Sleigh Ride - Vera Lynn
ARRIVAL
"I can't believe I'm here," Sharon grumbled as she dropped her bags just inside the cabin door, listening as the bells of the horses faded into the distance.
"Aren't you the one who goes skiing every Christmas? I thought you loved the outdoor," Provenza shot back as he passed her into the room.
"I love the outdoors, when I get to decide I'm going. I hate being managed into it, especially this way."
"What?" Flynn smirked, "a little team bonding doesn't work for you?"
"Team Bonding my ass, this was a set-up pure and simple."
"Lt. Provenza is right about that. I can't believe for one minute that we were innocently given this 'opportunity' out of all the other divisions," Sharon sighed.
"Well it's your fault, Captain."
"And how do you figure that, Lt. Provenza?"
"If you had been around longer, we wouldn't qualify as a 'new team' and need to prove our ability to work together to some stranger with too many degrees and too little experience in the real world."
"Don't blame the Captain, this was the Assistant Chief Taylor's idea."
"Ah, Det. Kiss-ass is in the house."
"Stuff it Sir, Sykes is right. The Captain is just as miserable as the rest of us."
"No offense, Sanchez," Flynn said, with his standard smirk still in place, "you look more miserable than the rest of us."
"Mexicans are not made for the North Pole."
At last, something to laugh at, and laugh they did. Sharon looked around at her team and shook her head at the absurdity of it all. The were all bundled up more than they ever needed to be in LA, but Det. Sanchez definitely looked like it was dressed for a dogsledding expedition across the frozen north rather than a team building retreat in the Rockies.
"I can't believe these retreats are even still in existence," Sharon said.
"Yeah," Sykes agreed, "weren't these big when departments had money to spend? This seems a pretty big waste of time when all we really needed was to gather at someone's house and get drunk."
"I'd be the driver," Flynn said over the crowd, earning another round of chuckles.
"What exactly is it we don't know about each other?" Tao asked.
"We don't know the Captain," Provenza turned to her, accusingly again.
"Please," Sharon waved it off, "there's nothing important to know about me, and I was following you for a few years before I became the head of this Division, so I'm not exactly new either. This is completely politically motivated."
"What's going to happen back in LA with the entire Major Crimes Division up here in the mountains?" Sykes asked out loud.
"Well Sykes, for starters any murder they have won't have us to solve it." Provenza replied.
"I'm liking this idea more and more," Tao interrupted, getting a few nods of agreement.
"Assistant Chief Taylor will have to answer for any problems back home, I guess," Sharon agreed. "In the meantime, let's make the best of it. It could be worse."
"How do you figure that, Ma'am?" Sanchez still hadn't taken off his fur lined hat.
"Well Detective," Sharon said, moving towards him, "we have known each other for years, some well, some not so well, but we know enough about each other to have fun. Secondly, we have a beautiful old cabin assigned to our team, so we don't have to deal with any other group. Thirdly, and I hope I have your support on this one, nothing is going to happen to us if we decide to make this retreat our own rather than follow the program."
"Excuse me, Captain," Provenza captured her attention, "are you suggesting we don't follow procedure and, dare I say, break the rules?"
"Give it a rest," Flynn said, rolling his eyes.
"That's exactly what I'm saying, Lieutenant. You know, perhaps this really is the perfect opportunity to get to know me better. I function within the rules when they are necessary to get the job done and keep on this side of the law. However I resent being managed and manipulated into wasting my time just to satisfy someone else's..."
"Ego? Self importance?" Provenza added, a wicked smile on his face.
"Agenda." Sharon finished.
"All right, folks," Flynn took over, "time to assess what we have here. Sykes, have a look-see at our accommodations. I'm going to guess two to a room, which means you and the Captain are roomies, and the rest of us have to figure it out on our own. Buzz, see what we've got for entertainment. Anything goes, and I mean anything."
"Lieutenant," Sharon tried to sound a warning.
