound that penetrated near her heart. His shirt was stained red with her blood and his heart was pounding as they sat on the floor in the cargo bay. This couldn't be happening. Not yet, not now.
He listened to her breathing. In and out, in and out. There was comfort in the soft repetition. Tenderly he stroked her head, running his fingers through her soft hair as he tried to maintain the calm environment. They were so close when it happened. The bullet had been meant for him, but at the last minute she pushed him out of the way.
He felt River sigh and curl in closer to his body. He was comfort. He was her serenity. He wished he had been more.
Mal remembered what had brought them to this point. Furtive glances and light touches in the corridors. Late night debates on the bridge over the various aspects of life and war. All of this culminated into his regular fantasy at midnight. A dream of the two of them together. A dream that felt like reality but wasn't. He could never move beyond the friendship they had developed, even though he was certain she wanted it as much as he did.
He dreamt of happiness and of love, but it was only ever a dream. Now he had reality.
Simon bent over his sister, cradled closely in Mal's arms, and gently checked her wounds, but it was futile. They hadn't made it back to the ship on time and the wound had pierced an artery. A person could only bleed for so long.
River's eyes fluttered open and her gaze penetrated his soul. He tried to speak, to say those words he had so wanted to, but he could not.
How could he tell her that he loved her when he was the reason she was dying?
Mal closed his eyes as her fingers trailed up his face, gently outlining his lips and brushing over his cheeks. River smiled. It was not her usual bright smile, but subdued and calm. It was as though she knew what was happening and was unafraid.
That's his brave girl, he thought to himself. His sweet, sweet brave girl.
Mal fought to keep his emotions in check as River's breathing became shallower. He had been so close to telling her. So close to living out his happy ending.
River breathed her last breath. In the background, Kaylee sobbed and Simon collapsed against the bulkhead, unable to believe his darling sister was gone. Zoe allowed Jayne to wrap an arm around her in comfort, while they both asked the same question: could this crew even survive after the loss of yet another?
Mal held River close in his arms, mourning the loss of another dream. He should've protected his heart because after all he had been through he knew happy endings didn't exist.