Ain't That Just The Way
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Title: Ain't That Just The Way
Author: Vi-chan E-mail : sakaivi@hotmail.com
Category: Romance, angst, shounen-ai
Pairings: Nagi x Omi (of course!) Rating: Varies, but nothing NC-17 for this one ^_^
Warnings: This has yaoi in it, or rather shounen-ai. Does tend to get a bit bloody.
Notes: I've always loved toying with the idea of Nagi and Omi being childhood friends, and tried to make that a bit more plausible in this fic, but those are flash backs and such, and memories filled with happiness and light! Well, not all of them. But for the main part, the story focuses on an older Nagi and Omi, after the supposed 'disbandment' of both Weiß and Schwarz. It's the first whole fic I intend to do, all the rest are just bleh. Little things here and there.yeah. Wether or not this gets finished depends on the response I get. And please don't kill me if someone ends up dying! (Not that I'm saying someone will) It makes for good angst and well, someone has to die, ne? ^_^; Not that someone does! Bear with me here.
Disclaimer: As much as I like to pretend, I don't own Weiß or Schwarz, or anything connected to them. I make no profit from this, as much as I'd like to do that too, and yeah, I don't have permission to do this but, hey. Kays, I'm done now. Just read and enjoy! ^_^
~*~*~*~ = scene break ----------- = flashback Italics = lyrics or personal thoughts
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" Life is a prison, Oh God, let me out. No one to listen, To hear when you shout.
" Climb the walls of insanity, Ride the waves of despair. If you fall it don't matter, There's no one to care.
" Used to wish for a window, To see birds, trees and sky. But you're better without one - Stops you aiming too high.
" Watching freedom is painful, For those locked away. Seeing joy, love and happiness, Another price to pay.
" Strong is good, weak is bad, Be it false, be it true. Your mind makes the choice, And enforces it too.
" Cell walls built by society, With rules to adhere. If you breach the acceptable, You had better be ware.
" Hide the pain, carry on, Routine is the key. Don't let on that you're not, What you're pretending to be.
" Lock it all up inside you, How badly that bodes. Look out for that one day, When it all just explodes.
" Leaving naught but a nut shell, Base functionality too. But killing all else, That was uniquely you.
" So how do you grow, With a time bomb inside? Or how to defuse it, Without destroying its ride?
" You can't. " - Anonymous
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Chapter One - The Eternal Child (Nagi POV)
Blue light from the computer screen reflected on Nagi's fine features. His eyes were hard set with determination. As advanced a hacker as he may be, this particular mission required - no, demanded - the full extent of his skills. Nagi would really have to exert himself.
He smiled smugly when he heard the computer make a 'blip' noise and the file opened up onto the screen. He proceeded to scroll down the list of names and pressed 'enter' on the keyboard. He cursed under his breath in Japanese when another box came up onto screen, denying Nagi access.
Sighing, he turned away from the screen and cracked his knuckles. 'Hey, Bishounen,' Schuldich hissed from the doorway. 'How's that file coming?' Nagi raised and eyebrow at him. Since Schuldich had originally been 'imported' from Berlin in Germany, his accent was thick at times and barely understandable.
'I said, how's it coming?' Schuldich asked again. 'Oh,' Nagi started. 'It's.not bad. Their security here is kinda tough. All their passwords, even if I knew them, come in codes. They're much more difficult to decipher than I'd originally expected.' Nagi drummed his fingers on the table while Schuldich anxiously peered around the doorframe into the hall.
'You better hurry, kid. Crawford said to be expecting Weiß any minute now.' Schulich disappeared out of the room. Nagi gritted his teeth. Kid! He hated that. He turned back to the screen an pursed his lips together an narrowed his eyes in frustration.
All too suddenly, Nagi heard the open door slam shut and the noise of a sharp wind pierced Nagi's ears. Nagi's attention snapped immediately to the large arch-shaped window to the west of the room. There, upon the window sill, face shadowed in darkness, stood a boy. He wore an indistinguishable expression, although Nagi thought the boy looked lost more than anything else.
'O.Omi?' Nagi squinted into the darkness and reached out his right hand, as if trying to make some attempt to touch the other boy. The other boy simply said nothing, but instead raised his cross bow. "Omi, what are you - ' Nagi was cut off by Omi's voice. 'Quiet!' Omi yelled, his voice quivering with the sound of unshed tears. 'I don't want your excuses any more!'
'Omi, what are talking about?' Confused and disorientated, Nagi barely had time to notice Omi release the arrow from its restraints and strike its target, straight and true. Nagi's eyes glaze over with a red curtain, and as the pain set in, the curtain of red deepened to black as Nagi faded into the deep, dark abyss.
~*~*~*~
I lurched forward out of bed so quickly that I felt dizzy. I felt sweat drip down my from my forehead and roll down my face and neck. The same dream. I hated that dream. I hated it most because I didn't know why it kept happening. I hate not knowing why things happen. I turned to my left, only to see the sweet androgynous face of Omi resting on the pillow beside mine.
Forget, I told myself. Just forget and go back to sleep. You're not like that any more, Nagi. Telling myself those words was of little comfort to me, but I swallowed them anyway, pretending they were as real as the boy lying next to me. Slowly engulfing myself back into the warm sheets I closed my eyes and slipped into what I hoped would be a dreamless sleep.
