Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the show. "Drake and Josh" belongs to Dan Schneider and Nickelodeon.
Craig and Eric had been best friends for as long as they could remember. They refused to be addressed as "Craig" and "Eric" alone, and they did nearly everything together. Their scientific genius and their highly stereotypical personalities collided and formed a friendship too complex for words like "platonic" and even "bromance". Craig liked to claim that it was friendship at first sight when they met while going to a science fair at age seven. On the other hand, Eric often argued that it all really began when Craig saved his butt from a bunch of anti-Semitic bullies at school once. That was another thing about their relationship: they argued almost 24/7.
There were a variety of things they argued about, from what shirt Eric should wear ("Hawaiian!" "Polo!") to what noble gas Craig should use in his latest science experiment ("Helium!" "Xenon!"). Sometimes, they argued just for the fun of it, by sharing little debates or banters of their own. They would argue intellectually over which Marvel superhero was the best, which of Shakespeare's plays had more dramatic depth, or who the smartest scientist was. Though they argued a lot of the time, they knew it was just because they were both socially awkward and trying to build their individual views of the world as young adults. Besides, their abundant source of chemistry more than made up for their arguments. The way they looked at each other, touched each other, and confided in each other was similar to a relationship of an old married couple.
They fought like an old married couple, certainly, but there was so much more to their relationship than even they knew. They did not need to see eye-to-eye all the time because of their mutual understanding of one-another, they experienced intense feelings such as "I would die for you" from time to time, and they were very comfortable in each other's presence. The chemistry was definitely there, boiling to a point where they slowly began to realize its existence. They were made for each other and they knew it, but that was the one thing they refused to say out loud to each other. They had no clue that the other one knew. ...Yet.
It was the last day of school and the dismissal bell had just rung. So ended the two boys's junior year at high school. When a bunch of bullies showed up, they merely rolled their eyes, having known the usual routine. They used to panic and struggle like flies in Venus flytraps whenever they got the dumpster-diving treatment. Nowadays, they sighed out of boredom and gazed at the sky with stoic expressions as the bullies crowded around them like sharks and tossed them in. "Ha ha! See ya later, Sissy Boys!" the alpha-bully snickered, whilst hopping onto his bike along with his cronies.
"You're so funny I forgot how to laugh!" Craig shouted after them half-heartedly since he did, after all, find the whole process to be rather mundane. Eric tutted and shook his head.
"Poor uneducated fools. They may never learn. You need help?" he asked, taking care to extend his hand since he already knew the answer. Craig nodded and took the blonde's hand. Eric hopped out first before helping his friend. Craig stumbled over an unattended garbage bag and fell into Eric's arms. "Hey. Careful, now. Watch it," Eric said, trying to cover up what he was really thinking: "Aw, Craig's blushing! How cute!" He was well aware that it was just the autonomic nervous system releasing adrenaline through the blood vessels in Craig's cheeks, but he liked how the red color looked on his friend. Friend...hm. How plain it sounded, compared to what he wished the adorable boy beside him could really be.
Craig received a text message on his phone. It read,
[Hey, guys. It's me, Josh. Want to join Drake and I for an end-of-school-year slumber party?]
Craig looked inquisitively at Eric, who replied with a nod. Then he typed,
[Yes. We would love to.]
A few minutes later, Josh texted one more message, confirming their attendance.
[Great! See you there! :-) ]
The boys each called their parents to let them know where they would be that night before they got to the school parking lot. Drake and Josh were waiting there, looking as if somebody had just stolen their favorite candy.
"What's going on, guys?" Craig asked, concern lacing his voice.
"Yeah, what's the matter?" Eric chimed in, casually draping an arm around Craig's shoulder.
"Ugh. Mom says we can't have a slumber party unless our demon little sister joins us," Drake complained. All four boys groaned outwardly; they did not particularly like Megan.
"I spent four days making that itinerary of things for us to do! FOUR...DAYS! Now I have to break my back creating a new list of things to do that Megan likes and we all hate! Like 'torturing older brothers' lives' and 'being evil'! Oh, and did I mention 'posting pictures of Josh's rash on my blog of evilness'?!" Josh whined.
