Title: Mulder and the Seven Samanthas.
Catorgory: Mulder/Scully romance. Humor. Snow White and
the Seven Dwarfs crossover.
Author: Alien925
Disclamer: The X-Files and all of its characters belong to
Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Poductions. Pikachu belongs
to...ummmm..well... I haven't gotta clue.. the creators of
Pokemon I guess...
Summary: What do you get if you combine A talking mirror, A shizophrenic Skinner in
drag, one of Mulder's porn videos, Scully, Diana Fowley and seven clones of Samantha??
'Mulder and the Seven Samanthas', Duh!!!!
Mulder and the Seven Samanthas
Spoilers: Quagmire and Amor Fati..
Classification: PG-13
My Comment: I really can't stand Diana Fowly and even though shes already dead,
I thought I'd write her in just to make her see that M and s belong together and
don't care about her one bit.!! LOL Sorry all those Diana Lovers out there!
I do not know any names of porn video's so I made it up..
I have a very weird and twisted mind u guys.. so that explains this fanfic.. I hope
MULDER AND THE SEVEN SAMANTHAS
" Mirror Mirror on the FBI issued bureau desk. Who is the most
handsom man of all?" Walter Skinner spoke into his mirror and
smoothed down the remaining hairs on his head.
" Althought you are mighty fine, great A.D, there is one who is
hansomer."
Walter Skinners face pukkered into a frown.
" Explain." he said curtly.
" He is tall, dark and handsome. He has a fear of conspirators
and is addicted to porn. Shall I go on?"
Skinner muttered one under his breath, " Fox Mulder"
Then, as if waking from a dream, Skinner shook himself and regarded
the mirror.
" Well," he spoke aloud "talking to yourself is the first sign of
madness... or is it the second??"
" Yo! Schizo!" yelled the mirror. "What are you gonna do about
Mulder?"
" Leave him alone?" said Skinner meekly.
" Noooo." the mirror spoke up. " Haven't you ever heard of
'Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs'?" the mirror took one look at
Skinners face and said, " Obviously not."
" You're meant to kill Mulder so that you will be the most hansome
bureau employee of them all."
" Ohhhhh. Right. Gotcha." Skinner said and reached for the
cell-phone on his desk.
He dialed a number and spoke into the mouthpiece.
" My place. 8.00pm"
" Ahhh. You arranged for someone to meet you so you can kill off
Mulder..." the mirror said.
" Ummm... not exactly.." Skinner answered. " That was my date for
tonight."
" Jeeze. Would you just call someone so we can get this over with
and I can go back to saying whatever crap I'm meant to be saying in
this story.
" Yeah, kay." Skinner fumbled with his cell phone again and arranged
for Diana Fowly to go down to the basement and shoot Mulder in the
head.
XxX
Fox Mulder sat in his swivel chair in the basement turning round and
round and round and round whilst listening to and half watching one
of his x-rated movie. The cute redhead was about to do something
interesting, he just knew it. He sat up, stopped twisting his chair
round, and studied the TV screen intently.
Mulder heard a knock at the door. Thinking that it must be Scully
he quickly took the tape out of the VCR and shoved it into the inside pocket of
his jacket.
Before he had gotten out of his seat to open the door, it was flung
open and Diana Fowly was revealed. Her gun pointing at his him.
" Hi Diana." Mulder grinned and waved.
" Fox." Diana Fowly snapped a greeting and fired her gun at Mulders
heart. Mulder fell over immediately without so much as an * ouch,
that hurt* noise. Diana, satisfied that her work had been done,
marched out of the basement office to find a pathologist of some
sort to take Mulder's heart out of his body to prove to Skinner
that he was well and truly dead as a doornail.
Mulder listened to Diana walking down the hall. When he was sure
that Diana Fowly has gotten into the elevator, her sat up and pulled
the porno video from his inside pocket.
" Damn." he cursed as he saw the bullet imbedded in the video.
That meant he would never find out what the redhead was about to do.
He sighed and dumped the tape in the trash.
He then calmly walked out of the FBI headquarters, not even bothering
to wonder why Diana had come into his office less than 5 minutes ago
to kill him.
XxX
Dana Scully marched into her apartment and quicky scanned the interior
for a stray Cancerman, shapeshifter or Donnie Phfaster. She went
over to the fridge and pondered on what to have for dinner.