~*~*~*~
Groaning heavily at the sound of my alarm clock, I forced my self out of bed. It felt cold and sterile in the room, but that's how winter mornings had always felt like for me. Omi had of course been awake several hours earlier, and I could hear him singing and dancing around to the music from his discman. I hunched over, my feet resting on the polished floorboards, asking myself why I still insisted on getting up when the alarm rang, instead of when I wanted too.
'Good morning Nagi-kun!' Omi beamed and pulled the headset off his head as I stumbled into the lounge. It amazed me at how active he could be so early in the morning. But he'd always been that way. For as long as I could remember, he'd always been the early riser, while I of course, treated sleeping in like it was a law to be obeyed.
' 'Morning.' I mumbled, my voice sounding rough, you know the way that you always seem to sound gruff and gravelly in the morning. Omi had almost instantly hopped over to hug me and all I could do was stand there in his arms, wishing he'd invite me back into bed with him. I knew he wouldn't, but if I asked, he'd gladly come back with me. But I never asked, and he never offered. Well, rarely.
He held me by my shoulders at arms length, examining my face. I looked at him from under my bangs. 'What?' I didn't like it when he wore that expression somewhere between a frown and a pout. 'Nothing, it's just.well, you know.I heard you wake up again last night. Was it that dream again?' Omi gently brushed my hair back off my face and I ran a hand through it, avoiding his eyes. I can't lie when I look at his eyes, those two blue wells of purity. Just looking in them can draw the truth out of you unwillingly.
'Yeah, the same dream.' I suppressed a yawn. 'You know, if you told me about the dream, then maybe I can help you.' Omi let go of my shoulders and crossed his arms over his chest. 'You wouldn't want to know about the dream.' I put my hands on either side of Omi's face and pulled him closer for a kiss. 'Don't let it trouble you so much.' I kissed him again before he squealed as the clock chimed seven- thirty. 'I have to go! I'm opening up the shop today, and I have to get all the flower displays ready! I'm gonna be late!' Omi rushed around, fastening a bandanna around his head and throwing a bunch of other stuff into his backpack.
He was just about out the door before he called me over to him. I walked a bit more steadily now as the sleep wore off. 'Yeah?' I asked leaning against the doorframe. 'Take care.' He ordered me between kisses. 'See you later! I get off early today, meet me for lunch or something! And don't you dare go back to sleep!' 'How'd he know I was gonna go back to sleep.?' I watched him curiously as he sprinted down the dimly lit hallway.
I shut the door behind me as I strode into the room which was both the lounge and the entrance to out apartment and collapsed onto the couch, burying myself under a cushion and wondering why he'd ended up with me. After all that had been done, at the end of the day, he'd decided that he wanted to be mine. Or rather, wanted to belong to the other me, the other Nagi Naoe only he was exposed to. I found it hard to believe that he was mine sometimes, and I thought that he found it hard to believe that I was the boy who fitted into that past we shared. Maybe it was all just a farce.
Now, is it just me, or does coffee always taste more bitter first thing in the morning than it does in the afternoon? I suppose it's just me. Maybe it wasn't even the coffee that was bitter, maybe it was me. I don't know, I don't seem to know much these days. I was just glad that I'd been given the day off today. I don't think I'd have been much help to anyone anyway.
I propped myself up with my hand and drummed the pencil on the desk. Schuldich hated it when I would drum pencils. I could make a thousand pencils tap at the same time if I wanted to. And because Schu and me were connected in a similar fashion, it seemed that the tapping of the pencils was magnified over a hundred times when he heard it. I smiled. Being mentally able to tap pencils was always an easy way to get my way with Schuldich, but I paid for it in the evening, when he'd go out and mentally project things I didn't want to see into my head. I thought at times he was more disturbed than Farfarello, with everything he'd show me. I shut my eyes and made myself remember.
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'Come on boy, where's your backbone? A little blood never hurt anyone. ' I could quite clearly remember him telling this as I was bent over and vomiting in the corner after my very first kill. Schuldich had picked me and slung me over his shoulder while we left the scene of what I'd call a massacre, and what Farfarello would call heaven. Schuldich seemed to have no compassion at times, because I also recall him humming a bouncy little tune as we walked out of the building.
'Do you find it easy to be so heartless?' I asked Schu later in the car. 'Do you find it easy to slice people up with an intangible blade?' He asked back, raising a questioning eyebrow. 'That's not fair.' I rested my head against the window. My head ached and the continuous bouncing of the car vibrated up the window and struck into my head like little shocks of electricity. 'Why is that not a fair question? It's the same one as yours, really. Just because you silently recite prayers for them, and I prefer not to, doesn't make me any less a person than you, Nagi.' He wound down a window and lit up a cigarette. 'Doesn't it? At least I think about them before I do it.' I didn't like to fight with Schu, but sometimes it annoyed me so much the way he just blew people off like they were nothing. 'I do think about them, Nagi. But I focus on the fact that they are human, and for that purpose, are guilty of something, and therefore, the end justifies the means. It's a bit of a sad excuse, but it lets me sleep at night.' I watched Schuldich blow out smoke rings before turning away as I heard Brad. 'Put out that damn cigarette, Schuldich! You've poisoned Nagi's mind already, I don't want you tampering with his lungs too.'
