Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me, the plot does however.
This is called love
1
Dean Winchester was not in any way afraid of anything. He saved the world countless of times with his brother, stopped a full out apocalypse, and died many times over and over. Of course there stuck the fear he's always had since the fire, and that was losing Sammy, his little brother that deserve way more than a hunters life and if he had lived a normal life, Dean was sure Sam would be a great lawyer well worth your spend of money. But there was one fear within Dean that he had not let anyone known, even Sam, his own flesh and blood.
Dean was in love with Castiel.
Dean did not know when exactly these feelings for the angel started. It could've been when the angel rebelled against heaven because of his devotion to Dean, or maybe when Dean needed help and prayed for Cas, never did he fail to show up and help him. Perhaps it was when he refused to leave purgatory unless Cas was at his side and both would get out together. It could've been the angel's utterly loyalty to him, or those deep and intriguing blue eyes Dean would find himself staring at more than necessary. Regardless, Dean found his feelings going from a deep bond of friendship to something deeper, much scarier and frightening.
He was scared, that much was obvious. Dean never felt these strong emotions for anyone, not even Lisa, the women who he thought would be his wife and start a happy typical American family.
That was nothing compared to Castiel. The way Castiel would tilt his head at a phrase he did not understand was, and dare he say it, cute. The way Castiel would always support him and fight with him, gave Dean more courage and the feeling that nothing could stand in his way. Castiel's awkward social skills in public were even endearing and made Dean feel protective whenever someone would look weirdly at Cas's lack of social abilities. Even Castiel's complete trust in Dean, made him feel ecstatic at having such blind faith put onto him and knowing that Cas could always rely on Dean, made the hunter feel special in a weird unorthodox way.
"So this is called love," Dean muttered to himself as he made his way into the motel room where he and Sam would be staying for a hunt. Sam had told Dean earlier to rent a room while he interrogated the witnesses one more time to see if they had missed any small crucial details.
The hunter then lay on the closest bed to have a small nap from the five hour drive. He was still a bit out of it once he realized his feelings for the angel. This was something big and very unexpected, since Dean knew he wasn't gay, at all. All those years of sleeping around with women have proven that, and the unfortunate experience of stumbling across a gay couple going at it once definitely prove that he was very much straight.
But for some reason, Dean didn't find himself to be repulsive at Cas, or even have one of those gay dilemmas. Hell, Dean even dreamed about Cas, a dream of one of his fantasies. Castiel in the backseat of the imapla, hair tousled, face flushed with pleasure, loud moans of never being touched like this, and a constant mantra of saying Dean's name. The angel would writhed underneath Dean, and Dean would place kisses from his lips to the stubble jaw and made his way towards his chest and eventually to the forbidden place that he would never dare to touch before.
"Hey! I'm back," Dean groaned at his brother's appearance and bad timing. He was actually hard from thinking back about the dream.
"Great, did you get anything?" Dean inquired before he stood up from the bed and headed towards the bathroom to fix his, well his problem, with a cold shower.
"Well I think we might have ourselves a love goddess in the fray and-" Sam ranted off and began using his laptop to probably research the goddess a bit more.
"Hold that thought while I take a shower then." And closed the bathroom door in a rush, leaving Sam confused at his weird behavior.
"Maybe he missed his daily dose of pie today," Sam said curiously before gluing his eyes permanently on his laptop and researched away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~justalinebreak~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day, both brothers were refreshed and got a call from the police force on another murder case similar to the previous one. Overnight, a newlywed couple barely a day old after their marriage, the wife strangely suspected her husband of cheating, which she had no reason to since Dean's witnesses claim both were very happy together, and killed her husband by drugging him and impaling him on top of the kitchen counter. The only thing weird about this death, is that it looked almost like the guy was dead on top of an altar with flowers surrounding him in a sacrificial way, and a weird form of writing across the kitchen counter.
