Author's notes: It has long been debated whether or not Selmak is male or female. For this story's purpose and for added humor, Selmak is female. Beware for there is quite a bit of language and some adult content.

' ': denotes internal dialogue between symbiote and host; italics: denotes symbiote speaking out loud or person on other end of phone conversation

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The day started off nice for a Thursday. Jacob enjoyed a long early morning run. Something he had done on a regular basis before he joined the Tok'ra, while living as a Tok'ra, and even now that he and Selmak made their permanent residence on Earth. However, Jacob had truly missed running through the streets of neighborhoods, even in the snow. Anything was better than the dry desert sand. The sand got everywhere…and he did mean everywhere. Plus it was never as refreshing to the senses as the cold, crisp, clean morning air of an early snowy winter day.

After his run, he showered and headed over to his Sam's house where he had a wonderful breakfast with her. Though Selmak wouldn't let him touch or even take a whiff of the pot of coffee Sam made for herself. At least the breakfast Sam made more than made up for the lack of a rich, flavorful, hot cup of coffee. Jacob couldn't believe his daughter the genius finally learned how to cook a meal without burning it. There was a time when she would ruin a pot by simply boiling water.

From there, he headed to the SGC to work on his reports. Once done with his reports he had promised that Selmak would help Dr. Jackson with the translation of some obscure Goa'uld writings etched on artifacts SG-12 brought back from their last mission. It was a tedious task but one Selmak enjoyed. She was into that kind of thing just like the young archeologist. And part of Jacob's job was to keep her happy – otherwise he'd have to hear her bitch about how he never let her have any fun.

Everything was going well and Jacob allowed his thoughts to dwell on the evening ahead while Selmak worked. What to cook for dinner and what would he have for dessert were his toughest issues to handle. That was, until Jack O'Neill walked into Dr. Jackson's office and plucked up an artifact off the desk that Selmak was working on.

From then on, everything quickly went to hell!

Ever since Jacob and Selmak had tucked their tails and come to Earth to live, he couldn't figure Jack out. Somewhere along the way the man had changed in his view towards Jacob. They used to be good friends, gone on missions together, or done manly stuff together like drinking beer and eating steak. Jacob even saved Jack's ass! Now, Jack no longer called Jacob Dad. Jacob's feelings weren't hurt. It took a lot to hurt his feelings. But it was very apparent that Jack had some resentment towards Jacob because of Selmak.

Whether it was intentional or not, Jack's cynical mouth had a tendency to say harmful things towards Selmak. He always referred to Selmak as a snake or an arrogant smart-ass, never as anything else. He could never keep his mouth shut whenever she gave a briefing. It was like he was purposely antagonizing Selmak with his glib remarks. And of course she couldn't let it be as she always got pissed off! So much so that she wanted to wrap her tail around Jack's neck and squeeze the life out of him like she'd seen in that movie Aliens.

Jacob knew that Jack hated the Goa'uld for what happened to Major Kawalsky and Skara. And Jacob knew that Jack really disliked the Tok'ra after his blending with Kanan went down the shitter! Kanan had broken one of the Tok'ra's highest laws and thus shattered what little remaining trust Jack had in them. But somewhere along the way, Jack hating symbiotes seemed to have translated to Jack hating Jacob. At least that's how Jacob saw it.

Now, Jacob was a resilient man. He could take anything and if Jack didn't want to be friends, well that was fine with Jacob. Selmak however…although she was some two thousand years old that didn't mean her feelings were immune to being called names. She too had thought Jack was a friend and it did bother her whenever he called her a snake. Normally, she sucked it up and just complained to Jacob about it.

Today…today she must have been PMSing because she retaliated and there wasn't a damn thing Jacob could do to stop her.

Jacob was completely caught off guard and didn't even have the opportunity to stop Selmak from throwing the first punch! Nor would she refuse to relinquish control back to Jacob when he tried to force himself fore. She was so pissed off he could even feel her flippers trembling.

After that there was no going back.

Blood spilt instantly when Selmak's fist connected hard with Jack's nose. He threw a punch back so fast it caught Selmak by surprise. More importantly, the punch caught Jacob's left eyebrow, as it was his body taking the beating. But that didn't stop Selmak, nothing was going to stop her, not even Jacob.

She threw a wild punch. Jack ducked then came up swinging. Only he missed too as Selmak rarely made the same mistake twice. The fists were flying. Several blows were exchanged before Daniel was finally able to force his way between Jack and Selmak.

"I am not a snake you dense moron!" Selmak roared. "Apologize!"

"Pucker up and kiss my completely snake free ass!"

"Guys!" Daniel shouted holding both back with a hand against each one's chest.

"He started it!" Jack shot, holding his nose and pointing an accusing finger.

Selmak fired back with her a finger of her own.

'Selmak, that's not a very lady like gesture!' Jacob chastised her.

'I'm inhabiting the body of a man…it's totally appropriate! And you wanted to do it at the council after they told us to leave the Tok'ra. I'm just more impulsive than you.'

"Jack…" Daniel started.

"No!" he barked, pushing Daniel's hand away. "I'm tired of Selmak's arrogant ass thinking he's so much better than the rest of us! If he was that much better, then why did the council kick him out in the first place?"

"You think that was easy for me…making a decision like that to leave my people?"

"Oh, yeah…hiding behind your host. You've got it easy with Jacob. He takes you for a ride wherever you want to go. And if he doesn't…you take him for the ride."

"It doesn't work that way. Besides, you wouldn't last two seconds in my place. Being in true harmony with your host is a 24/7 job. Something your puny brain couldn't handle, much less comprehend!"

"Well you wouldn't last two seconds on your own in my shoes. You're always so dependent on your host!"

