The Good, The Bad and The Pretty
a YuGiOh! fanfic by yllimilly
tristan x otogi x shizuka
drama.
rated: T+ for implied themes (scroll to bottom of fic for details).
4500 words.
written for the YuGiOh Fanfiction Contest, Season 10, Round One.
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The Good, The Bad and The Pretty
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Bits and pieces of cheap toilet paper cling to her damp fingers, delicately holding the slim pregnancy test. The fan in the bathroom was noisier than usual. She never paid much attention to it but today, it was getting on her nerves.
The instructions on the packaging made it look so simple. She never thought she'd get so impatient with an inanimate object. After years of training being in the Kawai and Wheeler families, Shizuka thought of herself as a patient person. But today, this wasn't the case.
Today was happening because of one of those parties her brother had thrown for some reason or another two and a half months ago. Everyone was her brother's age and there was a lot of people she didn't know. But Yugi was there and she knew him a little. Ryou was there too. Then there was Otogi, openly intent on making cocktails for an increasingly uncomfortable, way below legal drinking aged Shizuka.
Thankfully, Tristan was also there, and fortunately, he was sweet enough to rescue her from the womanizer. He'd awkwardly led her outside and because there wasn't really anything else to talk about, he'd started telling her jokes to bring her spirits up. Tristan wasn't the funniest guy but she'd laughed anyway. The alcohol might have helped. She'd listened to him but wasn't really hearing what he'd said. Tristan was tall and built and something in the back of her mind made her wonder why Joey always told her to stay away from him. He seemed like a good guy, there was no doubt about it. She wondered why he was single.
Randomly, in the middle of the retelling of some event that happened to someone she didn't know at Tristan's school, she'd felt the sudden urge to pour her heart out to the young man. She wanted him to know how her life was getting shittier and shittier every day and why and how she'd wanted to move out of her mother's house. She'd long stopped believing her brother whenever he said he'd save enough money so that they could share an apartment just the two of them.
Joey was many good things, but reliable was not one of them.
She'd felt the chill of the evening air and had leaned onto Tristan. They'd stayed like that for a little while, then he'd cupped her chin and kissed her.
She'd let him. She'd let him kiss her.
A minute later, Joey had punched Tristan in the face.
The next day, Shizuka called Tristan in secret to apologize. He'd insisted that it was nothing. Said, jokingly, that she could make up for it with a date. He was only kidding but, they both knew how much he wanted this.
And so, she'd agreed to meet him on one of the weekday evenings she knew would coincide with one of her brother's shifts, just to be on the safe side.
The date had ended on the backseat of Tristan's car.
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"That's impossible."
Tristan really was a good person. His genuinely naive view of the world made it hard for anyone to legitimately get upset at him. And so, Shizuka did nothing more than purse her lips together as he interrupted her for the third time in one and a half minutes.
"I wish."
"I really made sure that-"
"I know."
"Let me finish," said Tristan impatiently. Shizuka bit the inside of her lower lip. She did her best not to wince when he went over the improvised means of contraception they'd 'used'.
"That's not the point and you know it." Shizuka forced herself to inhale. No good would come out of antagonizing him now. "What I'm trying to say is, what happened, happened. It doesn't matter what happened then..."
"But there's-" Tristan threw his head back and sighed loudly.
"Never mind, I'll think of something," she offered, not wanting to make Tristan angry.
"Hey, I never said I wasn't gonna do anything." He exhaled and cracked his knuckles by reflex.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," she deplored insistently. "Don't tell my brother," she suddenly said as the thought crossed her mind.
"I won't," he immediately agreed.
Shizuka stayed silent. Swallowed. There really wasn't anything else she could do.
Finally, after a good minute or two, Tristan spoke up authoritatively.
"Look, take another test, just to be sure." He scoffed disbelievingly. "If it's the same, then... we'll just go from there. I just wanna be sure what I'm getting into," he concluded.
This - the implied promise of accountability - somehow reassured Shizuka.
He laid down a ten dollar bill on the table to cover both of their coffees, and left.
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It had been hypocritical of Elaine Kawai to flee her husband on grounds of alcoholism. There was the abuse, of course, but she'd never slip a word about it, not even to her own daughter, no matter how obvious the injuries were at times. Communication wasn't a big thing in the family. The woman wasn't too aware of what was going on in her daughter's social life. She didn't ask about school because she knew Shizuka was doing well without her (and the woman had never been keen on studying in her own school days), and she assumed Shizuka was friends with the popular girls just because they happened to be popular enough for every other kid's mother to know their name.
