This follows directly on from Cold Feet and Sanctuary, so please read those first for more context/understanding of this piece. Also this is another Heirverse 'phase 3' story, so more fics are connected to this one and I do recommend checking those out too if you love this. [you can also buy me a coffee on ko-fi now if you love my work too]
Business: I own nothing but the Heirverse and hellish voice/monster.
Also please go check my lovely packmates/series collaborators: Timewaster123456789, SesshomaruFreak, Spunky0ne [still so hyped to work with you, spunky!], Hitsugaya Kuchiki, Catsafari, Zerolr, Henka-chan, Ganymede Lullaby, Salazar Marvolo, Tropicallight, Twisted Virtue. [i... think this is everyone] They are all lovely and super talented.
A/n: A happier story that gave me many feelings, made me cry, helped me deal with some stuff, and makes all the suffering worth it. Totally putting off cleaning my flat with this story. [also totally not buttering everybody up before whacking people with angst and darker updates]
Notes: Story crossreferences everywhere [particularly Echo and Solitary Confinement, but every story gets a reference]. Happyfluffy sappyshippy moments. Feelings. Icebergs in the Falsehood Fea. Silenced emotional gunshot if you look real hard.
Hope you enjoy.
"Home is a shelter from storms. All kinds of storms."
- William J. Bennett
Home
Gin slowly blinked his eyes open, sighing happily as he listened to his lover's steady heartbeat. Smiling as he felt the heat of the warm body he was lying on. He didn't even remember falling asleep. Didn't know how long he'd slept for, either. All he knew was that he hadn't wanted to leave the sanctuary of his Sousuke's arms provided when they were so tightly wrapped around him. In fact he still didn't want to leave those arms and he'd kill anyone who tried to drag him out of them. It was where he belonged, after all. Those arms were home.
Gin's smile softened into one of tender affection as he gave his lover a tight but gentle squeeze, being careful not to wake him. Such peace was so rare, so fragile, and Gin didn't want to shatter it. And Sousuke needed his sleep, if the dark bags under his eyes were any indication. In truth, Sousuke probably didn't want Gin using him as a pillow and cuddling him like a child with an overly large teddy bear, but the man hadn't complained. Huh. Now that he thought about it, Gin didn't think Sousuke had ever complained about his clinginess. So he supposed he was quite lucky in that regard.
Ah, but then he does love me, so I guess he wouldn't complain.
Warmth spread through his chest at the thought and he buried his face into his lover's neck, deeply inhaling the scent of his Sousuke, letting it fill up his nose and suffuse into him. Gods, how he'd missed this. He hadn't woken up with his lover in so long. So many months of sleeping and waking alone with Sousuke in solitary confinement... with only a faint echo of the man he loved to keep him company. The loneliness had been crushing, but he hadn't wavered. He'd kept strong. Hadn't let them break him, even when they were investigating him. Interrogating him in an attempt to get a confession out of him. So sure that he was the one responsible for the brutal butchering and murder of Captain Aizen Sousuke.
Gin shivered at the memories. They had tried various methods to get him to crack. Detainment. Interrogation. Threats. Blackmail. Mandatory counselling. And when those failed they'd even stooped so low as to use Kira to pry information out of him. And more than once they'd dangled threats against Rangiku in front of his face, of dragging her name through the mud and falsely charging her with severe crimes if he didn't talk. Even planting rumours.
Gin called their bluff of course. And quietly dealt with those spreading the vicious rumours. But still, it hadn't been a very pleasant experience. Not at all...
The tribunal had been its own kind of hell. More than once he'd wanted nothing more than to slaughter his accusers and the entire prosecuting legal team. But Aizen-sama trusted him to play his role, and he had to show his lover that trust wasn't misplaced.
Gin shoved the grim thoughts away. No. Best not think about that now. He was with Sousuke, that was what mattered. That they were closer than ever, that was the important thing. This was a new beginning, a turning point in their marriage, and he was going to make the most of it.
He shifted slightly, so he could press his body close to his sleeping partner, one leg and arm slung over him, coiling around the man like a serpent. No, like an octopus claiming its prey with its tentacles. The randomness of that thought made him smile and laugh very softly. Ha, yeah, octopus sounds about right. If only I had more arms to hold onto him though.
He sighed happily again. He'd really missed this. Just laying all tangled up together, arms around each other. Just a little while longer, Gin told himself. Just a little bit longer and I can wake up with him like this every day... I can't wait.
Even the moths in his belly seemed to agree. Fluttering like crazy at the idea.
His daydreaming was interrupted however, by the touch of a gentle hand on the back of his head.
"Hey," Sousuke greeted him, voice still soft and hazy from sleep.
"Hey," Gin answered, smiling. "Sleep well?"
"Best night's sleep in a long time," Sousuke told him.
Gin lifted himself up with his arms so he was laying on top of his lover, and looked tenderly into his eyes. For once, not at all surprised to see his own tenderness mirrored there.
"Oh," Gin said, "Wonder why that is."
