HELLO! I'm BAAACCCKKKK! Not for good, yet, however. But, I wrote this about a month ago or so and I finally have some free time to post it for you guys! :) College is insane now. I've joined a Bio research team and am taking so many upper level courses now. It's pretty hectic. Well, anyways, here is a nice little Sarah-centric one-shot for you all. :)
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Chuck as Chris Fedak and Josh Schwartz are the gods of their creation and Warner Brothers hasn't put up the brand for sale.
Chuck was out. He'd gone out with Morgan earlier that morning to take care of something. Sarah didn't really care what it was about. She'd been staying in the apartment with Chuck since they'd shared that kiss on the beach a week before. They didn't sleep together, however. She'd been staying in the guest room while Chuck was in his.
Despite her secretly wanting the kiss to work, it didn't. She didn't get any of her memories back. However, a small flame was ignited in her. It was very small and she really had to concentrate to feel it, but she did. There was a warmth that spread throughout her chest whenever she thought about the kiss she'd shared with the tall man that had lovingly welcomed her and believed in her even when everyone he trusted told him not to.
She wanted to give their relationship a second try. To see if she could truly fall in love with him the way 'video log Sarah' had. She, however, was at a huge disadvantage as 'video log Sarah' had fallen in love with a Chuck that was new to her world. The man she knew was the Chuck he'd grown into: a competent spy that wore his heart on his sleeve. Sarah's inner spy looked down on him for that. Feelings got operatives killed. Emotional attachments made the job harder than it already was. But, at the same time, his kind heart and his love for her had saved her life. These mixed feelings about the man weren't helping her mind and her heart come to an agreement and it was driving her crazy.
Now, she was alone in the apartment with nothing to do. So, she decided to try and do the laundry. She still had some unwashed clothes in her suitcase and from what she'd seen through the open door, Chuck had a few articles that could do with a trip through the wash. Grabbing a basket from the laundry room, Sarah made her way to her room and started tossing stray shirts, shorts, and bras into the basket. Finally, she'd pulled out her suitcase and tossed all of the clothes inside. Wanting to make sure that all of the pockets were empty, she unzipped the zipper inside the case and ran her hand through it. She'd expected to find some bobby pins or even a flattened pair of her boyshort underwear. What she didn't expect to find was a photograph. She pulled it out and furrowed her brow at a picture of her and Chuck. He was hugging her from behind and the two of them were smiling so widely and their eyes shone so brightly that it was easy to see that the two of them were in love.
Judging by the length of hers and Chuck's hair, as well as the condition of the picture, the picture was taken years before and Sarah must've kept it in her suitcase for when she had to be away. She sat on the bed and stared at the photo. After a while, Sarah closed her eyes and tried to imagine the situation in her mind. They were obviously on a hill. However, they weren't wearing workout clothes and Sarah would never consent to a photo like this on a mission, so it must've been a casual outing. Whether someone was with them or they just had a stranger take the photo, Sarah couldn't tell. Not from the photo. She focused on the information she could deduce, however, and tried to call up the memory. She wanted so badly to remember the happiness she felt that day, the warmth of the sun on her skin, the comfort of being in Chuck's arms, and, most importantly, the love she felt for the man. She hated that she couldn't remember any of it. She'd always prided herself on being able to remember even the tiniest of details of any situation, so to not recall the last five years of her life with a man that obviously meant the world to her truly pained her. She looked at the picture once more and was surprised to see that it was wet. When she blinked, another drop fell on the photo and Sarah realized that she had been crying. She quickly wiped the photo dry and then her face. She stood up and composed herself before putting the picture back into the pocket she'd found it in and resumed her work.
She'd moved into Chuck's bedroom and shook her head at the mess. She knew that Chuck was a fairly clean person, but his jackets and jeans were on his chair by the closet and on the chair by his desk. She gathered the clothes and checked the pockets for items before putting it in the basket. When she got to the jeans on the floor she lifted them and noticed that they were fairly ripped up. He must've worn them on a mission. She moved to fold them so she could throw the pair away and felt something crumple in the pocket. She searched each of the pockets before finding a folded magazine page in the back pocket. Curious, she put the basket on the bed and placed the now folded jeans beside it before unfolding the magazine page. She frowned in confusion at the sharpie drawing. It was of a man and a woman holding a baby in front of a house.
Since it was in Chuck's pants, she assumed that the couple was them and the baby and home was the life they had wanted together. Then, something weird happened. It was like what had happened at the house Chuck had taken her to. Suddenly, she was in a sleep pod in Japanese bullet train with Chuck and the two were sitting together as he drew the picture.