Her mother tended to drink more whenever she was in her lows, which always coincided with celibacy. Not that the woman fleeted from one man to another, rather she had a habit of hooking back and forth with the same pool of males.
Whenever one of them stormed out of her mother's life, Shizuka had secretly rejoiced. And whenever they came back, Shizuka cheered for her mother, because having that one gap filled in her life was better than nothing.
She'd been on and off with Gary, the last guy for over a year, and the last time he was over at her mother's house, he'd left claiming it was the last time he was dealing with her mother's bullshit. They'd met at church, during one of the group sessions for members with addiction problems, which Elaine Kawai wasn't going to attend this week. Just in case she'd see him there.
So after mass, she said she'd treat Shizuka to a little shopping spree. Mother and daughter. Wouldn't that be nice? Perhaps. Shizuka smiled. The two females had very little in common, despite whatever the elder believed. The girl had her own reasons for accepting - better keep an eye on her mother's spending. She could get carried away easily during her 'ups'.
They did manage to do a bit of small talk during the wait out of the church parking lot and during the drive to the mall. Her mom wanted to take up crochetting with a few other members. Time to learn something new, right? Time to do something for myself this time. Shizuka had a hunch she'd be getting crochetted stuff for every gift-worthy celebration for at least a year, if, of course, her mother didn't quit like she did with scrapbooking, baking, yoga...
Shizuka liked going to the mall. Not the small mall near school she went to with her friends, no the big mall you could only go to by car or through 90 minutes of public transit. She replayed in her mind the names of the big brand stores that could only be found here as her mother wondered out loud which color of eyeshadow she should make coordinate with her potential new shawl. This might just be a semi-pleasant afternoon after all.
The duo hopped from one busy store to the next. That was the other good thing about this mall - lots of stores to choose from. Shizuka hoped her favorite one had a big sale. To her surprise, her mother was more than willing to go ahead and do the youthful shopping first because her eyeshadow could wait. She proposed that it was time for her daughter to get herself a nice spring jacket, something more grown up, more womanly.
Would the jacket fit in a few months from now? Would Shizuka even make it to high school?
There was no use panicking now, Shizuka thought. Tristan might just be right. Maybe the test was wrong. Maybe she wasn't really pregnant. God, if you're up there, please don't let me be pregnant.
As fun and vast as this mall was, it had one inconvenience.
Black Clown Games.
Otogi's store.
Otogi wouldn't work on a Sunday. Quit worrying about everything. And even if he did, do you think he'd care about the likes of you? Otogi Ryuji can get any girl or boy he likes. He doesn't care about you any more than he cares about any other palatable human being, single or not, on this planet.
Still, Shizuka felt uneasy when her mother set her mind on one of the new arrivals exhibited on a mannequin in the store opposite Otogi's. New Arrivals, prohibitive prices. Shizuka really didn't mind not giving a look at this jacket. She didn't want to stick around Otogi's shop longer than necessary. Just a precaution.
But the mother felt rejuvenated by the prospect of purchasing something for her teenage daughter. Because Shizuka knew it'd be pointless to argue (the quicker she gave in to her mother's whim, the less time they'd be spending on this spot),she agreed to give the jacket a look. A very quick look.
It did look good. Really good. Shizuka gave Black Clown a furtive glance.
"Try it!"
"Not here mom," she said, lowering her voice in hopes that her mother would do the same.
"The changing rooms are full. It's just a coat! Try it on!"
"We're almost in the hallway, mom."
"It doesn't matter, you only need to take off your cardigan. Come on," the mother said with a slightly authoritative voice, the unzipped piece of apparel in hand, ready to be worn.
Shizuka winced and handed her scarf and coat to her mother. Reluctantly, she started taking off a sleeve of her cardigan.
"Shizuka?"
She froze upon hearing Otogi's voice. Her mother was quick to take over and do the talking.
"Are you a friend of Shizuka's?"
"Yes, you could say that. Hey Shizuka," Otogi snaked an arm around her bare shoulder, "How have you been?"
"Good," she almost spat as she tore herself from the young man's embrace.
