She looked beautiful. Gorgeous. Perfect.
But she wasn't here. She was his.
She was absolutely everything to him, and he was too fucking stupid to see it until she was gone.
Severus Snape was hunched over, looking at the picture that gave him so much pain and joy it hurt. Having broken into Black's old house- for it would never be a home to darling Sirius- he ransacked the drawers to see if anything could be of use before he went with the Death Eaters. Now he was stuck. Frozen. Scared.
The picture was only just a simple one, not one with much importance or sparkle.
It was simply a picture of the Potter family.
It was nice.
Sort of.
He laughed at himself and his own way of wallowing in self pity. Dark humour that would never go away.
He stared at it more.
This picture wasn't nice.
The picture wasn't good.
The picture wasn't right.
It was a fucking abomination.
The entire thing was a mistake.
First, there was the first Potter, the eldest, James, Lily told him, perfect little James Potter with his perfect little fucking family. The Potter that had tourtured him for years and stole what he never deserved but got anyway in the end with the love of his life. The Potter who made him forever in his debt. The Potter who he was glad was rotting six feet under. The Potter who had taken and charmed and touched and kissed and touched and touched and touched and touched and he fucking touched her. He didn't deserve to breathe the same air as her, much less take her innocence and love and kisses. But the next thing in the picture was proof that, like always, he got what he wanted, fate giving Severus the short stick and straw yet again. Potter had a smile on his face- something Severus found disgusting.
The bastard looked no different from his fucking father. Hair that was too messy, green eyes that he dare not look at. He had to have been a mistake. She would never- Lily Evans would never. The woman who made this creature wasn't the woman he loved. Denial, a voice in his head laughed.
He knew it was right. Logic and reason was right. Biologically it was right.
He didn't think it was right.
It was all wrong. Head, heart, mind, body, and soul. It was wrong to have that boy in the picture. It was wrong to have that boy live. It was wrong to have that boy defiantly in his classroom. It was wrong to have that boy exist. He looked too much like him- like Potter from when he went to school. Touturing him. His eyes had become the problem though. Too green. Too challenging. Too her.
He hated the Potters. Why let his genes take EVERYTHING but the eyes. Finish the fucking job, Potter. Take her down with you. You already stole her innocence and love that you will NEVER be able to give back. Knock her up and set her up. That was always your plan. Leave her.
He drew a deep breath as tears started pouring down his face. He was scared and afraid and sad and cruel and tired and lost. He was so lost- so fucking lost without her there. The picture didn't help. He saw her. smiling, giggling. He was heartbroken. He loved her. She loved another. She loved him. not severus. Never him.
It never was him, was it?
He stayed in a trance wondering when things went wrong. When it stop being wonderful.
A rustling noise jolted him out of his misery, and in a split second decision, he tore the picture, stole Lily from his nightmare, and left without another word.