Drake did a double-take. "Wait, you made a list? Dude, who does that? I swear, you're such a noob sometimes."
"Oh- Oh yeah?! Well, you're such a...poop head sometimes!" Josh back-lashed, attempting to defend himself. Craig and Eric cringed at the vulgar use of potty language. Drake rolled his eyes and clapped very slowly.
"Wow...good job, Josh, you used a word from your preschool days. Didn't know you had it in you." Josh glowered and gave him the hairy eyeball.
"You give me headaches! Headaches!" he shouted, before they moved on and walked to the step-brothers's house. Drake had ordered the pizzas already. One box had plain cheese just in case, another box had pepperoni, mushroom and black olive, and the third box had ham and pineapple. Audrey answered the door for them once they got there. Her face brightened up once she saw Craig and Eric. They were kind, responsible young men who would keep everything under control at the party.
"Hello, boys! Come on in!" she cooed.
"Yes, ma'am! Thank you, ma'am!" Craig and Eric chorused. Audrey shook her head and chuckled.
"Now, now, none of that. You boys can call me Audrey."
"Yes, ma- er... Audrey!" the two boys replied. They took their things upstairs to Drake and Josh's room. After that, Megan went to a play date at Janie's house and the four boys played video games on Josh's Gamesphere. This is basically how it went:
D: "I call Sword Dude! He has the most power!"
J: "I call Lightning Guy! He has the most speed!"
E: "I call Brain Boy! He has the most skill!"
C: "And that leaves me stuck with Glitter Pegasus. She has the most critical health. Great..."
E: "Oh, whatever, Craig! I had to be Glitter Pegasus last time, now stop your wanking!"
C: "(Sigh)...Fine."
J: "Drake, what the heck are you doing?!"
D: "Throwing potatoes at you. Duh."
J: "Uh-huh. ...WHY?!"
D: "Because your player stole my emerald."
J: "You could just go to a mine and dig up another one!"
D: "Nooooo~. Too farrrrr~."
E: "Augh! I'm getting attacked by a Sleeper! Craig, help me!
C: "I'm on it! Rainbow powers, activate!"
E: "Um...Craig?"
C: "Yes, Eric?"
E: "All that did was put a rainbow in the sky."
C: "Oh. Well, crap."
J: "Drake! Stop throwing your freaking potatoes at me! You could've made five-star quality mashed potatoes with those! There are children in North Africa who would throw away a television for those potatoes!"
D: "So...what's the point?"
J: "You...stop...potato-throwing! There, did I break it down enough for you?!"
D: "...What were we talking about?"
J: "Grrrrrrr...!"
E: " Phew! Good thing we outsmarted that Sleeper! ...Uh-oh. Craig, don't move an inch."
C: "What's the matter, Eric?"
E: "There's a hive full of Zom-Bees right in front of us. One wrong move and they could kill us all."
C: "...Oops."
E: "Craig!"
C: "What?! A pegasus has gotta sneeze glitter when a pegasus has gotta sneeze glitter!"
E: "Drake!"
C: "Josh!"
C & E: "Watch out!"
D & J: "Huh? Oh, sh-!"
Too late. The Zom-Bees surrounded their prey, stung them, and ate their brains. "Game Over" flashed on the television screen.
"Dang it!" all four boys shouted.
"Boys! Dinner time! Megan isn't here, so please set the table!" Audrey called.
"Yeah, uh...let's not and say we did," Drake suggested arrogantly. Audrey glared at her son's fresh behavior before he shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "Fine." Then he walked up to Craig and Eric. "Hey guys, wanna set up the table? I have homework, so I can't-"
"Drake Parker! Do not pawn off your work on your friends, or I'll make you set up the whole table all by yourself!" Audrey scolded from the kitchen. Drake slumped his shoulders before he and Josh got to work. Megan arrived home, closing the front door behind her.
" 'Sup, boobs? 'Sup, geeks?" she greeted ever-so-charmingly. Craig started to explain.