"Shizuka! Don't be so shy!" That was her mother. "Don't worry, she's always like that, she's shy when she's around boys. Aren't you, Shizuka?"
The girl blushed. She glanced nervously at Otogi, whose enigmatic, almost knowing smile didn't help to reassure her.
No. Nonono.
He'd probably heard about her and Tristan. Heck, he knew just about everything about everyone in this town.
"You look quite young, are you Shizuka's sister?"
"Oh! My, no," her mother giggled, "I'm her mother."
The daughter grit her teeth, appalled that her mother always let herself be won over by cheap tricks like these. Having had both Joey and Shizuka in her late teens, the woman was indeed young, more so than most mothers. But time also took a severe toll on her and she really did look as old as her friends' parents.
Otogi courted the woman for a little while and he managed to get not only her first name, but her maiden name as well.
Then, much to her dismay, the spotlight fell back on Shizuka.
"I've been wanting to see you, Shizuka. We don't hang out enough." He gave both females his generic winsome smile.
Shizuka paled. Her mother, on the other hand, smiled widely. And in the meantime, Otogi's arm found a way to encircle her shoulders again. The last thing she wanted was to be touched by Otogi, no, to be touched by him in public in front of her own unresponsive mother. She tried to shut off her senses and let him have his way. It'd be over quicker that way.
"Yeah, we should hang out," Shizuka replied flatly, without conviction.
"How about Wednesday?"
"I have school." Shizuka looked for her mother, who was pretending to be looking at some clothes nearby, but was, in fact, shamelessly eavesdropping.
"I meant after school."
"I have to study."
"That's not what you told Tristan," he murmured, keenly aware of the older woman's presence.
Shizuka felt her heart stop.
And start again. Painfully. When her gaze met Otogi's, she knew he had won; he'd extracted some information from her the same way he'd steal candy from a toddler. The look on his face spelled 'I knew it' in neon letters. Shizuka wanted to vomit.
"Let me take you out. Just for coffee, or ice cream," he chuckled, "a cute girl like you should only have ice cream..." He pressed against her but she didn't feel anything. She didn't feel anything.
"I'm giving you permission," said the mother, reintegrating into the conversation not quite subtly enough. I can even come pick you up. Is that okay for you?" She was asking the young man.
"Of course. See? It all works out. Even your mother thinks you should get out more." He released Shizuka from his grip. "I'll see you on Wednesday," he said before wishing her mother a wonderful afternoon and strolling back to his shop across the hallway like he owned the place. Well, technically...
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"I can't believe how handsome he is," repeated the mother, wrestling with her car keys. "Why didn't you tell me about him earlier? What a nice friend to have," she said to herself, her voice evidently dripping with envy.
"We're not really friends..."
"No, no, honey," she replied, shaking her head as she opened the car door. "I've always told you: men are from Mars, women are from Venus. You just can't be friends with a man." The little, theatrical laugh she let out was distinctively bitter.
"I never said I wanted to be his friend." Shizuka knew this argument was pointless. Let it slide, just let it slide. She had no obligation of going to the date either. Simply come straight home after school and say you had to prepare for a test of some kind.
"Don't be like that. You have to grow up, Shizuka! You're not a little girl anymore! When I was your age..."
She trailed off.
"You're such a sweet little girl. My baby girl."
The woman smiled, a smile that said 'I'm trying so hard to be happy for you'.
And neither of them said anything for the rest of the drive.
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There was a car parked in front of the house, a car Shizuka knew all too well.
"I think this is one of Joey's friends," her mother said with a bit of annoyance.
Shizuka shrank in her seat. Tristan hadn't called or tried to reach her since their last conversation and neither had she, him. She hadn't even gotten another test. He must be pretty pissed, she thought. He must be pretty worried too.
"I'll see you inside," she told her mother, getting out as soon as the car came to a stop before the woman could protest (or approve).
The brand new jacket lay limp on the passenger seat.
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Tristan looked pensive, sitting up straight, looking straight in front of him.
He was even wearing a shirt and tie. A tie!
Shizuka knocked on his window. When he didn't react, she circled around the car and took place in the passenger seat next to him.
The car was clean, cleaner than she'd remember it.
And Tristan looked as clean cut as ever. And extremely nervous. Shizuka could tell she was about to get vented at, big time. She hadn't exactly been easy on him when she announced the big news, so it was only fair that he lash a bit on her too.
