"If I could melt myself like ice"
by scout
7 years have passed since the defeat of Ultimecia.
Everyone went their desired separate ways.
Laguna gives up his life and rests in the quiet town of Winhill.
.....just read it, okay?
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-this story is dedicated to my favorite characters in ff8: laguna, raine, ellone and seifer.
-i wrote this out of boredom.
-a little warning for little kids....there's a BIT swearing here...like the "f" word.. bladibla (wrote this in the last minute..hehe), and there are a lot of mature stuff going on here...so this fic is rated....um...TEEN +16
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if i could melt myself like ice
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(+
The warm, cloudy weather set a sad mood for Laguna Loire one July Monday afternoon. The house was stuffed with piles of paper and old furniture, it became too dirty for him to live in. Memories of people who used to come by to greet him 'good morning' altogether made him happy and sad. Beads of sweat ran down from his head to his chin.
Oh, look how old I've become. He looked into the mirror and suddenly felt worried at the sight of a strand of gray hair he pulled out on his hair brush. He touched the hard wrinkles on his face. So many years have passed since that unforgettable night out in the field..
He closed his eyes and turned on the warm water to wash off his tears. Through the black wall appeared Raine's face, mouthing something he couldn't make out. He kept yelling to her to speak with her voice. What are you saying? Raine closed her eyes and her face slowly disappeared. He opened his eyes. I can't even remember her voice! He turned off the faucet and dabbed his face with a hand towel.
"Uncle Laguna?"
(+
A lovely, familiar voice and the hard clonk of a pair of heavy platform shoes suddenly strained his ears.
"Elle!" He smiled and walked out of the bathroom with the towel covering his lips. "What a surprise! It's been almost three months! And you brought some food!"
"You left the door wide open.."
"Well, it's really hot in here. So what could possibly lure you to my home, sweetheart?" Laguna scratched his head.
"I don't know, really. I just flew off with my plane and ended up here. Well, I drank a little alcohol and I got scared. Actually, I felt that I just had to see you or at least hear your voice....." Ellone's beautiful face and alluring voice illuminated his dark mood. She put a bag of food on a table. "How are you doing? You must feel like shit having no one around here."
"It's really good to hear your voice again..." Laguna held her jaws with both hands. "Have I told you lately that you look gorgeous? Just like Raine was?"
"Lagunaa." Ellone noticed his voice drying up like he was aging fast. "You need some rest. I'll make something for you to eat."
She slowly pulled away and gave him a peck on the cheek.
"Have you heard from Squall?" He asked.
"Nope. I haven't heard from him in weeks. I guess he's busy, well, running a garden and all --- not to mention helping a bunch of teens, organizing the classes, putting kids in detention, being bossed around by Mr. Kramer.....you know." She snorted, chopping the carrots.
"Oh. Yeah...well." He scratched his head and smiled.
(+
Lying in his bed, he stuck out his left hand and stared at that special ring. I still have it, darling. I haven't taken it off ever since. My dead skin is probably trapped in it. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. At least come to me in a dream. I want to hear your voice. Right now, I feel like I want to die soon. Just to hear your voice again. Just to touch you...----
"Laguna." Ellone came into the room with a bowl of vegetable soup which scent spread around the small house. "I can tell that you haven't been talking to a soul for a long time."
"You can also say that I've aged terribly into a very lonely old fart." He laughed.
"Oh, Laguna!" She tilted her head and rolled her eyes, smiling. "You're not that old, yet."
"Oh, ya? What explains the gray hair? And the million calluses on my hands?" He said.
"Hah! People your age have those, too. Just don't panic. At least you never grew a pot belly. You never changed since you were in your 20's! And I must say, you have a very fit body for your age." She giggled.
Instead of responding to her compliment, Laguna looked up the ceiling and wrinkled his eyebrows.
It became quiet for a while. Laguna sat up on his bed, bowed his head and rubbed his hair. "Why must I be afraid about my aging when I already know that everyone and everything must die anyway..."
Ellone sat next to him and put the bowl of soup on her lap. "Don't be so negative."
Laguna smiled at her and Ellone rested her head on his shoulder.
(+
Quitting journalism and Esthar had good reasons that he wants to keep to himself. The last article he wrote was for Balamb Times. It was an obituary for Kiros and Ward. They both died honorable deaths trying to clear out Winhill, their beloved home town, of monsters. An unknown creature caused their deaths and fortunately managed to defeat it. It was the last of the monsters that lurked around Winhill. Winhill is safe thanks to them.
