A/N: Ah yes, it's that time again. It's time for another crackish story! I got this idea from late at night when I was watching anime and heard them mention the red string of fate. So I looked it up, and then this idea immediately hit me! And so, without further ado, the disclaimer!
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, that red string would've tied these two up a LONG time ago.
A young blond could be seen sitting at a laptop, blue eyes reading over the manga page in front of him. He sighed, turning off the laptop and closing it.
"Man Shippuuden sucks. Barely any moments of me showing everyone how cool and kick ass I've become. And the moment I am shown as kick ass, someone has to go and ruin it for me!" Naruto said, putting the laptop back where he found it. He still hadn't forgotten about the last time GG had found him on her computer. He shuddered inwardly at the memory, and stood up from where he was sitting. As he stretched, he heard an odd noise coming from somewhere near him.
"Wonder what that is?" he thought, walking towards the noise. He then saw that a girl with brown hair was sneaking around the hall, holding some red string and furiously humming the tune to Mission Impossible. He walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped at this, startling both him and her.
"I'm innocent I tell ya! Innocent! Oh hi Naruto." She said, finally noticing who tapped her.
"Uh, hi GG. What're you doing?" he asked, eyeing the string suspiciously. She followed his gaze to the string.
"Oh this? Well, I was watching Green Green one day, and they mentioned the red string of fate. So I looked it up, and it said that lovers that were meant to be would have the red string of fate tied around their pinkies."
"So you decided to go and buy some red string to try and prove that Sasuke and Sakura-chan are meant to be together?" Naruto asked her, knowing about what the legend said. It said that when lovers who are meant for each other have the string tied around them, the string can never be broken, but can be tangled and stretched.
"Yep! And before you say anything about this string, know this: I bought it from a very special place, and the dude said that this is 100% authentic!" GG said, shoving the string in his face. He backed up a few inches, so that the string was not totally in his face.
"Uh, okay. You want any help?" he asked her. She looked at him, a questioning look in her eyes.
"But, don't you like Sakura? Why would you want to help me?" she asked him. He shrugged his shoulders.
"Eh, I guess it's because I can see that he likes her too, no matter how much he denies it. So it's pretty much a lost cause for me I guess." He said sincerely. She put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Don't worry Naruto, you've always got Hinata!" She said in a cheerful tone. He smiled back at her.
"You're right! Now let's go prove that theory!" He said. She nodded, and together they went off to find the two. They soon came to the living room, where Sasuke could be seen lying on the couch and Sakura was reading a book.
"Okay, when I give the word, we go at them. Got it?" GG asked him. He nodded, showing that he understood. "Okay then. Ready?"
"Ready."
"Set?"
"Set."
"POUNCE!!" And with that, the two jumped onto them, GG taking Sasuke while Naruto took Sakura.
"What the hell?!"
"Naruto! Get the freaking hell off me!"
"I've got it tied around her finger!"
"I've almost got it to-LET ME TIE IT DAMN IT!!"
"Ow! Bitch that hurt!"
"Oh you did NOT just call me a bitch!"
"GG! Don't strangle him with the string! We have to tie it, remember?"
"Screw that! That duck butt bastard called me a bitch!"
"Can't….breathe…."
"Kill him later! We have to prove your theory, remember?"
"Oh yeah, that's right." She said, getting off him. He gasped for air as soon as she was off him.
"What the hell was that for?!" he shouted at the two. They smiled innocently, yet at the same time held an evil behind them as they pointed at his pinkie. He looked at his pinkie and saw that a red string was tied around it. He followed the string until he saw that the other end was tied to Sakura's pinkie, who was also looking at the end tied on his pinkie. He then went and glared at GG and Naruto, both of whom were whistling innocently. "GG, why is there string tied around our pinkies?" he asked her as calmly as he could. She stopped her whistling and gave him the most innocent look she could muster before starting her explanation.
"Well, I read about this one Japanese legend that says that if two lovers are meant to be with each other, then they would have the red string of fate tied around their pinkies, and that string will stretch and tangle, but never break. So, I went and bought some from this dude at a store." She said. He looked at her like she was insane, which he was frankly considering to be a possibility.
"So you thought that some store bought string would prove that we're meant for each other?" he asked her. She nodded her head happily. "Hn. Well then, I guess I'll just have to prove you wrong by breaking it." He pulled out a kunai and placed it above the string. He then brought it down to cut it, only for it to not be able to even go through it.
