I have or should I now say had a self-harming habit. Last night was very bad night for me. I thought things would never get better. I wondered why I always felt this sad, this heavy. Why me?
I had a dream. I dreamed of The Doctor. Silly Eleven. My Doctor. I was in my bed and I heard the sounds of the TARDIS. I awoke to the raggedy man appearing out.
"Hello," He said. Hesitant. Confused. "Now what do we have here?" He walked around my room looking at the walls. Scanning my room with the screwdriver.
"Definitely signs of cracks. Where? Where?"
I worked up enough voice to say "Doctor?"
"Yes, that's me! Hi, hello and who are you?"
"Laura."
"Well Laura, you might just be one of the most important people in the universe." Now with my self-esteem obviously I didn't believe him. I just looked down into my lap.
"You don't believe that? Why I bet you're brilliant."
"I'm really not." But he would hear nothing of it.
"Now tell me brilliant Laura, have you noticed any strange cracks around you? They would have started around four years ago."
"I'm sorry Doctor I haven't." He looked at me and then I covered myself with the blanket. I didn't want him to see. I don't want anyone to see.
"Stop, get up!" he exclaimed. " Did you do this?" I cast my eyes down. "Well stop, no really stop." He scanned my arm.
"The cracks! When did this start? Why haven't you noticed them? When did they appear?"
"I did it" He looked into my eyes. For what seemed like hours. My Doctor. Seeing into my soul.
"I'm so sorry. I am sorry for doing this to you"
"Doctor what do you mean?"
"The cracks, of course! They had to go somewhere! Ripping holes in time and space and they ended up on an 18 year old's body. I am so sorry. You must stop this though"
"Doctor what do you mean?"
"Every time you hurt yourself it from a rip in the universe. Do you ever feel so heavy that you can't handle it? You want it to escape."
"Yes! That's how I feel always."
"Brilliant Laura I told you that you were important. You contain the time and space in your body. You are the timeline. You are what keep it together. You must stop. For The Universe and for me. For you."
"Doctor I can't"
"You can and you must. This isn't about you anymore. This is about everyone that ever did and ever will exist." I bit my lip and looked down. He lifted my chin and forced me to look into his eyes.
"Please"
"Okay Doctor."
"You must sleep now Laura and contain the urges. It will get better I will fix it."
"How can you fix it, these scars are always here"
"I'm going to get rid of them but you must promise me that you'll never make anymore"
"I promise Doctor" He grabbed his sonic and as soon as he started they started to heal and go away.
"I've closed all of the rips in the universe."
"What about those?" I point to my legs."
"Those will heal and closed on their own." He kissed my head. "You are very brave Laura. You are very strong" Then he goes to leave.
"Doctor?" He spins around.
"Yes" Face forming a smile. "Will you tell me a story before you go?"
" I do love stories."
And then I woke up.
And I no longer feel sad.
Thank you Doctor.