One Summer morning, a few hours after the break of dawn, a Waddle Dee soldier was advancing, Bible in hand, along the castle floors of his master and liege, the selfish King DeDeDe. It was as he walked along, past squares of sunlight shining through the windows that his gaze averted to a horrible, sinful sight up in the throne room. The once devout and godly King DeDeDe had decorated his robes, as well as the once pristine wall behind him, with a dark black inverted cross and pentagram. The King was noticeably dazed as he snorted line after line of cocaine through a hundred dollar bill, laughing over a pounding album of Death Metal music as he did. Other Waddle Dees and Waddle Doos had already stopped to gawk, and it seemed everyone who passed by couldn't help but to at least slow down at the sight, as the crowd slowly grew larger. It wasn't long before the room had reached a frenzy, finally pulling the penguin king from his drug induced daze. Angrily, he addressed his subjects.
"And what in fucking hell has you all so amazed, you fucking faggots?" He slurred. "Fucking skedaddle, unless you want to see me fornicate myself with the handle of my god damn hammer!"
The entire crowd gasped in horror, but one brave Waddle Dee spoke up.
"Sire, you mustn't! Fornication is condemned by the Bible! The book of Corinthians tells us to flee from sexual immorality, please reconsider!"
"Ain't nothin' "immoral" 'bout fondlin' my rectum with a hammer! 'Course, I could use a nice BJ while I do, iffin' you're offerin'!"
Audible cries of 'God no' and 'Heaven Forbid' erupted all at once as the same Waddle Dee who spoke up before cleared his throat.
"My liege, please don't do this. You would disappoint God!"
"Ha! God? I don't even believe in God!" Many in the crowd turned their heads in terror, causing King DeDeDe to grin an atheistic grin. "In fact, I fucking hate him! So you'd best avoid mentioning him if you know what's good for you!" Tears erupted from the crowd, but again, one voice broke through.
"King DeDeDe, please stop!" He ran forward clutching his Bible and bringing it up above his head. "Sire, you aren't thinking straight. Just read this and you'll see the error of your ways!"
Before King DeDeDe could react, the young Waddle Dee had heroically placed the Bible in his hands, causing King DeDeDe to audibly grunt in pain. Pure white shocks of electricity burned his hand. "You little shit!" The king growled as he clutched the book through the pain. "Are you trying to kill me with this filth? Well, are you!" The last sentence was yelled almost more as a fit of rage than a question as King DeDeDe used surprising strength to hurl the book at the Waddle Dee. Then, as the pages fluttered open from the wind, King DeDeDe ran forward on all fours and chewed them, ripping the pages out like some uncaged beast. Much of the crowd had by now dispersed with horror, and the ones who stayed were actively on their knees praying for God's intercession. Scraps and scraps of Bible page scattered about the floor in King DeDeDe's irrational reaction before he panted in his peaking anger.
"And now!" the King yelled as he threw off his robes. "The finale!" He started masturbating before the dwindling crowd of onlookers, proud of himself. "Come on, watch!" He shouted. "This is what I think of your precious 'Bible!' RAAAAH!" And with that, he relieved himself, shooting a stream of ejaculate onto the Bible's now torn up pages.
"Please, king. Reconsider, and repent! You know spilling your seed is forbidden by the book of Genesis!" The brave Waddle Dee tried in vain to stop DeDeDe, struggling to stay conscious from the previous attack. It still couldn't get through to the mad king, though.
"I'm getting real sick of you!" He said, grabbing him and pulling him toward his crotch. "Now put that loud mouth to use and suck me clean!"
"No!" The Waddle Dee cried out. "Current Christian philosophy has nothing against homosexual people, but homosexual actions are forbidden! Please don't drag me into sin!"
King DeDeDe smiled a twisted smile as said with a chuckle "Make sure you 'turn the other cheek' down there. Gotta clean all sides!"
