AN: I'm intrigued by the idea of the 'piece of paper' that has been regularly referenced and the possibility that it doesn't legally exist as the characters hope. My knowledge isn't based on the US family law system though, so I apologise for legal errors. I have pretty good knowledge of Australian family law, but still – it's not my area of expertise. My aim is more to look at the emotional fallout, but please excuse anything legally incorrect.
Callie sat outside of the tall office building, a clear plastic folder filled with paperwork tossed with her handbag to the left of her. She had hoisted herself up on a short cement bench that ran the parameter of the block, staring at the hoards of people going constantly in and out of the busy structure. She had noticed when she walked in earlier to the foyer that the building held a variety of businesses, at least a few different legal services, family and criminal law as well various counselling and assessment services.
It had taken her a while and a few hundred dollars, to explain that she wasn't in the midst of a custody dispute, she hadn't suddenly separated from the father of her child and she wasn't looking for a divorce lawyer to take him for everything. She was looking to ensure that her wife – although not legally her wife as the solicitor had reminded her – had equal parental rights.
She may as well have asked to pay for her legal services in monopoly money.
She was probably being a little unfair; the woman was actually quite compassionate; almost apologetic for the state laws in which they were required to act within. But still, the outcome was the same. There was little they could do. Arizona could certainly be listed as preferred guardian in Callie's Will but it could be argued and likely successfully challenged after her death. The solicitor had explained it, in an effort to placate and rationalise her, that the same issue occurred in remarriages. It came down to whether or not the biological parent was willing and able to care for the child or children, not whom they had spent most of their childhood with.
Of course, Mark could voluntarily relinquish his parental rights; which was as likely as Arizona being okay with having no legal standing as Sophia's mother.
Callie sighed heavily, rubbing at her eyes with the pad of her index fingers and stretched her neck in an effort to release some tension. She had made the conscious decision to seek legal advice without Arizona knowing; there was something in her memory or subconscious that suggested this might not be as simple as they desired.
She stared at her handbag, which held the cell phone she knew she should be withdrawing and using to call Arizona. At least to see how her afternoon was going and if she was even remotely likely to be out of work on time. Callie unzipped her bag and fumbled through the contents until her hand gripped the phone. She tossed it around in her fingers for a few minutes, checking her messages and emails as she procrastinated. She couldn't figure out how to tell Arizona, how to break the news that they had no options. The 'piece of paper' they had been led to believe would give them security just didn't exist. They had discussed it periodically, even before Sophia was born but when Arizona had pulled her aside at Teddy's and asked her if they could get it organised, the level of need had risen. Arizona hadn't mentioned it again after that, but the emotion that she had forcibly contained as she had spoken so briefly with Callie, it had spoke volumes of the importance even if Arizona's words hadn't. And the hug that Arizona had sought out that night, her uneven breathing taking a while to settle and relax, it was so uncharacteristic of her. And Callie had promised her that they would sort it out; they would find a way.
The guilt settled in her stomach so that a subtle nausea plagued her as she finally tapped at the screen to call Arizona.
"Hey," Arizona answered after just two rings. "I was just about to come looking for you, you're not about to go into theatre are you?"
Callie smiled involuntarily at the sceptical voice on the other end of the phone. "Not a chance, I don't even think I'm on call tonight. Was just calling to check how you were going?"
"All sorted and I am on call, so I'm voting for escaping while we can. Where are you? I'll come meet you."
"I'm actually out but will swing by and pick you up, meet you out front?"
"Out?" Arizona asked and Callie could imagine the facial expression, eyes widening and forehead creasing in confusion.
Callie nodded into the phone. "Yeah, I'll fill you in when we get home. See you in ten?"
"Sure. You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's nothing…nothing major. Seriously, I'll explain." Callie cast her eyes skywards, clouds starting to roll in from the East. She knew her voice had faltered ever so slightly, enough that Arizona would pick up on it in an instant. Her patients didn't and most of her colleagues went oblivious, but it was the one sign that her emotions were sitting dormant, just below the surface. It was the very same little catch that would happen when she explained to a patient or their family that she might not be able to save their leg or arm, whatever it may be. Or when she worked an emergency room shift and she had to give the death message; her voice always betrayed the carefully crafted façade. To her anyway.
"Okay," Arizona responded after a brief silence, providing opportunity for Callie to continue to explain if she wanted to. "I'll see you out front in a few minutes."
"Yep. Bye," Callie said softly, hanging up and tossing the phone back in to her open bag.