Selmak shoved Daniel aside and reached, grabbing hold of the artifact with the intention of taking it from Jack. He held on tightly, refusing to let it go.

"I just wish you could see things from my perspective, you really need to be taught a lesson!" Selmak snarled, tugging hard on the artifact.

"Yeah, right. I wish you could spend one day as me and try to pull off being HUMAN! It might be a humbling experience for you, you arrogant son of a bitch!" Jack shot back, keeping his hold on the artifact.

'Selmak, this is childish! Let go!' Jacob pleaded with her as she made a growling noise at Jack.

'Fuck no! Him first!' she countered as she and Jack were playing tug-a-war.

"Guys, this is ridiculous!" Daniel shouted, trying to pry them apart again.

'SELMAK, DROP IT! THAT'S AN ORDER!' Jacob screamed at her using that hard ass General tone of his.

Then there was a sudden jolt in Selmak's hand that was clutching the artifact. It literally felt like an electrical discharge of some kind that shot from her hand up her arm. Whatever it was happened to Jack at the same time as both he and Selmak dropped the artifact, each clutching their own hand. And Jacob finally found himself in control of his own body.

"Jack…"

"Jacob, you keep that damn snake of yours quiet around me. Or I swear I'll rip him out with my bare hands!" Jack shouted then stormed off.

"What bug crawled up his ass?" Jacob asked, flexing his still stinging hand. "He's never been this verbally abusive towards Selmak before."

Daniel bent down and picked up the artifact off the floor.

"I think part of the reason is that you got his parking spot," Daniel joked.

Jacob didn't laugh. He wasn't in the mood for bullshit. Not with Selmak spewing off Goa'uld obscenities in his head, one after the other. And certainly not with the welt he felt forming on his forehead! He really wanted to know if his suspicions about why Jack hated him were true.

"Seriously, Daniel. What gives?"

Daniel gave Jacob a long uneasy look. A look that confirmed Jacob's suspicions. Still, he had to hear it to be certain.

"Daniel, just tell me," Jacob insisted. "I'll find out sooner or later. I'd rather it be sooner. I hate this beating around the bush crap!"

"Jack has this thing…he…he just really hates symbiotes, Goa'uld or Tok'ra," Daniel explained. "Everyone knows it. It's not yours or Selmak's fault. But the final straw was the Kanan incident. He never forgave the Tok'ra for it. The whole situation really bothered him, more than he would admit to anyone. Yours and Selmak's presence here just brings up all those bad memories again."

"I thought as much," Jacob sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I guess it was foolish to think he'd be over it by now."

"Jacob, you know Jack as well as the rest of us. He can be as stubborn as a mule. And he hates doctors, especially psychiatrists. Despite General Hammond's requests, Jack has managed to weasel his way out of each of his appointments with Dr. McKenzie. Just give him time to adjust. You've only been a regular part of the SGC for a few weeks now. And it might help if…"

"If…what?" Jacob asked when Daniel hesitated.

"Perhaps…if Selmak could try to be a little less…patronizing," Daniel said, taking a step back. "He does tend to talk down to Jack and the rest of us."

Jacob grimaced as he literally heard Selmak slam a door shut within his mind! Great, she was going to be pissed for the rest of the day, which meant that Jacob was going to have a headache for the rest of the day too! He didn't blame her. This wasn't totally her fault. He could have told her to tone it down a notch. Only Jacob cared for Selmak as much as she cared for him. He would never ask her to be anything less than what she was.

"Well, it's hard for Selmak too," Jacob pointed out with full honestly. "When you reach two thousand years old and have so much knowledge crammed into your brain, let's see you try to make idle conversation with someone who's a mere fraction of your age."

Jacob paused. For once, he allowed Selmak's anger to get the better of him.

"And you guys could give Selmak a break too! He gave up a lot when he left the Tok'ra. I know. I was there when the Council gave him the ultimatum. Jack isn't the only one who needs time to adjust, Daniel. Selmak's adjusting to life on Earth too."

"Really, I just assumed…" Daniel started, paused, then sighed. He looked slightly humiliated when he continued. "I'm sorry. I guess it was just so easy to forget about what Selmak had to give up when you came to Earth. He's rather quiet and when he talks…"

"Yeah, I know…he comes off sounding arrogant," Jacob finished, feeling rather angry and frustrated at the moment.

"Something like that," Daniel said softly. "Maybe if Selmak and Jack actually just talked to each other instead of antagonizing each other a truce can be made."

"That won't be any time soon. Selmak's even more stubborn than I am," Jacob remarked as he reached out to Selmak. No response, just the closed door was there where she'd be in his mind. Obviously she was not ready to deal with the outside world yet. Oh well, she'll be happy later that he defended her. She always liked it when he stuck up for her. "Is it broken?"

"No," Daniel answered, turning the artifact over in his hand and taking closer look at it. "I was just wondering why Selmak and Jack drop it like a hot potato."

"I…" Jacob started but his cell phone rang. He quickly pulled it out of his pant pocket and read the caller ID. Finally, a ray of sunshine! "Excuse, me…I have to answer this." He opened the phone, hoping this was good news, as Selmak really needed it right now. So did his headache! "Hello. How are you feeling? Still up for this evening?"

"Much, much better and of course I am. I wouldn't miss it. You alone?" a lovely familiar voice asked him.

"Not exactly," Jacob smiled in a hushed tone, turning away from Daniel.

"Darn…want to come over and play?"

"You sure?" he questioned.

"No more fever and my appetite's back."

"Good, I hate it when you're sick. Give me twenty minutes?"

"Not a minute longer."

"On my way," he said excitedly, then hung up and turned back to Daniel. "Sorry, I gotta go."

"Hot date?" Daniel asked, with a smirk on his face.

"Something like that," Jacob grinned from ear to ear.