"And now, the picket fence," she said as Chuck drew it in. "See? I haven't forgotten anything."
"Mm-hmm. And perhaps… this little man," he added as he drew a baby in Sarah's arms. "Or wo-man…" Sarah giggled at that. "Someday."
"Someday," Sarah affirmed with a smile.
The vision then shifted so that they were outside of a white house with a red door and a picket fence.
"Chuck, you found it," Sarah said, walking up to him. She noticed the disappointed look on his face. "What's the matter?"
"I can't afford it," he replied. "If I bought it yesterday with our fortune, we'd own it, but now…" he sighed. "I'm so sorry, Sarah."
Not wanting to see him so depressed, Sarah walked closer to him. "Well, so what? I mean, we knew this wasn't gonna be easy, and we didn't get married because we thought life was easy. We got married so that we could be there for each other when things got tough. So we could work through things together, rich or poor."
Then, the scene shifted again and this time, she and Chuck were sitting in the bathroom of the apartment.
"Sarah, I'm sorry I didn't exactly pick up on your signals," Chuck said.
"No, I'm sorry. I should have just told you," Sarah replied. They were both watching a little plastic stick. "It just felt like if I said it out loud, it would suddenly become real." Suddenly, the little screen started to change color.
"It's changing, it's changing, it's changing," Chuck chanted. "What is that – an equal sign, an arrow?"
"A peace sign? Is that an option?" She reached over and grabbed the instructions, scanning over the meaning of the different symbols. "Um… Uh, okay, that means no. I'm not pregnant."
"Okay, all right. And you feel…?"
"Strange," was the only word she could come up with. "Maybe a little relieved."
"Same," Chuck said. "Same… But this whole thing has gotten me thinking about our lives, our future."
"Chuck…" Sarah tried to interject.
"I mean, honestly, Sarah, is the spy lifestyle really where we want to be raising our kids, you know, putting ourselves in danger every day?"
"Chuck…"
"Yeah?"
"You're spiraling."
"Mm-hmm." Sarah kissed Chuck on the cheek and left the room.
The scene shifted one last time and Sarah found herself sitting at her computer in Chuck's room – then, their room – looking at baby names.
Sarah was wide-awake, unable to sleep, typing away on her computer when she heard Chuck rustling around in bed. "Hey," he yawned.
"Hey," she smiled back at him. She turned back to the computer as Chuck got out of bed and walked over to her.
"Everything all right?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm just doing some thinking," she answered. "Uh… I have a small confession to make: part of me was kind of hoping that I was pregnant." She opened the window that showed all of the boy names she'd had picked out. She hadn't gotten to possible girl names yet.
"I've thought a lot about that, too," Chuck admitted. "And… yeah, I think it'd be kind of exciting."
"I mean, it's not like I want a baby right this second, but it's not the worst idea in the world."
"No. No, it's not. Listen to us, talking about kids, and a house, and a real family. Did you think we'd ever be talking about stuff like this?" Chuck asked.
"Nope," Sarah said. "Especially not with such a huge nerd," she joked.
"Ah ha ha…" Chuck fake laughed. Sarah smiled before continuing to search for names.
Sarah blinked and the scene was gone and she was in Chuck's room again. Sarah realized then that she had gotten those memories back, just like she had remembered the carving into the doorframe. Sarah wasn't sure how or why they had come back to her and if other memories would return. She knew, however, that they were important. They were moments when the life they'd wanted was so close. They were so close to having it all before it was taken from them.
And, she knew. Somewhere deep down, that she still wanted this. Even though all of her instincts were pointing against it. Since she and her father went on the run, all she ever wished for was a normal life where all she needed to worry about were soccer practices and school. During her time at the Farm, she buried those feelings deep down. She knew that having those thoughts would distract her from her job. She also knew, from what she could remember and what she'd seen, that Chuck had allowed her to resurface those thoughts. That he'd slowly broken down her walls and allowed the real girl in her to come out. Now, even after she'd lost her memories of him and their dreams, he still held his arms open to her. He moved at her pace, sacrificing his own feelings for hers, and Sarah could feel herself opening up to him again. This time, without the CIA holding her back. She knew that even without all of her memories of the last five years, Sarah was falling in love with Chuck Bartowski once again. And who knew? Maybe, overtime, her memory could return in the way she'd been having these visions. But, for now, she would embrace this life she was thrown into. And, she would do it happily, with Chuck.
She touched the baby's head and smiled. "Someday," she whispered.
I hope you all enjoyed that. I've had this on my mind ever since I heardPhotograph by Ed Sheeran... And now, it's out here for you all to enjoy.
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