She waited a minute, tapping her feet back against the cement wall; the sound of her boot heels making a soft rhythmic thump before sliding off and landing on her feet. She turned back and grabbed her belongings, shaking her head in frustration at their circumstances as she walked towards the underground carpark. She slipped the paper card into the machine and screwed her nose up at the parking fee, drawing out her credit card when she didn't have enough cash on her. Not only did the legal advice cost her a small fortune, but the carpark also took yet another of her hard earned cash. She was much more frugal these days, already having started a savings account for Sophia, determined that her college fees would be paid for or she would have a deposit for a house in her twenties. Arizona and her each transferred a percentage of their fortnightly salaries, quietly pleased as they watched it grow quickly. Arizona had grinned at Callie just a few nights ago, as she checked in to their internet banking, we'll have to slow down when we have another kid, imagine the sibling rivalry if they weren't equal?
Next one? Callie had asked coyly and Arizona had shrugged, blue eyes sparkling.
Things were good at the moment, even with an infant that could scream the apartment down at three in the morning. They were settled, comfortable. Happy.
As Callie got in her car and started towards the hospital, she felt a pang of shame. There had only been a handful of times since Sophia's conception that she had mixed feelings about how, why and when her baby girl had come into existence. And each of those times had been in response to Arizona's hurt. She didn't regret Sophia, not one bit, but there were the occasional times that she just wished that their circumstances had meant their baby was conceived through IVF, for them and only them. These ridiculous legal implications wouldn't be even remotely relevant. And she wouldn't have to stare into Arizona's glazed blue irises and be completely helpless to take away the collateral damage of her decisions.
The negative thoughts raced around her head for the entire car ride, though she forced her expression to lighten when she noticed Arizona waiting patiently out the front of the hospital entrance, eyes focussed on her own phone. She would have been reading a news website, catching up on the world happenings for a few minutes so she could come home and give her undivided attention to Callie and Sophia. She used to religiously sit in front of the television for a half an hour every night that she was home. She had explained one day that although she was interested in what was occurring around the world, she had a vested interest in any 'war' news. It didn't upset her or worry her, she just liked to know; an old habit from when Timothy was deployed that she wasn't quite willing to break.
It took her a few seconds to notice Callie's car, smiling and tucking her phone in her jeans pocket as she walked around to the passenger side of the car. "Hey," she said for the second time, leaning across to press a brief kiss to Callie's cheek. "Thanks for coming back to get me."
"Of course," Callie smiled. "How was your day?"
"Eh," Arizona muttered, eyes rolling. "Same crap, different day. The new Interns are as useful as tits on a bull; do they not teach anything in med school anymore? I swear it was different when we were there."
Callie laughed, tapping her palm against the steering wheel as she worked her way through the parked cars towards the road. "We? You were there before me…only just, but still. What did they do, today?"
Arizona shook her head. "Put an IV line in but missed the vein, this poor kid had fluid going straight into his hand; his entire arm was twice the size it should be."
"Rookie mistake!" Callie exclaimed, grinning.
"And, another one followed me around all day and he isn't even on my rotation. I had a call from Teddy, asking if I had seen this young, black haired, gangly Intern as she had yelled at him and he had disappeared. He thought he could just change Attending without anyone noticing or caring. Which I kind of didn't, but that was because it's only their third day; I felt a bit bad for him, he almost cried when I sent him back."
"They do need a toughen up a bit. I'm sure we were more resilient; maybe they taught us not to be so precious when we went through."
"Hmmm," Arizona nodded. "I just did what I was told, I'm not sure I really spoke until I was almost a final year Resident. But on the bright side, I was never yelled at."
"And you were probably some crazy competent Resident that was better than the Attending. Am I right?"
"I did have a useless Attending for most of my Residency; he was more interested in his golf game than working. I would call him and he would ask if he had time to finish his last two holes before coming in. Hilarious but a bit painful when you're trying to learn." Arizona stared out the window for the first time, yawning suddenly. "Anyway, how was your day?" she asked, turning back.
Callie smiled though the corner of her eyes barely moved with the effort. "Okay, work was fine. Quiet," she answered softly.
"You mentioned you were out this afternoon?"
Callie nodded slowly, concentrating on the road but steeling a glance at Arizona, who was watching her intently. "Yeah, I actually went to see a lawyer or a solicitor. One of them, I don't really get the difference."
"Oh," Arizona said softly, her mouth curling in surprise as she nodded slowly.
"About the papers, you know. For Sophia."
"Yeah, I figured. Didn't think you would be dividing our assets just yet," she said, trying to lighten the serious tone that had just descended inside the vehicle. Callie smiled, fumbling with the keys at the ignition when she reached their apartment block, waiting for the automatic parking gate to open. "It didn't go well then?" Arizona asked when Callie didn't elaborate.
"Not exactly as we planned."
