Notes: I am really sorry I haven't updated in so long, but real life and my other fandoms kinda overwhelmed me. The next chapter of Saving Shinigami and the follow-up chapter to this should be up in a few of days.
This is what happens to Wufei and Duo when Heero's on his mission. Angst and sap ahead, so be warned! This is actually part of the fic but is labelled as a sidefic because I don't want to interrupt the Heero POV I've got going. Oh, and I have no idea when Wufei's birthday is, I just borrowed my sister's because it's a nice date. Enjoy and review!
Duo sighed, resisting the urge to throw the remote across the room and shatter the TV screen with it.
He missed Heero.
He missed Heero's embrace and Heero's kisses, he missed Heero's warmth and Heero's security. He missed Heero.
He felt cold and shaky; nervous. He could feel dark thoughts pressing at the edge of his mind, could feel horrific memories pushing at his psyche.
Rivers of blood... pain-filled screams... blackened flesh... salty tears... a singed blue ribbon, a shattered glass figurine, a broken doll. All of it destroyed by him, by his bloodstained hands. Brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, all of them had been killed by him. They had fallen to Shinigami.
Duo's breath hitched and he repressed a sob, his body trembling with unshed tears. He let the remote fall from his fingers and drew his legs up, hugging his knees to his chest.
He wanted Heero. He needed Heero. Heero wasn't there.
Warm, wet tears splashed onto his cheeks and he buried his face in his knees, huge shudders running through his body.
Wufei grimaced as he watched Duo cry, his heart breaking just a little more with each little hiccuping sob that escaped the American. Every fibre of his being wanted to go to him, to hold him and comfort him, but he hesitated, not wanting to be rejected.
Then he remembered how Duo had clung to him last night, how he had wrapped his body around the Chinese teen's. He had accepted from Wufei what he normally took from Heero. Surely this time would be no different?
Taking a deep breath, Wufei walked over and sat down next to Duo. He reached out and touched the braided boy's shoulder. When Duo didn't shy away from him, his courage built and he ran his hand along Duo's shoulders until he was half hugging him. A sob escaped Duo and he collapsed into Wufei's arms.
Wufei closed his eyes and ran a hand down Duo's thick braid, clutching the end of it tightly in his fist. His other hand was rubbing circles on Duo's back.
"It's going to be alright, Duo," he whispered, unsure of what else to say.
"Make them stop, Fei," Duo whispered back, shifting a little to get closer to him. "Make them go away."
"There's no one here, Duo. There's just you and me."
"I didn't want to hurt them," Duo whimpered, and Wufei's heart wrenched painfully.
"I know, Duo, I know."
A sharp gasp made Wufei look behind him and he saw Quatre standing in the doorway, a mixture of sadness and surprise on his features. Then he sighed and walked over to brush Duo's bangs out of his face. Duo flinched at the touch and Quatre quickly dropped his hand.
"I was hoping this wouldn't happen," he murmured, "But he's completely dependant on Heero. He's been acting so cheerful and relaxed, I almost missed the fact that I could sense he was still suffering."
Wufei digested that for a moment and then asked quietly, "What can you sense from him now?"
Quatre frowned and studied Duo's haunted face. "I can sense fear, sorrow, horror, guilt, everything I've unfortunately become accustomed to. He's fighting his own mind, Wufei, and he can't do it alone."
"He's not alone!"
Quatre smiled at Wufei's fierce and determined expression, noting how the Shenlong pilot's arms tightened around Duo.
"Just make sure he remembers that," he said quietly before leaving.
"F-Fei?" Duo whispered, and Wufei looked down to find Duo peeking at him through his bangs.
"Yes, Duo?"
"Heero's coming back, right?" Fear darkened Duo's amethyst eyes, and Wufei realised just how young Duo was. For all his worries and fears, all his skills and weapons, he was still just a scared fifteen year old boy.
"Yes, Duo," Wufei whispered, attempting a smile, "Heero's coming back. You just have to be strong until then."
"You.... Can I... lean on you? Just a little bit?"
