Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I'd like Itachi if he's up for grabs.
Hello! Welcome to one of my latest works, a 5+1 that's been sitting around for quite some time waiting for me to figure out how to finish it. I finally had a breakthrough, so here it is.
Five mysteries Uchiha Itachi easily solved and one that always eluded him.
1. Who Uzumaki Naruto's parents were
Occasionally, when Itachi thought he could get away with it, he would take a four-year-old Sasuke out of the compound. These trips were done quietly, usually to a small playground, where the younger boy could play with those less knowledgeable about his status and more likely to treat him normally. It gave Itachi a break from his family and a chance to just relax and read.
That particular day, a small blond boy was playing alone in the sandbox, the other children keeping far away from him, parents snatching their children away if they went anywhere near him. Itachi waited to see what Sasuke would do as he ushered the younger boy off, choosing to share a bench with another, younger girl. The redhead slid to one end when he asked to join her, barely glancing up from her book.
Itachi pretended to read his own novel as Sasuke approached the blond, joining him in the sand. He smirked as parents shot him looks, obviously wondering why he wasn't stopping his brother from playing with the jinchūriki.
Itachi delved into his book as the boys took over the park, running rampant as parents pulled their children away, continuing to glare at him, and by geographic association, the girl. She didn't seem to notice them, the book holding her attention. Sunset came and Itachi stood.
"Sasuke-chan," he called out. Both boys ran over to him.
"Hai, Aniki?"
"We need to get home," he explained.
"Five more minutes?" The boy pleaded.
"Now," he shook his head.
Sasuke grumbled, then lit up, "shouldn't we wait for Naruto-kun's parents?" The blond boy immediately froze.
"I don't have parents, Sasuke-kun." Naruto spoke quietly. "I live at the orphanage."
"What happened to them?" The not yet (if ever) socially savvy boy asked as Itachi began walking away. The boys followed him.
"Ojii-san said they died in the Kyūbi attack."
"Oh. Who were they?"
"I dunno," Naruto shrugged. "But I bet they were awesome-ttebayo!" He assumed a victory pose. Itachi narrowed his eyes in thought. For one, that tick at the end sounded distantly familiar and accompanied a flash of red hair in his memory. For another, it was odd the Uzumaki didn't know of his parents; they couldn't have picked a random child for the container, so the Hokage had to know who it was.
The boys continued chattering as Itachi led them on a roundabout way back to the Uchiha compound, which would go past the orphanage Naruto lived in.
As they walked, Itachi put the brain everyone said was phenomenal to work.
Few in Konoha acted as if the Uzumaki had any parents, preferring to treat him as the demon in human form. The exceptions to this rule seemed to be veteran ANBU and jōnin, with a few others who knew seals or trusted the Yondaime Hokage. Younger shinobi mostly treated him with disinterest unless they'd been pranked recently, but the older ones, they were almost reverent, keeping the younger ones and many of the civilians in line. It was almost as if they'd known the Uzumaki's parents and respected them, and were passing that respect on to the son.
Itachi began running shinobi names through his head, mentally skimming over the KIA stone. He nearly froze when his mind hit Namikaze Minato and his eyes snapped to the Hokage monument. He absorbed the Yondaime Hokage's features, mixed them with his vague memories of him for coloring, and then returned his eyes to Naruto.
If you removed the whiskers and de-aged him, the blond child was a carbon copy of the Yondaime.
If he was the Hokage's son… well that would explain the reverence from those who knew the man well enough to put two and two together.
As for Naruto's mother… the Uzumaki name probably came from her. He returned his mind to the KIA stone, and sure enough, there was an Uzumaki Kushina engraved just under the Yondaime's name. Itachi continued searching his memory for references to an Uzumaki Kushina. A few stories of a strong taijutsu user and seal-mistress came to mind. He dug deeper and the hazy memory of a woman with the same verbal tic throwing her arms around his mother, barely reaching because of both of their pregnant stomachs came forth. He let it go and returned to the present, instructing Sasuke to say goodbye as they reached the orphanage.
Mystery satisfied, he allowed his brother to grab his hand as they returned home, the younger boy chattering about his day.