"This is a vacation, Captain, anything goes! Tao, let's see what this place has for amenities. Something this posh has to have a hot tub outside. And Sanchez, get that ridiculous hat off your head."
"And what do you suggest the Captain and I do, oh self-decided cruise director?"
"You two try not to kill each other."
Not needing to be asked twice, Sharon sat down in a large overstuffed chair beside the fireplace, and flipped open the packet she had been handed when they registered. "You know, Sykes is right: this is a complete waste of money and time."
"You don't want to spend quality time with your staff, Captain?" Provenza asked as he handed her a glass of wine.
Sharon looked surprised and confused, so he pointed at the wine fridge close to the kitchen area. "Is Andy going to be okay with that, do you think?"
"Yeah, I think so, but we should probably ask anyway," Provenza's voice softened. "Anything there even remotely interesting?"
"Well, it doesn't look like we have to make animal sounds or help each other cross a rope bridge."
Provenza chuckled, taking the matching chair on the other side of the fireplace. "I'll admit it took me awhile to see it, but you really do have the greatest sense of sarcasm."
"Comes in handy."
"I bet it does. You serious about breaking the rules?"
"Lieutenant, these rules were made to be broken. What will Chief Taylor do? Send us on another all-expense paid retreat?"
"We're the problem children anyway, I'm sure he's just happy to be rid of us for a week."
"That's what I'm figuring, so what's stopping us from living up to that reputation?"
"You have a point."
"I mean, this is all about team building, right? So unless someone winds up dead, we have nothing here to do except enjoy each other's company."
"Ah look everyone, Pa and Ma are finally getting along," Flynn commented.
"Yeah, well 'Pa' is quite prepared to take you out behind the woodshed and show you who's in charge."
"Promises, promises. So Captain, what's the deal here?"
Sharon looked up from the papers on her lap. "Well, seems we are not supposed to use titles, which might take us awhile, and we are going to receive instructions every morning with challenges that we need to report every evening. Otherwise our days are to be spend in the group with facilitator checking in to see our progress. At the end of the week, we are to create some sort of self-evaluation to share with both the retreat staff and our recommending manager on what we have learned as a group."
The collective groan could be heard throughout the room.
"Now, now," Provenza settled them with his hand, "we have a very gifted interpreter of the rules here, so I think we can manage to do things in that special Major Crimes way."
Flynn started grinning, then Tao and Sanchez joined in, nodding. Buzz looked nervous and Sykes - the only real newbie in the group - began to look uncomfortable.
"So, what are we saying, Captain?" Sykes asked, worried about the energy she felt around her."
"Amy, I think it's pretty clear."
DAY ONE
Always an early riser, Andy moved around the cabin quietly. The night before Sharon had gently asked him if he minded the wine bottles being so plentiful and available, but he assured her it was fine. Besides, wine had never been his drink. With that assurance, the rest of the group freely indulged and the resulting empties were lined on the counter.
He could hear the snoring coming from his room as Provenza - the only one who refused to be called by his first name - sawed his own forest of trees and a few more besides. Even if Andy hadn't awakened early naturally, the sound of his bunkmate would have forced him to rise. The rest of the cabin was quiet, so he quickly set about making coffee then went outside to enjoy the crisp air. It had snowed the night before, covering all evidence of their arrival. Off in the distance he could see signs of humanity, as someone came towards their cabin. The sound of the snowmobile disturbed the early morning quiet.
"Good morning," Andy was greeted as the visitor cut the engine. "You are the only cabin who is awake this morning."
"Not the cabin, just me," Andy said, shaking hands with the younger man. "What do you have for us today?"
"That's so wonderful to see," came the cheery response. "In my years working this retreat, it's always the enthusiastic teams that seem to benefit from this experience the most."
This kid had no idea just how enthusiastic they were, Andy thought ruefully.
