Abigail is anal with her shit. She makes copies of everything, she labels anything she touches, and she changes her password literally every week. Luckily, she's also forgetful, and writes little notes to remind herself.
And I take full advantage.
But they're fuckin' everywhere, so here I am in her room looking like a tool sorting through the shit on her desk. They're all so damn dull too. Birthdays, work appointments… and finally, one that looks remotely like a password. JJAb3wocKY.
Her computer buzzes and the screen fills up.
Vault 101 Personal Terminal.
-I'll know if you've been on here.-
Personal Entries
Opinions
Assignments
Notes
Boooooring Wooooork Thiiiiings
Of course, this isn't the first time I've been on here. I skip straight to her diary.
Entry 466
Medical Nurse Abigail was on duty again. Not that I mind. I understand more about medicine that I do about maintenance. But it's not okay when I have to be polite to Wally Mack. He damn well knew I had to be too. But it'll only be me that gets reprimanded for cussing, so, as usual, I had to let it slide. Though I suppose I should be thankful, it was only for five minutes.
But poor Dad, he had to look the bastard over. And that'll be me someday. Yaaaay.
I'll give Wally some ipecac. Tell him it'll grow his tiny penis or some shit.
Entry 467
I went down to my gun range with Amata. She's still not sold on it. She's just constantly waving me off, saying she'll never need to use a gun.
This is not true. And I've told her this over and over, I'm like a damn record at this point.
Sure, nothing ever happens in the Vault, but shooting is relaxing. It's a stress release and she knows she can do with less of that. It only gets better if I imagine that the targets are the Tunnel Snakes.
It's just an endless folder of nothing new. Nearly everyone hated Wally, not like it mattered to him, and Amata couldn't hurt a fly or shoot a target if her life depended on it. And Abby's little rabbit hole ain't secret either. I found it years ago. I've even used her gun a couple of times.
She's just babbling about the same old shit on here. This shitty old computer is supposed to be her mind and there's nothing new. And not even any mention of me. Surely I, as the bane of her pitiful existence, deserve a mention?
So I backtrack to the main screen and click 'Opinions'. It sounds worthwhile.
Vault 101 Personal Terminal.
-I'll know if you've been on here.-
Opinions
Nursing Job
Wally Mack
Butch DeLoria
Partners
Overseer
Freaking Tests
Bingo.
Vault 101 Personal Terminal.
-I'll know if you've been on here.-
Opinions
Butch DeLoria
Jackass.
Oh, Abby. My feelings.
Now I'm staring at the screen. There's just nothing here. What does it take to get into her head? To get a reaction? I've done everything short of getting my toothpick and-
"Butch."
Fuck if my heart didn't give out for that one second. I don't let it show though. I slowly slide off the seat to face Abigail, steaming in the doorway. How the fuck did I forget to close the door?
She's pissed, that's for sure. But maybe a charming smirk will ease the feeling of violation.
"You were on there?" she points. Her frown is just plain ugly.
I roll my eyes. "Kinda obvious that I was."
Abigail sighs, as expected. "What did you read?"
"Enough." I say. It's a broad answer. Make her guess, and make her squirm.
Her eyebrows twitches. I only barely notice. She hums, crossing her arms. "Enough?"
"Enough." I confirm. Just drop the fuckin' subject already. What does it take to make her do something? She hums again, and steps forward. I step back and hit the wall, because I'm an idiot and I let her corner me. I frown to let her know. You do not put Butch-man in a corner.
"How'd you even…?" she leads on, staring. She has a violent stare.
I laugh in her face. I pick up a bunch of her notes and wave them in the air, "Hello, Miss Forget-Me-Not?"
"Oh for!" she sighs (again), spinning on her heel. And she stands there, searching for something. It's kinda hard to see in the room, I didn't turn on the lights. Yeah, I may have forgotten the door, but what kinda sneak would I be if I went around turning lights on?
She finally finds her old baseball bat, and swings it around before facing me again. I switch on my snake smile.
"Abby, babe. You look gorgeous today. I said that earlier, yeah?"
The bat's interesting, sure. But it isn't like she's gonna use it. So I try and charm her, but she clearly ain't buying my shit. It's worked for both Christie and Susie, you can hear their panties drop a mile away, but Abby is stubborn. And she may be stubborn but I know she's thought about it. She's even dissed my 'brazen' charm on her shitty computer.
"Hah, tell me something I don't know." And she fuckin' stabs at me with the bat, just missing my chin. I almost laugh. She obviously thinks she's witty. I swat the bat out of the way. She ain't using it and it's just blocking my view. I raise my eyebrow, and she just sighs. More fucking sighs.
Resting the bat's tip to the ground, with one hand on the handle and the other on her hip, she asks me "Why won't you just leave me alone?"
She's starting to sound like Amata. I shrug.
She slams the bat onto the ground and kicks it away. "Fucking damn it, Butch!" she groans. Finally! "How many times do you have to do this? Why do you constantly invade? Why do you even bother? You know what's on my computer, you know pretty much everything. Why can't you just piss off?"
This is what I came here for. Distress, anger, reaction. Her knuckles are glowing white, and the dark of the room made her eyes look wild. She's been like this only once before.
"I find you interesting."
I mean, it isn't not true. But the main purpose of this invasion is to make her do something interesting, and be interesting while doing it.