Schuldich swore sharply in German before flicking his cigarette out the window. 'God Brad, should I start calling you Mister Tree Up His Ass or what? You let Nagi go out and hack and kill, but I'm not even allowed to have a smoke. God you can be a bastard sometimes.' I could see Brad's eyes glaring at Schuldich from the mirror. He stayed silent, saving his anger for later, but you could see that he was very.unimpressed, to say the least. He didn't like to be called Brad, so I figured the 'Mister Tree Up His Ass' hadn't earned Schu a place in his heart either. I thought about how childish Schu could be at times. Sometimes I swore that I had to be older than him sometimes.
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I lost my concentration on the pencil I'd been tapping and I heard it fall to the floor. I often wondered if Schuldich was still reading into my mind at times. I'd just get this feeling, like the feeling I got when he'd first done it. It was warm, and he held my mind protectively with his own. It felt like, like when you plunge your hand into a sink of warm water. You know the feeling, it's just soothing, letting the warm flow of water caress over your skin.
It had been quite a few months, maybe even a year, since I'd heard anything of Schuldich. Farfarello, as far as I knew, had died in the collapse of the building. In fact, the only person from my Schwarz past who I saw on a semi- regular basis, was Brad. I worked in a corporation, (which I'm convinced has to be doing something illegal, but I'm paranoid) that owns many other businesses within the city. I'm there to do book keeping mostly, secretary work and all the other stuff no one else wants to do. But I'm good with numbers, so it never weighs me down in any way. I found it too simple sometimes to tell the truth. Brad was not quite the head of the office, but soon he would be. With his unfair advantage over all the other opposing businesses, Brad had all too quickly climbed up the corporate ladder. But if it wasn't for that advantage Brad had, then I wouldn't have been given a job there either.
I just got a call from Brad one day, offering me a job. I didn't ask questions, because all I wanted to ask he'd already answered. 'No, it's not an assassin job. No more missions, no more killing. Clean slate, Naoe, I promise you.' I believed him, of course. I never doubted Brad, because as far as I knew, everything he told me was the truth and nothing but. So there I was. I just showed up one day and assumed my position in the office, like it had been the way it always was. Seeing Brad after so long was strange. There was no smile, it was the same expressionless face I'd seen everyday for at least ten years.
'Hello, Nagi. Nice to see you again.' I said nothing in reply. Brad had another of the workers show me my new work space, and what I was meant to be doing all day. Even working in the same building as Brad didn't mean I saw him frequently. It felt like I saw his less, actually. He never called for me, never checked in on me. He left me to my own devices, and as usual, I never questioned him on that.
My thoughts soon turned to those of Omi. I stared into my cup of coffee and willed myself to stop worrying. Omi had always told me it was my main problem, and that I worry too much. I couldn't help it, and I didn't understand why Omi didn't worry at all.
'It's all in the past, Nagi-kun. Obsolete, non-existent past.' They were some of the first words Omi had told me when we'd first started 'dating' each other. 'Non-existent, obsolete.God Nagi you're insecure.' I muttered as I got up and walked out of the kitchen
~*~*~*~
Omi chatted on about things that just flew right over my head. He was so chirpy, I loved listening to him talk. He always sounded so happy, with this cute little pitch in his voice, the kind of tone that children have when they're talking about a new toy they've got. He was so highly enthused about his work. It was a florists, for heaven's sake. I ran a finger though my hair and watched Omi blow steam off his hot chocolate. Never coffee, rarely tea, always chocolate. I smiled. Omi was the eternal child, he'd never grow up, and I don't think I wanted him to either.
'So how was your day, Nagi-kun?' His blue eyes were all smiley and bright against the dull background of the ice cream parlour.
'Average. Work is more exciting than the day I've had. But it was a welcome rest, anyway.' Shutting my eyes I felt Omi's hand creeping up my thigh under the table. 'I don't think I've got any other plans tonight, Nagi. We can have a night together. There are things that we need to do as well. Like each other for instance.' He smiled at me, the hint of a giggle on the edge of his voice. 'Omi!' I scolded. 'You shouldn't be so suggestive, we're in public, you know.' I shifted around on my seat to accommodate Omi's creeping digits. Usually I'd be welcoming his touch, but I was still uncomfortable about us being affectionate in public. 'Yeah I know,' I felt his hand retract and slide off my thigh. 'But I'm restless. I had to get up early, I missed you.' He pouted at me, that adorable little pout. I gave in. How could I not? 'No, I'm not busy tonight. Day off, remember?'
'Yay!' Omi clapped and slid out of the seat. 'But I have to be back at work.um, now.' He leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek. 'But tonight's just for us, no interruptions, no distractions, ok?' 'You are a distraction, Omi.' I got out of my seat too and slid an arm around his waist while we walked out. He laughed. 'Why thankyou! What an honour.' 'So you should be.' I slapped him lightly on his ass as he jogged off down the street. 'I thought you said we weren't allowed to do things like that in public!' He turned around. I shrugged. 'Well in that case, you're getting a beating tonight.' Omi said with a wink and jogged off again.
Cupping my hands around my mouth, I yelled 'You know I'm not into all that kinky shit, Omi!' I laughed as he turned around one more time and stuck his tongue out at me.
I turned on my heels and started to walk back to our apartment. The air was surprisingly fresh, regardless of the fact that I was walking through the bustling streets of the city. I breathed it in deeply. Maybe I wouldn't go straight back to the apartment, there's nothing to do there anyway. I headed towards the park. I flopped onto a park bench and stretched my arms over the top. I picked at the chipping paint for a while, listening to the little children playing around with their parents and friends, then I felt a shoulder brush my hand. I looked up.