She was intent on keeping her body weight at 105 lbs or below so
she plucked a single lettuce leaf off the whole vegetable and went
over to eat it on the couch. Five minutes later saw Dana Katherine
Scully abandon her diet and root around in the freezer to find a huge
tub of double chocolate, full fat ice cream of which she managed to
polish off in about 10 minutes.
Half way through 'Notting Hill' Scully's phone rang and she lazily
reached out and pressed the 'hands-free' button.
" Scully." she drawled.
" Hi. Scully. Its Mulder."
Scully frowned. Mulder sounded scared and out of breath.
" Mulder? Whats wrong?" she asked.
" Diana tried to kill me." Scully bolted upright off the couch and
grabbed the reciever in a vain attemp to bring herself closer to
Mulder.
" How? When?" she asked him.
" Ummm. At about 2 this afternoon. She took a shot at me."
Scully looked at her watch. It read 11.21pm. Why the hell was
he telling her all this now if it happened at 2?
" Mulder? Why the hell are you telling me all of this now if it
happened at 2 this afternoon?"
" Hey! I only just realised. You're the first person I told."
" I'm honoured Mulder, but Diana tried to KILL you, and your acting
as if she just got pregnant with your child."
" Hmmmm." Mulder mused. Scully coughed nervously. The last thing
she wanted him to be thinking about was having sex with Diana. God
knows he had had sex with that slut enough times already!
" Mulder? How come you aren't dead?"
Mulder proceeded to explain his little escapade with the porn video
in way too much detail than Scully would have liked.
Eventually she cut him off and said,
" Mulder, Its not safe for you here anymore. You have to get away
from your apartment fast! Don't come here. This is the first place
they'll look for you. You have to go somewhere no-one would ever
think of looking for you.
" The FBI cafeteria?"
" Close.. but, no. Diana probably has spies all over the headquarters by now.
Ummm... why don't you go to the mall?"
" But, Sculleeee.." whined Mulder. " I hate going to the mall, even
when YOU drag me there."
" Exactly." Scully said and waited. She could hear the cogs inside
Mulder brain whirring and she could swear she could smell smoke.
" Don't think too hard Mulder." she said. " Wouldn't want to wear
out that Oxford educated brain." she teased.
Finally she heard an "ohhhhh" noise being made by Mulder and could
hear the *click* of his brain as he finally registered.
" Thanks Scully. See ya."
" Wait! Mulder, don't hang up!" Scully yelled frantically.
" Whats up Scully?"
" Ummm... I just wanted to say be careful and don't get killed and
ummmm....." she took a deep breath summoning all of her courage.
Knowing Diana, this could be the last time she spoke to him. "and I
just wanted to say..."
" Say what Scully?"
" I love you Mulder."
" I love you too. More than you'll ever know."
" More than Diana?"
" Miles more. I hate Diana. She tried to kill me, remember?"
He hung up leaving a satisfied Dana Scully on the end of the
disconnected phone.
XxX
Diana Fowly walked into the basement office accompanied by Skinner
and a pathologist who was fully equipped with a scapal.
She pushed open the door and revealed a bare floor with no sign of
Mulder. An angry unidentifiable noise was made by Skinner.
" Agent Fowley!" he boomed. " I thought I told you to KILL him."
" I did.. I ...I shot him right in the heart and then rushed away
to get Charlotte." she guestured towards the pathogist and continued,
"I was so sure he was dead. I shot him straight in the heart." she
stammered.
" Maybe this could have something to to with it." Skinner bent down
into the trash and picked out a video with a lable reading
' Redheads' Go Undercover' in Mulder's unmistakably scruffy scrawl of
an excuse for handwriting. The video had a bullet in it."
" Shit." Diana cursed. " Does that mean your not gonna pay me now?"
" You bet." Skinner answered.
Charlotte the pathologist signed, dissapointed that she wouldn't get
to cut up any dead bodies, but a trip to the video store might not
be such a bad idea....
" Jeeze, Diana. Can't you do anything right? You are soooo fired
from the FBI and you can forget the whole, ' my place, 8.00 thing'
as well."
"Well, since I'm fired I guess I can do this then." Diana kneed
Skinner in the balls and took off down the corridor.
Skinner, curled up on the floor of the basement office, narrowed his yes and stared at the
' I Want To Believe' poster and mumbled,
" You can't get the job done properly unless you do it yourself."
