The disclaimer saying I don't own any Invader Zim characters has been eaten by a pig. This is just fun madness from my mind. MADNESS!
Gir Just Wanna Have Fun
"I don't know why I bother going to Skool. I really don't," Zim grumbled as he got ready for skool. "It is a horrible torturous horrible place where half the information I learn there is useless! And the other half is even more useless! I swear if it wasn't for keeping an eye on the Dib and the occasional tidbit of information that's actually useful I would stop going there and get another disguise!"
"He he he he!" Gir cackled in his dog disguise as he rolled around on the floor.
"Like a dogcatcher…" Zim remarked as he watched Gir. "For Earth canines are more intelligent than these human apes! And Gir."
He walked over to Gir. "Gir! Gir! Pay attention! Do you know what I want you to do today?"
"I'm gonna eat WAFFLES!" Gir squealed.
"No Gir! No eating waffles today!" Zim snapped. "GIR! PAY ATTENTION!"
"YES SIR!" Gir shot up and saluted.
"Now listen Gir, this is very, very, very, very important," Zim gritted his teeth. "I want you to do two things. One: I want you to watch the cyborg chickens in my lab. Feed them at noon. Do you understand?"
"Uhhhhh…Yes!" Gir said cheerfully. "Feed the chickens waffles!"
"No. No waffles," Zim said. "Just the pellets I made. They are right next to the containment units. They are marked pellets. Put the pellets into the containment units and don't let the cyborg chickens out. Got it?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes!"
"Repeat back to me what I just said," Zim ordered.
"Feed the chickens the pellets!" Gir said. "AND WAFFLES!"
"Number Two," Zim pressed forward. "Do not let anyone except me inside this house! Understand that?"
"Not to let you or anyone inside the house," Gir said.
"No. Nobody else except for me," Zim told him. "Just me. No one else! And especially not Dib!"
"Not to let anybody but you and Dib inside the house," Gir said.
"No, not Dib. Just me! Understand Gir?" Zim snarled.
"Don't let Dib or the chickens inside the house. Only you."
"No, the chickens are already in the house. They have to stay in the house!" Zim said. "You just stay here and watch the chickens. And don't let anyone in besides me into the house. Got it?"
"Uhhhhhhh…" Gir tilted his head.
"This is very simple!" Zim snapped. "You stay here! The chickens stay here! You feed the chickens! While staying here in the house! Do not let anyone besides me in the house! Do you understand?"
"Stay with the chickens in the house and don't let anyone but you or Dib in the house," Gir said cheerfully.
"You've got half of it right," Zim grumbled as he rubbed his head. "Just don't let Dib in the house! I don't want that stink brain in here! He is the enemy! Do you understand that?"
"Awwww, he's not so bad!" Gir hugged himself. "Dib just needs some love! And hugs!"
Zim gave Gir a look. "That's just sick, Gir," He said. "That's really…sicky icky…Ewwww!"
Zim picked up his bag. "I'm late for skool as it is. Just don't fail me Gir. Now what did I say?"
"Sir! Keep the chickens in the house and feed them!" Gir saluted back in duty mode again. "Do not let anyone besides you in the house! Sir!"
"That's right Gir. It took you twenty minutes but you finally got it," Zim sighed. "Now stay here and do your duty! Do not leave this house! I will see you this afternoon!" He went out the door.
"Sir! Yes sir!" Gir saluted.
Ten minutes later.
"Okay all chickens out!" Gir cheered as he threw several cyborg chickens out into the yard. "I'm gonna all get you some waffles! Don't go away now!" Gir cheerfully skipped out into the road, nearly getting hit by some cars. Those cars of course hit other cars causing a huge pile up on the road.
"BUCKAWWWW!" The cyborg chickens started to scatter and run amok around the neighborhood. One used it's laser eye to fry a cat.
"Do, do, do, do, do…" Gir skipped along the street. "I'm gonna go see Pig! I wonder where he lives?"
"Oh wait…I can fly!" Gir remembered. He activated his jet packs in his legs and flew off. A man in a car saw this while he was driving and his jaw dropped. Of course he wasn't watching where he was driving and soon there was another major crash on the road.
Soon Gir landed in a strange place. There were animals of all kinds all around him in cages. He squeezed through the bars of one cage and looked up at a giraffe. The giraffe looked down on him. "You wanna come to my place for lunch?" Gir asked innocently. "I have waffles!"
Twenty minutes later people were screaming in terror as nearly every animal in the Zoo escaped. Gir was riding on the back of the giraffe leading them to freedom. "WAFFLES!" He cheered.
Later that afternoon…
"I know you have a plan to take over the Earth! But I'm going to stop you today Zim!" Dib said as he followed Zim to his house. "Today I am really gonna do something!"
"You will do nothing but make horrible noise from your big head Dib Stink!" Zim snarled. "For Zim's fortress is impregnable and you will never see your doom coming until it is too late!"
"Does this plan have something to do with cyborg chickens?" Dib asked.
"What? What kind of fool question is that?" Zim yelled. "You fool!"
"A pretty good one actually," Dib pointed to a cyborg chicken chasing a man in a chicken costume.
"I'm not a real chicken! This is just a Chicky Licky Costume! I don't want to go on a date with you!" The man screamed.
"Coincidence!" Zim puffed up.
"And uh, that's a coincidence too huh?" Dib pointed. Several cyborg chickens were on a neighbor's lawn, pecking, scratching, blowing up a car in the driveway with their laser eyes.
"Uh that's…Just global warming!" Zim said quickly.
"Global warming? Cyborg chickens with laser eyes are a product of global warming?" Dib raised an eyebrow.
"Yes! Yes! They are! It's a fact. Look it up."
"That was the best excuse you could think of? Global warming?"
"Yes!" Zim said. "All this is a result of global….GREAT GOOGILY MOOGILY!"
Zim did a double take as he looked at the neighborhood. In addition to cyborg chickens running amok there were several cars smashed together in the middle of the road and in some cases in trees. Some people were yelling at each other arguing about the accidents. One man was being chased by monkeys. A woman was trying to shoo away an elephant eating her vegetable garden. A pack of dogs had chased a lion up a nearby tree. There were new holes in the road and broken trees everywhere and there was Gir on the front lawn throwing waffles at people.
"EAT MY WAFFLES! EAT THEM!" He threw the syrup covered breakfast treats at anyone who came close to the house.
"Zim…I don't suppose you know anything about all this do you?" Dib asked.
"Ha! Like Zim would tell you about Zim's master…" Zim then noticed the giraffe on his front lawn. "How did that giraffe get on the lawn?"
"So I'm guessing the answer is no?" Dib asked.
"GIR DID YOU TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?" Zim yelled.
SMACK!
"AAAGGHHH!" Zim yelled as a waffle hit him in the face. "THE SYRUP! THE SYRUP BURNS ZIM'S EYES!"
"You know what?" Dib blinked. "I can see you've got your hands full around here. I'll stop you from taking over the world tomorrow." He walked away.
"GIR!" Zim yelled as another cyborg chicken blew up another car.
"I like waffles!" Gir said cheerfully and flung another waffle into the air.