Author's Note: I was browsing some members' profiles and found a list of pick-up lines and their comebacks, and I instantly thought of Prentiss. I just had to do a fanfic on it. So, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don' own Criminal Minds, or the pick-up lines and their comebacks.
Penelope Garcia was sitting in her lair of awesomeness, awaiting the arrival of her two best gal friends. She whirled around in her chair when she heard to door open and the sound of high heels clicking on the floor.
"Hello, my chickies," she said, smiling.
"Hey, Garcia," answered JJ, setting her purse down. "Why are you smiling like that?"
"Because, in preparation for our girls' night out tonight, I have scoured the web for ideas to combat our foes," said the technical analyst.
"What?" asked Emily, confused. "'Foes'?"
Garcia turned back to her computer and brought up a page on the screen. Emily leaned closer and read out loud.
"'Pick-up Lines Guaranteed to Work'. What the hell?"
"Sit, my lovelies," said Garcia, gesturing to the chairs against the wall. "We are going to go over these so that we can rebuff any advances made on us by the more idiotic sex."
Emily and JJ sat, amused smiles on their faces. This was going to be fun.
Garcia started to read. "Okay, first one. 'Can I buy you a drink?'"
The other two women thought for a moment, before JJ hesitantly spoke.
"Uh, how about 'I'd rather have the money'?"
"Good, good. We're getting somewhere," said Garcia. "Okay, next one. 'Can I have your name?'"
"'Why? Don't you already have one?'" quipped Emily. Garcia smiled at her.
"Good! How about 'Do you want to see a movie?'"
"'I've already seen one'," JJ volunteered hesitantly.
"You're gettin' it!" encouraged Garcia. "Now, 'How did you get to be so beautiful?'"
"'I must have gotten your share'," said Emily, smiling. She leaned forward, closer to the screen, and read the next one. "'What do you do for a living?'"
"Female impersonator'," said Garcia instantly. All three girls dissolved into giggles.
"Okay, okay," Garcia gasped between giggles. "'If I rearranged the alphabet, I'd put 'u' and 'i' together.'"
"'Really, 'cause I'd put 'f' and 'u' together," said JJ happily.
"There ya go!" said Garcia. JJ smiled triumphantly. She leaned in to the monitor, too.
"'Where have you been all my life?'" she said in a mock wistful tone.
'"Hiding from you'," answered Emily, laughing at JJ's impression. "My turn. 'Haven't I see you somewhere before?'"
"'Yes, and that's why I don't go there anymore'," said Garcia. "'Is this seat empty?'"
"'Yep, and this one will be, too, if you sit down'," said JJ. "'Hey baby, what's your sign?'"
"'Do not enter'," said Emily with a straight face that immediately broke into a wide smile. "'So, your place or mine?'"
JJ spoke up. "'Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.'" She scanned the screen again, until she found one she liked. "Oh, here's one. 'Your body is like a temple.'"
"'Sorry, no services today'," said Garcia, giving a cute little tilt of her head. "'if I could see you naked, I'd die happy.'"
"'If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing!'" Emily laughed again. "Okay, okay. 'Your eyes are amazing.'"
"'Seeing your back would be pretty amazing'," said Garcia. "Actually, come to think of it, see Morgan's back would be pretty amazing. Or his backside, at least!"
"Focus, PG," said Emily, rolling her eyes.
"Alright, alright." Garcia looked through the list again. "'I would go to the ends of the Earth for you.'"
"'But would ya stay there?'" said Emily, who was immediately high-fived by JJ.
"Good one," said the blonde. "Ooh. 'Hello, I'm God's gift to women.'"
Emily perked up. "I've done this one before. 'Gee, God must have a sense of humor.'" She found another one. "'Go ahead, ask me out. You know you want to.'"
"I got this one," said JJ. "'Alrighty. Get out.'"
"Ooh, good one!" said Garcia. "Okay, Jayje, this is yours. 'I could make you very happy.'"
JJ smiled, the comeback already in her head. "'Oh, are you leaving?'"
"You go, girl!" said Emily, smiling.
"Thanks!" said JJ. "Okay, Garcia, this one is all you. 'What would you say if I asked you to marry me?'"
"'Nothing; I can't laugh and talk at the same time!'" Garcia and the other girls laughed. "Okay, Prentiss, this last one's yours."
"Bring it," said Emily, smiling.
"'Your face must turn a few heads.'"
"'Thanks. Your face must turn a few stomachs.'"
All three girls were instantly overcome with laughter. After much giggling, Garcia tried to speak.
"O-okay," she stuttered, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. "Okay, I think we are officially ready. Let's go forth and conquer, my chickadees!"
A few hours later, after everyone had gone home, showered, and dressed, they met again outside a bar. Girls' night out had officially begun.
For the next three hours, JJ, Emily, and Garcia had lots of fun, knocking back margaritas and beer. It was especially entertaining when random guys would come up and use a cheesy line to try and impress the ladies. it was even funnier when their comebacks sent them running out of embarrassment.
However, something was coming that none of them had prepared for.
The girls had been at the bar for about four hours, and they were just getting ready to go out to hail a cab and leave when another man approached them.
This man was the stereotypical self-proclaimed "ladies' man". He had an incredibly dark tan that was in no way natural considering that it was February. His (dyed) dark hair was slicked back into a style he obviously considered cool. The dark red shirt that he was wearing (with quite obvious sweat stains under the arms) was unbuttoned to the middle of his chest, showing copious amounts of (extremely disgusting) chest hair. There was a gold chain around his neck and a gold ring on his right ring finger, both of which were leaving lovely green marks on his skin.
The man approached the female agents and tapped Emily on the shoulder.
"E'scuse meh, seniorita," he said in an obviously fake Spanish accent. "Ma name es Anto'nyo. May I ask you, ma lovleh laydeh, how do you like your eggs in the morning?"
JJ and Garcia stared at Emily; they had never practiced for this! Emily looked dumbstruck for a moment, but then, still faced away from "Antonio", she spoke.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" she asked.
"How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Antonio repeated.
Emily winked at her friends before turning around to face Antonio. She tilted her head innocently and settled a sweet smile on her lips.
"Unfertilized," she said. Then, without waiting for an answer, she turned sharply and walked away, leaving a momentarily stunned Antonio trying to figure out why she had not fallen for his charm.
Emily sauntered out the bar's door, JJ and Garcia following after her, all three laughing their heads off.
"I think we just found our new favorite game," said Garcia.
"Yep, and Emily's this week's winner!" agreed JJ.
Emily just smiled; she couldn't wait until next week.