"Well, actually, we're nerds. See, there's a bit of a difference between the t-" Megan pulled him downwards by his shirt collar and got in his face menacingly.
"Listen, geek! You're not the boss of me! And if you correct me one more time, I will say words that will cut you and your precious boyfriend like a knife!" she yelled, before letting go of his collar and skipping to the kitchen and singing, "Hi, mommy! Hi, daddy!" Craig rubbed his collar bone, trying to ease the pain.
"Ow! What's her problem?!" he whimpered. Eric chuckled in a friendly way. Oh, Craig, he thought. Everybody sat down and ate some pizza before they went upstairs to Drake and Josh's room. They set up their sleeping bags and got into their pajamas. Drake had a green sleeping bag with green pajamas, Josh had a yellow sleeping bag with yellow pajamas, Craig had a red sleeping bag with red pajamas, Eric had a blue sleeping bag with blue pajamas, and Megan had a pink sleeping bag with pink pajamas. Craig noted that Eric looked good in blue, and Eric noted that Craig looked good in red. Both boys smiled at each other.
Since Megan's presence automatically turned the slumber party into a plain old sleepover, the four boys ostracized her from their group by telling jokes and laughing.
"I knew a man that was so stupid, he buried his cell phone when it died!" Drake mused.
"I knew a man who was so poor, he couldn't afford to buy time!" Josh joked, though nobody laughed as hard.
"I knew a man who was so ugly, he turned Medusa into stone!" Eric mused. Drake and Josh chuckled, but Craig laughed up a storm.
"Good one, Eric!" Then he came up with a joke. "I knew a man who was so hairy that even Bigfoot stopped to take pictures!" All three boys laughed the next time, but Eric was the loudest of them all.
"You're funny!" he giggled. They laughed so hard that they had to hold onto each other to regather themselves. Megan shook her head at them.
"Gaywads," she whispered audibly enough for the two nerds to hear and glare at her. Later, the four boys became bored and started to make farting noises with their armpits. They got inspired to turn it into a musical-arm-fart contest. Drake did "Fun Fun Fun," Josh did "The Chicken Dance", Eric did "Mission Impossible," and Craig did the "Star Trek" theme song. Megan rolled her eyes. "Guys are so gross," she complained to herself. The boys laughed so hard their noses wrinkled and Drake chewed his gum with it showing.
"Boys, remember; be nice to Megan," Audrey called from downstairs.
"Yeah, boobs and geeks! You heard the lady, be nice to me," Megan declared gloweringly. Drake sighed.
"Fine! It's all your fault this sleepover sucks anyways, never mind getting us into trouble! So go on and tell us what you want to do, and we shall bow ever-obediently to your precious princess needs!"
Five Minutes Later...
"...So I got this new eye shadow yesterday because my friend Kimmy said it looked good on me, but guess what?! She was lying! I showed up at school today and she was wearing the exact same thing! And now her friend Lisa like, totally hates me because she thinks that I copied her even though..."
Megan was gossiping endlessly and the four boys were dying.
"Where's Kimmy? I wanna go over to her house so I can give her a high-five," Drake whispered to Josh.
"Can't...handle...information!" Eric gasped, before falling backwards.
"Eric! Oh cheese, not again!" Craig cried. He got out a piece of homework paper and waved it in front of his friend's nose.
"I'm awake, I'm awake!" Eric yelped, revived by the stench of paper with math equations scrawled upon it in No.2 pencil. Josh got the hint that something had to be done, so he interrupted Megan's dirt-tossing session.
"Hey, uh... how about we play 'Truth or Dare'?" he suggested.
"NO! DON'T DO IT!" Craig and Eric shouted, hugging each other in fright. Megan turned to them, a look of disdain stretched across her face.
"What is the matter with you two?!" she screeched.
