Green: Oh, hello reader! It's been a little while since the end of our epic adventure seen in the Four Swords Adventures fic. There were a few plot lines left unresolved, and the author will put all of your worries to bed, that big hunk of man.
Red: Shut up, Green. Let's just knock this ******** out before the Stalker gets here.
Green: Right, right. Okay, well, a couple years after saving Princess Zelda from having to marry Vaati, I decided to host a talk show!
Purple: Not this again...
Green: SHUT UP, PURPLE! Now, reader, YOU are invited to my latest episode. This is: Link to the Stars Tonight Show! On our show today, we'll have numerous guest stars, and in addition to my beautiful hosting abilities, my three brothers will be hosting, also!
Blue: Highly awesome. (Throws on shades)
Red: Throwing on shade, hmm, that's different, considering all the shade you've been throwing off.
Blue: Get over it, Red. I stole yo girl, I stole yo game, and now I'mma steal ya spotlight tonight.
Green: Okay! Well, first up, we have Ganondorf! (Ganon walks on to stage to no applause and takes a seat)
Ganon: It's great to be here, Green, thanks for having me.
Green: So, Ganon, (puts on glasses and reads off a paper), in chapter one you were acting very suspicous about the four sword. What was the deal with that, bro?
Ganon: (is growing increasingly nervous) I guess I've got no choice to tell you. Link...I am your father.
Green: Aye where were you during my childhood bruh?
Ganon: To be honest, pullout game was weak, and I decided 'that boy aint gettin a dad..'
Green: Nice parenting tips! Alright, so because you're apparently my dad, you could lift the Master Sword and Four Sword too? And you never did because...(looks at chapter one script) you liked it where it was...
Ganon: Ye
Green: Alright! FOH, Ganon. Our next guest is Mario, so stay tuned! In the meanwhile, for some reason, Epona was called Ponya multiple times throughtout the story. I don't know why. I can't even tell if it was intended to be a joke, it was so long ago. Just to clarify, I was riding no Pokemon, I assure you. (whispers) but gardevoir can ride me...ANYWAY: MARIO!
Green: ...
Green: ...
Producer: Green...this just in. Mario killed himself last night.
Green: A real shame. Read his suicide note!
Producer: 'I am a cold heartless monster. Monsters have to die sometime'
Green: Depressing! Okay, our next guest is Tingle, who at some point, I kicked into space! He finally landed back on earth a couple days ago, so we're gonna wish him a happy return!
Tingle: Thanks, Green. Though you sent me into orbit for over two years, this welcome is sure to be forgiveness.
Green: You know what, Tingle? You've been completely alone for a long time. That's why I'll give you a little SPACE! (Green kicks Tingle back into orbit, his rightful home)
Red: My bro's cooler than I thought..
Green: Next, we have Marask, the OC! Hey, Marask!
Marask: What's up, Green? Purple, Red, Blue.
Purple: Good to see you, Mar.
Green: So what've you been doing since we left you?
Marask: I, uh, I was captured and enslaved by some chipper little man called the 'Happy Mask Salesman.' For the last two years, he's been torturing me endlessly, and I've had to suffer numerous weather related diseases. I married another mask only for her to be sold the next day. Our child was trashed when it was decided he was too deformed. You can't do that to deformed kids...
Blue: I completely agree. Hey, Green, I think it's time to invite our last guest!
Green: That's right, Blue! You're so smart, knowing all the cues and stuff. How's your prostitute gf enjoying the smarts?
Blue: Shut up!
Red: She was mine...
Purple: I love all of you
King: Do I come on now?
Green: Yes, King, come on up. Now I've just got one question for you: in chapter 1, you tell me that if even one of the others die, the entire group will have to return to our starting point. Over the course of the story, Blue was captured, Purple was erased endlessly, and Red was killed.
Red: Momentarily.
Green: Yet, none of us ever returned to the starting point. So why'd you tell me that?
King: I was lying.
Green: Why?
King: You don't understand...the thrill I get...oh, baby, the adrenaline, it pumps me up more than anything. God, oh my god, oh lord.
Purple: Creepy...
Green: Alright, well that's been our show! Thanks for watching, and have a wonderful Spring Break!