"I'm sorry I haven't called you, Tristan," she said in a soft voice.
"That's fine."
She kept her knees together; pulled at some hair that had gotten caught in her cotton thighs. "I haven't had time to buy another test but I'll-"
"I said that's fine," Tristan said impatiently. Then he shook his head and turned to her. "I'm sorry, I didn't want it to come out that way," he amended.
Shizuka swallowed. "That's okay." She looked out the windshield, not quite ready yet to return Tristan's gaze. His burning gaze, she could feel it. "I don't mind."
"Look, I've been thinking." He ran his hand through his hair. Had he gotten a haircut? He always kept it buzz, but... "We can move in together."
Shizuka jumped and looked at Tristan, who looked back at her. Her mouth went dry. "That's crazy."
Tristan tapped his fingers in his bouncing knee. "Look, we gotta be real. If we're going to have this baby, we gotta do things right. You're moving in with me." His words were firm, his eyes earnest.
"That's- no, Tristan, that's not... That's-"
"-what I gotta do! I've made up my mind. I gotta man up-"
"But I'm not even sure..."
"Then it won't be a problem if you're not-"
"Tristan, I'm not even sure... who..."
Tristan froze.
"I'm not really sure it's yours," she repeated softly.
She could read, on his face, each step of the realisation process, and it was painful.
Painful to her because she'd revealed the unbelievable.
She wasn't sure he was the father.
She didn't know.
She had no way of knowing.
And it felt more reassuring to go to him and let him know about her pregnancy first because, at the back of her mind, some part of her secretly hoped (knew?) that he'd react like this and that he wouldn't question anything and take responsibility. Because he was Tristan, a little naive at times, and because she was Shizuka, the goody two shoes that no one would ever think of as a slut.
This could have worked. It might've been hell at times, but they could have made it work between the two of them. The three of them?
But now Tristan was angry. She didn't know the goofy guy who worked his lame joke repertoire so hard just to put a smile on her face could also be so angry. It's like he was a different person.
"Get out," he said tersely.
Shizuka found herself unable to move.
Something swelled up in her gut. In her throat. In her face.
She wanted to cry.
"Shizuka I'm telling you, get the fuck out." He gripped the wheel tensely, his knuckles turning white. And she obeyed.
She didn't head back home. Rather, she headed for the opposite direction. She couldn't let her mother see her like this. A long walk in the cool winter air would take care of those soon to be puffy, red eyes.
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She spent the following day mortified at the thought of seeing those men again.
She couldn't concentrate on classes and it took every effort for her not to touch that part of her belly where she thought the uterus might be.
She didn't have the best relationship with that part of her body.
She wanted to cradle it, as if she could feel the baby, or just to see how it would feel to be a mother.
At other times, she just wanted to punch herself in the gut.
When bedtime came, Shizuka could only lie awake in bed, eyes wide open. She waited for sleep to come and take her somewhere, anywhere.
But there was no way her brain would let her.
She was pregnant. Probably. She wasn't ready to be a mother. Well, she wasn't sure. She couldn't tell her mother, let alone her brother. But she'd have to tell them at some point. The very thought was frightening. The whole process with Tristan, the anger, the confusion... She'd have to go through it all over again.
She had hurt Tristan. She didn't want to but she had... She'd hurt him so deeply.
When late night turned into early morning, Shizuka got up, walked out of her bedroom, and made sure that her mother was fast asleep. Loud snoring could be heard from the master bedroom; meaning not even a fire alarm could wake the woman up.
She walked to 'that cupboard,' that useless space high above the fridge where she knew her mother hid her liquor stash. Shizuka hiked herself on a chair. The little wooden door creaked. The snoring in the master bedroom went on uninterrupted.
Shizuka grabbed the smallest bottle, the one with the hardest stuff in it, and poured herself a swig. She drank it all at once and winced at the taste. How could anyone grow fond of something so awful?
It wasn't the best thing to do, but just a little bit of liquor wouldn't hurt the baby. If there was a baby at all. If she was going to keep it in the first place...
She rinsed and dried the glass, then put everything back in its place and walked back to her bedroom, feeling light headed already. She smiled drowsily. Things could be worse than they were right now.
A few minutes later, she sunk into a deep, alcohol induced sleep. The next best thing to the real thing.