Wufei swallowed around a sudden lump in his throat and he was positive his heart had skipped a beat. Duo was reaching out to him, was daring to hope that he could trust Wufei. Wufei smiled broadly and kissed the top of Duo's head.
"You can lean on me for as long as you like."
Duo's smile was a bit wobbly and unsure, but it made Wufei's heart swell.
They sat in silence for a few minutes until Duo shivered again. Wufei tensed, unsure and slightly afraid.
"Talk to me, Fei," Duo whispered, and Wufei frowned, relaxing slightly.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't like silence. Talk to me, please."
"Um.... What do you want me to say?"
"Anything. When's your birthday."
"May 28th."
"What's your favourite colour?"
"Dark blue."
"How dark?"
"Um... kind of like a dark sapphire, midnight blue, the colour of... Heero's eyes, actually."
Duo smiled at that little bit of information, but didn't comment and just asked, "Favourite food?"
Wufei blushed and mumbled something. Duo frowned and asked him to repeat it. Wufei sighed softly and said, "Your chicken stew."
Duo blinked and then chuckled. "Really. My favourite food is chicken and rice, especially when Heero makes it. And my favourite colour is a bright, cerulean blue, sort of like Relena's eyes, actually. Hm, never noticed how similar her eyes were to his."
Wufei frowned at that, not sure of who Duo was referring to, but let it go. "What's your favourite book?" he asked gently, and Wufei frowned, absently chewing his bottom lip as he thought about it. Wufei waited patiently, mildly surprised that Duo was thinking about the question so much.
"I'd have to say anything by Edgar Allen Poe," he said after a while, "Specifically 'The Raven'."
"Hm. 'Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.'"
Duo looked up at him again, surprised and oddly pleased. "You've read it?"
"Of course. He was a talented man. Very... strange, but talented nonetheless."
"What's your favourite book?"
"Hard to chose, but probably... Oliver Twist. What's Heero's?"
"Doesn't have one," Duo grinned. "He doesn't 'have time to waste on a stupid thing like reading books when I have missions to plan, reports to write, research to do and databses to hack into, now let me work in peace, baka'."
Wufei chuckled at Duo's imitation of Heero's voice, and they fell quiet again, Wufei still absently rubbing Duo's back.
"I want some cocoa," Duo announced suddenly, standing up and pulling Wufei with him. Still holding Wufei's hand, he walked into the kitchen and very nearly collided with Trowa, who had just walked in the back door.
Stumbling backwards, Duo cursed and automatically reached for his gun. He froze, fingertips brushing the butt of his Beretta.
He blinked and a small voice in the back of his head pointed out what he had just done. He had been about to pull a weapon on his friend. For a split second, he had been ready to 'neutralise' what he perceived as a threat, whatever that involved. For just an instant, he had felt himself start to become Shinigami; he had taken a small step into that empty white place in his head where there was nothing, no emotions or sensations, just an empty static place where nothing existed. And he hadn't felt scared of that.
"Duo," Wufei said quietly, giving the hand he still held a little squeeze. Duo blinked rapidly a few times and slowly turned to look at him. Wufei frowned, reading the confusion in his eyes.
Duo licked his lips and took a deep breath. "I, uh... Do you want some hot chocolate?"
Wufei smiled softly and nodded. "Sure." He glanced at Trowa and found the emerald-eyed pilot watching them with a raised eyebrow. Wufei shrugged and Trowa nodded before walking upstairs.
They made the cocoa in silence and Wufei didn't comment on the faint trembling of Duo's hands. Gripping their mugs, they sat down at the kitchen table and Duo picked up a philosophy book that Wufei had left there. He flipped through the pages with a sceptical expression. After a while he snorted and let the book fall shut.
"Dunno how you can read that shit," he mumbled into his mug.
"It's interesting," Wufei replied, shrugging on shoulder.
"Maybe, but most of it's about God and I don't believe in Him."
"Really?"
"Well, yeah. I just never saw any proof that He existed as a kid; all I saw was blood and death, so the only God I could and do believe in is Shinigami."