"Here is your kit," the young man said, handing Andy a large box from the sled he pulled. "Instructions are inside. Have a great day and we'll be in to check on your progress later."
"Looking forward to it," Andy said, waving the young man off.
"He has no idea how much you were undermining him," a voice came from behind.
Andy turned and saw a vision of loveliness. "Hello gorgeous," he uttered before he could catch himself.
"Mmm" came the smiling reply, "can't say anyone has told me that in the morning for a very long time."
"Who has seen you look like this in the morning?" the question was asked instantly, then he mentally kicked himself. He was usually a lot more thoughtful.
"Not that it's any of your business, but aside from my family, no one. Who's bright idea was it to put the bathroom on the main floor away from the bedrooms? The logic is beyond me." Sharon waved off the question.
Andy stood there for a moment, enjoying the way the morning sunlight shone around the sleepy curls of her hair. Her pajamas were nothing like the suits she normally wore.
Sharon saw his eyes travel the length of her body, and she pulled her robe closer. "I wasn't expecting group accommodations," she said by way of explanation. Her sleep pants and tank top were not clothing items she wore in public.
"Yeah, I think we missed a few memos on this one," was all he could say.
Andy and Sharon moved inside, and looked to see that Amy and Julio were already at the bar sharing coffee.
"Good morning, everyone. Pleasant sleep, I hope."
"It was until Provenza started in. How is that humanly possible?" Amy asked.
"Try being in the room with him," Flynn replied.
"No thanks."
"What's in the box, Captain?" Julio asked.
"It's 'Sharon', and I'm not sure. It was just given to Andy as I went outside."
"This is our challenge for today, given to me by a man who needs a better job." Andy told them as he set the crate down on the bar.
"Be nice. Besides, he seemed quite happy to be doing what he was doing."
Julio started opening the package, "Let's make sure this doesn't involve me going outside."
"What is in the box?" Amy asked, ignoring Julio.
Sharon pulled out the paper with instructions, then rolled her eyes. "This feels like I'm back at day camp."
Taking the paper from her, Andy looked over the instructions. "We're to work with the raw eggs in the box, figuring out ways not to, and I quote "destroy the integrity of the shells", and use the rest of the food items to create works of art that describe each other."
"Are they serious?" Tao came up from behind.
"Coffee," was all Buzz cared about.
"So, let me get this straight," Julio started, "we're supposed to use all this food for arts and crafts instead of eating it?"
"The kitchen is really well stalked," Amy pointed out.
Sharon looked at her team and started to pace. Then she stopped and turned to them with a triumphant look on her face. "It said 'without destroying the integrity of the shells', correct?"
"Yeah," Andy confirmed. "What evil thoughts are you having?"
"Not evil, just creative. We've got coffee grounds, so we crush up the eggshells with the coffee grounds and we maintain the 'integrity' by making fertilizer. Then we eat the rest of the food."
"Nice," Amy nodded, "but what about the creative part?"
"Easy," Buzz volunteered, "let's make our favourite egg dishes, and I'll film it."
"Works for me. I make a mean egg-drop soup," Tao offered.
"Mmm, sounds delicious. What else have we got?"
"I can do Huevos Rancheros. I think I saw nacho chips in the cupboard last night." Julio said.
"My mouth is watering already. You are such a good cook."
All eyes turned to Amy. "And how exactly do you know that, Detective?" Provenza asked, last to enter the morning discussion.
"You'll never know," she smiled sweetly, then risked a furtive glance at a stone-faced Julio.
"Okay," Sharon tried to steer the conversation away, "what other options do we have?"
"My Italian grandmother would not forgive me if I didn't make egg noodles."
"You make pasta from scratch?" Sharon couldn't believe her ears.
"Sure, it won't be as good as I could make at home with a pasta press, but I can do something with a rolling pin and a sharp knife."
"Captain, I think these guys are going to put us to shame." Amy leaned over to whisper into Sharon's ear.