'It's been a while, Bishounen.' His hair looked a little shorter, but still as vividly red and scruffy, and with that unmistakable German accent I recognised him immediately as Schuldich.
'Oh man, has it ever!' I sort of lunged at him and hugged him. 'Hey, take it easy boy.' I pulled back and looked at his face. He looked older, just a bit. To me, Shu had always seemed ageless. He beamed at me. 'Want to go for a drink with me?'
I ran a hand through my hair, barely able to comprehend it was him. 'Well, I've just kinda been, but yeah sure. Why not.'
~*~*~*~
'So', Shuldich swirled the drink inside his glass. 'Where have you been, Nagikins? Whatcha been up to?' I sipped my own drink tentatively. 'I should ask you the same thing. But, I've got a job in the city, and would you believe I'm still working for Crawford.' Shu nearly spat out his drink. 'Crawford? Really? He changed much?'
I shook my head. 'Not a bit. Still cold and harsh, but you have to expect that.' Shu nodded and for while we were silent, reflecting I suppose.
'Are you fucking the Weiss boy?' This time I was the one to choke on my drink. 'You mean Omi?' He laughed. 'Who else would I be talking about?'
I sighed with a smile. Was I fucking the Weiss boy? Hell yeah. But did he have to be so crude about it? 'Yes, me and Omi are in a relationship.' I tried to phrase it as politely as possible. 'Ahh.but you are screwing him, aren't you?' Shuldich took a sip of his drink.
'Well if you really must know, yeah, I am. And he's not the 'Weiss boy' any more, he's just Omi.' Shu gave me the strangest look after I said that. Some sort of questioning look asking why I was defending him.
'Fraternising with the enemy, all this time. I never would have thought, Nagikins. Although, he was the cutest little thing last time I saw him. It's nice to hear that you're happy anyway.' He gave me a smile.
'What about you? Where have you been?' I gave him a little poke in the side. He squirmed a bit and I giggled. 'I've been.around. Here, there, everywhere.' Shu shrugged. 'Can you elaborate on that?' I raised an eyebrow. 'Well, I went back to Germany for a few months, a bit of unfinished business there, you know. Then I came back to Japan, looking for you, would you believe. I kinda assumed that if any of us would've survived that collapse, it would have been you.'
'Looking for me? How come? You missed me that much?' I said half sarcastically, half sincere. 'Actually, Bish, I did. You know you're my favourite, as if I wouldn't come after you. And no, I don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend. I know that's what you're gonna ask next, so now you don't have to.'
I smirked and looked at the glare caught on the tabletop. Aside from Omi, Shuldich was the only other person who could read me like a book. Sometimes it almost frustrated me, the way they knew me so well.
'You should be careful, Nagi.' It struck me as such an odd thing to say. 'Why do you say that?' My eyes were still looking at the glare, almost mesmerised by darting sparks of light on the shiny surface.
'Can never be too careful. I know you're getting awfully attached to the boy, but you never know someone as well as you think you do. You understand?' He drank down the rest of his drink. 'Yeah, I get you. If you're hinting about Weiss, they're gone too. I mean they've disbanded. They don't exist any more than we do.' I glanced back at him.
'You didn't think I was still 'existent' either, did you? Proved you wrong. Just be careful.' Shu slid off his seat and slipped a little piece of paper over the table to my hand. 'Call me if you ever need anything, I'll be in the city for a while. Bye, Bishounen.'
I simply nodded and watched him leave. I finished off the rest of my drink before I left the bar myself.
~*~*~*~
Walking around the city gives you good time to think. I thought a lot about Shuldich while I walked. Or, more to the point, about what he'd said. Be careful he'd said. Careful? Of what? Of Omi? Omi and his Weiss connections had died out long ago. Sure, he may still work at the florist shop and keep in constant contact with the three others, but Weiss was no more. He'd assured me of that, time and time again. And I trusted him.
Checking my watch, I decided to head back to the apartment, Omi would be finished with work soon and I wanted to get home before he did.
Have you ever wondered about how some things would have turned out, if for just one second you were delayed or something? I mean, everyone must think about things like this sometimes. I often found myself wondering about my life would have turned out if I never met up with Omi again. And I wondered where he'd be too.
I always just narrowed down these thoughts to my being insecure, but I couldn't help thinking about it none the less. Maybe I let Shu get into my head a little too much. I shook my head, as if trying to get rid of my negative thoughts and kept walking back to the apartment.
A whole night alone, with Omi. A little shudder of excitement rippled through my body. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from giggling in the street. It surprised me how dirty my mind could get at times. But it did have its good qualities too. Having a perverted mind, I mean. It just added incentive for me wanting to get home sooner.
My walking pace increased to a run. It felt good to run, just having the cool air fly back into my face. I ran all the way back to the apartment and after sprinting down the hall and into our room I collapsed on the couch, a mass of giggles.
'Omi, Omi, Omi!' I was so hyper as I rolled around on the couch, clutching a cushion to my chest. The ringing of the phone caught me off guard and I fell off the couch, scrambling to reach the phone. I glanced at the phone, checking whose number it was. It was the florist's shop. Omi.
I picked it up, hoping it wasn't something I didn't want to hear. 'Hello?' There was a little pause at the other end of the phone before I heard his voice. 'Nagi? It's Omi.'