"Any clues on how to lure this goddess out before she ruins another happy go lucky couple?' Dean said in a low voice for Sam to hear, while still taking a closer look at the writing to see if it's anything he's seen before.
"Uh only that she blesses couples to live a long life,"
"Well why is this one suddenly turning a loose screw?"
"I don't know," Dean groaned in annoyance when Sam made a point blank. Tracking this goddess will be much more difficult if they couldn't find her motive.
"We can call Cas to help us-" Dean snapped his head towards Sam.
"No!" Dean said too quickly and loud before slapping himself mentally, wishing he could have said it more casually. Now Sam's going to be pestering about it, and Dean was not ready to tell him, at least not yet.
"No?" Sam questioned him in confusion, once again noticing his odd behavior.
"We don't need Cas's help for everything, I mean, the guy's busy with other things," Dean hoped that was a satisfying answer and headed towards his baby to end the conversation. Of course his brother was way too perceptive about it.
"Dude are you sure? What if she kills another couple?" Dean could almost feel his brother's pondering gaze and could already imagined Sam's eyes narrowed at refusing to call Cas. Speculating on what reason could Dean have of not having help to end this hunt a lot faster.
"I'm positively sure, now get in the car so that we can get breakfast," he proceeded to get in the impala and turned the engine on.
"Technically it's lunch now."
"Shut up Sam."
They both made their way into a diner not far from their case. Dean ordering his usual cheeseburger with fries and pie after he saw the special deal in the menu and Sam ordered his horrible rabbit food.
Their waitress was a busty dark blonde brunette and light blue eyes with a cute smile and an obvious interest in Dean. Before, Dean would've gladly flirted with her and perhaps might've took her with him for the night, she definitely seemed his type as well. But now, all he could think about was how Castiel's eyes were a deeper blue than hers and Dean quickly averted his thoughts to somewhere else before his imagination turned wild and eventually having the need to take a cold shower.
Dean politely and subtly rejected her obvious advances, all the while knowing Sam was keeping a close eye on Dean.
"Seriously?" Oh look. There was a family just coming in the diner, and Dean pitied her because all four of her sons were a loud bunch and one of them kept chewing at everything in sight. There was definitely no 6 foot tall brother pestering him with questions.
"Dean!" Great, now Sam pulled his bitch face number 17, preserved only when trying to get Dean's attention.
"Yeah?"
"Not that it's any of my business, but when a girl like that hits on you, I end up driving around at night, or rent another room." Sam's eyebrows furrowed as Dean tried to keep a poker face.
"Well, I uh wasn't in the mood."
"That's the problem." Dean looked at him, waiting for the explanation that was sure to come. "You're always in the mood."
Dean studied Sam's expression. His brother really was worried about him, already sensing something wrong and trying not to let Dean's emotions bottled up. Should he tell him? Should he tell Sammy just how far Dean has fallen for Cas? What if his brother was disgusted? No, Sam wouldn't be repulsed or homophobic, he'd be the caring supportive brother.
"Come on dude, you know I'm always here to help you out, and you know that I won't stop asking until you tell me." Sam persisted and Dean let out a loud sighed for he knew his brother wasn't joking.
"I guess you can say I've finally," Dean paused to think about what to say that won't make him sound cheesy, "settled for someone."
Sam's eyes widened in shock and his jaw was wide open at this confession and if Dean wasn't being serious at the moment, he was pretty sure he'd be laughing and cracking jokes at Sam's reaction.
"Well are you going to say something or am I going to have to see a fly go right in your mouth?" He still tried to play it cool and nonchalantly as possible, even though he admitted to be in love with someone.
Sam composed himself and took a moment to think it through, at least that's what it seemed to Dean.
The waitress came back pretty fast with their food, and Dean quickly started eating, while across from him, Sam hadn't touched his food. It was at the precise moment that Dean took a gulp of his drink did Sam finally talked again.
"It's Cas, isn't it?" And he choked on his drink.
