I'm not sure when I first realized the true nature of my feelings for Ron. Maybe I'd always known, on some level, ever since I first laid eyes on the lanky, red-haired boy. It seems, looking back, that I always knew that I loved him, as much as I tried to deny it. I know that he, for one, had no idea what I was thinking. He couldn't have imagined the things I thought about him, lying awake in my bed at night, staring at the ceiling. He didn't notice when I snuck glances at him during class or during meals, loving every detail of his body. I made sure he didn't know by always making a point of being particularly horrible to him and his friends. I suppose that's just my way; I've always been a little sadistic.
At any rate, the feelings I felt ended up manifesting in a less-than-ideal way. I'm not good with emotions, so I could never come out and just tell him that I loved him. I didn't give in to my urges until our fifth year. By that time I was practically exploding with the need and want for Ron. I wanted him, and I wanted him bad, so - being the Malfoy I am - I took what I wanted (although I admit I held back a bit, for fear or hurting him or scaring him away). And I loved the reaction I got. The quivering of his thin body, the high-pitched whimpers and questioning looks that resulted from my first advance delighted me. I thoroughly enjoyed the confused expression he had on his face every time he looked at me for the next few days afterward, a question held in his wide blue eyes.
I continued in this fashion, confusing and hurting him, but eventually I felt the pressing need for more than that. I didn't want to be his tormentor; not really. I came to realize that what I truly wanted was for him to feel the same passion for me that I felt for him. For his heart to race when he saw me, not because he was afraid, but because he truly wanted me. But by the time I realized this, I had already done so much damage that I wasn't sure it could be fixed...
Author's Note: Just an introduction, the good stuff comes later. Review, please! )