They were his best friends and only companions. He was never alone then. I told them. They were too damn old for that damn job., he thought as he read the obituary for the hundredth time.
"Dinner's ready!" Ellone came into the room with her arms crossed, wearing a tacky apron. Laguna raised his eye brows and nodded.
(+
"...remember the time when Squall and Quisty were picked at a game of truth or dare? That was hilarious!" Ellone giggled with her mouth full. "Then they were dared to go to Mr. Cid in their underwear? And I can't believe Quisty accepted the dare! Squall just went topless, hehe. How boring of him!"
"Yeah." Laguna gave his tea a sip. "It's good that Squall has friends like you. Selphie, Irvinne, Zell...all of you really helped his silly anti-social attitude."
Ellone smiled and fiddled with her fork, looking at it.
"I feel like I am officially his big sister." She smiled. "He does, too, anyway. We did a lot of stuff together when we were reunited..after so many years. After that crazy bitch, Ultimecia finally died, he showed me around the Ragnarok, you know? He even gave me a lift back at the orphanage and even let me pilot the ship! He was so happy. That was probably the first time I ever saw him act so...NICE! He was really nice. It was really freaky at first. That was almost...seven, eight years ago.. I don't know---"
Rrrriiinnnggg! The phone rang. Laguna suddenly felt more awake.
"I'll go get it." Ellone wiped her mouth with a napkin and ran to the phone. She clumsily wore the head set connected to the phone. "He-hello, Loire residence, Ellone speaking." She winked at Laguna, fixing the microphone to her lips.
"....pardon me?....Oh my gosh! Squall! Hello!" Laguna raised an eyebrow when she said 'Squall'.
"Sis?! Wow! It's really you! What are you doing there?" Squall yelled will enthusiasm from the other line.
"Just hangin'. We are having our dinner right now. We were just talking about how we missed you and about.....! It's....it's like some special day for your dear old dad! Wanna speak to him or something?"
"Is he still eating?"
Laguna stood up. "Squall is on the phone?"
Ellone fiddled with her nails. "He's done now. You can speak to him."
"Please."
Ellone handed Laguna the head set.
"Hello, son."
"D-dad! Hello! How have you been? What's sis doing there?" Squall's voice beamed from the other line.
"Oh, she came here for a visit. She just arrived this afternoon, which was quite a wonderful surprise."
"Yeah, mysterious, too, huh? First sis comes back to visit.. then I call you on the phone. And both at the same day."
"Mm-hm. So what's on your mind?"
"Nah. I just called to know how you were doing. So how's the quiet life in Winhill?"
"Utterly boring. So, hey, congratulations. How's life being the new vice headmaster of Balamb Garden?"
"It's kinda fun, actually. The exact opposite of what I thought. Headmaster Cid isn't that bad to be with, anyway. I'm just glad that he's still alive." Squall laughed.
"That's good.... So? Um. At least.. um...well, Guess there's not much fighting as before, huh?"
"Ahh. The good ol' Ultimecia days. Yes. It's good that there are less monsters wandering around here...yeah, Time flies rapidly."
"Mm-hm."
"Dad...why'd you retire?"
"Mm?"
"...wha? Uh, hold on a sec, dad.....what was that? No no no no! I didn't want that..s---"
Laguna rubbed the only ring he wore as he listened to his son scolding someone from the other line.
"Dad...I gotta go. Something's come up. Sorry. Talk to yah later."
"Okay. G'bye. Come over sometime."
"Sure. I will soon."
(+
Laguna and Ellone ran to the field to see Raine's grave like they always did. Ellone had a red rose on one hand and the other held Laguna's hand. Ellone knelt by Raine's grave, still holding his hand, and put the red rose over the place where her name was carved. Ellone bowed her head. Sad tears ran down her cheek. Laguna wiped them away with his thumb, then Ellone let out a loud cry and put her arms around her dear friend. Laguna nestled her head on his shoulder and stroked her back.
They layed on the grass, their bodies side by side facing opposite ways, and looked at the stars. Laguna put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. Raine...
(+
Laguna felt like he was ten years younger when he saw Ellone after a long time.
He somehow looked at her differently last night. The same girl he treated as if she were his daughter. The same girl he always watched over and loved all his life. She seemed to be more mature and taller, which made him tremble. He didn't like the idea of respecting her growing into a woman. He didn't like the idea of her having any lovers or her own apartment. Just like all fathers. But she's already in her late twenties. How can I still treat her that way. How can I treat her like....I'm falling for her? He was confused and unsure.
