Missing a Memory I Don't Have

)(AkuRokuShi)(

Roxas, when he is in a digitized place that isn't real, wants to go to the beach with Pence, Hayner, and Olette. In the back of his head, he tells himself to remember to get seashells for her collection because it's only fair. Then, he frowns. Seashells? For who?

There's this thing in front of him, some monster. It isn't like the others, it's already beaten up pretty badly. It has crumpled flowers in what Roxas thinks is its arms, and it holds them out to Roxas, gesturing for him to take them. Roxas does so only after the monster nudges it's head against him, keeping the odd weapon locked on it. The flowers are pretty, a kind that are almost familiar. The monster sinks to the ground, and he feels something, a weight on his chest that makes him feel bad.

Inky darkness collects around it, and Roxas backs away as it vanishes. He feels something trickle down his cheek and brushes it away. It-It was just a monster, right? A nobody. Roxas doesn't know why he starts crying, his knees crumpling under him and the flowers falling to the ground. He just cries. Later, he collects himself, and picks up all the flowers. They end up on his dresser table.

He meets Axel, and his heart aches. The way this man talks about him feels familiar and an ache rises in his chest that brings tears to his eyes (he is so sick of crying) and makes it hard to breath. Something…Something is missing, but Roxas for the life of him can't tell what. His dreams get worse. He thinks he's scared.

Then he remembers. He fights Axel, dear god he kills his best friend. Then, he goes to Naminé. He's getting worse, the world around him is glitching and he hurts, so very much.

Axel goes to the mansion to stop Roxas from going back to Sora, because he can't do this again, he can't lose he-him again. Screw pretending to be dead. They-He's his best friend. Axel will drag him back if he has too (they both think they can do what they want, and stick him with the icky jobs. And boy oh boy is he sick of it). He arrives, and his non-heart hurts when he doesn't see a blonde waiting for him (he searches subconsciously for raven hair too). He's too late, and this time he's lost Roxas. Now, he has no one. If he doesn't have a heart, he wonders, why does it hurt so much?

Roxas goes back to Sora, because what else is he supposed to do? His 'friends' aren't real. The Organization is out of question. In the end, Sora is the hero, and Roxas is only haltering his progress. His mind melts with his, and for a second he remembers, sea salt and seashells. Black hair and blue eyes and keyblades (two not one, what did you do?) too, and sunsets with three. Blood and tears, her crystalizing away, and oh, Xion-

Then he is alone, missing friends that weren't real and a man he didn't remember until it was too late. As fast as he remembered, he forgot. Now, he can only wait. For Sora to save him (and her).

A/N: Yep. The Dusk was Xion's friend from the manga. I know he dies to Riku, but he wanted to give Xion those flowers. What if he was dying, and gave Roxas the flowers to give to Xion? Please, please review. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I am, therefore I spread,

Pain