"That's okay by me," Sharon replied.
"I guess I can make an egg custard," Amy offered.
"Hey, what about the rest of you?" Andy chimed in.
"Our families all come from the British Isles, so poached eggs on toast will do it. Eggs Benedict, if we have to get fancy." Provenza scowled, reaching for the almost empty coffee pot, "and we need more of this stuff. I can make it, but you all know how that will turn out."
"Allow me, Sir," Buzz jumped in quickly.
Just after lunch, the retreat staff came to visit the Major Crimes team. Seeing how the group had interpreted the instructions, they tried to be encouraging but failed miserably. For their efforts, they were given a video of the members helping each other prepare the egg dishes, and a box of well ground fertilizer. "Hopefully tomorrow's instructions will be clearer," they said meekly upon their departure.
"So what do we do with the rest of our day?" Sharon asked her team.
DAY TWO
Again morning found Andy up before the others, but it didn't take long before another joined him.
"We seem to be the early birds."
"Seems that way."
"I was thinking... do you want to go for a walk before breakfast?"
"How? This snow is pretty deep."
"Andy, you've never spent time in the mountains, have you."
"No, guess that's kind of obvious. We had cold weather and snow in Jersey when I was a kid, but if we got some sliding and a few snowball fights out of the deal, we were lucky."
"Come on, I'll show you how to use snowshoes."
Trying to keep quiet, Andy and Sharon quickly dressed for the outdoors, put on their snowshoes and left the cabin. There had been new snow falling again that morning, giving the world a look of magic as the snow sparkled from the fields as well as the trees.
"I might develop lung problems from all this fresh air," Andy joked.
"It is quite a bit different than the constant smog. When I'm up in the hills, I wonder whatever made me want to be in the heart of the city."
"Why are you in the city?"
"That's where I grew up, and that's where I work. As much as I love the outdoors, I'm partial to food deliveries at 2 AM and coffee vendors on every street corner."
Andy chuckled, "Can't have it both ways, I guess."
"No, we certainly can't. So why are you in LA rather than the East Coast?"
"Family. My sisters moved out this way, and job opportunities seemed good at the time. Besides, there's only so much grey a person can deal with in their lifetime before they want constant sun."
Sharon nodded her understanding. "I guess everything comes with it's plusses and minuses."
"Yup."
When they returned to the cabin, everyone was up and the offending morning package had arrived. "Let's hear it," Andy said, closing the door behind them.
"Your mission, should you choose to accept," Provenza said dramatically, "is to imagine being stranded on a desert island. We can all fit into the lifeboat..."
"That's good of them" Tao interrupted."
"Uh-huh," Provenza replied, "and we can each take one item, but we must agree on the items and prioritize them, giving an argument for each."
"I think my cousin had a project like this when he was in grade five," Sykes commented.
"Sounds about right," Andy nodded, "so, what do we bring? Water filter, I'm thinking, knife, what else?"
"Water-proof matches, metallic blankets and Cotton rolled bandages," Sharon offered.
"Why cotton?" Buzz asked.
"So we can wash them out and reuse them."
Buzz sneered at the thought, but Provenza nodded in agreement.
"I think to keep in the spirit of our approach, we should have at least one item that is completely ridiculous," Julio suggested.
"Cherry flavoured condoms?" Amy offered.
Sharon spit out her coffee and laughed. "Perfect!"
DAY THREE
"Here, after last night I think you could use this," Julio handed Amy a large cup of coffee and sat down beside her.
"Thanks, I shouldn't have touched that last bottle."
"We all make mistakes."
"Yeah, but I'm getting old enough to pay for it the next day."
"Don't worry about it. You've on vacation, sort of. You can do whatever you want."
"Except this isn't vacation. We're stuck in this cabin, doing mindless team building exercises and trying to pass the time," Amy complained.
"Someone's grouchy this morning."
"Says the man who's scared of snow."
