Premise: Finally, Guts and his companions made it to Puck's Utopia, Elfhelm, where the Fairy King, King Hanafubuku, could cure Caska.

Summary: He never believed in God, nor was he ever spiritual, but he hoped for the day when he could look in Caska's eyes and see the woman he fell in love with. He hoped for the day when Caska could speak again, take command and order others as she did before. He hoped for the day when his Caska would return.

This is a one-shot of Gut's reflection and hope, and Caska's return.

Author's Note: Before we begin, the way I made Caska's return is just my rendition. I'm a big Guts/Caska fan so it hurts me to see her reduced to less than a child and it pains me to see Guts in pain. Caska was an awesome female character and honestly, how many times must she be… violated and…desecrated. So, this is just my depiction for what may come…actually what I would like to happen. It is taking a very long time for Guts to reach Elfhelm and I'm getting impatient. (Currently on Berserk Volume 30)

The Sun Will Rise Again

A Berserk One-Shot

-

The miserable have no other medicine
But only hope.
-William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

-

The sun set and rose. No monsters appeared. Was this Utopia, Elfhelm, truly safe?

The sun was setting again. It was the second day. No monsters yet. He guessed this place was really safe.

The man looked at the gradient sky that was bright blue, merging to pink and finally to yellow. The scenery before him was magnificent and untouched. A vast forest reached the sunset, complimented by a waterfall to the East. Birds sang, while animals pranced about. It was peaceful and that made him stop. He was not used to this at all. He could not remember the last time he ever appreciated nature, peace, or the simple things in life. He had no time for that. Surviving and protecting was a full-time job.

After a moment, he turned around and scanned the room. His sword and armour was close by in a corner. He was reluctant to take off the Berserker armour but Schierke had convinced him to and get some much-needed rest. Her constant worry for Guts made him agree. So far, his body could relax, but with this time off his brain could not.

In peace, his mind was trapped in a hurricane of thoughts.

Could I have done something different?

Fighting monsters constantly provided a distraction. It made his mind concentrate on surviving, preventing him to think, to wonder and to regret.

What happened has happened… but could I have done something differently?

Guts looked behind him, away from the window. The light softly illuminated the bed and the woman on it. Her dark, honey-brown skin glowed as she slept. Her chest rose and fell slowly from her steady breathing. She looked so innocent and helpless, but she was still alive. Guts walked towards her again, about the tenth time that day, and watched over her carefully.

Caska. She was the driving force that kept him from reverting back to a revenge-obsessed man. And including himself, she was the only other survivor from the Eclipse.

If I did something differently, could I have saved her?

He knew there was no point in mulling over what had happened but when those images flashed back, the images of the Eclipse and the rape, he could not help to think…could he have done something else?

If I wasn't so concerned with Griffith and paid more attention to Caska, maybe she could have been safe…

There was no point. He could not go back in time and change history. Caska was his driving force for many things he realized. His inner beast told him once before that he wanted Caska around as a harsh reminder of what Griffith has done. Guts denied it. He wanted her sane. He wanted her normal. He wanted his Caska back.

Would she still hate me when she wakes up?

The prospect of a cured Caska gave him hope. At first Guts was a bit skeptical of Puck's suggestion to see King Hanafubuku, but this was the only way he knew of to heal Caska.

When she opened her eyes, would I still see her hate?

It was the second day since she was put asleep from King Hanafubuku's magical healing. She did not open her eyes once yet and that concerned Guts. He watched her as much as he could. Sometimes his companions would convince him to take a nap, but during the times he was awake he stayed in the same room to watch over her.

What is she dreaming?

Sometimes he'd see her toss about and fling her covers off. Guts diligently put them over her again. Sometimes he'd see her eyes strain tightly shut and her mouth moving. Guts tried to listen, but she was still incoherent.

Would she be okay when she wakes up?

Guts worry for her showed on his face. His eyes were glossy and red from lack of sleep and the scars and stresses from battle took a toll on him. Getting annoyed at himself, Guts took a seat in the corner by his sword. He hung his head and closed his eyes shut, trying not to think anymore.

"Guts-san?"