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Title: Ain't That Just The Way
Author: Vi-chan E-mail : sakaivi@hotmail.com
Category: Romance, angst, shounen-ai
Pairings: Nagi x Omi (of course!) Rating: Varies, but nothing NC-17 for this one ^_^
Warnings: This has yaoi in it, or rather shounen-ai. Does tend to get a bit bloody.
Notes: I've always loved toying with the idea of Nagi and Omi being childhood friends, and tried to make that a bit more plausible in this fic, but those are flash backs and such, and memories filled with happiness and light! Well, not all of them. But for the main part, the story focuses on an older Nagi and Omi, after the supposed 'disbandment' of both Weiß and Schwarz. It's the first whole fic I intend to do, all the rest are just bleh. Little things here and there.yeah. Wether or not this gets finished depends on the response I get. And please don't kill me if someone ends up dying! (Not that I'm saying someone will) It makes for good angst and well, someone has to die, ne? ^_^; Not that someone does! Bear with me here.
Disclaimer: As much as I like to pretend, I don't own Weiß or Schwarz, or anything connected to them. I make no profit from this, as much as I'd like to do that too, and yeah, I don't have permission to do this but, hey. Kays, I'm done now. Just read and enjoy! ^_^
~*~*~*~ = scene break ----------- = flashback Italics = lyrics or personal thoughts
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" Life is a prison, Oh God, let me out. No one to listen, To hear when you shout.
" Climb the walls of insanity, Ride the waves of despair. If you fall it don't matter, There's no one to care.
" Used to wish for a window, To see birds, trees and sky. But you're better without one - Stops you aiming too high.
" Watching freedom is painful, For those locked away. Seeing joy, love and happiness, Another price to pay.
" Strong is good, weak is bad, Be it false, be it true. Your mind makes the choice, And enforces it too.
" Cell walls built by society, With rules to adhere. If you breach the acceptable, You had better be ware.
" Hide the pain, carry on, Routine is the key. Don't let on that you're not, What you're pretending to be.
" Lock it all up inside you, How badly that bodes. Look out for that one day, When it all just explodes.
" Leaving naught but a nut shell, Base functionality too. But killing all else, That was uniquely you.
" So how do you grow, With a time bomb inside? Or how to defuse it, Without destroying its ride?
" You can't. " - Anonymous
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Chapter One - The Eternal Child (Nagi POV)
Blue light from the computer screen reflected on Nagi's fine features. His eyes were hard set with determination. As advanced a hacker as he may be, this particular mission required - no, demanded - the full extent of his skills. Nagi would really have to exert himself.
He smiled smugly when he heard the computer make a 'blip' noise and the file opened up onto the screen. He proceeded to scroll down the list of names and pressed 'enter' on the keyboard. He cursed under his breath in Japanese when another box came up onto screen, denying Nagi access.
Sighing, he turned away from the screen and cracked his knuckles. 'Hey, Bishounen,' Schuldich hissed from the doorway. 'How's that file coming?' Nagi raised and eyebrow at him. Since Schuldich had originally been 'imported' from Berlin in Germany, his accent was thick at times and barely understandable.
'I said, how's it coming?' Schuldich asked again. 'Oh,' Nagi started. 'It's.not bad. Their security here is kinda tough. All their passwords, even if I knew them, come in codes. They're much more difficult to decipher than I'd originally expected.' Nagi drummed his fingers on the table while Schuldich anxiously peered around the doorframe into the hall.
'You better hurry, kid. Crawford said to be expecting Weiß any minute now.' Schulich disappeared out of the room. Nagi gritted his teeth. Kid! He hated that. He turned back to the screen an pursed his lips together an narrowed his eyes in frustration.
All too suddenly, Nagi heard the open door slam shut and the noise of a sharp wind pierced Nagi's ears. Nagi's attention snapped immediately to the large arch-shaped window to the west of the room. There, upon the window sill, face shadowed in darkness, stood a boy. He wore an indistinguishable expression, although Nagi thought the boy looked lost more than anything else.
'O.Omi?' Nagi squinted into the darkness and reached out his right hand, as if trying to make some attempt to touch the other boy. The other boy simply said nothing, but instead raised his cross bow. "Omi, what are you - ' Nagi was cut off by Omi's voice. 'Quiet!' Omi yelled, his voice quivering with the sound of unshed tears. 'I don't want your excuses any more!'
'Omi, what are talking about?' Confused and disorientated, Nagi barely had time to notice Omi release the arrow from its restraints and strike its target, straight and true. Nagi's eyes glaze over with a red curtain, and as the pain set in, the curtain of red deepened to black as Nagi faded into the deep, dark abyss.
~*~*~*~
I lurched forward out of bed so quickly that I felt dizzy. I felt sweat drip down my from my forehead and roll down my face and neck. The same dream. I hated that dream. I hated it most because I didn't know why it kept happening. I hate not knowing why things happen. I turned to my left, only to see the sweet androgynous face of Omi resting on the pillow beside mine.
Forget, I told myself. Just forget and go back to sleep. You're not like that any more, Nagi. Telling myself those words was of little comfort to me, but I swallowed them anyway, pretending they were as real as the boy lying next to me. Slowly engulfing myself back into the warm sheets I closed my eyes and slipped into what I hoped would be a dreamless sleep.