2. What the reason for Takara flunking her first year at the academy was
Itachi hadn't intended to be a jōnin sensei, let alone the jōnin sensei to his younger brother's team. Yet the Hokage had seen it fit to have him take over the spot Hatake Kakashi should have filled, which left him with his brother, the rookie of the year; Daikana Takara, the top kunoichi; and Uzumaki Naruto, who had come in at dead last.
Being a good jōnin sensei, he took their files, and before planning to spy on the two he didn't know as well, he read them.
And then, he read them again.
The files didn't add up.
Sasuke's, for the most part, made sense. His otōto had been top of the class all four years, rarely challenged by anyone. Some of the scores and comments by one of the sensei looked a little inflated, but that happened occasionally with clan children.
Naruto's didn't make sense because he knew his brother's best friend could do better than what his scores reflected. Yet at the same time, it was easy to see that only one of the sensei had ever given him fair grades. Combined with Naruto's honest dislike of learning anything bookish that didn't pertain to the Hokage, Itachi could understand how the file had been put together. He would need to do a skill evaluation to get an accurate result, but he had planned to do that for all three anyway.
It was his team's kunoichi who really interested him. Daikana Takara was a year older than the boys -13, rather than 12- but had started the Academy a year earlier than them. She'd failed the first year by declining to show up to class, not turning in a single assignment, and hitting every target except the one she was supposed to throw kunai at. Her scores on tests had been the bare level to make sure she would repeat the first year rather than being flushed out of the program. The next fall, she'd retaken the year with Naruto and Sasuke. The next for years saw marked improvements, first in the written component, then in taijutsu, throwing and ninjutsu. The scores rose steadily over the years, until she'd surprisingly taken over as the top kunoichi in the class.
It looked like the girl had honestly devoted herself to being a better kunoichi. Her sensei remarked that after the first year she really did seem to try her best, and that it was incredible how well she did, considering she was an orphan with no one to help her. The file looked normal.
Yet he found it a mystery. It was unlikely an orphan kunoichi would flunk her first year to such an extent it looked at points as if she wasn't going to be able to stay in the program, but eventually graduate at the top of her class. And the rise in her scores… you wouldn't notice it without looking at her whole file, but the rise looked calculated. As if she'd plotted out how much she would go up in each area each week to end up where she wanted to be, without raising the suspicions of the teachers.
It took Itachi most of the night to figure it out, and it took the one piece of information he had ignored to give him the needed clue:
Her photo.
When he flipped the file closed, about ready to give up until he could observe her for himself, he noticed the photo, which had been attached to the outside.
He knew her. Not personally—he couldn't have told you what her name was before—but he'd seen her frequently.
The first time had been when Naruto and Sasuke had met in the park; they'd shared a bench and read books. After that… hn.
Itachi was nearly certain Takara didn't stalk him or Sasuke: he was used to figuring out who was stalking them and he'd never caught her following either of them around alone. She never tried to get their attention; she was usually out of the way—with some book in hand or practicing tree climbing—when he saw her. The few times he'd ever thought about her, he'd assumed she was shy, introverted, maybe that she liked having people around but wasn't confident enough to talk to them.
Even after the academy started and they would have had to know each other, Sasuke and Naruto never went near her, even if they were in the same park. Naruto, who usually tried to get other people involved with their games to little effect, never approached her, even though when they did go near her, she never ran away…
She never ran away when Naruto approached her.
Every other girl, and most of the guys ignored him. She didn't –he left her alone—but that was an oddity in and of itself.
Itachi began scanning his memories, from the first day he'd seen her, to the most recent. Every memory had one thing in common; Naruto was always there.
Itachi flipped her file and Naruto's open, checking the personal information pages. There, under residency, was the same address, below it, the same prior orphanage. He closed the files and looked at the attached pictures. They didn't look much alike. There was something perhaps in the shapes of their faces, but other than eye color, little similarity. Naruto looked exactly like his father.
A memory of red hair flashed through his mind and Itachi knocked his chair over as he ran downstairs. He slid into the living room and dropped to his knees by the bookcase. Somewhere in one of these photo albums was a picture of his mother's genin team.
He found the photo he was looking for—his mother and her team around age 12—and swore, carrying it upstairs to compare the two side by side.
The girls were nearly identical. They had the same bright red hair, the same faces still with traces of baby fat, the same determination in their eyes and smiles on their lips. Takara's eyes were more solidly blue, her skin paler and freckled, her hair longer and her attire more of a tomboy's, but they could have passed as twins.