"Mmmm?" Arizona prompted, reaching to pick up the workbag at her feet, waiting patiently for Callie to park. "It's okay Calliope," she said gently, getting out of the car and waiting for Callie to walk around to her. "If it can't be done…" she trailed off.
Callie nodded, silently taking her hand as they walked to the lift. "Apparently, there is nothing really, that we can do. I can make my wishes clear in my Will, which of course, I will do. And I can insist that you're a part of all decisions and you are, that goes without saying. But unless Mark relinquishes his parental rights, there's not much we can do."
Arizona nodded calmly, releasing Callie's hand to enter the elevator and press the button for their floor. "Which Mark won't do," she responded faintly.
"Which Mark won't do," Callie repeated in agreement, her voice reserved and low.
"Okay," Arizona said, nodding and forcing a smile at Callie. "At least we know."
"It's a crap law," Callie muttered.
"Yeah, but it is what it is. There's not much we can do about it. Thanks for going, I would have went with you, you know."
Callie shrugged. "It was nothing." They entered their apartment silently, Arizona unlocking and opening the door. Callie followed quietly, tossing her bag on the kitchen counter and opening the fridge door. "Wine?" she asked, her eyes following Arizona carefully as she strode through to their bedroom, taking her jacket off and throwing it on the bed with her bag.
"Better not, just water please," Arizona responded, taking her phone out of her pocket, checking it and leaving it on the bed as well. She meandered back into the kitchen, taking a tumbler of water that Callie offered. "What time is Mark dropping Sophia back? We should get dinner happening."
"He said he would text, he's going to pick her up from crèche and then have some play time, maybe back around seven thirty or eight at a guess."
"Okay, so I'm craving some sort of Italian, maybe one of those chorizo pizzas that you make?"
Callie nodded quietly, stopping to sip from her glass and to take in Arizona's expression. The conversation, although normal and not pressed, still seemed slightly forced as if she were putting in extra energy in keeping her tone light. Her expression was annoyingly neutral, very controlled and not giving much away as an insight to how she was feeling. "I can do that," Callie eventually replied, reaching out her free hand to scratch lightly at Arizona's lower back.
Arizona smiled but stepped out of the touch, opening the fridge and picking up ingredients to place on the bench. "I thought we had some mozzarella in here?" she asked, disappearing behind the door to search each shelf.
"Arizona…"
"Yeah? Ah! Here it is; I love this stuff." She turned around to find Callie standing in front of her. "Stop that," Arizona muttered light heartedly. 'You're staring at me. I'm not going to implode."
"You haven't said anything."
"There's nothing to be said; we can't change the law. Let's just enjoy a couple of hours, child free and get on with things."
"You must be upset though," Callie said quietly.
Arizona just shrugged and tried to attempt another authentic smile. "I'm okay, I promise," she assured, stepping forward and pressing a kiss to Callie's lips. She lingered only momentarily, before stepping back. "You do realise that you need to make the base; if I do it it's likely to end up a pile of dough, what's that stuff you learn in guides? Damper?"
"Absolutely, step away from the flour," Callie said, conceding defeat for the moment. Arizona was different to her, she needed time to think, process and figure out how she was going to progress. She might come to her in a day, three days or three months with some breathless rant but eventually she would say what she thought or felt. There were times that she would grab Callie's hand and squeeze it wordlessly or lean in suddenly for a tight hug before slowly pulling back with a tearful grin. The reaction was always unpredictable and in some ways, Callie loved that. She loved that Arizona didn't fit some mould where everything was foreseeable and expected; the idea that her partner could fire up and yell some irrational tirade or, equally suddenly dissolve in tears, was enough to keep her constantly captivated. And right now, if Arizona was going with an 'everything is fine, let's eat pizza' approach, than she wouldn't hesitate to support her. "Perhaps turning the oven on would be more your level?" she teased, one hand reaching briefly to run over Arizona's shoulder.
"I think I can manage that. The oven right?" she asked stifling a laugh as she pointed at to the microwave. Callie rolled her eyes and turned back to the bench, her smile fading as she exhaled slowly, listening as Arizona rearranged the trays in the oven.
Sometimes you just do what you can to keep moving forward. To stop and think, to process and sit with the grief, sometimes it's too difficult. Hitching a lift as life keeps moving forward is often easier, and the hope that one day, the pretence might become reality is comforting. If you pretend for long enough, perhaps you'll believe it too.
AN: It could be a one-shot or I could keep going. My muse might get some get up and go, and want to do more with this concept. I'm sorry if I've missed someone else looking at this idea as well, I haven't noticed anything over the last few days but I definitely could have missed it. So I apologise if I'm rehashing.
Anyway, let me know what you think. Feedback welcomed.
Cheers, Author's Tune