Where in Tenipuri's Name are we?

The Capital of Tenipuri, Rikkaidai, doesn't allow defeat. It was unforgivable. The Rikkaidai boys tennis club regulars lost to a small village, Seigaku, in the Kantou Tournament and were nearly sent to the dungeon, their lives hanging on a thread. However, thanks to the influence of their great captain, the Child of God, Yukimura Seiichi, the Rikkaidai regulars were given a second chance – To redeem the Capital's reputation of being the Kings, to crush Seigaku should they ever meet again in the Nationals for disgracing them. The Rikkaidai regulars agreed, and trained harder than ever. Unfortunately, history repeated itself, and the Rikkaidai regulars were shamelessly defeated in the finals of the Nationals Tournament.

"You have brought shame upon us once more," a voice boomed from the shadows in the large room. The Rikkaidai regulars were on their knees at the front of the throne, heads hanging down in shame.

"You know what happens next…"

"NO! Give us another chance! We'll defeat them next year! We swear on it!" Kirihara Akaya, the youngest of all the regulars exclaimed, crawling forwards as he tried to plea for his life.

"The law of Rikkaidai is that losing is unforgivable. You've already been given a second chance. We have no use for losers in our city."

Kirihara roared, his eyes turning bloodshot. Marui Bunta and Jackal Kuwahara rushed forwards and tried to contain the younger boy, but he was too strong for them, knocking them off their feets and onto the floor, landing on their bottoms.

"GUARDS! RESTRAIN THEM!"

Guards flowed into the large room from all sides, rifles slung over their shoulder as they surrounded the regulars. 10 of them jumped onto Kirihara and clasped a cloth over his mouth. The other regulars stared wide-eyed at the rough treatment, and Kirihara slumped down into a heap on the floor. They didn't get very long to look, as soon, they too were drugged and their bodies piled on top of each other.

"They are too dangerous. Simply exiling them may be risky for our city. They are the kind to rise back up onto their feets after falling down into the depths of hell," another voice spoke.

"What shall we do then?" the first voice boomed.

"I suggest that we send them…there…"

"That's crazy! No one knows what lurks in there!" other voices of disapproval shot out.

"No. I agree. They are exiled to…"

.~.

Kirihara was the first to come back to consciousness. He sat up, rubbing his eyes and gawked at the scene of paradise in front of him. He could hear the running water in the stream, and birds chirping like they were in an orchestra. The grass on the other side of the stream was green, so green, that Kirihara felt like he could turn into a cow and just munch onto them for life. The sun shined down on him and Kirihara felt the warmth seep through his skin. He was truly in…paradise.

No…not really.

Kirihara sat up, rubbing his eyes and his jaw dropped down onto the floor. Tall trees towered over him on all sides, the dense leaves blocking most of the sunlight (or was there even sunlight in the first place?). Rustle. Kirihara held his breath as he slowly turned his head around, nearly peeing his pants when he saw two yellow eyes staring right back at him. Sweat profusely flowed down his face as he stared right back at the eyes, thinking that should he ever turn away, the owner of those ferocious eyes would jump out and eat him. Seconds turned to minutes and Kirihara and the mysterious creature were still in their staring contest, when the eyes suddenly disappeared. Kirihara let out the breath that he had been holding the whole time. How he did not pass out from the lack of oxygen was beyond him.

Whoosh. Kirihara noticed something black zip past the top of his head and he quickly ducked down, using his hands to protect his head. He placed his hands on either side of his body and clenched a handful of grass – which didn't feel like grass at all – in his hands. His eyes flitted around, up at the trees, running down the length of the trunk. He tried to see beyond what was around him, but the area was too dark for him to see anything.

Suddenly, he heard a groan from beneath him.

Wait…grass don't groan…

Kirihara quickly looked down and his eyes widened when he noticed that he was right on top of a human pile. He heard a few more groans, before those groans turned into incomprehensible mumbles. Kirihara simply just sat there, without thinking that maybe it might be better if he…got off them?

"Ow! Who's grabbing my hair?"

Kirihara looked down at his hands and realised that he, in fact, was the one who was holding a bunch of hair in a death grip. Oops. Quickly, he let go and jumped off, landing perfectly on his feet. He would have posed like a gymnast but he was too busy staring at the pile in front of him.

"Get-" Jackal spat out some soil that somehow got into his mouth, "-off me…" The poor Brazilian was right at the bottom of the massive pile of seven people.

"I can't get up if Marui doesn't! He's freaking on top of me!" Niou Masaharu lifted up his head with much difficulty and yelled.

"I'm not fat!" Marui exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head, where Kirihara had pulled onto his hair earlier. "Someone freaking pulled my hair, I bet I have a bald spot there now."

"I never said you were fat. But alright, since you've admitted it."

"Seriously, guys, stop complaining and get off me already," Jackal choked out.

"Where are my glasses?" Yagyuu Hiroshi asked from underneath Niou.

"Probability that it's in the soil beside us is 83%," Yanagi Renji, the Master, commented.

"TARUNDORU!" a loud voice boomed, and the flapping of birds' wings could be heard as they flew away from the trees. "Whoever's at the top get off already!"