Considering she was just over a year older than Naruto, they could be siblings, but based on the questions he'd asked his mother after figuring Naruto's parentage out, it was unlikely. Kushina had been his godmother, and had she had non-jinchūriki children, it was unlikely his mother would not have raised them. That meant she was probably his cousin through his mother, based on their appearances. How Takara knew of the connection, he couldn't be sure, but if she was protective of him, it would explain deliberately flunking the first year.
The way the file looked, Takara had purposefully manipulated her scores so that she could graduate with her cousin, and likely had aimed her scores at whatever level was required to get on his team, if he was reading a few of the fluctuations in the early years right. When it became obvious he would score dead last, she made sure she would be first out of the girls so they would be on the same team.
Itachi leaned back, a satisfied smile on his lips.
It might be 4 o'clock in the morning, but at least he'd figured it out.
3. Where Naruto and Takara actually grew up
His team was… interesting. He was pleased with them –they worked well together—but he was curious as to where two of them had picked up their skills.
He'd been correct when he'd thought that Naruto was more skilled than the reports had said. At the same time, the boy still had huge gaps in his education.
Naruto was probably one of the best in stealth and stealing, not just among genin, but among chūnin and most of the jōnin. The only issue he would have was with sensors, because to them he would be a bright shining beacon. Getting him to mask his chakra signature would be a long time in coming, however, as he was horrible at chakra control. Although, shockingly, the boy could do the academy exercises and tree-walking. The issue was they didn't help him enough. Itachi had the boy learn water walking, and had moved him on to learning to do various other chakra exercises while water walking.
As far as Naruto's ninjutsu went, it was progressing nicely. Itachi had taken to teaching him new jutsu as he hit certain predetermined milestones in his other areas. The boy was such a chakra powerhouse that he could spam jutsu—even with his lack of control—for over an hour straight.
Taijutsu-wise the boy was a mess. His conditioning was okay –speed-wise he was definitely above average, strength was normal and reflexes were sharp—but his form was horrid. He could do the academy forms—or at least something that looked like them, but it was obvious they didn't work for him at all. Most of his actual fights looked more like street brawling.
His throwing was actually fairly good, which Itachi had a feeling could be attributed to Sasuke passing on techniques and tips. Itachi had shown him a few more things, set him up for practice and was waiting for Naruto to be a bit more consistent before he moved him on to other weaponry.
Naruto's genjutsu however, was, well, non-existent. Itachi had taught him how to recognize and get out of them, and while it would take practice, Itachi intended to leave it at that. Once Naruto could suppress his chakra enough to fool a sensor, then he'd try and teach him to use them. He might have enough control by then.
Tactics and book smarts, anything which was non-physical, really, Naruto lacked. He knew quite a bit about the Hokage, especially the Yondaime, but math, physics, botany… the intellectual necessities were completely lacking. Getting them through to him was proving a challenge, considering Naruto didn't seem to be able to sit still, but Itachi had hope he'd figure it out… someday.
That was all within the realm of what Itachi had expected. What was odd about Naruto's skill set were the otherthings he could do. His acting ability, for one, was prodigal. Itachi didn't want to know how the boy could act like a forty year old lecher at a moment's notice. He also was a decent con artist, and Itachi could attest to his pick pocketing skills. Itachi also wanted to know how someone who was normally oblivious was able to notice subtle details about people that only a shinobi trained to pick up on them normally realized.
Itachi had noticed a few of these things earlier, back when he had time to spend with his brother and his friend, but he'd never let it add up to anything, thinking he'd picked it up at the orphanage and out of necessity. Considering the pranks the boy usually pulled it, pick-pocketing hadn't seemed that odd of a skill.
But then you added Takara to the mix and things became even odder.
Itachi was fairly certain he hadn't actually met Takara yet. The girl he had met was deathly quiet, obedient and an all-around decent kunoichi. Considering where she'd ranked, and what her academy report had said, her skills were what one would expect. Even her superior chakra control wasn't out of the ordinary, considering females typically had better control and she had demonstrated knowledge of water-walking when he'd tested the team.
The problem was that she was so average. Sure, the girl was good at taijutsu, but not as good at genjutsu. She had strengths in speed and weaknesses in strength. But she looked like your cookie cutter kunoichi straight out of the academy. She was like chocolate pocky. It was okay, but it lacked the brighter flavor of, say, green tea. Itachi was positive she was holding back something, but he hadn't yet managed to figure out what.