"N-Nothing," they blubbered, though that was a lie. Neither nerd liked "Truth or Dare" because of bad experiences they had in the past (AKA: taking the dare and jumping buck-naked into a lake, telling the truth about picking their noses, etcetera). They played the game anyways against their own will. It began as soon as Megan stopped blackmailing them and when they let go of each other very hesitantly. Everybody sat in a circle. First, it was Drake's turn. He turned to Josh.
"Truth or Dare?" he asked.
"Truth."
"Weenie," Megan taunted. Josh's face grew red with anger.
"Shut your trap, little girl!" he shouted, before allowing Drake to continue.
"Did you ever dance in your tighty whities to 'I Will Survive' ?"
"What?! No!"
"Really? That's funny, because according to Megan's blog, this video called 'Dancing Boob' has reached well over a million hits, in the past few days." Josh ran his fingers through his hair stressfully.
"Where did she get that?!" he screamed. Megan got in his face.
"I have my ways, young boob," she hissed cunningly. John moped before turning to Craig.
"Truth or Dare?" he asked the brunet. Craig smiled mischievously, and Eric melted at how drop-dead gorgeous it looked.
"Dare," he said, a glint in his eye. Josh thought a minute.
"I dare you to run around the house while shouting something completely embarrassing and doing a completely embarrassing thing while running." Craig nodded, liking Josh's way of thinking. Then he went outside and skipped around the house while spanking his butt and hollering,
"I am woman, hear me roar!" Everybody laughed, including Megan.
"I can't believe the geek actually did it!" she snickered, whilst taking a video of the whole thing. Eric admired how shameless he looked even if it meant the video was going on YouTube.
"He's so brave," he sighed enamouredly, fluttering his eyelashes while he thought about the guy he liked. Craig bounded back inside and turned to his best friend.
"Eric, truth or dare?" he asked. Eric sulked. He was not as courageous as the boy who sat right in front of him.
"Truth."
"Weenie," Megan said, rolling her eyes. But instead of getting the reaction she wanted, Eric nodded and replied,
"I know..." Craig pondered over the few options he had, then decided to wing it.
"Do you have a crush on somebody?" he asked curtly. Everybody else in the room glanced: they knew LONG before the two nerds did. Eric nodded.
"Yes," he replied.
"Really? Who is it?" his best friend inquired.
"Ah, ah, ah," Eric scolded, placing an index finger on Craig's lips."I can't tell you. There's only one question allowed for each truth in 'Truth or Dare'." He loved how it felt with his finger resting on those lips. Those soft, luscious, rosy, kissable- No, Eric! Knock it off, he thought. Now isn't the time for this! Craig sighed and hung his head.
"Well, whoever it is, she must be very beautiful," he said. Eric was amazed at how well he was able to restrain himself from glomping Craig right then and there, kiss him fully on the lips, and cry, "No, baby! I'm 99% gay, honest!" And apparently, so were the Parkers and Josh, the only other people who had a freaking clue. Eric sighed for the billionth time that night and turned to Megan. He would work up the courage to pour his heart out to Craig another time.
"Truth or Dare?" he asked.
"Dare," Megan answered, naturally.
"Okay, um...I dare you to sing a stupid song. You like singing, don't you?" Eric said. Megan nodded, stood in the middle of the sitting circle, and sang "Friday", by Rebecca Black. Drake blocked his ears.
"Aw, dude, what did you have to go and do that for?! Now I'll have her voice stuck in my head for weeks!" Craig was quick to defend his dearest friend.
"Well, I thought it was a pretty good dare!" he argued. Eric smiled. He always has my back. I wish I weren't such a pansy and could thank him properly via kisses, he thought despondently. Upon realizing that it was Megan's turn, the boys slunk and cowered like mice. Josh, Craig, and Eric felt sorry for Drake, the person Megan was about to corner. They braced themselves when she opened her mouth, but then she turned around and asked,
"Eric, truth or dare?" The four boys were all astonished by what she had done, Eric being notably more stupefied. She was supposed to ask Drake! Why had she changed the rules so suddenl-
"Hello?! Are you going deaf, geek?! I said, 'truth or dare'?!" Megan demanded impudently. Eric shrugged. Well, as long as he was being asked...