Finally, one of the other Waddle Dees had taken action. "Everyone, stay here and keep praying! I'm going to go find Kirby!" They all nodded, and sent their prayers to God in a feverish frenzy.
It wasn't long before the Waddle Dee had reached Kirby, and he knew he had to act fast. Grabbing a Bible written in original Aramaic, Kirby rushed to Mt. DeDeDe, and by the time he reached it, things were worse. Naked girl penguins were in tears, half hanging off King DeDeDe's bed, and their fathers hadn't even been payed 50 shekels! The King was now using methamphetamine as well, as he listened to gangsta rap, but the worst was yet to be seen. The young, brave, heroic Waddle Dee who tried to tell King DeDeDe about Jesus was murdered, beaten to death by a hammer as King DeDeDe gargled a glass of his blood. Kirby had only been there mere seconds, but he had seen enough.
Opening his mouth, he quickly inhaled his Aramaic Bible, absorbing the divine wisdom and power of the book. In his transformation, Kirby put on a crown of thorns, and displayed the markings of stigmata. He was now Messiah Kirby.
The divine energy in the room had created an aura, one which did not go unnoticed by King DeDeDe. In fear, he stepped back.
"You! W-Who are you!?"
Messiah Kirby did not dignify the question with a response. Instead, he reached his arm back and charged some divine power. King DeDeDe had no time to react before Kirby unleashed it with a booming "Begone, Devil!" which reverberated throughout the castle.
Within moments, the king of evil, Satan himself was revealed as he was forced out of King DeDeDe's body and sent back to hell, screaming from Messiah Kirby's power. "Try all you want, God! I'm infecting more and more people with atheism, and soon there won't be any Christians left, and then I'll win, HAHAHA!"
Kirby closed his eyes and shook his head. "You can never overcome the power of the Lord, Satan."
Quickly, King DeDeDe woke up. "Oh, Kirby?" He asked in a daze, born of unconsciousness. It was only seconds until the horror took him over. "Kirby, who did this!? Who sullied this temple to the Lord with such sacrilegious imagery." He said, shaking as he observed to the inverted cross and pentagram, the violated bible pages and the sinful music being played.
"The devil, King DeDeDe. The Devil and his sick, demented plans!" Messiah Kirby said, using the powers of Jesus to raise the young Waddle Dee from the dead. The Waddle Dee blinked as his life was restored by the ultimate power of God, tears flowing fourth in his awe and appreciation.
"But Kirby, why? Why would he do such a thing!?" King DeDeDe asked, on his knees and ready to pray.
"Faithful King DeDeDe, some are just dedicated to sin. They use sin to fill a hole in their heart. They hate the Lord, our God, but if they just recognized His love for us, we could all be forgiven."
"Truly." DeDeDe agreed. "Messiah Kirby, I don't know if I heard, but Satan said he was making more atheists. What did he mean?"
Kirby shook his head, solemnly. "Atheism is the fastest growing religion in the United States of America right now. By the thousands, if not millions, people turn away from God daily." King DeDeDe and the newly revived Waddle Dee gasped in shock.
"There must be something we can do!"
"There is!" Messiah Kirby said aloud. "All we have to do is spread the Good News! If we can just introduce more people to the love of God, we can fight the devil, and make sure God is the winner!"
"And," the Waddle Dee added, "we'll be sure to keep more people from hell!"
"I love God!" Shouted King DeDeDe.
"And He loves all of you! He would do anything for us, and we should do everything for him in return. Never stop spreading the gospel!"
"Amen!"
The End
Hi people! So, this was an idea inspired by the Terrible Crossover Fanfic Idea Generator. It told me to cross over Kirby with The Bible, using Possesion by Satan as a primary plot device. Well, hey, I thought it'd be fun, but gosh, they're terrible ideas for a reason. It takes writing talent like mine to make these ideas enjoyable! Not much else to say. Hope you enjoyed, though! Or should I say glad you enjoyed, 'cause I know y'all did, lol. See you next time!