Itachi was certain there was more to her, not just as a kunoichi, but as a person. From the fact she and Naruto had grown up together, they should have similar mannerisms, evidence they were from the same social background. Naruto was rarely polite and questioned everything.
There was no such evidence. Itachi had checked, and double checked when Takara had entered the orphanage—age two—which meant her manners should have been picked up there.
Yet the girl, the few times he had seen her eat in public, had all the manners of a court lady. Her movements were demure, graceful and rivaled Itachi's own mother's for sheer correctness. And although she was silent most of the time, she could converse with almost anyone if he asked it of her. Almost…
Almost as if she'd been taught to be a courtesan.
That would account for her manners and conversation skills, even her obedience and quietness. All of those were requirements for a courtesan; they needed to be amiable, polite and deferential to whomever they were serving, in whatever capacity they were asked to serve.
Naruto acted like a con artist and pickpocket, Takara like a high-class prostitute. There was one place in Konoha where mere children could pick up those skills.
The Akasen.
Yet their files listed an orphanage as a place of residence, and he remembered dropping Naruto off there the first time he and Sasuke had met. Two children from one of Konoha's orphanages had no business being in the red-light district, but if they hadn't actually been in that orphanage… it was possible. It would also explain why both of them were underweight for their age and why Takara had a habit of giving Naruto portions of her food when he finished before her. They would have spent most of their time trying to get food, and Takara, in her role as the older sibling, would have given Naruto the lion's share. Which, he reminded himself, was a habit he needed to break her of before it caused problems.
Konoha's Red Light District occasionally produced shinobi and kunoichi of varying skill. Most of the shinobi were colder, harder, but good at specific kinds of missions which clan-raised shinobi weren't, and they also fed the pool of T&I specialists. And as far as the kunoichi went, most of them ended up… well it wasn't an official division, but they ended up as a part of the 'seduction corp.'
Itachi had worked with members who came from that area before. Mentally, he began comparing them to his two odd genin, then swore aloud. Takara was a little too good at taijutsu, Naruto a little too obvious in his bright orange, but they fit the common traits of those he'd worked with in the past.
Which meant he was going to need to run them through completely different kinds of tests, then break them of any obvious habits before someone else noticed and tried pushing them towards those routes.
He might train them to use that upbringing to their advantage, but like hell was he going to let anyone turn them into anything but combat shinobi.
4. Why jōnin sensei often only trained one team
All three of his genin were lying unconscious in hospital beds, and he himself was in no condition to hover over them as he wanted to. Even slipping into their room as he had was frowned upon. According to the nurses, he should be resting.
That was what happened when he let them out of his sight, not that he'd had much choice.
Orochimaru, a handful of other S-ranked nin, and a previously obscure and relatively recent shinobi village had attacked Konoha at the end of the Chūnin Exams.
Itachi had been involved with taking the S-ranked shinobi down before they could cause too much damage to the village's population or structure.
The three genin, on the other hand, had been directly involved in the fighting. Takara's last match had taken out the Suna Jinchūriki, so he wasn't available to help, although the other Suna nin had jumped in on Konoha's side.
As far as he knew without talking to them, the three of them had been with the other genin, escorting civilians to the shelters. They'd run into a pocket of invaders and had sent the others ahead. What happened after that, he didn't know. The three of them had been found on a rooftop, surrounded by piles of dead bodies. Naruto and Sasuke had been slightly hidden under a tarp, wounds wrapped, Takara passed out in a perfect position for sniping, blood-soaked bandages wound around her stomach. It looked like the boys had been taken out earlier and Takara had ended up trying to protect them, but they weren't sure. For a while, it had looked like they wouldn't know at all, considering all three had been in bad places when they'd come in.
Itachi started when Takara groaned, shaking him out of his thoughts. He hobbled over to her but he was slow, so he couldn't stop her panicking as she shot up, coughing. "Naruto," she choked out, struggling to get out of bed. The thick bandages wrapped around her waist, the others around her arms and legs, prevented her from moving easily
"Takara-chan," Itachi called out, finally reaching her. "Calm down, Naruto is fine, hush," he tried wrapping his arms around her. She struggled and he used her movements to move, sliding onto the bed and murmuring soothingly in her ear. A nurse came in and startled at seeing him.