"I didn't see you volunteer to go outside yet."
"This is not my idea of a good time. Give me beaches and heat, and I'm a happy girl."
"That sounds good. Maybe we should have a real vacation after this experience. I'm sure we can claim mental cruelty on some level."
Amy's chuckle morphed into a groan as her head started to pound.
"Shh..." Julio said gently, pulling her to rest her head on his shoulder. Together they sat until voices behind them alerted them to the rest of the team being awake.
In his best stage whisper, Provenza leaned towards Tao, "I think I better move into your room. We obviously have to give one of the doubles to Andy and Sharon, and the other to those two."
"You're just jealous," Andy said from the front door, where he and Sharon had just returned from another walk through the snow.
"Ah Captain, prepared to charge me with Conduct Unbecoming and send me home?" Provenza said, half seriously.
"No Lieutenant, I prefer to have you here where I can torture you in person."
"You're all heart. Speaking of torture, what's today's installment?"
"Alright," Tao said, opening the box left for them outside the cabin, "today we are learning how to be honest with each other and with our past. We have to sit in pairs, asking questions and listening carefully to the answers. The goal is to trust each other with our most intimate truths."
"Intimate truths? Give me a fucking break," Provenza growled.
"Am I supposed to film that?" Buzz asked.
Sharon thought for awhile, then started to laugh. "Yes, film it, Buzz, but we'll edit it and set it to music so no one can hear what we're saying."
"What are you thinking, Sharon?" Andy was almost scared to ask.
"Spin the Bottle, of course." She grinned. "Truth or Shot"
"What kind of shot?" Amy asked miserably.
"You and Andy can do Iced Tea or something non-alcoholic, if your head can't handle it. What do the rest of you say?"
"Oh Captain, my Captain, every day I'm finding new respect for your interpretation of the rules," Provenza smiled.
"If I'm going to shoot this, Captain, I should probably remain sober too," Buzz offered. The group knew he didn't like drinking.
Andy nodded and grabbed an empty bottle from the end of the bar, as the rest moved furniture in the main living area. "Sounds good, you can keep me company Buzz. And Amy, Hair of the Dog... trust me. Works every time."
"I'll puke."
"I won't have to film that, will I?"
DAY FOUR
A knock on the front door caught the attention of those sitting at the bar. "Who could that be?" Provenza said to no one in particular, as he went to open the door.
Outside, one of the retreat staff stood, holding a box in one arm and looking uncomfortable.
"Yes?" Provenza asked him.
"Umm, I was wondering if I could come in."
"Sure," Provenza stepped aside and gestured him into the room.
"Where are the others?" the staffer asked.
"What others?"
"Aren't you a group of seven?"
Provenza looked at Tao, Buzz and Andy. "Yes, the others are busy at the moment. We can update them when they return. What can we do for you in the meantime?"
"They haven't gone to town, have they?"
"We know the rules are we stay isolated for the entire week, so no, no one has gone to town. You and your people seem to have stocked the cabin nicely."
"Although we are running out of wine," Andy interrupted.
"Oh," the staffer replied, "no group has done that before."
"Well police work is thirsty business, I'm sure you understand."
The retreat staff person looked at Provenza for a few moments, then nodded. "Okay... I'll bring some more refreshments later today. Is there anything else you need?"
"Nachos... salsa... sour cream... and can you bring wings? That's the one food I really miss having."
Tao had to bite the inside of his mouth not to laugh outright as Andy, the alcoholic and vegetarian, asked for more wine and meat.
"Sure... sure... um..." he stuttered, looking at the large men in front of him, "um... the reason I came in instead of just leaving the box, is that we've noticed our instructions aren't being easily understood by your team, so I'm here to answer questions. Here are the instructions," he handed them to Andy.
"Understanding your team means understanding your strengths," Andy read as the staffer nodded. "Sometimes it's easier to understand what others contribute to your team if you put their skills in a formal category. For this exercise, we want you to identify your strengths and weaknesses under the categories of Female and Male sides of a personality."