XxX
Mulder drove round the mall parking lot. The senior citizen in the
car in front was making it hard for Mulder to travel at a speed
above 5 miles per hour. He drummed his fingers on the steering
wheel, he tried to remeber when was the last time he fed his fish,
he thought about the recent government conspiracy he had uncovered,
he thought about what it would be like to have sex with Scully and
he tried to remember when was the last time he fed his fish some
more before his patience wore thin and he rolled down the window of
his Ford Taurus.
" Hey!! Speed up in front you acient road hog!" he half yelled half
screamed out of the window.
The car behind stopped and Cancerman got out, gave Mulder an evil
stare and got back in his car again. He proceeded to drive at a
speed totaling 2 miles per hour.
Finally Mulder pulled into a parking space. " I hate these places."
he muttered and climed out of his car, immediately pushing his door
into the car parked next to his.
Mulder ran away from his car and the screeching car alarm towards the
mall.
He tried to decide whether he would prefer to be dead.
Skinner pulled the mini skirt futher down over his hips and
adjusted the balls of tissue paper which were serving as breasts.
He tottered clumsily in his stilleto heels and walked over to his
'stall'.
Mulder sat, cowering on a bench on the second story of the mall.
There were too many people. Too many screaming kids.
Too many happy couples. Yup. He definitely hated these places.
Mulder decided that he could be stuck in this hellhole for a long
time to come and decided to grab a drink. He wandered over to
Starbucks and ordered a black coffee all the while chucking to
himself. Scully.. a Starbuck.... who whould have guessed.
He did feel mildly sorry for what happened to Queequeg
that night though.
Skinner searched the mall for Mulder. He had guessed that this would
be the place Scully would have sent him. They both knew of his long
standing hatred for any place filled with swarms of people.. or bees
for that matter.
Mulder came out of Starbucks feeling refreshed, yet still slightly
thirsty. He dug in his pockets for change and found two old parking
tickets, an old shoelace, one of Scully's lipsticks and finally two
quarters covered in lint. Damn. That was not gonna be enough. He
suddenly spotted a small stall which seemed to be selling drinks of
somesort. No one was going near it so Mulder figured that he wouldn't
have to queue.
The woman running the stall looked kinda familiar but Mulder could
not work out where he had seen her before. * I wish Scully was here*
he thought. * she would know exactly where we saw that woman.*
Abandoning all hopes of ever remembering Mulder walked towards
the stall.
" How much for a soda?" he asked.
" For you handsome," the woman spoke to him in a really high,
squeaky voice which reminded Mulder of Skinner, " the soda is free."
" Thanks." Mulder accepted the cup that the woman had offered him,
shoved his two, lint-covered quarters back in his pocket and walked
back to his bench.
His cell phone rang.
" Doug." he answered.
" I... ummm.. sorry. I must have the wrong number. Sorry." Scully
voice said into his ear.
" No! Scully! Wait! Don't hang up!" Mulder screeched causing
everyone to turn round and stare at him.
" Mulder?" she asked.
" Yeah. I decided to answer my phone in another name in case you
were Diana."
" I'm insulted. How are you holding up?" Scully asked him.
" Not so good. Did I ever tell you that I HATE malls. If I hear
one more little kid make a reference to Pokemon I am seriously gonna
pull out my gun and shoot them, to hell with Bureau policy!!!"
" Pik-a-chu!! Pika! Pika!" yelled Sully.
Mulder grunted in annoyance.
" I never knew you were a Pokemon fan Scully." he said through
gritted teeth.
" I'm not. My nephew, Mathew, is really into it though.
You'll have to meet him next time they're in town."
" I'll pass thanks."
" Mulder, Since you don't seem to be holding up so well,
why don't you go back to your apartment. I've had Frohike watching
your building and he says that Diana has already been there."
" Ok then. Thanks Scully.
She hung up and Mulder briefly wondered why they never ended their
conversations with a normal 'goodbye'. He guessed that whenever
they usually ended a conversation on their cellphones it could be
the last time they would ever get to speak to each other. So a
simple 'goodbye' for them could mean goodbye for good. Ultimately,
he didn't favour that last thought.
Mulder stepped into the blinding sunshine of the parking lot and
proceeded to try and find his car in amonst the couple of thousand
other cars. * I should have remembered where I parked like Scully
does* he thought.
