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Disclaim: i do not own White Collar. Jeff Eastin says to help save it email USA Network to get a season 2 going! Go now ...after you read and review this of course:) This is my first attempt in the White Collar Universe so be gentle. Will contain implied spoilers from episode Free Fall. Italics are character's thoughts.

Neal shoved his hands deeper into his Devour as he trudged slowly down the street. The hat did little to block out the shocking winds tearing through his curled locks, leaving superficial tears pooling in his blue eyes. He sighed. It was a weary sigh, one forged from a lifetime of trouble mostly by his own doing, but never without a reason. He realized that this constant game with himself and the world was wearing thin. Before he knew it, he had wandered to the flashing lights of a local bar not far from his mansion. He paused briefly admiring the irony of a seedy world hidden within such luxury. He wondered if he was about to do the right thing, but realized that he must have made up his mind when he found himself warm and cozy inside a very noisy environment. Maybe one night would be OK to forget who he was, one night to let go and relax and whatever may come may come......

Peter grunted and shifted in the hard kitchen chair staring at the information before him. Damn Kate.... He wished this was all past him, past them, maybe then he wouldn't feel like such a heel lying to Neal....well not lying but certainly withholding evidence. He picked up his coffee cup and took a sip when he heard a loud knock on his door. Peter gathered the papers together and glanced around for a hiding spot. Even El didn't know about this.... When he was certain he was safe, he ran his hands along his pants and went to see who it could be at nearly 11 in the evening.

Peter opened the door and saw to no surprise that it was Neal.

"Hi, Peter."

Peter took a moment to take in the young convict. His hair was rumpled as if he had been mauled by a few hungry bears, but he took note that there was no love marks on his neck which knowing Neal meant a bit of flirting with no reward. Peter also found himself taking a step back from the stench his young friend was drowning in.

"God, Neal did you bathe in the stuff or what?"

Neal looked chagrined.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to let you down, Peter. " Peter's eyes narrowed at the guilty expression on Neal's face when he saw that Neal suddenly found the idea of standing straight to be a bit too difficult. He began to wobble as Peter caught hold of his arm.

"Easy. " Peter looked into Neal's red rimmed eyes.

"Why are you drunk? I don't think I've ever seen you drunk."

Neal grinned. "Can't follow me all the time Peter."

Peter shook his heading agreeing to disagree.

"Yeah, but I know almost everything about you. You don't drink to excess because it goes against the confidence game." He paused waiting for Neal's reaction.

Neal dropped his head.

"Am I coming at a bad time... I mean I don't wan to interrupt..."

Peter rolled his eyes helping Neal into the house.

"El's not here." More under his breath, "You're even polite when you're drunk off your ass."

Neal found a smile for that remark.

It seemed like hours and maybe it was, two men sitting in silence. Neal looking like he was trying to not to vomit on his fancy shoes and stay awake and Peter going over files which weren't about Kate. Neal begin the unconscious motion of rocking back and forth trying to contain excess energy even while keeping the world stable. Finally when one movement too many crosssed Peter's eye he realized he had had enough.

"Alright, that's enough, " he vowed wagging his finger into wide blue eyes "I am about to break my own cardinal rule for you and try ...talking." He threw his hands in the air. " Why are you here? Is it Kate?"

He internally winced at her name and saw that Neal did too but for very different reasons.

"No. Not this time."

Peter who had been leaning forward in his charge's personal space took a step back and pondered the whispered statement. Neal wasn't thinking about Kate for once? Well, wonders never cease...

He didn't realize he must have said that part out loud because the look of hurt that shone from Neal's eyes was even getting to Peter.

Neal ran a careful hand through his hair smoothing it out looking and feeling a bit more presentable as he attempted to stand . He wobbled a bit but refused Peter's hand.

"I knew...knew I shouldn't have come here..."

Peter 's eyes softened.

"Hey, I didn't mean it."

Neal stopped turning to Peter.

"You want to know why I got drunk tonight? I'm tired Peter. I'm tired of the world being the way it is. I'm tired of wondering if Kate's OK or not. I'm tired of being ...me. This life. What life? I think..."

He barely got he words out before he dashed toward the front door and puked into the bushes. He dropped to his knees hands at his sides, heaving, pale and vulnerable.

Peter took in the sight. Neal didn't do vulnerable except when running a con. From the tell tale signs, this was no con.

Peter bent down to take Neal's arm and help him up.

"Come on. " he said hedging toward the warm living room. " I'll get you some tea"

What do you think? Should I continue? If so, more angst to come! Please review!