"Does that seem straight forward?" the staffer asked nervously.
"I'm not sure," Provenza took the sheet from Andy's hand and looked it over. "Are you suggesting that we have male strengths and female weaknesses that we need to acknowledge?"
"No," said the staffer, almost relieved to clear up the confusion. "We know that everyone is a combination of male and female personality types, and that doesn't automatically relate to gender. We want you to identify those parts of each personality so you can learn which weaknesses you have that can be balanced by the strength of others."
"In our male or female personalities," Andy offered.
"Exactly!"
"Can you give us an example?" Provenza goaded the young man.
"There are examples in the box, as well as craft supplies to use to make your charts. But a classic one is compassion, a recognizable female characteristic that sometimes can be displayed by men. Or... or aggression. Some women can show aggression like a man can."
As the staffer was talking, Andy saw Sharon emerge from the bathroom and shook his head, indicating she should stay where she was and out of sight.
"And the weakness in those?" Provenza continued.
"Right, the weakness is when you are overwhelmed by that part of your personality rather than in control of it. Acting out of rage rather than using anger as power, that sort of thing."
Showing the young man to the door, Provenza thanked him for his clarification. As soon as the door was closed, he let out a low whistle, "Glad Sharon wasn't here to witness that."
"Believe me, I heard it all. I can't believe anyone is still stuck in the Male/Female Dichotomy. Even Fraud would question the validity. And trying to make our team fit into that dynamic? This is insanity.
"So how do you want to handle it, Captain?" Buzz asked.
Sharon thought for a moment, then turned to Tao. "Mike, I think this requires your expertise."
"How?"
"Simply put, we're going to write a rebuttal. I'm assuming you could do that without much effort?"
"And what would you like me to include, Captain?"
"Any quote or argument you can think of that underscores how archaic a classification system this is. The more elevated the language, the better."
"That shouldn't be a problem for you," Provenza saluted him with his coffee mug.
"What did we miss?" Amy and Julio entered the room.
"Today the Captain decided we're not joining them, we're beating them."
DAY FIVE
"Only two more days," Tao exclaimed as he entered the eating area, then stopped to see who was at the stove. "Captain? You're cooking?"
They had been together long enough to know who should be responsible for food preparation and who shouldn't. Although Sharon was capable of making some wonderful salads, they quickly learned only Julio, Buzz or Andy should be anywhere near the stove.
"Relax, Mike," Andy said, rounding the corner. "She's my Sous Chef."
"So, you're taking orders from Andy?"
"Only in the kitchen," Sharon smirked. "I do know how to use a knife."
"Right," Mike nodded then quickly left the pair and moved on to the main living area.
"You get scared out of the kitchen too?" Provenza asked him.
"I'm sure it will be delicious, whatever it is."
"So long as the Captain isn't making it, we can count on it."
"Those staffers should get a load of our male/female divide around here," Amy pipped up.
"Yes, wonder how they liked the forty page reply Mike wrote."
"It wasn't my best work, I'll admit. It would have been nice to have more time."
Julio chuckled then made his move on Provenza's checkers. "I wonder what today's exercise will be."
"Has anyone checked to see if there's a box outside?" Tao asked.
Provenza shook his head, "I don't think any of us want to know."
"At some point we're going to have to look," Amy noted.
"Yes, but not on an empty stomach."
Together they lounged away much of the day. When the staff arrived an hour after lunch, he was quite dismayed to see the box outside where it had been placed hours before. Realizing they couldn't put it off any longer, Julio finally ventured outside and retrieved the now soggy package. "Looks like we're being asked to 'expose our vulnerabilities'. I thought we'd been doing that all week."
"This just keeps getting more ridiculous," Sharon shook her head. "You know things are bad when you look back with fondness on a gang hit."