"What?" he thought. He brought it down again, producing the same results. "Why won't this break?!" he thought. He brought it down again and again, each time being faster than the other. "Break! Break! Break! Break break break break break break break break break break break break break BREAK!" he thought, bringing it down a final time with all his strength. The string was still whole, without even a thread out of place. He sighed, and began to perform the hand signs for the Phoenix Flower Jutsu. Before he could though, GG had promptly smacked him upside the head, causing him to fall forward.
"What the hell are you doing?!" she yelled at him as he rubbed where she hit him.
"I was going to burn the stupid string." He said, holding up the string as emphasis. She whacked him upside the head again as soon as the sentence left his mouth.
"No fire in the house! Besides, if a kunai couldn't cut through that string, what makes you think fire will do anything? Face it, you two are meant to be, so just screw each other and get over it." She shouted. Sakura blushed at this, seeing as how she was still in love with him.
"Well, could you tell us exactly where you got this string?" Sakura asked her, a blush still somewhat on her face, though not as noticeable as before.
"Oh sure Sakura! Let's see….I went down to this Chinese store where there was this old guy behind the counter named Yuelao. He asked me if I was looking for anything special, and then suggested the string to me. So I bought it, and then this happened!" she finished off by gesturing at the two being tied to each other.
"You do know that Yuelao is the name of the matchmaker god who is in charge of all this, right?" Sakura asked her. GG's face held a blank expression when she heard this.
"Really? Huh, it is true when they say you learn something new every day." She said, proud that she learned something new about another country. Sakura sighed, knowing that she was a lost cause when it came to talking sensibly.
"Tell us where this store is." Sasuke said glaring at her with every ounce of anger he had. She didn't seem to notice, and continued to annoy him.
"Hm….Don't remember," She said. He gritted his teeth, knowing full well that she knew where it was.
"GG…" he growled, wanting to very badly hurt her in every known way. She cocked her head to the side and gave him another innocent look, still pretending to not know what he was talking about.
"Well, if you really want to go, I guess I could take you there." She said, seeming to contemplate over it. Sasuke smirked in victory, or at least was before the next words came out of her mouth. "But if I do, then you have to dress up as a maid and be my servant until I decide to post the newest chaptered fic." She said. He gaped at her while Naruto laughed as hard as was humanely possible.
"No freaking way." He said, not wanting her to take possible pictures and post them where others could see.
"Fine then. Guess you'll never get to see that place then." She said, and began to walk off.
"Wait," he said. She paused in her walking and turned to look at him.
"Yes?" she inquired innocently. He sighed, not believing that he was about to do this.
"I'll do it as long as you don't take pictures." He said quietly. She grinned evilly when she heard that.
"Good! Now, to the store!" she said, and soon they were off.
"So this is where you got it from?" Sasuke asked her. She nodded her head.
"Yep, this is the place!" she said. He looked at it again. It was a small store with little knick-knacks in the windows and different sale flyers on them too. He honestly didn't think that a place like this would sell stuff like red string, but then again, one shouldn't be fooled by what one sees.
"So I guess we go in now?" Sakura asked her.
"Correction: You two go in while me and Naruto go and get a taco." She said, enjoying their reactions.
"What?!" they shouted at her.
"You heard me! Now in ya go!" she said, and pushed them in while Naruto held open the door. As soon as they were in, Naruto let go of the door and GG brushed her hands together. "Come on Naruto. Let's go get those tacos!"
The two stood in the store, both more than a little pissed that they were abandoned for tacos.
"So what do we do now?" Sakura asked Sasuke.
"We go and look for Yuelao and ask him how to get rid of this string." He said coolly, beginning to walk into the store. Sakura quickly followed after him, not wanting to be left at the door. As they walked further into the store, it became dimmer and creepier, with the items going from happy little knick-knacks to ancient looking relics. Sakura unconsciously moved closer to Sasuke, being a little creeped out by the items and the lighting of the store. Sasuke noticed this, and decided to just let it go for now, since even he had to admit that the store was getting a bit scary.
"May I help you?" Came a voice from behind them. They turned around and saw an old man with a long white beard looking down at them. They jumped back in surprise, since they really weren't expecting someone to be there. The old man chuckled as he shuffled past them. "I'm sorry, did I scare you?" he asked, still chuckling.