(+
Laguna rubbed his eyes. He saw that the sun finally rose after weeks of humid and dark weather. He blinked hard at the blinding sun and suddenly heard the front door slam shut and running footsteps. He picked up a small folded note leaning by the lamp. He opened the note:
Sorry, I had to leave early.
And I left some lasagna for you in the oven.
It was very nice to see you again after so many months.
I will never forget last night, when we looked at the stars together.
I hope to see you again, but in a very long time. I'm so sorry.
Take care.
Love forever, Ellone
Laguna closed his eyes and tears flowed down his cheek as he crumpled the small note and threw it into the trash can.
(+
Two weeks have passed since her last visit. He hasn't been speaking to people very often in that quiet, old town. His lips were getting dry and useless day by day. Suddenly, that afternoon, there came a knock on the door.
(+
"H-hello!" Laguna's eyes widened with his mouth open.
Selphie Tilmitt, Zell Dincht and Rinoa Heartilly stood casually by the door. Angelo, on a brown leash with his name beautifully printed, was wrapped around Rinoa's feet.
Rinoa walked to Laguna and hugged him. "We missed you!"
"Nice to see you, too, big guy!" Zell put his right arm around Selphie.
(+
He knew what she was when he entered the room.
Laguna was impressed at Rinoa's amazing talent in playing the piano. She lightened up the room as she played his old piano that hasn't been used for years. "It's called 'Paper bag'. I wrote it when I moved to Esthar." She said proudly as she played the piece. "You know, this piano should be used more often. It's getting out of tune. Do you play, sir?"
"I never knew you were a musician." Laguna said, without taking his eyes off her fingers.
Rinoa closed her eyes and continued playing even louder. She sang along with the music with wonderful but short lyrics. He then got hooked.
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
Cause I know I'm a mess he don't want to clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works
When it costs too much to love...
Laguna examined the movement of her long, thin fingers as they gently touched the keys. The amazing piece she played made him tremble. It made him think, why didn't he know about this talent? How much of a genius is she.. able to compose such a complicated piece?
Rinoa ended her piece with an impressively. She opened her eyes and smiled at Laguna. He applauded her happily. "You have all the qualities of a professional singer. You have a gift. Memorization, excellent on keyboards, and you have a very beautiful voice."
Rinoa gave him an overwhelming smile. "Yes. But I don't get much support from anyone...and I'm too shy to sing to the public."
Laguna stared at her fingers as she waited for a sorrowful reply. Then he finally spoke. "Well, now. That's a big problem. You can never be a singer if you're not confident. But I remember you being an outgoing young lady when you were a teen."
"You're right. This shyness isn't going to get me anywhere. It's just really hard..."
"You know, you do have support. A lot. I'm here. So is Zell, Selphie, Irvinne, Elle, Quistis...everybody."
Rinoa nodded and looked at the rusty piano. Then she started playing the scale. "This piece I am about to play is called 'Eyes on me'. Tell me what you see as I play."
"Huh?" He scratched his head.
She closed her eyes tight and started playing. It was a happy piece.
Laguna watched her fingers again. Wonderful.
Suddenly, he saw something very strange. It was Rinoa slowly morphing into Raine, still playing the piano. It was a scary sight. His eyes widened. He was speechless. He walked behind the piano to see her face, to make sure his eyes didn't decieve him. Her eyes were closed. "Raine?" She was still wearing that lovely turtleneck. And that simple headband he gave her for her birthday, and of course, the wedding ring on her finger.
She lifted her head. Her eyes slowly opened. She smiled and said "Give Ellone a descent kiss for me, will ya?"
The nostalgic feel of the music made the scene even scarier.
He blinked his eyes and quickly said, "Raine? Is that really you?"
Raine closed her eyes and frowned. Then she slowly morphed back to Rinoa.
Rinoa stopped playing then opened her eyes. "What did you see? I thought I heard you say Raine's name."
He was stunned. He didn't know what to say but "What just happened, Rin?"
"I don't know really. I wrote this piece just like everyone else. Then the second time I played it, everything disappeared and went dark, except me and the piano. Then it has been doing that every time I played it ever since. That's why I asked you to watch me as I played the piece. No one knows about it yet, except you."
"This is so weird."
"Well, what did you see?"
"Raine. You...you turned into Raine."
Rinoa's eyes widened, "Really? No kidding? Did the room grow dark?"
"No, the room didn't change. And no, I am not kidding."