After half an hour of searching he came accross his car and set his
soda down on the roof whilst he jiggled around in his pockets trying
to find his keys. He dropped a parking ticket in the process.
After a hot stuffy drive back to Alexandria, Mulder sauntered down
the hall of his apartment building slurping his complementary drink. Suddenly he
felt a blinding pain in his head and heart and fell down, unconcious, in the middle
of the corridor. The contents of his pockets and the unfinished soda spilling
all over the floor.
XxX
"Hi ho, hi ho, we were abducted, oh yeah, oh yeah, hi ho, hi ho."
voices rang out from Mulders apartment complex.
"Hi ho, hi ho, we were abducted, oh yeah, oh yeah, hi ho."
The seven girls, all about eight years old marched along the
corridor in a line each holding a book bag. They all had exactly the
same features. Shiny, long black hair, hazel eyes and they all wore
jeans and red t-shirts. They wore sticky name tags with their names
on. The names went from 'Samantha 01' up to 'Samantha 07'.
The Samanthas noticed the man lying in the middle of the hallway.
He looked dead and all the blood had drained from his face leaving
a bluish grey tinge to the flesh. Samanthan 05 was trained in CPR
and bent down to try and ressussitate him. However, she felt a slow,
yet steady pulse beating inside the mans body so decied she wouldn't bother.
After finding an apartment key lying on the floor next to the man,
they dragged him in through the apartment door that fitted they key.
Samantha 06, the believer, mused at the apartment number. 42.
The answer to everything in the universe. Interesting.
The Samanthas laid the man down on a rather scuffy leather couch
after they couldn't find a bed. Samantha 03 was intently studying a
copy of 'Playboy'.
XxX
Scully sat on her couch, studying her phone.
"Ring!" she comanded and pointed at the phone. No luck."
Ring!" she tried again. The phone rang. Mildly surprised she
picked up the reciever.
" Scully."
" Agent Scully?"
" Yes."
" This is Agent Pendrell. I was wondering if you'd like to..."
Scully hung up.
Sighing she grabbed her car keys and headed to Mulders apartment.
XxX
As Scully walked down the hallway to number 42 she slipped on a
puddle and fell onto her ass. Cursing under her breath she picked
herself up. It was only when she had drawn herself up to her full
5ft2 that she noticed one of her lipsticks lying in the middle of
the corridor.
*In danger or not* she fumed, * Mulder's gonna get it for taking my
coral pink!* She marched angrily up to number 42 and banged on the
door with her fist.
" Mulder!" she yelled. " I may love you and you may love me, but
whoever said you could take my best lipstick?" she banged on the
door once more for effect and then let herself in with her key.
What she saw took her breath away... well.. almost.. it wasn't the
first time she had seen him like this. She went up to Mulder and
proceeded to give him CPR. It didn't work. She put her hand to
his pulse though and she could feel the steady ryhmic beat.
Desperate. She put her head on his chest and started to cry.
She cried for him, for the life that she was now going to have
to share alone if her never woke up. She cried for the children
they would never have. And she cried because she remebered that
she had left a lagsagne in the oven and it was going to be burnt
to a crisp when she got home.
" Mulder help me.." she whispered and grasped his face between her
hands. " Please Mulder." she moved to his mouth and kissed him gently on the lips.
All her feelings for him tumbing out through the kiss. He stirred
under her.
" You... help.. me.." he croaked. Scully smiled and pulled his head
up to hers kissing him on the forhead.
" I love you Mulder." she said, unaware of the seven pairs of eyes peering at
them from the bathroom.
XxX
END??? .. not quite. Questions from the audience!
What became of Mulder and Scully?
Mulder and Scully got married. Had lots of sex and now live in a
large house with two children called Samantha and Melissa- dispite Mellisa being a boy.
They have a dog called Queequeg Jr and a parrot called Krycek.
They still work on the X-Files, but now, the whole family joins in-
including the pets!
What happened to Diana Fowly?
To this day, Diana Fowly hangs around on street
corners giving seventy year old men...and cancerman hand jobs free of charge.
And Skinner?
Skinner is still AD and will proabably be stuck in his office
under a mound of paperwork if you go visit him to this day.
END- honest!
Please give me feedback or something like that.. i dunno. I'm reclusive and resort to writing
fanfics.
Thanks!! Byeee!!!
