This is my first time really writing "sexy times" so reviews would be wonderful. (:

I'm working on a few ideas for a good multi-chapter fic so I should post that soon. I mostly wrote this to just try to get over the bit of writers block I've been having. Sorry if… it sucks.

I shift awkwardly in the room that Sara and I share at our grandparent's house, studying my twin counterpart. We'll be leaving in the morning and I know we should probably go to bed soon. I watch Sara as she silently read one of her books and tapped her foot to some melody that only she could hear. I never know what to do at this time and I can never understand how she can remain so calm nonchalant at a time like this while my mind was going a thousand miles a minute.

I was always an anxious mess leading up to it. I was also usually the one who felt guilty afterwards. Well, at least as far as I know. Sara never acknowledges it. Not before. Not after. Sure as hell not during.

"Hey, Tee. I think we should get ready for bed."

I nod, feeling numb and shake away my thoughts, trying to calm myself down. I escape to the bathroom under the pretense of getting ready for bed. I stand in the bathroom for a while, trying to calm my nerves. I just can't relax. I yank off my cozy sweater so I'm only in a shirt and slip out of the jeans I wore all day. I stare into the mirror for a while, my eyes trying to convince me that everything is okay. I could feel them pleading with myself to understand something that my own mind just couldn't think of a logical excuse for. I grab my toothbrush and start to brush my teeth, beginning to go through all of the things that have become routine for me before doing what I knew to be inevitable. I hate doing this; getting prepared. It was like admitting what was happening was actually happening. It was like saying I liked it. Like saying I wanted it. I just cannot admit those things to myself, no matter how true they are.

Once my breath is nice and minty fresh I start back towards our bedroom. I tiptoe softly and quietly to the door and take a final deep breath. I open the door to find the room was already completely dark. I gulp softly and push the door shut wandering over to the bed my sister and I share. I slide under the covers and turn my body away from my twin's. I bite my lip and get into a comfortable position while I wait.

This is all very habitual for us. The first few steps in a little game we've been playing for a while. All I have to do now is wait for Sara to proceed with the next step. We both know I'd never initiate it. I just can't. Something blocks my brain from getting there. I'm too anxious and scared. On a few occasions I have tried to push Sara towards starting it but I could never bring myself to actually do it. I release the breath that I wasn't even aware I was holding when I feel Sara's foot brush up against mine. There it is. It doesn't seem like much but it's everything for me. My body is already on fire with anticipation and the littlest touch from Sara always drives me wild. I gently push my foot back against hers, biting my lip as her soft leg slides up against mine, sending a kick straight to my core.

I feel her roll over in the bed and know she is facing my back, her breath teasing the back of my neck. It's my turn now. I have to take the next step. I nervously roll over to face her and neither of us moves. It's a silent moment where we simply stare at each other, trying to make out each other's features in the dark. I can only barely see the way her dark bangs fall over her pale skin and hide the gorgeous brown eyes identical to my own. I smile shyly and slide my arms around her waist, pulling her a little closer, waiting for her. It's her turn again and she quickly takes the next step.

Her lips find mine and we began a deep, passionate, familiar kiss. I groan softly, knowing my lips will be bruised tomorrow as they always are after one of our nights. I'm definitely not complaining though as she hungrily devours my mouth. This is how we always kiss; hard. Rough.

It's almost as if we think that at any minute the other will ripped away and this is our final goodbye. I always find myself needing more. I always desperately want more from Sara, even when she has nothing left to give me. I feel her hands pulling my shirt away and her mouth sliding down to my chest, quickly taking one of my nipples into her mouth. I bite my lip and let my hands yank at her shirt, loving the feeling of her soft smooth skin. Nothing will ever compare to the feeling of Sara. Her skin, her lips, her tongue, her fingers, the way her hair tickles my stomach as she slides lower and lower down this body that she has claimed as hers time and time again.

I let her pull off the black briefs I'm wearing but then I flip her over, pushing her down beneath me. Sara lets out a soft grunt under me and wriggles under my grip. I'm not sure if it's from anticipation or if she isn't comfortable being on the bottom for once but I don't really care. I pull her shirt off and my hands greedily pursue her body until finding her breasts. I love the way they feel in my hands, so soft and perfect. I push my lips back against hers and slip my tongue into her mouth, exploring every inch of it while I can.

I can feel her getting antsy beneath me so I move between her legs, pulling off the pajama pants she is wearing. I'm surprised to find that she isn't wearing underwear and I can almost feel her smirking as I discover this. I know she will try to take over again so I hurriedly spread her legs and lick her wet lips. I know I'm blushing profusely as I spread her pussy and begin to lap up her fluids. I have never really done this before but the way Sara's squirming and holding back moans underneath me is very encouraging. I let my tongue roam up and down her satin folds, just enjoying Sara. Her taste. Her smell. She's intoxicating to say the least. I slide my tongue up to her little button and suck on it gently.

"Tee."

I instantly freeze. One of our unspoken rules is that we never talk. We don't talk about what we occasionally do in the middle of the night. We don't discuss our little game and the fun we have when nobody is around. We definitely never talk about it during. There isn't any time in between rushed kisses and hushed moaning.

"P-please..."

Sara sounds so desperate that I don't even remember why I stopped. I don't give it a second thought as I slide my tongue down to push inside her tight walls, feeling them pulse around me already. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right but I figure by Sara's wetness and how she was squirming that she was close. I let my finger move up to her little bundle of nerves and circle it gently. I push my tongue deeper into her, wriggling it around and getting lost in the sounds of her groans. Before I know it she is shaking beneath me and then her body is tensing up as she reaches her limit. I happily lick away her juices and then I reluctantly pull away.

I know it might be a while before I will get the opportunity to find myself between her legs again and I hate that, but before I can dwell on this thought Sara is back on top of me, taking control again. She kisses me roughly, shoving her tongue into my mouth and tasting herself. Her fingers expertly slide between my drenched folds and she wastes no time pushing a finger inside of me. I moan into her mouth softly as she slides another finger into me. I love this feeling of Sara surrounding me, her naked body pressing so perfectly against mine, her smell enveloping me. I feel like I could suffocate on her in the most wonderful way.

I feel her beginning to pick up speed as she thrusts her fingers into my contracting walls. Her lips have found their way to my neck, sucking on the spot that she knows drives me crazy. I bite my lip, trying to hold back the moans building inside of myself. Her fingers turn up, brushing against that sweet spot that always turns me into the best kind of mess and I feel that tingling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know I'm almost gone, my eyes closing tightly as I reach my peak. I clamp one of my hands over my mouth to muffle my moans and my other hand scratches at Sara's back as my body begins to quiver under hers.

Sara bites at my neck in return and continues pumping in and out of me gently as I come down from my high. Once she pulls out of me she moves back to her original spot next to me, turning her back to me. All I want is for her to hold me, to show me that what we do is more than just hormonal teenagers trying to displace some of their pent up lust onto one another.

I let out a soft whimper as I roll over and try to get comfortable. It's the only noise that can describe the way my heart breaks into a million pieces every time these nights end. I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks before I can even process how deeply hurt I am. I bury my face in my pillow, not understanding how one person can make me so damn happy one second and completely destroy me the next. How can she feel so close and yet so far away?

I know that the next step is pretending that nothing happened. I will have to try to forget about it all until the next time and Sara won't even acknowledge it. It will be like it never happened. All I can do now is lay here, ignore the ache in my heart, and fight the urge to roll over and hold the only woman I'll ever love as she falls asleep.