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Tuesday was relatively uneventful despite the inner turmoil Shizuka was going through. She stalked her way out of the school at the end of the day, not wanting to socialize with her classmates. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Tristan standing across the street from the school gate, hands in his pockets, looking back at her. She immediately dropped her head and took a left, walking as fast as she could without thinking.
When Wednesday came, she had brushed away the thought of meeting Otogi completely. Part of her felt stupid for even considering it - like he had been serious about it in the first place! He hadn't contacted her to agree on a place and time. Not that she would have wanted to...
But in truth, who didn't want to be a part of Otogi's world? Who didn't want a little piece of his attention, his sunshine?
She thought about Tristan.
Wondered why he was there, if he had wanted to see her, why he had wanted to see her, if she should fear his intentions.
No, Tristan had had a reason to be angry and she wouldn't take that from him. But he wouldn't hurt her, he just wasn't the violent type.
She didn't know he was the insistent type though.
He was there, again, standing right by the gates. Their eyes locked and Shizuka slowed down. Tristan said something that she couldn't hear amidst the flock of students leaving for home.
She felt something tighten in her chest. Tristan called out her name.
This time, she heard him.
Stupidly (she knew it was vain), she looked away and walked straight past him. He grabbed her lightly by the arm and let go.
"Shizuka." He was pleading. Pleading!
And there were dark circles under his eyes.
"Shizuka, we need to talk."
"I can't," she said, because it was true. She couldn't tell him. She could never tell anyone. She could only walk away.
"I was angry! You've got to understand! You've got to understand that!" He ran up to her and blocked her path. "Shizuka please, I'm not angry at you, it's just..." He balled his fists, clearly prey to some inner conflict. "We haven't talked things through."
"I can't, I'm sorry." She shook her head violently. Half the sentence was barely audible. Her throat felt tight and she sidestepped him.
"You can't just leave me out! I need to know if I'm a part of this! You have to understand! You have to understand that!" His voice was getting more and more distant. He wasn't budging from his spot. "Shizuka!"
She was about to burst into tears but avoided it by planting a fingernail deep into the palm of her hand. He didn't try to chase her this time and she sort of wished he did, even though she didn't deserve it.
She took deep breaths, inside and out, all along the way home, and appeared remarkably in control when she faced her mother. Shizuka could hear that the television was turned on in the living room.
"Shizuka! You're just in time." The woman put down her kitchen knife. She was dolled up despite the homey apron.
"Just in time?" Shizuka asked, prudently.
"We're having a special guest over for dinner." She smiled, relishing in her little secret.
Otogi? Here? How did he even know where she lived? And not only did he invade her private space any chance he got, now he had to invade her home too?
"Right... I thought we'd be going out, not eating in." She wrapped a hand around her elbow protectively. She didn't want to see him. She just wanted to be alone.
Her mother gave her a strange look. "You knew?" She craned her neck and called out to the living room. "Gary, did you tell her?" The mother smiled at her daughter, a bit embarrassed that no answer came out. "Did you tell her? About us?"
Shizuka felt a cold chill running over her. So her mother was back with Gary. And he was here, right now.
Her mother hadn't been able to last celibacy more than a month.
Time can go by so fast.
She ushered the girl towards the living room.
"Shizuka's here!" She re-introduced her daughter proudly, as if they didn't know each other, as if the woman was strangely aware of her own flimsiness relationship-wise and that it was to be expected that Shizuka forget the names of her lovers.
But Gary was hard to forget.
The man looked up, put on a mellow smile. "Hey honey pie. How's it been going?"
Shizuka offered him a contrite simle, the best she could muster. "Good."
"Why don't you catch up while I'm preparing the roast? It's also his favorite," she told Shizuka.
Roast isn't my favorite, mother.
She was alone with her part time step father.
"Why don't you sit down, honey pie?" He was wearing a clean polo, the equivalent of formal clothing for a man his caliber. "Huh? Sit down with me."
She didn't want to. And she didn't have to either but, somehow, she felt compelled to do so anyway. Her mother was out of sight, happily pounding her knife against the chopping board.
She sat down on the far edge of the couch.
The man inched closer to her.
"You've been a good girl," he whispered in her ear, praising her discretion.
She didn't reply. She couldn't see what was happening on the television screen.
He rested a warm hand on her knee but she didn't feel anything. She didn't feel anything.
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themes / triggers :
molestation; pregnancy; hinted abuse and step-incest