~*~*~*~
Groaning heavily at the sound of my alarm clock, I forced my self out of bed. It felt cold and sterile in the room, but that's how winter mornings had always felt like for me. Omi had of course been awake several hours earlier, and I could hear him singing and dancing around to the music from his discman. I hunched over, my feet resting on the polished floorboards, asking myself why I still insisted on getting up when the alarm rang, instead of when I wanted too.
'Good morning Nagi-kun!' Omi beamed and pulled the headset off his head as I stumbled into the lounge. It amazed me at how active he could be so early in the morning. But he'd always been that way. For as long as I could remember, he'd always been the early riser, while I of course, treated sleeping in like it was a law to be obeyed.
' 'Morning.' I mumbled, my voice sounding rough, you know the way that you always seem to sound gruff and gravelly in the morning. Omi had almost instantly hopped over to hug me and all I could do was stand there in his arms, wishing he'd invite me back into bed with him. I knew he wouldn't, but if I asked, he'd gladly come back with me. But I never asked, and he never offered. Well, rarely.
He held me by my shoulders at arms length, examining my face. I looked at him from under my bangs. 'What?' I didn't like it when he wore that expression somewhere between a frown and a pout. 'Nothing, it's just.well, you know.I heard you wake up again last night. Was it that dream again?' Omi gently brushed my hair back off my face and I ran a hand through it, avoiding his eyes. I can't lie when I look at his eyes, those two blue wells of purity. Just looking in them can draw the truth out of you unwillingly.
'Yeah, the same dream.' I suppressed a yawn. 'You know, if you told me about the dream, then maybe I can help you.' Omi let go of my shoulders and crossed his arms over his chest. 'You wouldn't want to know about the dream.' I put my hands on either side of Omi's face and pulled him closer for a kiss. 'Don't let it trouble you so much.' I kissed him again before he squealed as the clock chimed seven- thirty. 'I have to go! I'm opening up the shop today, and I have to get all the flower displays ready! I'm gonna be late!' Omi rushed around, fastening a bandanna around his head and throwing a bunch of other stuff into his backpack.
He was just about out the door before he called me over to him. I walked a bit more steadily now as the sleep wore off. 'Yeah?' I asked leaning against the doorframe. 'Take care.' He ordered me between kisses. 'See you later! I get off early today, meet me for lunch or something! And don't you dare go back to sleep!' 'How'd he know I was gonna go back to sleep.?' I watched him curiously as he sprinted down the dimly lit hallway.
I shut the door behind me as I strode into the room which was both the lounge and the entrance to out apartment and collapsed onto the couch, burying myself under a cushion and wondering why he'd ended up with me. After all that had been done, at the end of the day, he'd decided that he wanted to be mine. Or rather, wanted to belong to the other me, the other Nagi Naoe only he was exposed to. I found it hard to believe that he was mine sometimes, and I thought that he found it hard to believe that I was the boy who fitted into that past we shared. Maybe it was all just a farce.
Now, is it just me, or does coffee always taste more bitter first thing in the morning than it does in the afternoon? I suppose it's just me. Maybe it wasn't even the coffee that was bitter, maybe it was me. I don't know, I don't seem to know much these days. I was just glad that I'd been given the day off today. I don't think I'd have been much help to anyone anyway.
I propped myself up with my hand and drummed the pencil on the desk. Schuldich hated it when I would drum pencils. I could make a thousand pencils tap at the same time if I wanted to. And because Schu and me were connected in a similar fashion, it seemed that the tapping of the pencils was magnified over a hundred times when he heard it. I smiled. Being mentally able to tap pencils was always an easy way to get my way with Schuldich, but I paid for it in the evening, when he'd go out and mentally project things I didn't want to see into my head. I thought at times he was more disturbed than Farfarello, with everything he'd show me. I shut my eyes and made myself remember.
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'Come on boy, where's your backbone? A little blood never hurt anyone. ' I could quite clearly remember him telling this as I was bent over and vomiting in the corner after my very first kill. Schuldich had picked me and slung me over his shoulder while we left the scene of what I'd call a massacre, and what Farfarello would call heaven. Schuldich seemed to have no compassion at times, because I also recall him humming a bouncy little tune as we walked out of the building.
'Do you find it easy to be so heartless?' I asked Schu later in the car. 'Do you find it easy to slice people up with an intangible blade?' He asked back, raising a questioning eyebrow. 'That's not fair.' I rested my head against the window. My head ached and the continuous bouncing of the car vibrated up the window and struck into my head like little shocks of electricity. 'Why is that not a fair question? It's the same one as yours, really. Just because you silently recite prayers for them, and I prefer not to, doesn't make me any less a person than you, Nagi.' He wound down a window and lit up a cigarette. 'Doesn't it? At least I think about them before I do it.' I didn't like to fight with Schu, but sometimes it annoyed me so much the way he just blew people off like they were nothing. 'I do think about them, Nagi. But I focus on the fact that they are human, and for that purpose, are guilty of something, and therefore, the end justifies the means. It's a bit of a sad excuse, but it lets me sleep at night.' I watched Schuldich blow out smoke rings before turning away as I heard Brad. 'Put out that damn cigarette, Schuldich! You've poisoned Nagi's mind already, I don't want you tampering with his lungs too.'
