Title: Did You Tell Her Chapter 1 of 3

Author: Ulysses1
Rating: First chap- FRT. Future-FRMM
Disclaimer: Don't own em, wish I owned Ray.
Spoilers:
Content Warning: This is the first chapter on my take of what may have happened if Ray had told Neela how he feels before she got married. It draws from the "I Do" storyline but is my alternate scenes/ending based on the question Ray asked of the guy that was in love with his best friend's girl. Did you tell her? I thought for sure they were going to show us a scene of Ray telling Neela how he felt. The first chapter is tame but I will progress to a little more "earthy" as I like to call it in the next chapter. Otherwise some language that shouldn't be too offensive and potential typos that I will apologize profusely for if you find them. I write fic for Nathan and Haley from OTH over at the Rivercourt under the name needmorenaleynow so I hope I don't screw up your Ray and Neela experience. I of course would love to hear what you think so I know if I should continue.

Ray fitfully tossed and turned, as he lay on the couch in the ER break-room. The blanket someone had covered him with was twisted between his legs and the small pillow that had been underneath his head had hit the floor at some point. His head was pounding and his neck was stiff as hell. This blew. He was a half hour from starting his second shift and he had probably slept for less than fifteen minutes. What was happening to him? Mr. Nonchalant, able to blow off issues with a waive of a hand, a tumble in the sack or a swig of a beer (or more)? Now his mind was whipped, totally in overdrive and it was making him insane.

He reflected on when it had all started happening and he groaned at the realization. It didn't take him long; he had known from the minute he had arrived. It all started when Michael Gallant had come back to town. The dude was a nice enough guy. A bit like dry toast in his opinion, or better yet, non-alcoholic beer. Flat, non-alcoholic beer. The fact was, when it got right down to it, everyone at county appeared to love Gallant, regardless. A hell of a lot more than him; that was for sure. But that wasn't it. That didn't even phase him. He was used to being the odd man out. He strove for that. It was so much easier to remain on the outside, to be considered not quite right in the head; edgy, reckless, devil may care, superficial. People didn't tend to try to get to know you that way. They label you an asshole and move on. They stay away from jumping into your mind and trying to figure you out. Well, most people that is. Every once in a while there were a few exceptions. And some of those exceptions were like a whole other life force. Like Neela Ragostra. The vision of her coursed through his mind for the billionth time that day. He cursed as he sat up abruptly and placed his throbbing head in his hands, raking his fingers through his hair. When the hell had this gotten complicated?

As if on queue, she drifted through the door and came up to stand in front of him.

"Jesus Ray, you look like hell and you have twelve more hours to go."

Ray raised his head from the palms of his hands, holding his breath at the vision of her, her arms folded across her chest, her eyebrow arched in question. Thank God she was back in scrubs and not in that black dress she had had on the other day. He was positive he would have had instantaneous early morning wood if she stood before him in that. He smirked and spoke sarcastically, "Gee thanks Roomie, I had forgotten all about that second shift till you just brought it up. You know how I love sleeping on this couch…"

"You do Ray." Neela hated the veiled contempt in her voice but she realized it was the only way she could handle dealing with her feelings right now. She had to constantly remind him and her that he was a pain, a royal one. Selfish, egotistical… She hated that she was drawn to him anyway. She was not shallow. She didn't go for sexy. She liked intellect, compassion, humility…"

"I do what Neela?" He looked at her expectantly, wondering where she had wandered just then. Did she know that he had slept here for the past couple nights just so he didn't have to be around her and Michael?

Neela jolted. "Um, uh, you like sleeping on that couch Ray. We always catch you grabbing forty winks after your all night pissers or random shags with some bim… " She cut herself off. She knew better than to ramble when she was feeling this way but she knew he hadn't been home in the past few nights and it bothered her. She refused to let herself think that she missed him. "Anyway, you were sleeping like a baby when I came in earlier and put the blan…" She stopped abruptly at the look of shock on his face followed by a slow spreading grin, the kind that caused her insides to tremble.

"Did you cover me up?" he asked softly.

Neela felt her face flush and went into autopilot. "Right Ray, that is what I do, take time out of my busy schedule just to make sure you are all warm and cozy… I just came in here to tell you that we have an attempted murder/suicide out there now and it is a bloody mess. I thought you could examine the shooter. He is acting crazy." She tried to walk casually to the door but she felt as if she fled.

