Disclaimer: J. K.'s characters are her own. 'Nuff Said.
Letter to an Old Friend
By: Zanthiel
"Jessica." His voice was monotone. It did not contain a hint of happiness, nor disapproval. It was merely acknowledgement.
"Severus!" came her startled reply, as if she had not realized she was visible to the naked eye.
"Enjoying your stay in the dungeons?" Snape's voice was still emotionless. It seemed as though he was keeping up conversation merely for the sake of appearances, rather than any real interest in her contentment.
The woman was not much shorter than Snape, nor much younger. Though she seemed to shrink when he spoke, looking down at her own feet, her light brown hair falling down in front of her face, hiding her eyes. She much resembled an actor with stage fright.
"T-they're fine. Thank you." Her voice was so soft it was barely audible. No sooner had she spoken had she turned on her heels and continued walking down the hall, although, much faster than she had been previously. Snape quirked an eyebrow as if rather perplexed.
"Very well. Class dismissed. Remember to read through the introductory chapter in your books, and practice everything I've shown you today." Students shuffled and collected their things as they headed out the door. Once outside in the hall and out of earshot, the usual gossip began as students went their separate ways to their next classes.
"Boy, layin' it on thick isn't he?" Ron was the first to speak. "'Practice everything I've shown you today.' Nice 'n loud for everyone to hear, like he cares about us or something." Ron's point was well noted, but his imitation of Snape left something to be desired.
"Well, now that he's finally got his Defense Against the Dark Arts job I'm sure he doesn't want to lose it. Wants everyone to think he was the perfect choice all along. I'm sure he's already plotting ways to make our lives more miserable than he ever could before." Harry's reply showed a more than a hint of disgust, but he wasn't beyond expressing his outward dislike for Professor Snape. "But who was that girl? She called him by his first name. They seemed to know each other…"
"They ought to." Hermione interrupted. "That was our new Potions teacher, Professor Darlene. She graduated the same year as Snape."
-o-o-o-
The sun was just beginning to set when Jessica made her way back to her quarters after her first day of potions class. She sighed as she sunk into her chair; this school seemed to bring back so many memories. She tilted wearily back on the hind legs of her seat and withdrew her wand from her robes. With a flick of her wrist the door to her room swiftly shut itself and the bolt latched. Her window let in what little was left of the sunlight that was causing the sky to much resemble a dying campfire. She again reached into her robes and pulled out two letters addressed to her. The envelopes were tattered and discolored. She opened each very carefully, as though the slightest breath would cause them to turn to dust. She unfolded the contents, faded paper with creases torn from folding and re-folding. She read them to herself before carefully re-folding the letters and placing them in their respective envelopes. She drew up a sheet of parchment and a quill, and began writing:
"Where do I begin? It's been so long. The beginning is a good place to start, I suppose. The beginning, it seems like just yesterday and yet a lifetime ago. Things were so different then. I remember when I first noticed you, in Transfiguration class in our fourth year. I picked the seat behind you in Potions. You never seemed to notice me. Until the day I spilt my Polyjuice Potion. Do you remember that? That was the first time you looked me in the eyes. I was so nervous when you smiled at me. I could barely stammer out a thank you after you helped me clean up. But I'm sure you don't even remember that. I always wanted to tell you. I'm sure you remember me spying on you in between classes, and at mealtimes. When you looked over, I'd turn around or duck behind a corner. I could feel my face turn bright red and I knew you'd noticed me. You must have thought me some crazy stalker. Then again, maybe you knew the whole time. I was after all, shocked beyond belief when you asked me to the Yule Ball. I didn't even know you knew my name. I wanted to shrink until I melted into the shadows. And when we danced, you looked right into my eyes and smiled. You told me that it was the best night you'd ever had. That. That was when I knew how I felt about you. But I was so afraid. I thought you might laugh at me and call me mad. I didn't think you'd understand. After that I didn't have the courage to talk to you. But then you asked me to the next Quidditch game. And so it went. We never talked, except at those social gatherings. Occasionally you'd wink at me or smile when no one was looking. I'd blush. But never was a word spoken between us. Those years passed by so quickly