Sousuke laughed at his playful teasing. "Yes, I wonder..." he smirked. "Might be a certain someone had something to do with that."
Gin grinned. "An' might that someone be me?"
Sousuke chuckled again. "Alright, now you're just fishing for compliments."
Gin snickered. "Oh, but you give the best compliments though."
Sousuke smiled affectionately. "Flatterer."
"Master Manipulator."
"Sly fox."
"Criminal."
"Accomplice."
Gin burst into a little fit of laughter at being called an accomplice again. Ah, this... I missed this, too.
"What? Nothing to say to that?" Sousuke teased. His playfulness returning. Gin pouted and feigned annoyance.
"Gimme a minute 'm thinkin'."
Sousuke chuckled. "Well, don't think too hard, you might hurt yourself."
"Ugh, shut up." Gin retorted. "Like yer any better."
Sousuke's smile brightened at that remark, and that warmth rushed through Gin's body again.
"Ah, actually, you may be right about that." Sousuke said.
Gin returned his smile. "Guess we're as bad as each other, huh?"
"Yes, I guess we are. A perfectly matched pair."
Gin laughed with him. "Jus' a couple idiots, ant we?"
Sousuke smiled softly, and it warmed Gin right through when it reached his eyes. "I guess so."
Gin smiled warmly down at his lover, sharing a tender gaze with him. "Well, I'm glad yer my idiot," he said, leaning down to give his Sousuke a deep and passionate kiss. Sucking on his lover's tongue and encouraging the same eager response. Moaning softly as Sousuke deepened the kiss further, drinking in the taste of him like a man dying of thirst having found a desert oasis. Leaving Gin breathless when he broke away again.
"Me too," he breathed, and kissed Gin again, rolling them over so Gin was on his back, pinned down by his body as they both lost themselves in their newly reignited passion for each other.
. . .
When they broke apart for air, Gin lay beside him, letting out a soft little laugh. Sousuke laughed, too. He couldn't help it. Gin's laughter was infectious, always had been. And besides, it felt good to laugh again. The past few months had been... trying. And at times Sousuke didn't think he'd make it out the other side this with his sanity intact. There's still time though. We're not out of the woods yet...
He pushed the grim thought away. No. Today I will be happy.
He smiled tenderly across at his partner, and gently caressed Gin's pale cheek. He really is like the moon, Sousuke mused. Well, at least for me. If only we could stay like this forever...
Well, not in this hellhole cooped up with decomposing bodies for company. But together like this... until the world ends or the sky collapses.
Because I'm at home here in those arms.
"That's a face." Gin said, gently pulling him out of his thoughts. He smiled and focused on his beloved. Gin was good at doing that, calmly bringing him back to the real world.
"My face?"
Gin's smile didn't move or alter. "You look... happy."
Sousuke's smile morphed into a grin that rivalled even the Cheshire Cat. "Happy?"
"Yeah," Gin said softly. "Happy."
"Ah well," Sousuke sad teasingly. "There's a good reason I'm happy."
Gin snickered. "Oh? Really?" he asked, feigning nave curiosity. "An' what's that?"
Sousuke let his smirk soften again. "Well, let's see," he began. Pausing as though he were searching for the right words. "He's tall, quite slim..."
He paused again, letting his hand rest on his Gin's slim waist as they lay facing each other on the futon. "He's got the loveliest silver hair... gorgeous red eyes... "
Gin smiled, clearly flattered and touched by his words and, encouraged, Sousuke continued.
"And one of the most beautiful smiles I've seen in my life."
Gin's smile grew tender and soft as he listened, seeming to glow with the praise.
"Now who's a flatterer?" he asked teasingly. Though there was no real sass behind it.
"But flattery will get you everywhere," Sousuke answered smugly. "Besides, it isn't flattery if it's true. It's merely stating facts. Facts I've been telling you for nearly a century now, but it's not my fault you don't listen to me."
And I want to make you feel beautiful after you hated yourself for so long.
Gin's smile softened again, and he wondered if Gin could read minds.
"I'm listenin' now." he said softly. And Sousuke smiled.
"I know." he answered, giving Gin a soft, slow kiss.
. . .
Gin broke away from the kiss and returned his smile. Shifting closer to him and settling quite comfortably into his embrace. Sighing contentedly and letting Sousuke hold him. And Sousuke knew then his earlier thoughts had been true ones. They would have to kill him and pry his cold, dead arms off if they wanted him to let Gin go.
"This's nice." Gin said, arms wrapped around him securely. Snuggling right up to him. "Can't we just stay here forever? Well, not here in this hole but... ya know."
Sousuke smiled. "Would that we could. It would be nice."
"Maybe when this's all over, we can." Gin suggested. Daydreaming aloud. "Buy a house somewhere. Settle down. Have kids."
Gin sighed contentedly as he lay his head on Sousuke's chest, ear over his beating heart.
"Yeah," Sousuke answered, smiling as he held the one person he truly loved in this life close to him. The one person tethering him to his sanity. His home. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat before he spoke, so he didn't do something stupid like cry again. "That sounds perfect."
