Disclaimer: The Harry Potter characters belong to Jo Rowling and I am only borrowing them. I promise to put them back the way I found them when I'm done.
Sidekickin' It the Sidekickin' Way
Sidekicks are important people. Now, before you start laughing at me, at least hear me out. Without sidekicks, there would be no heroes, and without heroes, well, evil would rule the world. Nobody needs or wants that. Do they? I don't.
Anyway, back to why sidekicks are important.
Exhibit A: Sidekicks are more or less pack mules.
I can't believe how many times I've seen a hero all tired out because their sidekicks weren't doing their jobs. That's no-no number eighty-seven in the Sidekicking for Dummies handbook. Didn't they give you one when you registered? If not, go get one.
Anyway, I digress. Where was I? Ah, yes. A tired hero. A tired hero more often than not means a lost battle and a lost battle usually means a lost war. Fun, no? If you answered 'yes' seriously you deserve to be whacked over the head with a rubber chicken and/or gutted like a fishTo all you lazy-assed sidekicks out there, put on your harness and pull the cart.
Exhibit B: Sidekicks are the distraction.
Yes, that's right. We sidekicks are bred simply to provide a nice distraction. Our main purpose in life is to give the heroes their chance to vanquish the evil-doer once and for all. Now I know some sidekicks are cowardly, but it's our duty to put ourselves in harms way, regardless of the consequences. Be brave, sidekicks, be brave.
Exhibit C: Sidekicks are moral support.
This is probably the most important of all the things that sidekicks are required to do. Above anything else, make sure that your hero's ego is kept high and generally the same size as his hatred for the enemy. They can't win if they don't feel like the world revolves around them and that people bow down at their feet. Send them a card saying you worship them or, if you're en route to battle, a hearty handshake shall have to do.
Remember: keep your hero happy, healthy, and well appreciated and you'll have a friend for life.
"Ron?"
Ron Weasley looked up from the essay that he was supposed to be writing and grinned.
"What, Hermione?"
"Harry's left. He's gone after Voldemort."
She looked close to tears, but Ron only grinned more.
"Then he'll need a couple sidekicks."
"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing... you wouldn't understand. Go get packed."
"What?!"
"We can't just sit back and let him go alone."
Hermione nodded and bolted away. Ron turned back to his 'essay'.
To all you not-so-heroes and not-so-sidekicks, the best thing about sidekicks is this:
We refuse to be left behind.