"Can you open the curtains between her and Naruto?" Itachi asked the nurse, ignoring the fact he wasn't supposed to be there. The nurse did what he asked and Itachi shifted them so she could see her cousin in the other bed. Once she had visual confirmation of his continuing existence she began to calm.
"He's okay?" She coughed out.
"We're just waiting for him to wake up," Itachi told her, "He's healed and his chakra's back. They'll let him go when he wakes up."
Takara relaxed against him, her back against his chest, head resting on his shoulder. He unfolded his left leg and his legs ended up bracketing hers. "How's Sasuke?"
"He's doing better, but he wasn't hurt as badly as you two. He's going to have a cast on his wrist for a few weeks and he'll need to be careful with his ribs for a while, but he'll be fine." The nurse brought over a cup of ice chips and gave him a look. He ignored the nurse and plucked a chip from the cup, holding it up to her lips. Takara accepted it and was quiet for a few minutes.
"How are you?" She asked, turning her head towards his.
"I'm fine," he told her. She snorted.
"Based on the way you're dressed, you're still admitted here. If you're admitted here, you're not fine. Truth, please." She told him, poking the underside of his chin. He suppressed a chuckle. He hadn't realized her bullshit meter had extended past Naruto. He made her take a second chip.
"I took a fairly deep stab to my right leg," he admitted, "and I had a mild concussion and some blood loss." Takara nodded.
"You'll be okay?" She asked softly. He tightened his embrace a bit.
"I'm supposed to be taking it easy and staying off my leg, which is why they haven't released me yet."
"So you should be in your own room, not hovering over us?"
"It's my job to hover over you."
"Why haven't they just moved your bed in here?" Takara questioned.
Itachi laughed at the simplicity of her solution. "I couldn't tell you. Maybe you should suggest it to my doctor."
Takara let out a little murmur as she adjusted against him. "I'm glad you're okay," she mumbled. In response, he kissed the top of her head.
"I'm glad you're okay, as well, little one," he whispered, "I'm glad you're all okay."
She fell asleep against him and he returned to his thoughts.
He'd nearly lost all three of them. He'd played the boys' injuries down for her so she would calm down, but for a while it had been touch and go.
Naruto had healed the quickest, but he'd come in with injuries all over his body. The worst had been a pair of slashes across his back, opening him up from shoulder to waist, luckily not affecting his spinal cord. He'd also been stabbed in the calf, broken his wrist and suffered from chakra exhaustion. Although his injuries were healed now, they hadn't been healing quickly at first, most likely due to having used up significant portions of the Kyūbi's chakra during the fight.
Sasuke had been admitted with a broken wrist, a concussion, and a chest full of broken, cracked, or bruised ribs. Of the three, he'd had the fewest cuts, but one of the broken ribs had come close to puncturing his lung. The doctors had managed to heal his ribs, but his chest was still extremely bruised and he'd need to be careful of reinjuring the ribs for a few weeks. They'd set his arm but were leaving it to heal on its own, at least for now, while they saved most of their energy on the critically injured. As for the concussion, they wouldn't know much until he woke up.
As for Takara… his arms tightened around her as she slept. He'd come closest to losing her. She'd stopped breathing on the table as they operated to heal the wound to her abdomen. Luckily, her intestines hadn't been pierced, but her spleen had been nicked. There'd been a high chance of infection and she'd lost a large amount of blood. The rest of her body was covered in cuts and bruises. They'd healed her abdomen to the point where it just needed to be stitched, giving her a shorter recovery time. Even now though, she was still on antibiotics. That she'd woken up, even briefly, was a good sign.
He didn't know what he would have done if he'd lost any of them. They hadn't been together long, but he'd come to care for them deeply.
Itachi had always loved Sasuke, he was his brother after all, but working together had let them grow closer in a way they hadn't been since before Itachi became a chūnin. He'd been so busy trying to do what his father wanted, he hadn't had a chance to connect with his younger sibling, and it had showed when they'd first started working together. Individual sessions between them, the kind Sasuke had been begging him for, for years, had helped to bridge their relationship.
