A/N: This is the companion piece to I love to watch him sleep. The same story but from Dean's POV. Thanks to Chosenfire for the beta.
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Supernatural. I wish I did, but I don't.
I can feel her gaze on me long before I open my eyes. I always feel it, very morning and it makes my stomach flip. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met. She doesn't yet know that I am awake so I spend the next few minutes enjoying the feeling of her eyes on me and the morning sunlight warming my skin.
I never intended to start a relationship with her, I just sort of fell into it. It was only meant to be a one night stand but one night turned into two, two into three and before I consciously realised it; I had fallen for the petite blonde vampire slayer. She tells me all the time that she loves me but I have never said it to her. I am in love with her, so much but I just cannot bring myself to open up to her enough to admit it to her face.
Most of the time I don't let myself fall in love with anyone. In my line of work it's better not to get too attached to anyone because they'll probably just end up dead. The people I love tend not to stick around so not allowing myself to love anyone spares me the pain of having to let them go. The way I grew up, saying 'I love you' was never a priority. Except with Sammy, but he always has been a bit weird. (I am completely crediting Krystal with the Sammy line; I copied it straight from her suggestion because it made me laugh so much!)
I decide that now was the time to let her know that I've woken up I begin to stir. Before I can open my eyes, though, she has pressed her beautiful lips on mine. I lie there enjoying the moment and I give a low moan when she pulls away. Sometimes I'm sure that woman wants to torture me. I open my eyes to protest but when I do I see her looking at me. I'm still half asleep but she looks beautiful. The sun makes her skin glow, making her look even more stunning.
I know I'm so lucky that she is even giving me a second glance. This woman is so outta my league that I cannot believe that she would ever want to spend more than one night with me.
She says good morning, I reply, my voice thick with sleep; I know she finds this sexy, she's told me many times.
"Did you sleep well?" She asks. I tell her I slept like a log and ask her how long she's been awake.
"Not long," she tells me. Even though I know she's been staring awhile. I ask her if she gets bored but she says she could never get bored watching me. I blush slightly but she doesn't notice. I get it; why she watches me but I never thought of myself as someone that people watched. I've always watched Sammy, needing to know that he's okay. I even watched him walk away and that night I realised that no matter how hard I held on he wouldn't stay. But after Jessica died and with the visions I started watching him again. I just needed to know that he was okay.
I think I can hold onto her though. Even if I can't, I'm going to hold onto her for as long as I can.
"Well, maybe one day I'll wake up before you and I'll watch you sleep." It's partly true. I'll probably never admit to her but more than once I have watched her sleep in the car. I look through the rear view mirror and see her resting in the back. Then I know that she's there and she's not going to leave.
"You do that," she replies; teasingly. I smile and kiss her, gently running my tongue along her lips to access to her mouth. I deepen the kiss and we lie there for what seems like forever before I break the kiss leaving us both fighting for breath. I feel that now is the time to tell her, so I lean in close towards her and put my lips to her ear. I gently whisper:
"I love you."
"Really?" She sounds surprised. But good surprised, like 'I've been waiting for you to say that forever' not 'I don't feel the same way' surprised. Love is a scary thing, more terrifying than any spirit or demon, but I'm brave about those things and I can be brave when it comes to love.
"I do," I confirm.
"That's the first time you've ever said that," I'm suddenly very aware that I have never said it. In all the time we have been together I have never told her how much she means to me out of the great fear that I will lose her. I know how quickly things can be taken away, especially things as good as this.
"I'm sorry," I begin to feel very self-conscious and look down at the blanket, not wanting to meet her gaze. I feel very girly. I know this is turning into a huge chick-flick moment but I don't really care. Some things are completely worth it.
"For what?" she sounds confused.
"For not saying it earlier," I don't want to look at her but she puts her hand on my cheek and lifts my head until I see her staring back at me. I shyly return her gaze, not sure what to say. I'm usually good at hiding how I feel but at this moment I just can't.
"That's okay," she says, "I don't mind that you've never said it before; I've always known how you felt." I smile at her and kiss her again. The kiss lasts for minutes and I lie there and enjoy every single second of it.
I know that we have to get up and meet Sam but I don't want to. I want to stay in bed with her all day. Unfortunately when I try to take things further she pulls back and vocalises my thought. I tell her to let Sam wait and pull her in for another kiss.