"Listen to Sanada please, I'm being flattened by all of you…"

Marui slowly rolled off from the top of the pile, falling down hard onto the soil with an ompf!

Next was Niou, landing down on the ground beside Marui's feet after the red head stood up.

Then it was Yagyuu, who was smart enough to first sit up, and then jump down, landing on his two feet like Kirihara. He then circled the pile trying to find his glasses in the soil.

The sequence continued, the one right at the top got off, allowing the rest below to stand up as well. After Sanada Geinchirou lifted Yukimura up onto his feet, Jackal sucked in a deep breath, and rolled over onto his back.

"Finally…I thought I was going to die."

Yagyuu frowned, having spotted his glasses when Jackal rolled over. It had been underneath the whole human pile the whole time. Luckily for the gentleman, it was not broken and he shook the soil away from the glasses, before putting it on.

After Jackal finally stood up, each of them rolled their shoulders and stretched their bodies, groaning. When they were all done with that, they looked around before making a circle and stared at each other.

"Where…in tenipuri's name are we?"

.~.

"I only remember being drugged," Yanagi reported. The rest racked through their memories for a few seconds before cringing. Yeah…they definitely remembered that too.

"We're in a forest," Jackal chipped in. Marui whacked his partner's bald head and said, "We can all see that."

"Dammit, who pulled my hair, it hurts like crap," Marui muttered under his breath, but not soft enough as Niou caught it.

"You were at the top of the pile, no one would be able to pull your hair. Who knows? Maybe it was an eagle or something waiting to eat you."

Kirihara, who was standing beside Niou, slowly inched away, refusing to admit that he, was the one who pulled on Marui's hair earlier.

"Well, we are in a forest…" Yukimura mused. "The question is…where?"

"Judging by the species of the trees, I can conclude that we're not anywhere near Rikkaidai." Yanagi walked around, placing a hand on a mossy tree trunk. "In fact, I don't even know what species of trees these are."

"So basically we were sent here to die."

Kirihara's eyes watered as he looked at Niou, who had uttered that comment. "D-die?"

"Probability of that is 97%."

"We're capable men! We can survive even in an unfamiliar place. Or are you saying that you're not fit enough to survive in the wild?" Sanada growled.

Niou didn't reply.

"Renji, what's the probability of us surviving?" Yukimura asked, trying to erase the tension that was gradually building up amongst them.

"I can't really predict that Seiichi." Yanagi walked back towards the group.

"Tell us what you think," Yukimura ordered.

Yanagi swallowed, and his mind started to calculate. "The probability is disturbingly low. It's only 11%."

Sanada grumbled and Yukimura turned to Yanagi for more details.

"Our chances of surviving decreased due to the fact that we do not know where we are. We have no food or water with us. Since we don't know the species of the flora here, there is a high chance that we might accidentally eat something poisonous. I have also taken into consideration the chances of us being attacked by the fauna living here."

Kirihara recalled the yellow eyes and shivered, only to receive a questioning gaze by Marui. The younger boy shook his head, not wanting to admit to his senior that he was frightened by a pair of eyes.

"The only way for us to survive, is to find our way out of this forest," Yanagi said.

The other regulars looked hopeful for a moment, only for it to be crushed when Yanagi continued, "However, I have absolutely no data about this forest and it could stretch out for millions of miles."

"If…that's the only way for us to live…I think we should try it," Yukimura said, his tone indicating that he was a little unsure of that decision.

"Yeah, but which way?" asked Marui, as he scratched his head, muttering under his breath about deadly mosquitoes sucking his blood.

"North, South, East or West? Where the heck's North anyway, we need a darn compass dammit!" complained Niou as he swatted a big and fat housefly out of his face. Houseflies are called houseflies for a reason aren't they? They should be in houses instead of dense forests!

"Yanagi?" Jackal looked at the data master for help. It was his decision after all.

Yanagi made eye contact with all of the regulars (at least, the best he could with his eyes seemingly permanently shut) and shook his head. "If I can at least see the direction of the sun, I might be able to figure it out, but unfortunately, in our situation-" he pointed upwards, "-we have no such privilege."

"Whoopee doo," Marui sarcastically commented. He pointed his index finger at Kirihara and ordered, "Akaya! Cover your eyes, don't peek!"

Kirihara raised an eyebrow and shook his head frantically. "Eh? What, no! What the hell, Marui-senpai?!"

"Oh come on, it's not a big deal. Just do it!" urged the self-proclaimed tensai as he made his way towards the younger boy.

"Marui…" Sanada growled, narrowing his eyes at the red head. Whatever the red head was trying to accomplish, Sanada did not want to know. He only knew that it wouldn't be anything useful and beneficial to them.

However, the self-proclaimed tensai ignored his vice-captain and had his hands on Kirihara's wrist, while the younger boy tried to squirm out of his grasp. Niou whistled and placed his hands behind his back.

"Marui, are you trying to rape Akaya?"

Jaws fell down onto the ground and Yagyuu cleared his throat, tugging on his prided Rikkai jersey collar (yes, they were all dressed in their yellow and black Rikkai jerseys). Marui rolled his eyes at Niou's childishness and said, "No. Of course not. Get your mind out of the gutter Niou."