Please mail me @ alien925@isback.com
Catorgory: Mulder/Scully romance. Humor. Snow White and
the Seven Dwarfs crossover.
Author: Alien925
Disclamer: The X-Files and all of its characters belong to
Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Poductions. Pikachu belongs
to...ummmm..well... I haven't gotta clue.. the creators of
Pokemon I guess...
Summary: What do you get if you combine A talking mirror, A shizophrenic Skinner in
drag, one of Mulder's porn videos, Scully, Diana Fowley and seven clones of Samantha??
'Mulder and the Seven Samanthas', Duh!!!!
Mulder and the Seven Samanthas
Spoilers: Quagmire and Amor Fati..
Classification: PG-13
My Comment: I really can't stand Diana Fowly and even though shes already dead,
I thought I'd write her in just to make her see that M and s belong together and
don't care about her one bit.!! LOL Sorry all those Diana Lovers out there!
I do not know any names of porn video's so I made it up..
I have a very weird and twisted mind u guys.. so that explains this fanfic.. I hope
MULDER AND THE SEVEN SAMANTHAS
" Mirror Mirror on the FBI issued bureau desk. Who is the most
handsom man of all?" Walter Skinner spoke into his mirror and
smoothed down the remaining hairs on his head.
" Althought you are mighty fine, great A.D, there is one who is
hansomer."
Walter Skinners face pukkered into a frown.
" Explain." he said curtly.
" He is tall, dark and handsome. He has a fear of conspirators
and is addicted to porn. Shall I go on?"
Skinner muttered one under his breath, " Fox Mulder"
Then, as if waking from a dream, Skinner shook himself and regarded
the mirror.
" Well," he spoke aloud "talking to yourself is the first sign of
madness... or is it the second??"
" Yo! Schizo!" yelled the mirror. "What are you gonna do about
Mulder?"
" Leave him alone?" said Skinner meekly.
" Noooo." the mirror spoke up. " Haven't you ever heard of
'Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs'?" the mirror took one look at
Skinners face and said, " Obviously not."
" You're meant to kill Mulder so that you will be the most hansome
bureau employee of them all."
" Ohhhhh. Right. Gotcha." Skinner said and reached for the
cell-phone on his desk.
He dialed a number and spoke into the mouthpiece.
" My place. 8.00pm"
" Ahhh. You arranged for someone to meet you so you can kill off
Mulder..." the mirror said.
" Ummm... not exactly.." Skinner answered. " That was my date for
tonight."
" Jeeze. Would you just call someone so we can get this over with
and I can go back to saying whatever crap I'm meant to be saying in
this story.
" Yeah, kay." Skinner fumbled with his cell phone again and arranged
for Diana Fowly to go down to the basement and shoot Mulder in the
head.
XxX
Fox Mulder sat in his swivel chair in the basement turning round and
round and round and round whilst listening to and half watching one
of his x-rated movie. The cute redhead was about to do something
interesting, he just knew it. He sat up, stopped twisting his chair
round, and studied the TV screen intently.
Mulder heard a knock at the door. Thinking that it must be Scully
he quickly took the tape out of the VCR and shoved it into the inside pocket of
his jacket.
Before he had gotten out of his seat to open the door, it was flung
open and Diana Fowly was revealed. Her gun pointing at his him.
" Hi Diana." Mulder grinned and waved.
" Fox." Diana Fowly snapped a greeting and fired her gun at Mulders
heart. Mulder fell over immediately without so much as an * ouch,
that hurt* noise. Diana, satisfied that her work had been done,
marched out of the basement office to find a pathologist of some
sort to take Mulder's heart out of his body to prove to Skinner
that he was well and truly dead as a doornail.
Mulder listened to Diana walking down the hall. When he was sure
that Diana Fowly has gotten into the elevator, her sat up and pulled
the porno video from his inside pocket.
" Damn." he cursed as he saw the bullet imbedded in the video.
That meant he would never find out what the redhead was about to do.
He sighed and dumped the tape in the trash.
He then calmly walked out of the FBI headquarters, not even bothering
to wonder why Diana had come into his office less than 5 minutes ago
to kill him.
XxX
Dana Scully marched into her apartment and quicky scanned the interior
for a stray Cancerman, shapeshifter or Donnie Phfaster. She went
over to the fridge and pondered on what to have for dinner.