"Hn. No." Sasuke said, though his heart rate was a bit above normal. This only caused the man to go out into full out laughter.
"Then how come you moved your little girlfriend behind you and got into a defensive position when you saw me? Or do you do that to all old men?" he asked him. Sasuke then realized that he had moved Sakura behind him, and that she was grasping his shoulders gently but firmly. He shook her hands off and straightened up.
"Just tell us; are you Yuelao?" he asked, turning to face him. The old man nodded his head at the question.
"That would be correct. I am Yuelao, and from that string tied around your fingers, I can tell that you two are the ones that that one girl mentioned when she came in here." He said to them. Sasuke glared at him while thinking of ways to get back at GG for doing all this. The old man chuckled again as he looked at Sasuke. "I can tell that from the expression on your face that you and she are not on good terms." He said.
"You could say that." He told him, considering the fact that she hated him as much as he hated fangirls.
"Ah, I see. So, I'm guessing that you two want to know how to get the string off your fingers, huh?" he asked them. They nodded, showing him that this was correct. "Well, I hate to tell you this, but there is no way that that string can be broken."
"There has to be some way to remove it." Sakura said, though she already knew that he'd probably say that there was still no way. He stood in thoughtful silence for a while before finally answering her.
"Well, there is one possible way, but it has never been found. To break this string, you must find a substance that is as fiery and pure as your love. However, that doesn't mean that the real string of fate will disappear. The only one that will disappear is the physical one, which is the one that you can see right now." He explained to them. They nodded, showing that they understood.
"Thank you for the information Yuelao." Sakura said. Sasuke began to walk out of the store, Sakura right behind him. Yuelao smiled when he heard the two exit the store.
"Ah, to be young and in denial about true love." He said, beginning to wander through his store again.
"How the hell are we supposed to know what is as fiery and as pure as our love?!" Sakura shouted as soon as they were out the door. Sasuke shrugged, but was wondering the same thing when he heard Naruto and GG coming up, two tacos in hand.
"Hey guys! So, what'd ya find out?" GG asked, taking a bite into her taco.
"We found out that we need to find something as fiery and pure as our love to break this string, but we don't really know what that would be." Sakura explained. GG chewed as she silently thought over this.
"Well, I guess you two will always be tied together than. Oh well. Taco?" She asked, holding out the rest of her taco. They shook their heads, not really in the mood to eat. "Oh well. More for me than!" she said, happily biting into it.
"I don't see how you can eat that without sauce GG. It's just not natural!" Naruto said, holding up an open packet of taco sauce. A drop of sauce flew from the opening and landed on the string. Suddenly, the string began to sizzle and burn away, until the two of them were no longer tied together.
"It….it broke…" Sakura said, staring at the gap from where the string had burned away.
"NO!! NARUTO YOU IDIOT, YOU RUINED MY PLANS!!" GG said, and thus began to pummel the poor blond into oblivion. Sasuke took his end of the string into his hands and examined the burnt edge.
"Naruto, let me see that packet," Sasuke said, holding out his hand. Naruto obliged willingly while still being pummeled. He examined it closely and carefully, trying to find out what made it burn away. Sakura looked over his shoulder, curious about how it happened.
"What's it say?" she asked him. He then began to read the label aloud.
"Atatakai Sauce. Made from 100% naturally grown Bhut Jolokia peppers, the world's hottest peppers! Warning: Is extremely hot. Keep away from small children and handle with care," He said, reading right from the label. Sakura read the label with him, and reached for her own burnt end of string.
"That's the lamest gimmick I've ever se-ow!" She cried, jerking her hand away from the string. Sasuke immediately stopped examining the label and turned his attention to her.
"What happened?" he asked, wondering what she could've done in the time span of three seconds to hurt herself.
"Damn sauce burnt my finger! Heh, guess it's not a gimmick, huh Sasuke-kun?" she said, examining her own finger. He turned away from her, not really caring now that he knew it was something as simple as a burn.
"Guess not," He said, and then began to walk over to try and save Naruto from an untimely death. However, he was stopped when he heard Sakura's voice.
"Um….Sasuke-kun?" she asked timidly. He sighed and turned back around.
"What is it?" he asked in an extremely bored tone of voice. She was blushing pink, and was avoiding eye contact with him.