There was grunting and nods of agreement around the table. "So Sharon," Provenza started, "how do you propose we stick it to them today?"
"Read the exact words, Julio. Did it actually say 'expose ourselves'?
"Expose our vulnerabilities, Ma'am."
Andy looked over at Sharon, "You wouldn't."
Sharon smiled back, "No, I wouldn't, but I have no problem making people think I would. A few calculating camera angles."
"The hot tub would make this easier," Provenza chuckled, realizing what Sharon and Andy were cooking up.
"I've never filmed porn, Captain," Buzz said nervously.
"Not porn, Buzz," Andy corrected him. "We can't go that far, but nothing says we can't suggest a hot tub session au natural."
"Naked with each other?" Amy asked. "I spent years in the army. I'm comfortable with my body." Then she looked at Provenza, "But I guess we all have to figure out where to draw that line."
"Harrumph," Provenza replied.
"Something artistic, Buzz" Sharon intervened. "Choreographed to classical music. An Italian or French composition should do the trick..." Sharon thought for a minute. "I know, Verdi's Winter Ballet!"
"I thought Vivaldi wrote the Four Season," Amy asked with great confusion.
"Vivaldi did, but Verdi wrote a Four Season Ballet, and the music would be more in keeping with our theme. Vivaldi's Winter is far too heavy, I think."
"Oh," the dejected detective responded.
"Amy, I didn't know that either, but the Captain knows her ballet." Andy smiled at the younger woman. They were all becoming weary and emotionally compromised by this experience.
"If it's all the same to you, Captain, I'll stay out of the water."
Sharon smiled at Buzz. "Of course. This whole week has been hard enough without making you more uncomfortable. We'll just play this one by ear, and edit after the fact, okay? Nothing too risque, just suggestions. Mostly from from the back, and we'll use the hot tub to it's greatest effect. Okay everyone, let's do this before I loose my nerve. I'm just angry enough right now to do something stupid, but if I think about it too long I'll realize stupidity won't solve anything."
"This is one of the perks of working in an active division, Captain," Amy started, after they were comfortably under the foam of the hot tub. The snow had started falling again, giving them a perfect backdrop. The sun was slowly disappearing, making the shadows their allies.
"What's that, Amy?" Sharon stretched our her legs, and rested her head against the edge of the tub as she enjoyed the water.
"No offense, but I've seen some of the other teams. I don't think this would be nearly as much fun if we weren't in great shape to begin with."
Andy chuckled, "Always been one of the perks of the job."
"Careful," Provenza warned, "the Captain is listening. You don't want to be written up for Sexual Harassment."
Sharon giggled, "I'm not FID anymore, Lieutenant. I'm not really interested in where this hot tub conversation goes. Besides, I'm not blind. The male population at LAPD is very nice."
"Including present company?" Andy couldn't help asking.
Sharon smiled, "Especially present company. Buzz, how much have you been filming?"
"All of it Captain. I'm just not seeing anything really suggestive."
"Okay people, you heard the man. Let's make this inappropriate," Provenza announced.
Andy pulled his swim shorts down just enough to cover himself yet appeared from the back as though he wore nothing, Julio helped Amy with her hair while she carefully blocked her bikini top with her arm, Sharon held a towel to the front of herself while walking away, making sure the camera stopped just above her bikini bottoms, Provenza took it all off then stretched out on his front in the empty tub, and Mike allowed himself to be filmed removing his shirt.
"If Pope ever sees this, we might not have a job to return to," Andy laughed.
"Do you think that's possible?" Buzz asked nervously.
"And make me an enemy?" Sharon replied. "We're all safe, Buzz."
DAY SIX - FINAL DAY OF RETREAT
"Hey, did any of you look at this schedule?" Amy asked as she entered the main living space.
"No," Provenza replied, "I've been trying to avoid it. What fresh hell do they have in store for our last full day of torture."
"A dance," she said, looking exasperated.
