A Love That Could Never Be.
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She stood for a moment outside the door, her hand poised on the handle, afraid to open it yet afraid not to. Did she want him to be there or did she not? She didn't have a cut and dried answer but now that she had come she would play it through.
The moment she opened this door however, the decision she had found so difficult to take would be out of her hands and transferred onto Sam's shoulders. She felt lighter at the idea that the final choice would be on him.
She understood that it was the coward's way out but what she had shared with Sam had been something special.
He was such a kind gentle soul who had uncomplainingly put up with her nervousness, her bursts of anger, her moments of self-pity and had gradually guided her off the road she had been racing down towards alcoholism, like a pro who had been through a similar experience with someone before; not to mention that he was the handsomest man she had ever seen and when they were in bed together he would suddenly change from that understanding and considerate companion into a demanding and passionate lover.
Truth was she had fallen head over heels in love with him. Perhaps the aura of mystery that surrounded him attracted her even more; he never talked about his past, never uttered a word more than was necessary and only once mentioning the loss of a brother who had obviously been dear to him.
At times she was even afraid, not of Sam himself for she sensed that he would never harm her, but that whatever it was he concealed had to be something so overwhelming and devastating that if she ever found out it would change her life completely.
She shivered slightly as her female intuition told her that whatever secrets he held, it would be better that she never knew.
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However he had made her blissfully happy; even her father's opinion had been slightly mollified when he had met and talked with Sam, grudgingly coming to the conclusion that he wasn't so bad after all, but then she had received a call that had upset her newly ordered world; her husband Don whom she had believed dead for over a year had been miraculously found alive and was coming home.
Her emotions had gone through the roof; she hadn't wanted to lose Sam, yet she had felt the pull of duty to the husband who must have suffered hell in Afghanistan. She still had feelings for Don, theirs had been true love and she had pined for months before meeting Sam.
She knew she had behaved badly trying to keep both men, the one because of the passion he made her feel, the other because of duty.
The last time they had met she had given Sam an ultimatum, only to realise afterwards that it had been a big mistake, for a man like Sam wouldn't take well to a move like that but now the damage was done and behind the scruffy green door lay the answer as to whether he was willing to commit to her or not.
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Great first impression Sam must have had of her she thought back with an ironic smile, for she had treated him like a piece of dirt when he had appeared at the hospital with the poor dog in his arms, but the sight of a wounded animal always made her temper rise. She had apologized to him in later days and he had shown his forgiveness by making her touch those heights of passion that Don had never lifted her to.
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She scolded herself.
What was the use of standing here like an emo-teen; the only answer she needed was behind that door, but that was the very reason she hesitated because if Sam wasn't there, then not only would Don be waiting for her at home but so would a cache of alcohol and limes, ready to become once again her daily companions.
If however Sam was waiting for her behind the door, ready to unleash his beautiful smile and enfold her in his strong arms, then she would somehow find the courage to break off with Don. She knew he would be hurt but in the end it was only fair to be honest; she wanted Sam.
She took a deep breath and pushed open the door.
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