Schuldich swore sharply in German before flicking his cigarette out the window. 'God Brad, should I start calling you Mister Tree Up His Ass or what? You let Nagi go out and hack and kill, but I'm not even allowed to have a smoke. God you can be a bastard sometimes.' I could see Brad's eyes glaring at Schuldich from the mirror. He stayed silent, saving his anger for later, but you could see that he was very.unimpressed, to say the least. He didn't like to be called Brad, so I figured the 'Mister Tree Up His Ass' hadn't earned Schu a place in his heart either. I thought about how childish Schu could be at times. Sometimes I swore that I had to be older than him sometimes.
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I lost my concentration on the pencil I'd been tapping and I heard it fall to the floor. I often wondered if Schuldich was still reading into my mind at times. I'd just get this feeling, like the feeling I got when he'd first done it. It was warm, and he held my mind protectively with his own. It felt like, like when you plunge your hand into a sink of warm water. You know the feeling, it's just soothing, letting the warm flow of water caress over your skin.
It had been quite a few months, maybe even a year, since I'd heard anything of Schuldich. Farfarello, as far as I knew, had died in the collapse of the building. In fact, the only person from my Schwarz past who I saw on a semi- regular basis, was Brad. I worked in a corporation, (which I'm convinced has to be doing something illegal, but I'm paranoid) that owns many other businesses within the city. I'm there to do book keeping mostly, secretary work and all the other stuff no one else wants to do. But I'm good with numbers, so it never weighs me down in any way. I found it too simple sometimes to tell the truth. Brad was not quite the head of the office, but soon he would be. With his unfair advantage over all the other opposing businesses, Brad had all too quickly climbed up the corporate ladder. But if it wasn't for that advantage Brad had, then I wouldn't have been given a job there either.
I just got a call from Brad one day, offering me a job. I didn't ask questions, because all I wanted to ask he'd already answered. 'No, it's not an assassin job. No more missions, no more killing. Clean slate, Naoe, I promise you.' I believed him, of course. I never doubted Brad, because as far as I knew, everything he told me was the truth and nothing but. So there I was. I just showed up one day and assumed my position in the office, like it had been the way it always was. Seeing Brad after so long was strange. There was no smile, it was the same expressionless face I'd seen everyday for at least ten years.
'Hello, Nagi. Nice to see you again.' I said nothing in reply. Brad had another of the workers show me my new work space, and what I was meant to be doing all day. Even working in the same building as Brad didn't mean I saw him frequently. It felt like I saw his less, actually. He never called for me, never checked in on me. He left me to my own devices, and as usual, I never questioned him on that.
My thoughts soon turned to those of Omi. I stared into my cup of coffee and willed myself to stop worrying. Omi had always told me it was my main problem, and that I worry too much. I couldn't help it, and I didn't understand why Omi didn't worry at all.
'It's all in the past, Nagi-kun. Obsolete, non-existent past.' They were some of the first words Omi had told me when we'd first started 'dating' each other. 'Non-existent, obsolete.God Nagi you're insecure.' I muttered as I got up and walked out of the kitchen
~*~*~*~
Omi chatted on about things that just flew right over my head. He was so chirpy, I loved listening to him talk. He always sounded so happy, with this cute little pitch in his voice, the kind of tone that children have when they're talking about a new toy they've got. He was so highly enthused about his work. It was a florists, for heaven's sake. I ran a finger though my hair and watched Omi blow steam off his hot chocolate. Never coffee, rarely tea, always chocolate. I smiled. Omi was the eternal child, he'd never grow up, and I don't think I wanted him to either.
'So how was your day, Nagi-kun?' His blue eyes were all smiley and bright against the dull background of the ice cream parlour.
'Average. Work is more exciting than the day I've had. But it was a welcome rest, anyway.' Shutting my eyes I felt Omi's hand creeping up my thigh under the table. 'I don't think I've got any other plans tonight, Nagi. We can have a night together. There are things that we need to do as well. Like each other for instance.' He smiled at me, the hint of a giggle on the edge of his voice. 'Omi!' I scolded. 'You shouldn't be so suggestive, we're in public, you know.' I shifted around on my seat to accommodate Omi's creeping digits. Usually I'd be welcoming his touch, but I was still uncomfortable about us being affectionate in public. 'Yeah I know,' I felt his hand retract and slide off my thigh. 'But I'm restless. I had to get up early, I missed you.' He pouted at me, that adorable little pout. I gave in. How could I not? 'No, I'm not busy tonight. Day off, remember?'
'Yay!' Omi clapped and slid out of the seat. 'But I have to be back at work.um, now.' He leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek. 'But tonight's just for us, no interruptions, no distractions, ok?' 'You are a distraction, Omi.' I got out of my seat too and slid an arm around his waist while we walked out. He laughed. 'Why thankyou! What an honour.' 'So you should be.' I slapped him lightly on his ass as he jogged off down the street. 'I thought you said we weren't allowed to do things like that in public!' He turned around. I shrugged. 'Well in that case, you're getting a beating tonight.' Omi said with a wink and jogged off again.
Cupping my hands around my mouth, I yelled 'You know I'm not into all that kinky shit, Omi!' I laughed as he turned around one more time and stuck his tongue out at me.
I turned on my heels and started to walk back to our apartment. The air was surprisingly fresh, regardless of the fact that I was walking through the bustling streets of the city. I breathed it in deeply. Maybe I wouldn't go straight back to the apartment, there's nothing to do there anyway. I headed towards the park. I flopped onto a park bench and stretched my arms over the top. I picked at the chipping paint for a while, listening to the little children playing around with their parents and friends, then I felt a shoulder brush my hand. I looked up.