He held his hands up in mock defense. "Ok, easy, easy…I'll be there in a minute. He stood and stretched his body languorously, causing his shirt to rise and reveal the soft patch of hair around his belly button.

Neela swallowed hard. "Good. And don't fanny about, it is going to be a hell of a day and Michael and I have somewhere to go." She wondered what his reaction would be when he found out what that something was. He'd probably rejoice that he could now have his band mates and jail bait come over the apartment without any more grief.

The door swung closed behind her and Ray leaned up against the sink staring at himself in the mirror. His hair was on end more than usual and the rings under his eyes were dark and deep, clearly indicating sleep depravation. He shook his head at his reflection. "You are screwed dude. It can only get worse." Little did he know.

Ray left the exam room somewhat shaken after examining the young teen that had shot both himself and his girlfriend because her family was moving her away and he didn't want to be separated from her. Further proof that love was sick and desperate. He despised desperate. The only thing it was good for was messing you up. Granted, the kid had taken it to the definite extreme but…it had been his experience that it never ended well. That is why he always ended it before it had a chance to really start, except for now. In this particular case, he couldn't stop the steam train that was rolling over him. He had a serious case for a girl that barely tolerated his existence. If that wasn't fucked up, he didn't know what was. She basically deplored his behavior on a whole and yet, when she granted him the pleasure of her company, he had the most fun that he had probably ever had in his life just in doing nothing. That combined managed to intrigue him all that much more. It wasn't about her body or how good she was in the sack. Not that he knew what she was like in the sack but he certainly didn't hear Gallant complaining through the thin walls of their apartment. All those nights Neela had beat on his wall; he had no idea. However, one night of hearing her and Gallant painted the picture crystal clear. Hey truth be told, normally he probably would have gotten turned on but knowing that it was Neela and that Gallant was touching the curves of her body, knowing her intimately, bringing her pleasure… it flipped him out and he had spent as little time I the apartment as possible. Hell, he had even volunteered for double shifts. He hated double shifts. Ray was so absorbed in his thoughts, he barely felt the hand on his arm until he was face to face with Morris, Jerry and Frank.

He shook off Morris' hand. "Dude, what the hell?"

Morris looked at the other men and grinned. "Want to pick straws on who gets to tell him?"

"Tell him what, that two people are basically throwing their lives away only to be utterly and completely bored and despise each other a few years down the road?" Frank said bitterly.

"Not a lot of love, eh Frank?" Morris deadpanned.

"You should know," Frank countered.

"Hey marriage is a sacred union. It's a thing of beauty that all of mankind should be lucky enough to experience," Morris, Frank and Ray all looked at Jerry in surprise.

Ray smirked, always a great mask for the feelings that tormented him inside. "Get hit by another bolt of lightening lately Jerry?"

"Hey, you joke but we all fall one day."

"Not me," Ray returned, making sure he stayed true to his personna.

Morris watched him calculatingly. "Then you won't mind the news too much."

Ray cocked an eyebrow, his heart tightening. Morris scared him sometimes with the shit that came out of his mouth. Not because it was stupid, which it normally was, but because sometimes the guy could unknowingly hit a mark. "About what?" he laughed.

"About the Paki and the mild mannered black man getting hitched," Frank added.

Ray pursed his lips at the news, his eyes opening wide as he looked back at the men facing him, trying to gage his reaction. He felt like someone had just punched him in the gut. Neela hadn't said a thing. "WOW." He felt like he almost barked out the word and covered himself. "Way to be politically correct Frank. For the record, she is Punjab and would kick your ass if you called her a Paki to her face. It's kind of an insult in England."

"Well she ain't in England and besides she is way up there on cloud nine to care what the hell I say." Frank turned at the sound of a trauma flowing through the door. "Damn, gotta go."

Ray turned back to Morris. "Me too I guess." He ignored the narrowing of Morris' eyes and quickly made his way to the stretcher. "What do we got?" As the paramedic listed the symptoms of the elderly woman that laid in front of him, Ray barely felt the slap on his back from Morris and the words mumbled in his ear. "It ain't over till it's over man." He refused to turn around and give himself away.