it seems. And I realized that soon there were no more dances left. I wanted so badly to tell you how I felt. To ask you how you felt. I cried every night the week before that dance. It was to be the end of us, and you'd never know. When it came I told myself I would not shed a single tear. But you know how that went. When it came time for everyone to say their goodbyes and the room emptied, I found I couldn't let you go. Do you remember the moon that night? It was so beautiful. You asked me what I would do after school. But I couldn't answer. I looked up at you, expecting you to turn away. I was so embarrassed, I wanted to run and hide. Then you did something I never expected. You smiled. You wiped away my tears. And you kissed me. I can't put into words how I felt at that moment. I was so confused, but I was so happy. I wanted to hold you and never let you go. You asked me when you could see me again. Do you remember? You told me where to meet you, by the tree in front of the Shrieking Shack. No one could know you said. And so we met, in secret. Every month at first, then once a week, soon it seemed like there was not a night that went by that I wasn't sneaking out of my house to see you waiting there by that tree. I miss those nights so much. The long walks in the moonlight. We'd tell each other all our secrets. But, I still couldn't tell you how I felt. Then came the dark times, it wasn't safe to be out alone anymore. But we didn't listen. We kept ourselves hidden from the world. And then, one night you were gone. I waited all night for you. I told myself that you were ill, that everything was all right. But the next night you were not there. The next day I received your owl. 'Don't believe what they say I'm not one of them.' It was all you wrote. And I was so afraid. But I still waited for you, every night. Things settled down. It was like a shadow had been lifted from everything. People came back, they named names, and they said he had lost his control over them. Some people returned to their loved ones, some were left alone and have not been heard from to this day. And still I waited for you. But you didn't come back to me. Then I received your owl a few years back. 'I'm sure you've moved on by now. I hope life's been good to you these past thirteen or so years. I really am sorry for not writing all this time. I never did like goodbyes. But I had to write. He's back. Despite what they say he's back. He's gathering everyone up, starting over. They won't believe me. They'll be looking for all his old followers. I just want you to know I never was one of them. Be careful. Goodbye.' I sent an owl in reply. It returned the next day with the letter unopened. It was so unfair. I wanted to finally tell you how I felt. To tell you that I'd waited. But that was the last I heard from you. So, I'm writing you this letter, although I know you'll never read it, to tell you all the things I wanted to say. I love you, I'm still waiting."
She did not sign her letter, not did she address it after carefully folding the parchment and sealing it in an envelope.
-o-o-o-
It was cold for an autumn night. Jessica thrust her hands into her pockets to keep her fingers from growing numb. She looked up at the full moon and remembered. She always seemed to be alone during the full moon. She remembered looking, lonely, out her window years ago, on a night just like tonight. She had noticed how bright the moon was then too. But then again, it was only when she felt alone did she ever really look up to the sky. It helped bring back the good times. The night strolls, the laughs, the quiet times.
She looked back down and surveyed her surroundings. The tattered, weather beaten exterior in the distance hadn't changed much. She kneeled down and pulled up a large rock from the ground. She reached inside her robes and retrieved the blank envelope. She placed it up against the tree and positioned the rock against it, to keep the wind from stealing it away. As she slowly stood up something caught her eye. She touched the bark of the tree, where a familiar shape had been carved away. She ran her fingers over it as she had so many times before. They traced the engraved heart shape, the letters that it encircled.
S. B.
J. D.
She turned away and looked back up at the sky. It took all of her willpower not to turn back around. She closed her eyes. "You told yourself you wouldn't do this." she thought. As she looked back down she pulled her robes tighter to protect her from the icy winds. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she spoke words so softly, she could not be entirely sure she said them out loud. "Goodbye…Sirius."
Jessica put her hands back in her pockets. As she began to walk away she thought she heard a wolf howl somewhere in the distance.
The End
Author's Note: Reviews are greatly appreciated, as this is my first fanfic, and I need all the advice I can get. Thanks!
Zanthiel