She was intent on keeping her body weight at 105 lbs or below so
she plucked a single lettuce leaf off the whole vegetable and went
over to eat it on the couch. Five minutes later saw Dana Katherine
Scully abandon her diet and root around in the freezer to find a huge
tub of double chocolate, full fat ice cream of which she managed to
polish off in about 10 minutes.
Half way through 'Notting Hill' Scully's phone rang and she lazily
reached out and pressed the 'hands-free' button.
" Scully." she drawled.
" Hi. Scully. Its Mulder."
Scully frowned. Mulder sounded scared and out of breath.
" Mulder? Whats wrong?" she asked.
" Diana tried to kill me." Scully bolted upright off the couch and
grabbed the reciever in a vain attemp to bring herself closer to
Mulder.
" How? When?" she asked him.
" Ummm. At about 2 this afternoon. She took a shot at me."
Scully looked at her watch. It read 11.21pm. Why the hell was
he telling her all this now if it happened at 2?
" Mulder? Why the hell are you telling me all of this now if it
happened at 2 this afternoon?"
" Hey! I only just realised. You're the first person I told."
" I'm honoured Mulder, but Diana tried to KILL you, and your acting
as if she just got pregnant with your child."
" Hmmmm." Mulder mused. Scully coughed nervously. The last thing
she wanted him to be thinking about was having sex with Diana. God
knows he had had sex with that slut enough times already!
" Mulder? How come you aren't dead?"
Mulder proceeded to explain his little escapade with the porn video
in way too much detail than Scully would have liked.
Eventually she cut him off and said,
" Mulder, Its not safe for you here anymore. You have to get away
from your apartment fast! Don't come here. This is the first place
they'll look for you. You have to go somewhere no-one would ever
think of looking for you.
" The FBI cafeteria?"
" Close.. but, no. Diana probably has spies all over the headquarters by now.
Ummm... why don't you go to the mall?"
" But, Sculleeee.." whined Mulder. " I hate going to the mall, even
when YOU drag me there."
" Exactly." Scully said and waited. She could hear the cogs inside
Mulder brain whirring and she could swear she could smell smoke.
" Don't think too hard Mulder." she said. " Wouldn't want to wear
out that Oxford educated brain." she teased.
Finally she heard an "ohhhhh" noise being made by Mulder and could
hear the *click* of his brain as he finally registered.
" Thanks Scully. See ya."
" Wait! Mulder, don't hang up!" Scully yelled frantically.
" Whats up Scully?"
" Ummm... I just wanted to say be careful and don't get killed and
ummmm....." she took a deep breath summoning all of her courage.
Knowing Diana, this could be the last time she spoke to him. "and I
just wanted to say..."
" Say what Scully?"
" I love you Mulder."
" I love you too. More than you'll ever know."
" More than Diana?"
" Miles more. I hate Diana. She tried to kill me, remember?"
He hung up leaving a satisfied Dana Scully on the end of the
disconnected phone.
XxX
Diana Fowly walked into the basement office accompanied by Skinner
and a pathologist who was fully equipped with a scapal.
She pushed open the door and revealed a bare floor with no sign of
Mulder. An angry unidentifiable noise was made by Skinner.
" Agent Fowley!" he boomed. " I thought I told you to KILL him."
" I did.. I ...I shot him right in the heart and then rushed away
to get Charlotte." she guestured towards the pathogist and continued,
"I was so sure he was dead. I shot him straight in the heart." she
stammered.
" Maybe this could have something to to with it." Skinner bent down
into the trash and picked out a video with a lable reading
' Redheads' Go Undercover' in Mulder's unmistakably scruffy scrawl of
an excuse for handwriting. The video had a bullet in it."
" Shit." Diana cursed. " Does that mean your not gonna pay me now?"
" You bet." Skinner answered.
Charlotte the pathologist signed, dissapointed that she wouldn't get
to cut up any dead bodies, but a trip to the video store might not
be such a bad idea....
" Jeeze, Diana. Can't you do anything right? You are soooo fired
from the FBI and you can forget the whole, ' my place, 8.00 thing'
as well."
"Well, since I'm fired I guess I can do this then." Diana kneed
Skinner in the balls and took off down the corridor.
Skinner, curled up on the floor of the basement office, narrowed his yes and stared at the
' I Want To Believe' poster and mumbled,
" You can't get the job done properly unless you do it yourself."