Naruto had become a second younger sibling to Itachi. He was the joker of the team, the one who could always bring a smile to one of their faces, even if it was at his own expense. It had been difficult working with him, trying to find innovative ways to teach tactics, history and some of the other, less glamorous parts of being a shinobi to the hyperactive genin, but worth it when it had finally started sinking in.
Oddly enough, of his three genin, Takara was the one he was closest to. Sure, she both was older than and definitely far more mature than the boys, so their connection made sense, but she'd started out as the most reserved of any of them. Then again, Itachi wasn't exactly the king of extroverts himself. Teaching her shinobi skills wasn't difficult—she was a quick learner and hard worker—but getting her to open up and trust him and Sasuke so that they could work as an efficient team had been trickier than teaching Naruto to play shogi. It'd been a slow process, and one that involved using a lot of long hugs, but he'd eventually convinced her to open up. Ever since, she'd been happier, more outgoing, and more protective of all of them, not just Naruto. They'd bonded over their roles as the older sibling, and of the three she was the one he was most likely to talk to about random topics.
The three of them had become, in many ways, his world. Protecting them was his duty, but more than that, it was necessity at this point. He wasn't sure how he would function without them. By the time he'd taken them over, he hadn't been in a great mental state. ANBU had hardened him, having these three had softened him back up, at least where they were concerned. When he'd woken up in the hospital and been told all three of them were still unconscious… he'd panicked. The doctor hadn't been happy to be interrogated by a patient he wanted resting calmly in bed.
Losing them—just the thought of it—terrified him. Now he knew why jōnin-sensei tended to only take one team; you got too attached to these little genin, and keeping them safe was a full time job. Then when they moved on, you probably still worried about them, but then you couldn't protect them. He still wasn't sure what he was going to do if any of them were promoted out of this chūnin exam. All three had a chance at a promotion, although how the attack would effect their ability to be promoted, he couldn't be sure.
Itachi sighed, and then started shifting to try and get out of Takara's bed, knowing he should return to his room before his doctor returned and tried to sedate him again. Needing to keep his right leg from being hit, he manipulated his left leg and Takara, sliding her onto her right side as he slid onto his left. He would have been able to pull away and slip out of her bed if not for her sliding her arms around him, holding him in place.
"Takara-chan, you need to let me go," He murmured to her. Rather than waking up, she snuggled closer, slipping her head under his and nuzzling into his neck. Itachi chuckled. For a girl who had started off taking nearly ten minutes to relax when he hugged her, she had turned into quite the cuddler. "You just want a teddy-bear, don't you?" He mocked, gently.
She didn't respond, and he gave in, slipping one of his arms behind her head, the other settling low across her hips so he wouldn't accidentally hurt her. Her left leg slid between his, leaving his right leg on top and protected. If not for the fact it would disturb her, he would have shook his head at her unconscious protection of him.
Tangled up with her, he fell asleep, content in knowing that for now, his three genin were safe.
5. How to get Takara to not kill him
Itachi had thought it perfectly rational that he would end the majority of his family and become a missing nin in order to protect Konoha as a whole. His loyalty had always been to his village above his clan, and as his genin would be safe (he still considered the three of them his, even if they'd passed the chūnin exam a year and a half ago), he was not above doing this for the village's sake. This wasn't the option he would prefer, but it was one of the few available that didn't end in civil war. And a civil war would not be good for the village, or his genin.
Apparently, Takara had other ideas, considering he was about six hours away from carrying it out and she just stormed into his room, screaming, "You're a freaking imbecile!" As there was nothing else he'd done—well, was planning to do—that she would yell at him for, he froze in the middle of polishing a katana as she threw up a sound barrier and continued shouting at him. At first, he sat in shock —the last time she'd been this angry it had been at Naruto nearly getting killed, and she'd never talked like this to him, ever—and missed the beginning of her rant.
By the time he tuned in, she'd moved on to, "and what on earth makes you think that abandoning Konoha is good for it? I can understand how you and the other idiots in charge of this place could think that it would be preferable to kill people indiscriminately instead of going through the legal process, but it's an imbecilic, irrational, illogical plan! You are the best fucking shinobi we have under the age of thirty, so yeah, you can do it quietly without screwing up, but this isn't worth losing you—we still haven't completely gotten rid of the Akatsuki, and frankly if you abandon Naruto to them I'll skin you then boil you alive. Moreover, killing everyone in the Uchiha clan takes out all our interior police. ANBU will be overworked…," she continued ranting, her gestures becoming more and more violent as she explained his stupidity, then the Hokage's, and the Council's.