Dean's heart did flutter a moment at the mention of Cas's name, and he was reminded just how much in love with the angel he is.
"How did you know?" Dean said as soon as he put the drink down.
"Please Dean, both of you have been practically eye fucking each other since you both met, and sometimes you guys don't even notice that I'm in the room." Sam made a good point and Dean briefly wondered how on earth did his brother guessed he was in love with the angel first before Dean realized it? He blamed it on the fact that Sammy was just more observant and that his brother was a smart human being.
"Well now that we got that out of the way, when are you telling Cas?" Sam started to eat, as if nothing had happened.
Dean lifted his eyebrows. "What do you mean? Tell Cas what?"
Sam looked up from his salad. "That you're in love with him."
Oh no. That is not going to happen, not now, not ever. Sam must've read his face because he started asking if he was okay.
"Sam you don't understand, I can't tell Cas."
Sam pulled on bitch face number 6. "And why the hell not?"
"Because Sammy," Dean took a moment to settle himself and the fear that came straight at his chest. "I'm afraid, I'm afraid of losing him."
"Dean don't be ridiculous, I'm sure Cas loves you just as much as you do to him!" Sam exclaimed.
"What if he doesn't Sam?" Dean let out a frustrated sound. "Okay, say I did confessed to the guy, and he doesn't feel the same way, it'll be awkward for us both, and it won't be long before he won't want to see me anymore." Dean mumbled.
"Dean..."
"And let's say that he also, for some crazy reason, does love me back. We're dating and all but all of a sudden it's not working out for Cas, and boom, end of our relationship." Dean was sure he could never stop loving Cas, so he couldn't see himself breaking up with him. But if Cas felt like he didn't love him anymore, he knew that Cas would straight up bluntly tell him, ending their relationship, and their friendship.
"I just...I don't want to risk it Sam. I don't want to lose him." Dean stared down at his burger, no longer feeling the appetite for it now that his chest was filled with a fear that could very possibly be real.
"Dean look at me," Dean looked at Sam, his brother giving him a small smile. "You love Cas right?"
Dean gave him a glare, offended that Sam even doubted what he felt for Cas. "Sammy, I basically spilled my feelings out for Cas, if you didn't pick up the obvious hints, your brain must be out of batteries."
Sam chuckled. "True, but Dean, isn't love about taking risks for the person you love? Trying everything you can to be with that person, make him or she happy. Cas isn't something you should be afraid of, have more faith in yourself Dean, I'm sure it will all work out in the end."
Dean was really grateful to hear those words come from Sam, it cleared up the fear that was hanging around his chest, paining his heart.
"Thanks Sammy."
"What are brothers for?" Dean laughed, suddenly feeling very happy with their result.
"So tomorrow, you are going to tell Cas that you love him."
"Wh-what?"
"You heard me."
"I think you need to repeat that one more time again, because it sounds like you said-"
"That's because I did." Dean wanted to reject that idea immediately, but after seeing Sam's serious eyes, he decided not to say anything at all.
"I know you're scared of rejection Dean, but it's best to tell Cas now rather than waiting and never getting the chance to confess." And he was right.
"I guess you're right."
Sam looked at him with excited eyes. "Does that mean yes?"
"Yes," Dean sat up straight and with more confidence. "I'll tell him the next time he comes around."
Sam beamed at him. "Great! This is amazing! I'm going to have an angel as my brother-in-law!"
Dean laughed at his brother's cheerful mood, all the while thinking of ways to tell the angel how much he truly meant to Dean.
He picked up his somewhat cold burger.
"Bitch."
Sam laughed.
"Jerk."
Hello! Wow I can't believe I'm writing another fanfic when I still have two other that I need to work on, but I just couldn't resist writing a Destiel fanfic! I've been watching a lot of Supernatural lately so I guess that's the reason for the creation of this fic.
Anyways, I hope you guys leave me some reviews and thoughts about what you think :D I eagerly await your reviews and try my best to update as soon as possible.