XxX
Mulder drove round the mall parking lot. The senior citizen in the
car in front was making it hard for Mulder to travel at a speed
above 5 miles per hour. He drummed his fingers on the steering
wheel, he tried to remeber when was the last time he fed his fish,
he thought about the recent government conspiracy he had uncovered,
he thought about what it would be like to have sex with Scully and
he tried to remember when was the last time he fed his fish some
more before his patience wore thin and he rolled down the window of
his Ford Taurus.
" Hey!! Speed up in front you acient road hog!" he half yelled half
screamed out of the window.
The car behind stopped and Cancerman got out, gave Mulder an evil
stare and got back in his car again. He proceeded to drive at a
speed totaling 2 miles per hour.
Finally Mulder pulled into a parking space. " I hate these places."
he muttered and climed out of his car, immediately pushing his door
into the car parked next to his.
Mulder ran away from his car and the screeching car alarm towards the
mall.
He tried to decide whether he would prefer to be dead.
Skinner pulled the mini skirt futher down over his hips and
adjusted the balls of tissue paper which were serving as breasts.
He tottered clumsily in his stilleto heels and walked over to his
'stall'.
Mulder sat, cowering on a bench on the second story of the mall.
There were too many people. Too many screaming kids.
Too many happy couples. Yup. He definitely hated these places.
Mulder decided that he could be stuck in this hellhole for a long
time to come and decided to grab a drink. He wandered over to
Starbucks and ordered a black coffee all the while chucking to
himself. Scully.. a Starbuck.... who whould have guessed.
He did feel mildly sorry for what happened to Queequeg
that night though.
Skinner searched the mall for Mulder. He had guessed that this would
be the place Scully would have sent him. They both knew of his long
standing hatred for any place filled with swarms of people.. or bees
for that matter.
Mulder came out of Starbucks feeling refreshed, yet still slightly
thirsty. He dug in his pockets for change and found two old parking
tickets, an old shoelace, one of Scully's lipsticks and finally two
quarters covered in lint. Damn. That was not gonna be enough. He
suddenly spotted a small stall which seemed to be selling drinks of
somesort. No one was going near it so Mulder figured that he wouldn't
have to queue.
The woman running the stall looked kinda familiar but Mulder could
not work out where he had seen her before. * I wish Scully was here*
he thought. * she would know exactly where we saw that woman.*
Abandoning all hopes of ever remembering Mulder walked towards
the stall.
" How much for a soda?" he asked.
" For you handsome," the woman spoke to him in a really high,
squeaky voice which reminded Mulder of Skinner, " the soda is free."
" Thanks." Mulder accepted the cup that the woman had offered him,
shoved his two, lint-covered quarters back in his pocket and walked
back to his bench.
His cell phone rang.
" Doug." he answered.
" I... ummm.. sorry. I must have the wrong number. Sorry." Scully
voice said into his ear.
" No! Scully! Wait! Don't hang up!" Mulder screeched causing
everyone to turn round and stare at him.
" Mulder?" she asked.
" Yeah. I decided to answer my phone in another name in case you
were Diana."
" I'm insulted. How are you holding up?" Scully asked him.
" Not so good. Did I ever tell you that I HATE malls. If I hear
one more little kid make a reference to Pokemon I am seriously gonna
pull out my gun and shoot them, to hell with Bureau policy!!!"
" Pik-a-chu!! Pika! Pika!" yelled Sully.
Mulder grunted in annoyance.
" I never knew you were a Pokemon fan Scully." he said through
gritted teeth.
" I'm not. My nephew, Mathew, is really into it though.
You'll have to meet him next time they're in town."
" I'll pass thanks."
" Mulder, Since you don't seem to be holding up so well,
why don't you go back to your apartment. I've had Frohike watching
your building and he says that Diana has already been there."
" Ok then. Thanks Scully.
She hung up and Mulder briefly wondered why they never ended their
conversations with a normal 'goodbye'. He guessed that whenever
they usually ended a conversation on their cellphones it could be
the last time they would ever get to speak to each other. So a
simple 'goodbye' for them could mean goodbye for good. Ultimately,
he didn't favour that last thought.
Mulder stepped into the blinding sunshine of the parking lot and
proceeded to try and find his car in amonst the couple of thousand
other cars. * I should have remembered where I parked like Scully
does* he thought.