"Well, I was wondering, if you'd uh...well you know….um…." she stuttered, trying to and failing to word out her request without sounding idiotic. He sighed and moved closer to her, forcing her to look at him straight in the eye.
"Tell me what it is Sakura," he said coolly, really wanting to get out of here. She nodded, and decided to just say it.
"I was wondering if you could, k-kiss it and make it feel better?" she asked him. He sighed and turned away from her, a frown and microscopic blush on his face.
"No," he said, ready to just walk away. Sakura hung her head, a disappointed "oh" coming from her. Unfortunately for him though, GG just happened to hear him while taking care of Naruto.
"Oi! You better do it, else I'm gonna kick your ass next!" she said, kicking Naruto's rear end so hard that he went flying and landed almost next to them, signaling that she was done with his beating.
"Ugh….she's got a worse temper than Grandma Tsunade…." He mumbled, too out of it to say anything else. Sasuke smirked at the blond's suffering and then realized that he was going to soon be the next target. He sighed and turned back around to face Sakura, taking her hand and placing her burnt finger to his lips in a short little kiss. He smirked as he saw her face turn five different shades of pink in less than two seconds, and decided to see if he could make it worse. He then gently licked the burnt, the tip of his tongue just flicking her finger, before finally releasing her hand. His smirk grew even wider when he saw that her face had turned about twenty different shades of red after he had licked her.
"Now why can't you two be more like this all the time?" GG asked out loud, not really caring who heard. "What with the licking, blushing, getting pushed into awkward situations by totally awesome friends, and then ending it all with a good beating of one of said totally awesome friends." She said, eyeing Naruto, who was still on the ground.
"Hn. Since when have you been totally awesome?" Sasuke asked, wondering how the hell she thought that she and Naruto were awesome.
"Since forever! I'll bet I've got more people liking me then you'll ever have in a lifetime!" she said, hands on her hips. "And fangirls don't count, Mr. God-I'm-so-popular-for-no-freaking-reason." She said, knowing that he'd probably use that against her.
"Hn. Like I'd count those pests." He said, and began to walk off towards her home. After a defiant humph, GG began to lead the way back to her home.
"Oi Sakura! Get the moron up so that we can get home already!" GG called back to her. Sakura snapped out of her little trance and picked Naruto up and began to run towards them, a blush still visible on her face.
"Oh Chicken ass!" GG called, ringing a little bell. Sasuke stepped into the room, wearing a full maid outfit, complete with white frilly apron and headdress.
"Yes Mistress?" he spat, gritting his teeth all the while. She held out an empty glass to him, indicating that she wanted him to take it.
"Could you be a dear and refill my glass for me?" she asked sweetly. Sasuke snatched the glass from her and began to walk away, when she spoke again. "Oh, and could you also read over a lemon scene I wrote? I don't want to mentally scar any of my lovely readers."
Sasuke stared at her in shock. "No way in hell will I read what that thing you call a mind came up with." He said, walking away again.
"Ah ah ah, you agreed to be my servant, meaning you follow all and any of my commands. So get reading," she said in a sing song voice, adding the last part harshly. He sighed, gritting his teeth and turning back around.
"Of course Mistress," he said forcefully. He picked up her notebook and began to read the scene. Within the time span of about a minute, he already had a furious blush and was completely lost in it, making him unaware of the flash of a camera. Naruto chuckled as he saw a picture of a blushing Sasuke in a maid's uniform on the digital camera displayed before him.
"This is so going on the internet." Naruto whispered, and went off to go and release it to the hordes of fans around the world.
A/N: And yes, I honestly think that Naruto hasn't gotten enough attention in the manga. I mean, he's only had one major battle where we get to see how super awesome he's become, and now he's forced to listen to Pein's life story while having a metal rod stabbed through both of his hands. And when you compare that to all the attention chicken ass is receiving, you must agree with me. The dude had a whole freaking arc dedicated to him and how he grew more like a Mary Sue! While poor Naruto is working his ass off to bring the guy home! But, I rant away from what I was supposed to be saying. Leave a review, and you'll get your very own packet of taco sauce! Because honestly, if I do THIS with the red string of fate, I can only imagine what the rest of you shall do.(imagines) Actually, that might not be a bad thing. Oh well, it's already typed and set in stone! Well, until next time, JAA MATA!!