'It's been a while, Bishounen.' His hair looked a little shorter, but still as vividly red and scruffy, and with that unmistakable German accent I recognised him immediately as Schuldich.
'Oh man, has it ever!' I sort of lunged at him and hugged him. 'Hey, take it easy boy.' I pulled back and looked at his face. He looked older, just a bit. To me, Shu had always seemed ageless. He beamed at me. 'Want to go for a drink with me?'
I ran a hand through my hair, barely able to comprehend it was him. 'Well, I've just kinda been, but yeah sure. Why not.'
~*~*~*~
'So', Shuldich swirled the drink inside his glass. 'Where have you been, Nagikins? Whatcha been up to?' I sipped my own drink tentatively. 'I should ask you the same thing. But, I've got a job in the city, and would you believe I'm still working for Crawford.' Shu nearly spat out his drink. 'Crawford? Really? He changed much?'
I shook my head. 'Not a bit. Still cold and harsh, but you have to expect that.' Shu nodded and for while we were silent, reflecting I suppose.
'Are you fucking the Weiss boy?' This time I was the one to choke on my drink. 'You mean Omi?' He laughed. 'Who else would I be talking about?'
I sighed with a smile. Was I fucking the Weiss boy? Hell yeah. But did he have to be so crude about it? 'Yes, me and Omi are in a relationship.' I tried to phrase it as politely as possible. 'Ahh.but you are screwing him, aren't you?' Shuldich took a sip of his drink.
'Well if you really must know, yeah, I am. And he's not the 'Weiss boy' any more, he's just Omi.' Shu gave me the strangest look after I said that. Some sort of questioning look asking why I was defending him.
'Fraternising with the enemy, all this time. I never would have thought, Nagikins. Although, he was the cutest little thing last time I saw him. It's nice to hear that you're happy anyway.' He gave me a smile.
'What about you? Where have you been?' I gave him a little poke in the side. He squirmed a bit and I giggled. 'I've been.around. Here, there, everywhere.' Shu shrugged. 'Can you elaborate on that?' I raised an eyebrow. 'Well, I went back to Germany for a few months, a bit of unfinished business there, you know. Then I came back to Japan, looking for you, would you believe. I kinda assumed that if any of us would've survived that collapse, it would have been you.'
'Looking for me? How come? You missed me that much?' I said half sarcastically, half sincere. 'Actually, Bish, I did. You know you're my favourite, as if I wouldn't come after you. And no, I don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend. I know that's what you're gonna ask next, so now you don't have to.'
I smirked and looked at the glare caught on the tabletop. Aside from Omi, Shuldich was the only other person who could read me like a book. Sometimes it almost frustrated me, the way they knew me so well.
'You should be careful, Nagi.' It struck me as such an odd thing to say. 'Why do you say that?' My eyes were still looking at the glare, almost mesmerised by darting sparks of light on the shiny surface.
'Can never be too careful. I know you're getting awfully attached to the boy, but you never know someone as well as you think you do. You understand?' He drank down the rest of his drink. 'Yeah, I get you. If you're hinting about Weiss, they're gone too. I mean they've disbanded. They don't exist any more than we do.' I glanced back at him.
'You didn't think I was still 'existent' either, did you? Proved you wrong. Just be careful.' Shu slid off his seat and slipped a little piece of paper over the table to my hand. 'Call me if you ever need anything, I'll be in the city for a while. Bye, Bishounen.'
I simply nodded and watched him leave. I finished off the rest of my drink before I left the bar myself.
~*~*~*~
Walking around the city gives you good time to think. I thought a lot about Shuldich while I walked. Or, more to the point, about what he'd said. Be careful he'd said. Careful? Of what? Of Omi? Omi and his Weiss connections had died out long ago. Sure, he may still work at the florist shop and keep in constant contact with the three others, but Weiss was no more. He'd assured me of that, time and time again. And I trusted him.
Checking my watch, I decided to head back to the apartment, Omi would be finished with work soon and I wanted to get home before he did.
Have you ever wondered about how some things would have turned out, if for just one second you were delayed or something? I mean, everyone must think about things like this sometimes. I often found myself wondering about my life would have turned out if I never met up with Omi again. And I wondered where he'd be too.
I always just narrowed down these thoughts to my being insecure, but I couldn't help thinking about it none the less. Maybe I let Shu get into my head a little too much. I shook my head, as if trying to get rid of my negative thoughts and kept walking back to the apartment.
A whole night alone, with Omi. A little shudder of excitement rippled through my body. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from giggling in the street. It surprised me how dirty my mind could get at times. But it did have its good qualities too. Having a perverted mind, I mean. It just added incentive for me wanting to get home sooner.
My walking pace increased to a run. It felt good to run, just having the cool air fly back into my face. I ran all the way back to the apartment and after sprinting down the hall and into our room I collapsed on the couch, a mass of giggles.
'Omi, Omi, Omi!' I was so hyper as I rolled around on the couch, clutching a cushion to my chest. The ringing of the phone caught me off guard and I fell off the couch, scrambling to reach the phone. I glanced at the phone, checking whose number it was. It was the florist's shop. Omi.
I picked it up, hoping it wasn't something I didn't want to hear. 'Hello?' There was a little pause at the other end of the phone before I heard his voice. 'Nagi? It's Omi.'
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