Guts looked up to see Schierke holding a bowl of soup. Its aroma quickly filled the air as it released a whimsy, grey cloud. Schierke also wore a worried expression on her face but managed to smile.

"Thanks," Guts said, taking the hot food.

She told him earlier that Caska would be okay. Guts nodded and continued to wait, looking hopeless and depressed. What broke her heart was not how much she saw Gus in love with this woman but how much pain he was in. And she had seen his pain before. She had seen his pain when his flesh ripped open in the Berserker armour. She had seen his pain when his body was damaged from wounds of the enemy. She had seen his pain when his muscles ached in a fight and recovering. She had seen his anger, hurt, and the darkness inside of him.

And this pain, of seeing a man long for another woman, was also heartbreaking.

Schierke wanted to be of some solace but she was unsure what to say. He was tough but he carried a lot of emotional baggage from his past and was good at covering it up. For this reason, Schierke felt that he wanted his privacy but she also saw his loneliness. So she stayed and waited with him.

"She was so strong," Guts finally said, after a long moment of silence, after eating the warm soup.

She was one of the strongest women he ever met, emotionally and physically. She commanded men without fear and hesitation. She was a great leader that many loved. She was skilled and dependable in battle. She was smart and beautiful. She was a survivor.

It pained him to see her reduced to a child. No. Not a child. A child could take care of themselves to a point. A child could talk and run away from danger. A child was able to take orders. No, she was not a child. Her state after the Eclipse reduced her to lesser of a child.

"I admired her. She was a brave woman."

Deep down it pained him to see her hate him. Every time their eyes met, her eyebrows furrowed, her nose flared, lips curved downwards and eyes sparked of fear. She would be ready to hide behind Farnese and hiss at him like an angry cat.

And I still love her.

It pained him that when he wanted to hold her, he couldn't. When he wanted to have some common ground with her, she would run away. When he wanted to protect her, she would make it almost impossible.

"Guts-san…"

He turned to the witch-child and gave her the wooden bowl. "Thank you." It was Schierke's cue to leave and she took it unwillingly.

I still…love you.

Both eyes opened hesitantly. Those eyes stared at the green canvas beyond the opened window, where the soft, yellow light barely streamed through. The rays from the sun touched and warmed her skin. Her dark eyes blinked a few times and her mouth was drawn in a thin line. She tried to make sense of where she was.

The woman pushed herself up with her hands and a cool breeze passed through the window. She shivered and looked down at her clothing. She wore a pale yellow, simple dress and though she felt a little surprised, she was relieved. Then as quickly as the breeze came, she noticed a man stand up. Immediately, she felt his stare on her and very soon their eyes met.

The man looked hesitant. At first he approached her and then stopped abruptly, as if he was afraid. When he looked in her eyes and didn't see the hate, or her eyebrows furrowed, or her nose flaring, or her distasteful frown, he stepped forward again.

The man looked worried. His eyes showed fear, concern and under all of that… hope. He still did not say anything but took another step. He left safe distance between them for her…and for himself.

"G…Guts…" The voice was quiet and unsure but she could speak. He looked slightly surprised that she was able to say his name but he kept his position.

"…Guts," she repeated. The voice was more confident this time, encouraging him to take a step closer.

"Caska." His eyes shone, still glossy, and he swallowed hard from nervousness.

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Am…I still dreaming?" Her emotions were apparent on her face. She looked confused and lost.

Guts shook his head. "No." He gave a short smile, elated that she was able to make coherent sentences again.

She scanned the room, unsure of herself. When she looked back at Guts her face softened. His face had aged and his mouth had settled into a line, close to a frown. His body and face held more scars. She knew he struggled a lot. Caska opened her mouth to say something else, but tears suddenly rushed down her face as she began to sob.

Immediately, Guts held her. He tried to wipe her tears away, like how he used to, but her tears were never ending. Guts had never seen anyone cry so much before and he could do nothing but be there for her.

"Guts…our baby…" she managed to say between her crying. After acquainting herself with her surroundings she began to think… and she remembered the biggest tragedies in her life. It was the rape, the cause of her mental illness… and the reason for her to lose her child. A myriad of emotions engulfed her.