"Give me one good reason Uchiha, why I shouldn't kill you now for being so, so, so stupid!" She started attacking him, intending now to beat her point into him. He barely dodged the first attack, practically falling out of his chair to do so, katana falling under his desk, and then they began to play a game of cat and mouse around his bedroom.
He was almost actually afraid for his life. He'd never seen her this angry, although her speech had alternated between telling him the village needed him and threatening him for his stupidity, so killing him probably was out of the cards. Even now, she was calling him names that alternated between compliments and insults, mostly a convoluted mixture.
Itachi knew he had a problem, in that he couldn't leave the room and let others hear her, he couldn't hurt her, but that she was furious with him and unlikely to stop on her own. So he needed a way to calm her down and prevent his premature death, without hurting either of them, at least so far as to get her off this topic so he could properly run away. Considering Naruto had spent his whole life, and Sasuke the last few years, trying to find a solution to her anger and failed, he would need an epiphany on the level of discovering gravity.
The solution struck him as he dodged, watching her chest heave, her lithe limbs twist and her eyes flash. He might have just the way to shock her into silence. That it would be a nice goodbye present for himself… hmmm.
He slipped around her next attack, putting her back to the wall, and then proceeded to attack her lips with his own.
The angry redhead stilled against him, then, as he anticipated her newly inspired wrath and was about to run, wrapped her arms around him and kissed him in return, her anger converted into passion. It wasn't long before they fell into his bed, still fighting for dominance.
By the time he'd managed to expend all of his own energy, she had enough left to convince him her ideas on how to solve the little Uchiha rebellion problem were better than his.
When she snuggled in beside him afterwards, he smirked. She may have won their battle, but he'd solved a mystery Naruto and Sasuke had been trying to figure out for years; how to get Takara not to kill you when she was angry.
+1. When his genin had grown up
Naruto was the apprentice of the Toad Sannin and likely to be the next Hokage within two years. Sasuke was head of one of the ANBU divisions, well on track to be head of the organization. Takara was the best kunoichi in Konoha, hands down, and the best diplomat as well. When the hell had the three genin he'd trained grown up?
He couldn't figure out when they'd stopped being tiny, inexperienced little things he had to protect and had turned into full-fledged shinobi in their own right, capable of challenging him. Naruto had managed to beat him for the first time last week, because all of Itachi's finely honed strategies and delicate techniques were all and well until he had an opponent who could overpower and outlast him.
Takara would probably be next—well, technically, she'd beaten him years ago, but that didn't count, considering how she'd done it—as she was actually the worst match up for him, skill wise, and her stamina, like Naruto's, was far higher. While the last bit was wonderful in the bedroom, it meant he had to carefully budget his own when fighting her, which meant giving up too much power to even a single jutsu could cost him the match. And with her growing seal abilities, he had no doubt she'd figure out a way to work them into her style and overpower him that way.
Sasuke might take longer to beat him, but that was because their abilities were too similar. Itachi focused on genjutsu more, Sasuke on ninjutsu. His own speed was higher, but Sasuke was stronger. Their stamina was closer to being equal. Taijutsu fell to Itachi, while Sasuke got kenjutsu. Itachi's advantages laid in experience and strategy and Sasuke had a while before he'd catch up. It wasn't out of the realm of possibility however, that one day the younger brother would beat the older.
He couldn't believe he was even thinking of this. Only a few years ago, his life now would have seemed impossible. That he would be twenty-four, still alive, and having coached a team of genin that were now compared to the Sannin… he still had issues believing it.
"Why so serious?" his girlfriend interrupted his thoughts, slipping under his arm. He used it to pull her into his embrace and kiss her passionately.
Breaking apart a few minutes later, he shook his head. He'd nearly given this up and he'd never stopped being thankful Takara was far too nosy for her own good. He'd never been entirely sure how she found out about what was planned, but he was grateful for it. Not killing off the clan, going with one of the diplomatic solutions, had a far better outcome (at least in his opinion).
"What's on your mind?" Takara asked, tilting her head to the side and leaning back against the balcony railing.
"I was thinking about how grateful I am you marched into my bedroom and started yelling at me."