Gin smiled brightly again, positively bursting with joy, and squeezed him tightly.
"I love you." Gin told him softly. "Love ya like crazy."
Sousuke swallowed the lump that was reforming in his throat, closed his eyes and held Gin tightly, almost crushing Gin against him. Deeply inhaling his lover's scent. Quietly willing his voice to stay level when he spoke.
"I know." He paused a moment, surprising even himself by just how easily his next words came. "I love you too. So much."
Gin squeezed him tighter, and for that one moment, all was right with the world. He let his body relax completely and feel that warmth, safety and sanctuary Gin gave him. That Gin had aad always given him, even though he'd been too stupid to see it.
Yes, he smiled. I'm home. If I had any doubts left about that, they're gone.
With you, I am home. I wish I'd known that earlier.
He wanted to laugh at his past self. Gods was I dumb.
"Whasso funny?" Gin asked playfully. And he realised then he must have been laughing a little bit.
"Oh, just something on my mind," he answered. Lazily playing with Gin's hair as they lay together.
"Oh," Gin said, clearly not finding that answer satisfactory enough. "Gonna tell me?"
Sousuke laughed softly again. "It's something silly."
Gin slowly sat himself up so he could better look at his face and smiled. "Can't be that silly if it made ya smile an' laugh like that." he teased. "C'mon, I wanna hear 'bout it."
Sousuke sat himself up slowly too and laughed nervously. "Ahh, well..."
Ohhhh, busted! Kyouka snickered. But he ignored her. It was better not to rise to her bait.
"Aww, come on." Gin pleaded, voice sweet like honey. "Tell me."
Sousuke chuckled again. Ah, some things never change.
"Please?" Gin begged, pouting clearly for effect and giving him the cute puppydog look, that made him laugh so much he had to relent.
"Alright," he began, and Gin waited. A sense of expectation hanging in the air around him and an eager expression on his face as if he were waiting for a bowl of some hot Rukongai stew to be passed to him.
"Go on," Gin nudged him, and Sousuke had to pause to collect his thoughts. This wasn't a thing he wanted to just blurt out carelessly, like so many other things.
So, closing his eyes, Sousuke thought of all the storms they'd weathered together, and all the storms Gin had sheltered him from, internal and external. Of all the times Gin had been his tether to the world. The one guiding him back to where and who he was supposed to be. Shouting his name out over the din of the storm, the cackling rage of the voice. Braving the rain, thunder and lightning for him when any sane person would have run from the hurricane.
But then, Gin had always been the one facing the storm, bravely manning the lighthouse to guide him home. Even when he thought himself too lost at sea to be saved.
And then there were the other storms and downpours Gin had shielded him from. Even when he'd called Gin a pluviophile as if the word were a curse...
But then, home is a shelter from storms, right?
"So?" Gin prompted, and he blinked his eyes open, realising he'd lapsed into a longer silence than originally intended.
"Ah, right." Sousuke cleared his throat while Gin settled in ready for an explanation.
"You see," he began, running his fingers through his hair. A soothing distraction technique he'd found to be most effective in quieting his mind and calming his nerves. "I was just thinking about how..." he paused, to breathe, to brace himself, "...at home I am when you're with me."
About how much I need you. The rest of the world can hate me, but as long as you love me you're all that matters. That's all that matters.
"That when you're with me, all feels right with the world."
. . .
Gin's smile broadened at the shared sentiment. "Really?" he asked, wanting clarification. Just to make sure he heard it right. So there would be no doubt in his mind. He knew he sounded like a happy puppy expecting a treat, but he didn't care. He wanted to hear it said aloud. He wanted to be sure.
"Yes," Sousuke said softly. "With you, I am home. I just wish I'd known that sooner."
Gin sat and gaped at him, warmth rushing through him at hearing those words, much like when he'd heard another set of words so very long ago. Feeling genuinely touched that Sousuke felt that way.
A hand rose to settle on his chest, over his rapidly beating heart. Feeling it thumping against the cage of his ribs like a wild animal. The moths in his belly fluttering in a mad frenzy as they had for so many decades before tonight. And for one short moment, Gin was at a loss for what to say.
"Sousuke," he smiled his voice thick with emotion. Far too thick. He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying not to cry. He couldn't go crying now. Not after this. He'd be a hypocrite. The pot calling the kettle black. But his heart didn't know that. His watering eyes didn't know that. So before he could start sobbing with joy, he reached out and grabbed the fabric of his lover's clothes with his hand and yanked him into a tight embrace. Perhaps unnecessarily roughly but, he didn't care. He didn't care.
Because he was home. Those arms were around him protecting him again. And he knew he was loved.
They heard thunder rumbling outside, and Gin closed his eyes and saw the lightning flash across the sky under his eyelids. In the outside world, he knew the rain would be torrential. He was just glad he'd found his shelter from it.
"Me too," he said softly. "You're my home, too."