"Ah, the Tunnel Snake's way to seduce a girl: be an absolute creep!" she quips, "I'm sure that works for the floozies, but if you haven't noticed, it's not working here."
Ouch. "Hey, I didn't say anything about seduction. But if that's what you want…"
Then she wails "Oh, will you just leave?"
And I sneer, teeth and everything. "What if I don't?"
She just stands there, stuttering like an idiot with her face bright red. When will she do something? Fuckin' anything? She's so close…
"Ya know, we didn't settle what we started before the G.O.A.T."
Abigail smiles. "There's nothing to settle, asshole. I won then, and I'll win now."
And she fuckin' sucker punches me!
This is what I want. Call me fucked up, I don't care. I get the frustrated, passive sighs all the time and that shit is old and tired. You see, the Vault is the epitome of consistency and boredom. And sometime we just need something a little different to happen in this shit hole. I need to throw the balance. I need to fuck with the system or we're gonna die of stagnation.
And her eyes are fuckin' crazy. She busted my lip, course she's proud of it. Abigail isn't afraid to fight me, she's just so stubborn that I need to rile her up a little. I raise my hand to swipe at my lip. She drew blood, damn it. So I grab at her right hand and go to say 'Good shot', but she fuckin' jabs me with her left.
Ya know, 'Stale Consistency' is pretty much the fuckin' tag line of the Vault. 'Stale Consistency' is me arguing with Vault Security for the hell of it. 'Stale Consistency' is me fuckin' Susie or Christie because there ain't anyone else to do. 'Stale Consistency' is the banal life of Butch.
And Abigail is the wrench in the works. No one's bothered with her. Except the Overseer for what I'm sure is a fuckin' perverted reason. Despite being in here all this damn time she's still… new. If that makes sense. I do know a couple of things, though. I know she's smart, but she's a smartass. I know she's annoying, but it's tolerable. And she's got a spine, that's for sure.
So I knee Abigail in the stomach. There's no need to go soft, she can take it. She gasps and doubles over, stumbling back to distance herself. She's carrying on, tryin' to breathe so I take my time to waltz into the centre of the room. And she realises what I'm doing so she gets herself into a defensive stance. I brace myself.
See, this is the great part about fighting Abigail. I have no fuckin' clue what's going to happen next. I don't know what to expect, and I've only fought her like, once before. Even fighting gets boring when you know exactly what your victim's gonna do. I know exactly how Wally fights, he's a fuckin' brick. Paul skitters around like a damn radroach. Freddie just cowers in a corner like the fuckin' bitch he is. Predictable and so utterly consistent.
And I can't help but admire what she does next. She uses her leg to reach behind her and kicks the baseball bat out the room, making a huge racket. I'm distracted for the slightest second and she runs full speed into me, elbow first. Look, she ain't the lightest girl in the Vault, and fuck if I didn't feel it. She slams me into the ground, and her hair is just everywhere so I'm spluttering as she tries to jump back up.
I know the expression 'red hot fury' had to come from somewhere, but it never clicked for me until I was feeling heat practically pouring off her and seeing her flushed cheeks. Sure, I'm probably looking the same way right now, but it's satisfying just to see her so engaged.
Abby scrambles up, trying to pin me down but I'm able to shove her off easily. She tries crawling away but I dive to squash her, knocking the wind out of her and leaving me free to show her how to pin someone down successfully. I lean my shins on her thighs and held her by the wrists. It was a pretty provocative position, and she knew it.
So I giggle. Yeah I fuckin' giggle. She didn't hear, thankfully. She was too distracted tryin' to breathe again and pull out of my grasp. Honestly it just made to moment sweeter.
"Aw, don't be like that!" I tutted, leaning in. Her stare is like a fuckin' laser. "I can make the boo boos better, Nosebleed." She turns away, and I lean in closer to whisper in her ear "Let's be lovers, not fighters."
She turns looks at me. And she bites my nose.
"Fuck!" I reel backwards, grasping my nose, there's blood! And stupidly I left her arm free so she's tryin' to rip my hair out. It feels like my nose is going to rip off too.
"Really? You fuckin' bite my face and then you go for my hair?"
She giggles maniacally, obviously happy with herself. So I grab thick clumps of her hair, see how she likes it! I pull back, cutting her laughter and now because I've let her hands free, she slaps me, getting my eye.
Fuckin' Abby.
So I recoil, what else do you do when someone slaps you so hard you start tearing up? And I realise that I'm a jackass because she now has enough leverage to shove me off. And she shoves me hard. I go backwards and just miss cracking my head on the bedframe. My legs are all twisted and she's not helping by stomping all over them.
"My turn!" she huffs, fuckin' dropping onto me. Now I'm the one lookin' like a fish tryin' to breathe.
"How'd you get even fatter?" I cough. Yeah, it's a cheap insult but do I really care right now? I whack at her chest, tryin' to shake her clammy hands off, but she's holding on like she's on a mechanical bull. She chokes as I got a hand free anyway and got her in the mouth. I wrestle the other hand away as she spits blood on my jacket. Fuck, when did it get torn?
And then, we hear the familiar, dreary phrase that signals the end of all fun and excitement down here.
"I am Vault Security, stop what you are doing immediately!"
I sigh. Back to stale consistency.