"Truth," he replied.
"No! Come on, Eric, don't be a weenie!" Megan lectured. Eric was getting pretty tired of being called a weenie, so he succumbed to the peer-pressure.
"Alright, fine! Um...dare!" he said, still a little unsure of himself. Megan smiled demonically and he was beginning to have second thoughts. After all, whenever somebody looked at you with a facial expression similar to the Cheshire Cat's, it was never a good thing. It guaranteed things like stripping clothing, eating food off of somebody's stomach, or...the possibilities were endless.
"I dare you to kiss the person to your left for at least two minutes!" she commanded. Eric realized that the person to his left was Craig and they blushed heavily. Their minds went blank for a minute and they nearly developed speech impediments within that moment.
"W-What?! I d-don't know about this! I mean...I - we - " they sputtered. Sure, they had thought about giving each other sweet little pecks and surprising one another, but here? Now? It was so overwhelming! Megan stomped her foot frustratedly.
"Oh, come on! Stop being so oblivious! Admit it! You've wanted to do this forever! Both of you have! Do you know how many times you've made me want to shout 'Get a room' because of your ridiculous flirting?! It's a good thing I even did this, or you idiots never would've gotten the guts to do it yourselves! Now kiss!" she shouted. Drake and Josh looked at their sister with slight respect. She's a regular matchmaker, they thought.
Craig and Eric looked at each other, each took a deep breath, and leaned forward. No regrets. Eric placed his hands on Craig's cheeks and Craig kept his hands on the ground between them. Their lips were relaxed: not quite puckered and not quite stiff, though slightly parted. They closed their eyes, leaning closer still and brushing noses. Finally, that blissful moment had arrived. Craig and Eric were kissing each other lovingly, tenderly, and contently, as they should have done long ago.
Everybody in the room watched satisfiedly. Craig ignored the pinching feeling of Eric's glasses against his cheeks and reveled in the moment. Eric smiled against his lips, reveling in the moment as well. Everything in that moment felt so right, as if the whole world were moving in sync. Megan looked at the love birds in their sleeping bags.
"Um...guys? You can stop, now," she said. They broke apart, their lips making a small smacking sound. Eric took one look at her and pretended to consider it. "No, I don't think so," he decided. They dove in again, both several times more eager than they were before. Craig placed his hands on Eric's shoulders, and Eric slowly carded his hands through Craig's hair. Eric parted for just a minute to look in Craig's gorgeous green eyes and whisper, "I've always loved you." Craig laughed.
"You did not, silly. But it's okay, because I love you too," he replied.
" Yeah? How much?" Eric teased.
"I love you more than I love science," Craig said sincerely. Eric took one of his hands.
"I'll stop loving you when Spongebob gets his boating liscence." Craig looked at him with deep affection.
"That is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard," he breathed, before kissing Eric on the cheek. They leaned their foreheads against each other's and held each other's hands for a while, their fingers entwining. Their declarations of love for each other marked the beginning of a beautiful relationship and the end of "Truth or Dare". Drake whined all night about how he never got to do a dare and Megan told him to shut up.
Later that night, when everybody else was asleep, Craig and Eric turned to each other for company. Eric laughed when Craig cuddled up against him.
"What are you doing?" he giggled. Craig wrapped his arms possessively around the blonde.
"I just wanna hold you for a while. That okay with you?" Craig asked. Eric nodded, though he was still amused.
"What, so just because I'm your boyfriend, it automatically makes me some sort-of glorified teddy bear?" he chuckled.
"No. It makes you MY glorified teddy bear," Craig replied, stifling a few yawns every now and then. Eric gently pressed his lips to his forehead.
"You're cute," he said happily.
"No, you're cuter," Craig argued playfully.
Since they were like an old married couple, they "argued" over who was the cutest for the rest of the night. Now, they had a better understanding of each other than they did before and they were together as they should have been. The next morning, they slept in late, waking up in-between for small kisses and to remind each other how much they loved each other. "Boyfriends" met the standards for their chemistry-filled relationship perfectly.