Guts felt her sadness, her grief, and her helplessness. "Caska…" he whispered, stroking her hair. He felt her hot tears fall on his skin as she continued to cry. He supposed this was her way to grieve for their child and the trauma in her life.

Outside their room, Farnese and Schierke grew concerned and curious. The crying was not too loud, but it was continuous. Serpico, however, kept calm and stood before them. "Let them be," he said. Reluctantly Farnese and Schierke waited and listened, though Ishidro was tempted to barge inside.

Guts paid no attention to them. His only concern was Caska.

"…my baby," she repeated a few times. "Our…baby…Gri…ffith…" At this point she held onto him and cried like a child on his lap. The images that she had seen were real. "It was like… I was trapped in a horrible nightmare." Her body shook with tremors. "And… then…after the bad dreams vanished, I had very good dreams that felt so real. I… we were together, living a peaceful life in a village after…I gave birth to our son. You were a good father. At first, you were nervous, but you—we—learned how to be parents." Her body soon calmed down. "We were happy." The tears did not cease however. "It was strange…it was like I was in two worlds. I could see this world but do nothing…and I lived another life, where I was happy." Her eyes shone sadness, wanting to go back to that dream. Her heart ached for that life.

Guts was unsure what to say. The first thing he thought was the Skull Knight on the beach. He remembered what the Skull Knight said…she might not want to come back. Was he alluding to this? She was happy living in a fantasy?

"Caska I'm sorry," he apologized softly. Guts watched her look at him, still confused. "I'm sorry for everything I've done to you." He was apologizing for the Eclipse, for being unable to protect her, for abandoning her after the Eclipse, for handling her roughly, for being unable to take care of her, for attempting to rape her, and for making her remember something she tried to bury away. "I'm sorry," he breathed.

Her crying ceased but she looked down away from him. She knew why he was apologizing and it took her a moment to respond. "Guts, you've given me my most precious gift… you've given me a child." She rested her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. "And although that child was taken away from me… you've given me hope that I could be happy. You've given me a place—" She paused, trying to reform her sentence. "Everyone wants to be loved and wants to belong. You've given me a place in your heart and I know that you'll always try to protect me."

She breathed in and exhaled heavily. "I fell in love with you for many reasons but because you love me and that you saw me as a woman… yousee me… I loved you more for those reasons." Caska sniffed and her eyes grew heavy. Then a moment of silence passed and she changed the subject.

"I don't know if I hate Griffith or not… I think I do." When she closed her eyes, she saw Griffith's beautiful face. She did not smile nor frown. "He saved me when I was a child…and I loved him too…" At that Guts stiffened. "But what he did at the Eclipse was unforgivable." The Caska he knew defended Griffith no matter what and she always took his side. However being cruelly raped by the man that she loved for a long time and losing a child in the process was too much.

Her tone grew deep. "I should hate him…shouldn't I." It was more a statement than a question, affirming that she despised a man she once idolized. Caska opened her eyes and looked up at Guts. He still looked concerned but at the mentioning of the rape, his eyes clouded with anger.

"I don't expect you to hate him." He knew she had harboured feelings for Griffith. "Not as much as I do at least. I will kill him and the five God Hand." Like Rickert, part of him couldn't expect her to hate Griffith. However, unlike Rickert, she was betrayed on so many levels and cruelly violated.

"You've changed Guts," she suddenly said and smiled. It was a sad smile. "You seem angrier and worn out but I see why. I understand." She closed her eyes again and breathed in his scent. "I'm glad you didn't give up on me."

He assured her. "I promised that I'll never leave you again."

He felt her smile against his skin. "Where do we go from here?"

"I'm going to avenge the Band of Hawks." That implied killing Griffith and taking down the five God Hand.

But where do we go from here?

"I'm coming with you. They were my Hawks too."

He smiled at that. "Alright." Guts was thrilled to have her back. He felt some guilt to break her from her fantasy but he rationalized that it was better this way. Fantasies were not practical; they were not real.

We could take it one step at a time.