Neela was speaking to DuBenko regarding her tour in the surgical unit when she saw Ray bearing down on her, a strange look in his eye. He was heading straight for her and she panicked. He had heard and she was filled with guilt. She should have told him, he was her roommate. And her friend. The latter had puzzled her when she first realized it. It was Ray "it's all about me" Barnett. How had he become her friend actually? It had just happened gradually. He was a person that she always spoke her mind to, never fearing the consequences or leary that he would look at her as a lesser human being when she made a mistake. Ray Barnett had faults and he accepted faults in others. That is what she loved, scratch that, liked about Ray. She squelched any deeper feelings she had and grabbed DuBenko's arm. "I am sorry Doctor but I just realized that I had told a patient that I would visit them before they went in for a procedure. Can I talk to you later?"

DuBenko looked at Neela puzzled by her erratic behavior. She was rarely, if ever rude to the senior doctors but then he realized that it was probably the excitement buzzing around the ER about her pending marriage. He had sensed that she was a bundle of nerves and he couldn't help but ponder over her solemn attitude towards it all. It was supposed to be exciting. "Sure, sure Dr. just meet me…" He stopped as he realized that Neela had completely disappeared. He started when he felt Ray's hand grasp his arm with urgency. "Dr. Dubenko, did you see where Neela went? The younger doctor sounded desperate. An interesting emotion coming from Ray Barnett. Unexpected. "Ah, she just ran towards that elevator over there. Look Dr. Barnett, I…" Debunko shook his head. Once again, he was talking to noone.

"NEELA!" Ray ran towards the elevator doors as they were just beginning to close. He peered at her face as she looked at him with a myriad of emotions and punched the open door button. He stepped towards the elevator attempting to get on. "Look Neela, I just want to…" The door continued to close. She had not pushed the stop button. She was avoiding him. He stopped in his tracks. He heard her call out as the door closed completely. "I'm sorry Ray, I just can't talk to you now. A patient needs me."

He shut down the voice that screamed out in his head. "What about me, I need you…"
He needed a drink and it was only ten am.

Neela sighed with relief as she scrubbed in for surgery. She had managed to avoid Ray all day, which had not been an easy task since he seemed to be really intent on finding her. She couldn't deal with his questions. So she was getting married. He would find another roommate that could cough up the five hundred bucks a month. She'd make sure she helped him. Hell, she was even doing a good job of running away from Michael. He was like a steamroller with the wedding plans and he was scaring her a bit. The day was a bloody hell of a mess and she was floundering. She was not an overly sentimental girl but she couldn't help feel slightly buggered that he was doing all the planning and coming to her after the fact. Overall, it was endearing that he was taking such a lead, showing her just how much he wanted to marry her, but she still felt the pressure. She hated pressure. So why not go try and repair someone's liver for the first time? Piece of cake in comparison to matters of the heart, she thought wryly.

Dubenko stood at the sink next to Neela, scrubbing the blood off of his gloves. "Well, that was interesting."

Neela stared at the blood as it rinsed down the sink, wondering if she could follow it and escape. She spoke absentmindedly. "What that I didn't act like a total wanker and botch the whole surgery?"

Dubenko laughed. He enjoyed her straight forwardness. "Well, considering that your boyfriend, er fiancé, proposed to you a second time while you were elbow deep in the cavity of a body and wants you to get married in less than four hours from now… yes, I guess that is what I am referring to." He smiled broadly as Neela looked over him, her eyes a pool of uncertainty.

"It's bloody crazy, isn't it? I must be out of my mind!"

"It's love Dr. Ragostra, you are allowed."

"That may be but it is all happening so fast. I didn't even get to tell my roommate what was happening and I feel horrible."

"Well, I am sure that your roommate will understand Dr. She probably won't be anything but happy for you."

"Um, oh, I thought you knew. It's no matter really but Dr. Barnett is my roommate. Ray Barnett?"

"Oh." Dubenko's eyes didn't portray his feelings. Suddenly this morning's events completed the puzzle he had been trying to figure out all day. "Well, I am sure Dr. Barnett will be just as happy for you," he said falsely, completely doubting his own words. He knew the look on Barnett's face now was none other than unrequited love. Or was it? Something nagged at him, making him think that Ray was not alone.