"But Marui, you have to admit that Niou's kind of right," Jackal choked out. He gestured towards the misleading position that Marui and Kirihara were in.

Yukimura laughed and softly said, "I approve of team-bonding, but this is not how I visualise it."

"Yukimura!" Sanada was flabbergasted at the fact that his captain was not only not reprimanding the two for being foolish, but was finding it amusing.

"Marui-senpai!"

"Geez, you guys. Akaya, shut up and listen to me already!"

The rest of the regulars, besides Yanagi – who was either admiring or 'trying to collect data' on the surrounding flora – stood at a side while they watched Marui and Kirihara wrestle between each other. Niou deciding to join in the 'fun', tapped Marui on the shoulder and the red head started to whisper his plan into the silver head's ear. Niou nodded a few times before a large grin appeared on his face.

"I do not like Niou-kun's expression," Yagyuu admitted, and took a step back.

Jackal glanced sidewards at Yagyuu and followed suit. If the one closest to Niou was wary, Jackal felt that he should be too – especially since Marui was involved as well. Sanada looked as if he was going to blow his top but Yukimura kept him in control by holding him in a tight grip by the arm. Yanagi was still eyeing a particular rainbow-coloured flower, his head had a slight tilt as he muttered indistinct words under his breath.

"Brat, stop resisting-"

"Let go off me-"

"Honestly, just trust us-"

"Never!"

The three started bickering amongst each other and Sanada shut his eyes, disappearing into his own thoughts, away from the chaos in front of him. If he didn't, the phrase, "Tarundoru!", would certainly find a way to creep out of his throat.

By this stage, Marui had his palms clamped over Kirihara's eyes, and Niou held the younger boy's arms directly in front of him. The trickster forced Kirihara to point his right index finger and nodded a few times. He then lifted up the curly haired boy's left hand up to his face and Marui removed his palms, replacing it with Kirihara's left hand.

"Stay, don't you dare move your hands or I'll hang you up on a tree," threatened Niou, and Kirihara gulped, nodding as if his life depended on it. It kind of did…

"Good," voiced Niou and he looked at Marui. Marui nodded back at the silver head and the two third years stepped away from Kirihara. As Kirihara valued his life, he stayed in his position and asked, "Senpai…what's this for?"

"Yes, indeed, Marui, Niou, why is Akaya in that position?" Yukimura asked. Jackal and Yagyuu exchanged glances before shrugging at each other.

"Just wait buchou!" Marui exclaimed, rubbing his palms together in glee. He then stepped forwards and grabbed Kirihara by the shoulders. "Ready…go!" The red head exclaimed, before spinning Kirihara in circles, avoiding a whack in the face as Kirihara's arm – which was lifted up nearly parallel to the ground – spun around towards him.

"SENPAIII!" Kirihara screamed as he turned. And turned. And turned. It was worse than riding in the teacup ride in amusement parks. When Kirihara finally lost the momentum and stopped spinning, he swayed a little on the spot before asking, "Are we done now?"

Marui nodded and said, "Yup." His eyes followed the direction in which Kirihara's finger was pointing towards and said, "There we go."

"Huh?" Jackal voiced his confusion.

"We'll be heading in that direction, obviously," drawled Marui as he rolled his eyes.

"What?! That makes no sense at all! We can't just randomly decide where to go! Especially from using such a method!"

"Jackal-kun is right, Marui-kun. And you, Niou-kun, what were you thinking agreeing to do such a thing?"

Both of their statements were simply ignored by their teammates.

Kirihara removed his hand from his eyes and dropped his right arm down by his side. A few metres in front of him was Niou, who was pushing huge leaves away and peering through the gap that he made. Niou recoiled and turned around, facing the regulars.

"Hey, look." He pointed behind him. "There's a path there. How cool is that?"

That made Yanagi's head snap up from the rainbow-coloured flower. "Path?"

"Whooo!" Marui exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "How's that for a genius?"

"Well, shall we go onwards then?" Yukimura suggested, and Niou disappeared behind the leaves.

Marui bounded off after the silver head and Kirihara grumbled, following suit. Jackal stared wide-eyed at his teammates before chasing after them, calling out their names as he feared for their safety. Yagyuu walked alongside Yanagi like a gentleman and the two disappeared as well. The only ones left were Yukimura and Sanada, Yukimura's hand gripping the cap wearing boy's arm.

"Well, one would think that they would wait for us," said Yukimura before he himself started dragging the vice-captain down the path. Sanada still had his eyes closed and was currently thinking of waterfalls cascading down rocks, a green meadow with the clear blue sky above, a sunflower blooming, and well, relaxing stuff, as he would probably have died a long time ago from the amount of stress that his teammates brought upon him unintentionally.

It truly was going to be an adventure that certainly won't be in Sanada's favour.

A/N: Whoopee doo... I'm starting a new story, instead of updating my other stories. Aren't I just amazing? (sarcasm)
This story is going to be pretty random. As in, anything can happen. Humour, probably, I'm trying it out! Monsters? Oh sure. So yeah, anything :D
What do you think? Send me a review to let me know please~