Rinoa smiled. "I was afraid, too you know. Your voice echoed so loud. It was fading. It was like I was inside a wine bottle closed shut with a cork. All alone with my piano. It only happens when all the doors are closed, and when I'm alone. Well, until today, I didn't know that a friend can actually accompany me, and actually experience something else."
"This is so...mysterious. It makes me want to cry."
She raised an eyebrow. "Shit. I fucking know."
Laguna took her hand. "Thank you. Thank you for showing me, this wonderful thing. Thank you."
She glared at his wet eyes and smiled. "No problem. I wish I could see that wonderful thing, myself."
(+
Laguna stared at Zell's sophisticated new look. The wild tattoo he once had was removed, but his spiky hairdo was still there. "I was going to buy a new motorcycle, but I decided to freshen up my image instead." He also grew a dark, young beard that bothered Laguna.
Laguna was really shocked at Selphie's head. She was as bald as a balloon. "I forced myself to shave my head," she told Laguna, "because I thought I would be better off bald since I'm a champion swimmer. And I really need to concentrate on the upcoming Olympics! This could be my big chance to actually win a gold medal in such a big event!" Her eyebrows were shaved off as well. "Coach Joey felt the same way anyway, about my hair I mean. He said I was a natural....hey, let go of me Zell!" She was still as energetic and careless as an energizer bunny. Selphie, still like a child. I hope she never changes.
Rinoa's hair grew longer and more beautiful. Nothing wild did happen to her. She still looked innocent and lovely, blending with her personality. She still needed to wait a little longer for a new and successful singing career.
(+
Selphie saw that Laguna was tired and forced him to rest in bed for a while.
Selphie sat beside him and tucked him in. "Just holler if you need anything, okay?" Laguna smiled, closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep.
The three slouched in the living room and read some of Laguna's works.
(+
The doorbell rang.
Selphie hopped off the couch and everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at her as a reaction. "I'll get it!" She ran to the door and slowly opened it halfway. She suddenly became quiet and still. She stuck her head out the door and started mumbling to the visitor. "---don't kill each other, now." Rinoa, who was laying on the couch humming 'How much is that doggie in the window' and reading an old issue of Timber Maniacs with Angelo next to her, raised an eyebrow in a puzzled look.
"Who is it?" Zell asked demandingly.
Selphie looked at Zell and mouthed 'come here'. Zell rolled his eyes and ran to the door. He then became still. The door slid wide open.
(+
It was Squall. He stood there as if he had just hiked all the way here from Balamb.
Squall was wearing his old jacket which he wore in his last mission. It looked very old and beat up, the furry collar looked dusty and wet. Under his jacket, he wore an expensive-looking suit and tie.
"Is, uh," he whispered to Selphie, "is you-know-who here?"
Selphie tilted her head back to look at Rinoa. Squall stuck his head in, and quickly glanced at Rinoa. "Man."
"It's okay, man." Zell told him.
Squall walked in cowardly. Rinoa sat up hastily. "Hey, Rin." Squall trembled.
Rinoa greeted him silently. "Hey."
After a long pause of awkwardness, Zell clapped lively with a smile. "Well! Um, Squall, Laguna's asleep in bed right now."
"Yeah---! Laguna really," Selphie added quickly, "really misses you!---"
"So how's Seifer?" Squall cut in.
Rinoa nodded nervously. "He's....he's doing okay."
"Oh? What does he do?"
"Uh," Rinoa cleared her throat, "he.. he's in the mercenary."
Selphie looked at Squall, Zell looked at Rinoa.
The sun reflected strongly at something shiny on Rinoa's left hand that Squall easily noticed. "Is that a real diamond?" He asked cockily.
"Um.." Rinoa covered her face with the Timber Maniacs magazine.
Selphie shrugged her shoulders. "Yes, Squall."
"Hm." Squall rolled his eyes. "Why, it's so small."
Rinoa put away the magazine. "Well," she said crossly, "we are going to marry at the end of this month."
Zell and Selphie exchanged worried faces. Squall looked out the window then at his shoes.
"Squall." Laguna walked into the room with an unlighted cigarette. Thank God., thought Squall.
"Dad! Hello." Squall pretended Rinoa didn't say what she just said.
Squall walked to Laguna and patted his arm. Laguna blinked his eyes. "I'm so glad to see you." He coughed hard, which frightened Selphie.
"You okay, dad?" asked Squall, softly patting his back.
"I'm fine. Really." Laguna acted careless. "I need to speak to you. Now. Please come outside with me."
Squall nodded and followed Laguna. Laguna lead him to the field where he took Ellone.
"What's up?"