"Thank Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun, they're the ones who found out. I was simply elected the one to change your mind," Takara's lips quirked upward.
"What?" Itachi was thrown. He'd thought Takara had discovered the coup alone.
Takara blushed. "Naruto-kun overheard Danzō-teme talking to Homura-baka. He then told Sasuke-kun, and since I'm the brains of the team," her lips quirked up at the old joke, "they told me."
"Then what happened?" Itachi sensed there was more to this story.
"I might have gotten really pissed off when I put everything they said together with a couple other things I heard and run off to give you a piece of my mind," she ducked her head and he laughed.
"So that was just you being angry at me?"
"Well, not just you. I was about ready to kill Homura-baka and Danzō-teme and whoever else was involved, but you were the one I expected to know better."
"How did they react afterward?"
"They were happy I'd convinced you not to leave and really happy they got to tease us for finally getting together. They won about half a million ryō each because of it."
"They'd bet on us getting together?" He wasn't sure why he was surprised.
"They bet on how we'd get together. Apparently, us getting together became a sure thing sometime after the invasion and they cancelled the old bets around who you'd date and set up new ones with us. One was for when and one was for how. They won the how."
"They bet you would get pissed off at me and I'd get it into my head kissing you was the best way to save my life and stop you from spilling state secrets?" Itachi raised an eyebrow.
"They bet we'd have angry sex and then get together because you were –and I'm going to quote what they said they wrote—"a possessive bastard who wouldn't give Takara-chan up once he has her."" Takara even included figure quotes.
"They were right," Itachi shrugged. He knew a good thing when he had it and he wasn't stupid enough to let her go. Finding a woman willing to put up with him, who didn't care if he decided to take over as clan head or hand it off to his brother, was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing.
"Glad to know you're in this for the long-haul," she grinned at him, moving forward and pecking his lips. "Now, stop reminiscing and come on. Naruto-kun won't forgive us if we're late to his wedding."
"Are we sure Naruto isn't going to be late to his own wedding?" Itachi questioned, taking a moment to look over the gorgeous woman in front of him.
"That's why we need to get going. Sasuke-kun won't be any help in making him move his orange-suited ass, assuming he's even ready."
"Can I just say I'm really glad you convinced him that his wedding party shouldn't be wearing orange suits as well?"
"I couldn't have you looking like a carrot in all the pictures, now could I?" She put a posh accent on as they headed back into the house, her taking his arm.
"Well, thank you, my dear, you're so thoughtful."
"Of course I am; someone has to be the brains of this pair. Who else would it be—you?" She managed to keep a straight face for only a moment before she burst out laughing and he joined her.
"Little minx, how would you have felt if the bridesmaid dresses were to be orange?" He unfolded the arm she'd taken to wrap it around her waist.
"The bridesmaids are a blond, a redhead, a pinkette and a brunette. Orange was never going to be an option. The groomsmen are all dark-haired; you guys could have worn anything."
"So we ended up in white?"
"Naruto wanted flashy, and this lets you have orange accents. We couldn't deprive you of having some orange, now could we?"
"Where's your orange then?"
"At the venue, in the form of bouquets."
"Smart ass," he told her, shaking his head.
"You only think my ass is smart, how insulting!"
"Lavender is a good color on you," he complimented, deciding to redirect the subject before one of them managed to get annoyed enough that they had sex rather than leaving for the wedding.
"I see what you did there," she narrowed her eyes and poked him, "but thank you."
They left their house and headed toward Naruto's apartment to make sure he was getting ready for his own wedding.
Itachi looked down at the redhead beside him and kissed the top of her head. A stray thought of what colors she might want at their own wedding passed through his head. The hand not curled around Takara's hip rubbed the ring box in his pocket, where it was living until he could get the nerve up to ask her.
As they entered Naruto's apartment and Takara immediately moved to whip her teammates in line, Itachi looked over the three of them with a fond eye.
He didn't know when his genin had grown up, but he couldn't say he was disappointed they had.
I must give credit for the idea of Naruto having grown up in the Akasen to the wonderful fanfic Naruto: Myoushuu no Fuuin by May Wren. It's a fantastic work and I am extremely disappointed that it seems to have been abandoned. If you're interested in a Smart!Naruto fic with really interesting ideas about sealing, check it out.
Reviews are love.