Caska moved away from him slowly and looked at his big sword; it was hard not noticing it. She moved towards his Dragon Slayer and examined it closely. "I wonder if I could be the fighter that I used to be." She looked back at Guts.

The tall man faced her, reassuring her with a smile. "I guess we can see tomorrow." Caska smiled at him, baring teeth.

It was a rare smile but it warmed him to see her look happy and herself again. He couldn't help but stare at her.

"I haven't made life easy for you, have I?" she asked suddenly, referring to when she was in a child-like state. She still smiled but it was an apologetic smile.

Guts shook his head slowly. You haven't. But looking back at her now and being able to see the woman he fell in love with, it was worth it. His smile faltered with a sudden thought to kiss her. Guts could not find the courage to; he did not want to risk her getting upset.

We could take it one day at a time.

As if reading his mind, Caska moved in front of him and let her fingers gently trace over the scars on his face. Their eyes met again and he did not see her hate, but hope for the future. Then slowly she pressed her lips against his. Guts embraced her tightly, holding her as if she was a dream… a figure that could easily slip away. Guts kissed her hard, with passion from loving her for years and years. Guts tasted her, savouring her lips as if this would be the last time he would ever kiss her.

When they parted Guts and Caska stood in front of the opened window. The sky held more hues of pink and dark blue, while the crickets began their song. Night soon approached but tomorrow the sun will rise again. Tomorrow will be another day to live…to survive…to struggle…to pursue Griffith…but now that Caska was back…things will change. Guts felt that tomorrow will be different.

End

Author's Note: I called this "The Sun Will Rise Again" to represent some hope for their futures. Sometimes Berserk is so damn depressing and traumatizing that I had to put some light into it, even though some people love it for those reasons. I also feel bad for Guts; he needs a break sometimes. Furthermore, (concerning the ending) I feel Caska has a greater purpose in Berserk that none of us knows (lol I hope so at least). If I talked about that too, this would be a REALLY long Author's Note.

Concerning Caska's 'coming back': The rape is obviously the cause of her insanity… but why? Maybe her mind was not able to process what happened so it 'turned off'. People in tragic accidents that were horrified or scared tend to forget about them and I'm guessing it's the brain's way to protect that person. For Caska, where she doesn't remember anything at all, I partially believe she's in a fantasy world since she looks lost all the time. Another part of me also believes she knows what's going on around her but is unable to make a conscious decision (who knows what the Elf King is going to do). Then in one of the Berserk's games, Caska is able to regain her memory, even if it was a short bit, and she told Guts that she was in a strange/bad dream (apparently in the translation) and still loved him. But then the Skull Knight warned Guts that she may not want to be 'waken'… which made me to hypothesize several things as shown in this fic. Maybe she is happy whatever her mind 'made possible'. So basically I see her able to see what's going on in reality but unable to do anything…and when she's sleeping she's really living a fantasy life. Again, this is speculation and my active imagination, tee hee… After all when it comes to the brain and mind we don't really know what is really going on…

There are so many different takes on Caska's illness. I just hope she comes back as a strong character again and for Gut's sake. I want to see another wonderful female anime character and I think the women in Berserk have been, for too long, so debased and put down. We need more women to fight back! cheers on Schierke and her awesome magic powers Schierke's crush on Guts was cute in the beginning (though I first thought of it to be a father-daughter complex which was REALLY cute, but Evarella so changed that)… but now its getting annoying.

Another thing, I believe Caska will hate Griffith if she is normal again and able to remember it all. If she doesn't… that would so not be cool. I don't care how much she loved and idolized Griffith. He sacrificed his army…her 'family'…her men, raped her and contaminated her child. I believe, beyond everything else, that Caska truly loves her child and loves it more than herself (don't our parents sacrifice everything to make sure we're happy and safe?), hence why she started to cry in this fic. In the manga, when she fist 'gave birth' to it, she wanted to keep it. When she met the child on the beach, she took care of him as if he was her child. (If this love for children seems random, I'm guessing it was just never brought up in the manga because when she was sane, she never thought about it; her life as a Hawk was not fitting for a child)

That's all, as if I haven't said enough. Reviews are always welcomed and thank you for reading.

: GD

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