Garfield was in his bed, asleep.

As he slept, he snored loudly.

Meanwhile, Odie, who was more civilized than usual today, was making a sandwich. He spread the mayonnaise on, then added the roast beef, then the Swiss-

"ZZZZZZZZZZZ!"

Startled, Odie fell off the chair he was standing on and ended up with a jar of mayo stuck on his head.

"Yip?" he whined, springing towards the living room to see what was going on. It was not easy, as he kept getting blown backwards by Garfield's snoring. But he eventually made it.

Garfield sensed Odie's coming and woke up. To the sound of a bugle playing a reveille, the yellow beagle turned a corner and bounced towards Garfield's box. The cat responded by waving its arms in the air like an idiot.

"OH GOD! STOP! ODIE! NO!" Garfield thought, in the voice of the late Lorenzo Music.

He ran as fast as his obese feline legs could carry him. Unfortunately for him, the rest of his body was also feline, and felines are quadraped. Thus, Garfield's arms were legs too. Also thus, Garfield fell flat on his face while tripping on his own fat on the way down.

This resulted in a somersault. A somersault right towards the 13-inch cathode ray tube TV nobody had bothered to replace yet.

Jon was watching a news report on the Eastboro Presbyterian Church, which was protesting a funeral for a little boy that had cancer.

"The church claims that little Randy died as a result of God's fury for the sins of the United States, and the country of the United States in general," stated reporter Bob Spike.

Jon laughed, "What?"

There were then some shots of some picket signs the protester were waving. Some of those that stood out from the others were: "Ebola is all YOUR FAULT, fags!", "God hates you all! Burn in hell!", "Faggots die, the Lord laughs!", and "Pray for more dead soldiers!"

Jon, who was a REAL Christian, was outraged, but before he could say anything, the TV fell over with a loud crash. His two pets emerged from behind it. Jon noticed the jar of mayonnaise stuck on Odie's head.

"Oh, God," he muttered softly, before getting up and lifting the set back upright.

Garfield quickly ran off, leaving only Odie behind. The dog shivered before standing upright, removing the mayo jar from his head, and pulling out a hat and cane. Thankfully, his owner knew better than to believe Odie did it.

Coffee was like Garfield's beer; even though it tasted bad, he needed it to get through the day. The tabby poured some coffee from the pot into a pale-aqua mug. He brought the cup to his lips and took a long sip.

"Too weak," he thought-spoke, making another batch and taking a sip. Smacking his lips, he decided that this one was much better. He gulped it down, then refilled the mug.

sssssiiiiiiiip -

"GAAAAARFIEEELD!"

Garfield's ears folded back as he did a giant spit-take while simultaneously spilling the rest of the mug all over his face. Double the comedy.

"Get back in here!" yelled Jon.

The irritated cat, still dripping with coffee, re-entered the living room.

"Down on four legs, now. Act normal for your species," Jon ordered, looking very mad.

Garfield fell down on all fours.

"What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Nothing. You know I can't talk."

"Well? I'm waiting..."

"But, Jon..."

"Fine. As your punishment for refusing to answer me, you will have to take care of Nermal for the rest of the day."

"No... NO! NOT HIM! ANYTHING BUT HIM!" Garfield wrapped his paws around Jon's ankles, but only succeeded in getting dragged along for a bit before Jon kicked him off his leg.

Jon dialed his parents' house, which was where Nermal lived most of the time. After a few rings, his mother picked up.

"The hell you want?" she yelled gruffly.

"Yeah, I was wondering if you could bring Nermal over for Garfield to play with."

"NOOOOOOO!" Garfield screamed internally, before flopping onto his face.