"Like a dance dance? Something to really prove we've been at a kid's camp rather than a professional center?" Andy shook his head as he replied to Amy and passed a tea cup to Sharon.
"There's more, isn't there," Sharon said, then thanked Andy for the tea.
"Just that every team is expected to give a one minute briefing about what this week has meant to them."
Groans could be heard throughout the room.
"I hate to point out the obvious, Captain," Provenza started, stressing her title, "but as our fearless leader..."
"I know, I know... I'll think of something."
That evening the entire Major Crimes team showed up for the end of session dance, and finally met the other teams who had been attending that week. They sat through each presentation as politely as they could. Finally Andy leaned over and whispered in Sharon's ear, "Wow, I guess we really were the lone hold-outs."
"Mmm, it would appear."
After every other group had spoken, some with their entire team taking a part of the presentation, Major Crimes was called upon.
"Know what you're going to say?" Provenza hissed at her.
"No," Sharon replied as she rose to walk to the podium.
She could see the faces of the staff, anxious to hear what she was going to say, and for the first time all week she felt sorry for them. They were used to dealing with office and business staff, not police officers.
"My name is Captain Sharon Raydor of the LAPD," she began, "and I've spend this week with my team. It's been a very difficult week for us as well as the staff. Not because we don't get along, in fact we do quite well, but because the issue that face all of you are quite different than the issues that face us. I'm here with Lt. Flynn, who three years ago was attached and stabbed, almost to death. He called me to help him, and was suffering severe blood loss by the time I arrived. I'm here with Det. Sykes, who not many months ago, chased down a murder and was viciously beaten to the point of unconsciousness. I'm here with Det. Sanchez, who not only saved Det. Sykes from her attacker but also took bullets for Lt. Provenza, when he was almost shot. Lt. Provenza is here also, as are Lt. Tao and our Civilian staff, Buzz Watson, who have shown great bravery in their own right. This week has been about being a team, knowing each other and supporting each other. In our line of work, if you don't have the backing of your team, you die. This type of retreat is not designed for people like us, but having said that, I can assure you I've enjoyed spending time with my team where we didn't have to deal with murder or notify a parent they will never see their child again. Thank you."
"Sa-lute," Provenza called out as he rose, and the entire Major Crimes team stood in formation to salute their Captain. Sharon returned the salute, and walked primly back to her seat.
"You sure know how to silence a room," Andy leaned in and teased when Sharon was finally seated.
EVALUATION
Sharon and the team looked up as Chiefs Pope and Taylor entered the murder room. "Is there something we can do for you, Chiefs?" she asked politely.
"Captain, I have just spent the last hour explaining to the Mayor how a team of Sociology Ph.D's have made a mistake in their evaluation of your Division."
"Really?" Sharon attempted confusion.
"Captain, when that money was earmarked for team building, we choose the most elite team in the Department to set an example of what the LAPD was capable of doing. In return, we have received the lowest performance grade ever to be awarded by that facility."
Sharon continued to feign confusion, "Chief, the exercise, as I understand it, was to better equip this Division to work together. From my perspective, we did just that. We worked creatively as a team, we relied on each other's knowledge and experience, and we got to know each other on a personal level."
"That personal level is part of the problem, Captain," Chief Taylor's voice started to rise.
"Why should that be a problem if we did exactly what was expected of us?"
"The videos, Captain!"
"Which videos, Chief? We filmed a lot so the entire experience would be captured, just as we do any crime scene. We didn't want to miss anything."
Chief Pope raised his hand, then balled it into a fist and lowered it slowly. "This can't happen again, Captain."
The team burst into laughter as the two disgruntled Chiefs left the murder room.
Across the street, the Mayor was having coffee with some of his advisors.
"So how did your meeting go with Chief Pope and Chief Taylor?"
The Mayor started to chuckle, "Let's just say, they've finally met the real Sharon Raydor."