After half an hour of searching he came accross his car and set his
soda down on the roof whilst he jiggled around in his pockets trying
to find his keys. He dropped a parking ticket in the process.
After a hot stuffy drive back to Alexandria, Mulder sauntered down
the hall of his apartment building slurping his complementary drink. Suddenly he
felt a blinding pain in his head and heart and fell down, unconcious, in the middle
of the corridor. The contents of his pockets and the unfinished soda spilling
all over the floor.
XxX
"Hi ho, hi ho, we were abducted, oh yeah, oh yeah, hi ho, hi ho."
voices rang out from Mulders apartment complex.
"Hi ho, hi ho, we were abducted, oh yeah, oh yeah, hi ho."
The seven girls, all about eight years old marched along the
corridor in a line each holding a book bag. They all had exactly the
same features. Shiny, long black hair, hazel eyes and they all wore
jeans and red t-shirts. They wore sticky name tags with their names
on. The names went from 'Samantha 01' up to 'Samantha 07'.
The Samanthas noticed the man lying in the middle of the hallway.
He looked dead and all the blood had drained from his face leaving
a bluish grey tinge to the flesh. Samanthan 05 was trained in CPR
and bent down to try and ressussitate him. However, she felt a slow,
yet steady pulse beating inside the mans body so decied she wouldn't bother.
After finding an apartment key lying on the floor next to the man,
they dragged him in through the apartment door that fitted they key.
Samantha 06, the believer, mused at the apartment number. 42.
The answer to everything in the universe. Interesting.
The Samanthas laid the man down on a rather scuffy leather couch
after they couldn't find a bed. Samantha 03 was intently studying a
copy of 'Playboy'.
XxX
Scully sat on her couch, studying her phone.
"Ring!" she comanded and pointed at the phone. No luck."
Ring!" she tried again. The phone rang. Mildly surprised she
picked up the reciever.
" Scully."
" Agent Scully?"
" Yes."
" This is Agent Pendrell. I was wondering if you'd like to..."
Scully hung up.
Sighing she grabbed her car keys and headed to Mulders apartment.
XxX
As Scully walked down the hallway to number 42 she slipped on a
puddle and fell onto her ass. Cursing under her breath she picked
herself up. It was only when she had drawn herself up to her full
5ft2 that she noticed one of her lipsticks lying in the middle of
the corridor.
*In danger or not* she fumed, * Mulder's gonna get it for taking my
coral pink!* She marched angrily up to number 42 and banged on the
door with her fist.
" Mulder!" she yelled. " I may love you and you may love me, but
whoever said you could take my best lipstick?" she banged on the
door once more for effect and then let herself in with her key.
What she saw took her breath away... well.. almost.. it wasn't the
first time she had seen him like this. She went up to Mulder and
proceeded to give him CPR. It didn't work. She put her hand to
his pulse though and she could feel the steady ryhmic beat.
Desperate. She put her head on his chest and started to cry.
She cried for him, for the life that she was now going to have
to share alone if her never woke up. She cried for the children
they would never have. And she cried because she remebered that
she had left a lagsagne in the oven and it was going to be burnt
to a crisp when she got home.
" Mulder help me.." she whispered and grasped his face between her
hands. " Please Mulder." she moved to his mouth and kissed him gently on the lips.
All her feelings for him tumbing out through the kiss. He stirred
under her.
" You... help.. me.." he croaked. Scully smiled and pulled his head
up to hers kissing him on the forhead.
" I love you Mulder." she said, unaware of the seven pairs of eyes peering at
them from the bathroom.
XxX
END??? .. not quite. Questions from the audience!
What became of Mulder and Scully?
Mulder and Scully got married. Had lots of sex and now live in a
large house with two children called Samantha and Melissa- dispite Mellisa being a boy.
They have a dog called Queequeg Jr and a parrot called Krycek.
They still work on the X-Files, but now, the whole family joins in-
including the pets!
What happened to Diana Fowly?
To this day, Diana Fowly hangs around on street
corners giving seventy year old men...and cancerman hand jobs free of charge.
And Skinner?
Skinner is still AD and will proabably be stuck in his office
under a mound of paperwork if you go visit him to this day.
END- honest!
Please give me feedback or something like that.. i dunno. I'm reclusive and resort to writing
fanfics.
Thanks!! Byeee!!!
Please mail me @ alien925@isback.com