Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Warning: Some chapters may contain adult themes, swearing.
A/N: My stories can also be found at TWCS with the same name and my same user name/penname. Follow me on Twitter: MsSadkittycat
*A Writer's Coffee Shop Featured Story October 2013*
UPDATED 1/24/2013: I changed the position of some chapters to help with the flow of the story.
UPDATED 4/23/2013: I merged chapter 1 and 2. Nothing else was changed in those chapters.
Chapter Note: This is just an introduction to Bella's feelings and inner questions. The next chapters will develop the story more. The story has different POVs, mostly Bella's and Edward's.
Chapter 1
All my life I've known what I want and what I don't want. Living wasn't one of the things I wanted. Life has ups and downs, some of us seem to know only the downs. Why was it that way?
Ever since I was a little girl, I have tried to end with the suffering. I guess I was a normal child. I used to laugh, I used to love, I used to play with my toys. But I wasn't happy. I have always wondered why am I alive? Of the millions of sperms and eggs that could have turn into a baby, why was I the "lucky one" to come to planet earth? Why couldn't I have stayed in the nothingness?
As the years pass by those thoughts have come and gone. I'm starting to see a pattern. They come when I'm unhappy and they leave when I'm happy. I guess they are connected somehow with my emotions.
Memories come to my mind about the first time I tried to end my life. I can't recall exactly how old I was, but I can tell you, I was somewhere between 4 and 7 years old. Yes, I was very young. I can see every detail of that day as if it were yesterday...
For a reason that I can't remember, I was alone in my house or the nanny probably was in the house, I'm not sure. I was very upset because my parents always compared me with other children, if it wasn't my cousins it would be the children of a friend. I was not good at all, it didn't matter how hard I tried I was never good enough in my parents' eyes. I was tired of trying hard to please them, I didn't understand why they didn't like me. I knew that they didn't hate me, but our relationship wasn't the best relationship that could exist.
I took a knife from the cupboard and headed to the bathroom, I sat down on top of the toilet and started sobbing and saying good-bye to every part of my tiny body. Good-bye stomach, good-bye legs, good-bye arms, good-bye belly button, I'm sorry. I held the knife and pointed to my belly button, this was going to be the end of everything, my parents will finally be happy, I won't be around to trouble them, I will be at peace.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, tears were falling down my cheeks, then I remembered my grandparents how sweet they were with me, I loved them so much, I loved my toys, I liked eating ice cream. I couldn't do it, I just couldn't, things weren't that bad after all. I went out of the bathroom to the kitchen and left the knife in the cupboard, as if nothing had happened.
Bella, Bella, are you alright?
I think she hurt her head when she fall down.
Why were they calling my name?, what fall down? why couldn't I see them? What's that smell, it's so strong it smells very bad. -You have to open your eyes Bella- Whose voice is that? Am I in heaven? that voice sounds too peaceful, it sounds like an angel calling my name, maybe I should do what the angel is telling me to do. And then I saw him, he was the most beautiful boy I've ever seen in my entire life, he was surrounded by a white and crystalline light. I was in heaven.
Final Notes: Edward is coming.
Thank you for reading my story. Let me know what you think. More chapters to come.
This chapter is shorter than the chapters to come, you'll get more information in the following chapters. ***Surprises are to be expected.***