Wufei looked at Duo with sad eyes. It wasn't so much the actual words as the way Duo spoke them. He spoke as if hit should be obvious, his voice calm and empty. He spoke as if hit were just a meaningless fact that he could only believe in the God of Death.
"I'm sorry," Wufei murmured and Duo frowned at him.
"What for?"
"The lack of happiness in your childhood."
Duo grinned at him and waved a hand dismissivly. "Ah, it wasn't all bad. It had good moments and bad moments. Playing noughts and crosses with Solo was good. Learning to read with Father Maxwell was good. Listening to Sister Helen read fairy tales was good. Even training with G had its good moments; he used to give me lots of books to read and when I wasn't busy his assistants sometimes played games with me. Yeah the bad outweighed the good, but I take what I can get."
"I admire that."
Duo blushed and mumbled a thanks, taking a long gulp of his drink. Wufei smiled and sipped his own cocoa, thinking about what Duo had just said.
This is what happens to Wufei and Duo when Heero's on his mission. Angst and sap ahead, so be warned! This is actually part of the fic but is labelled as a sidefic because I don't want to interrupt the Heero POV I've got going. Oh, and I have no idea when Wufei's birthday is, I just borrowed my sister's because it's a nice date. Enjoy and review!
Duo sighed, resisting the urge to throw the remote across the room and shatter the TV screen with it.
He missed Heero.
He missed Heero's embrace and Heero's kisses, he missed Heero's warmth and Heero's security. He missed Heero.
He felt cold and shaky; nervous. He could feel dark thoughts pressing at the edge of his mind, could feel horrific memories pushing at his psyche.
Rivers of blood... pain-filled screams... blackened flesh... salty tears... a singed blue ribbon, a shattered glass figurine, a broken doll. All of it destroyed by him, by his bloodstained hands. Brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, all of them had been killed by him. They had fallen to Shinigami.
Duo's breath hitched and he repressed a sob, his body trembling with unshed tears. He let the remote fall from his fingers and drew his legs up, hugging his knees to his chest.
He wanted Heero. He needed Heero. Heero wasn't there.
Warm, wet tears splashed onto his cheeks and he buried his face in his knees, huge shudders running through his body.
Wufei grimaced as he watched Duo cry, his heart breaking just a little more with each little hiccuping sob that escaped the American. Every fibre of his being wanted to go to him, to hold him and comfort him, but he hesitated, not wanting to be rejected.
Then he remembered how Duo had clung to him last night, how he had wrapped his body around the Chinese teen's. He had accepted from Wufei what he normally took from Heero. Surely this time would be no different?
Taking a deep breath, Wufei walked over and sat down next to Duo. He reached out and touched the braided boy's shoulder. When Duo didn't shy away from him, his courage built and he ran his hand along Duo's shoulders until he was half hugging him. A sob escaped Duo and he collapsed into Wufei's arms.
Wufei closed his eyes and ran a hand down Duo's thick braid, clutching the end of it tightly in his fist. His other hand was rubbing circles on Duo's back.
"It's going to be alright, Duo," he whispered, unsure of what else to say.
"Make them stop, Fei," Duo whispered back, shifting a little to get closer to him. "Make them go away."
"There's no one here, Duo. There's just you and me."
"I didn't want to hurt them," Duo whimpered, and Wufei's heart wrenched painfully.
"I know, Duo, I know."
A sharp gasp made Wufei look behind him and he saw Quatre standing in the doorway, a mixture of sadness and surprise on his features. Then he sighed and walked over to brush Duo's bangs out of his face. Duo flinched at the touch and Quatre quickly dropped his hand.
"I was hoping this wouldn't happen," he murmured, "But he's completely dependant on Heero. He's been acting so cheerful and relaxed, I almost missed the fact that I could sense he was still suffering."
Wufei digested that for a moment and then asked quietly, "What can you sense from him now?"
Quatre frowned and studied Duo's haunted face. "I can sense fear, sorrow, horror, guilt, everything I've unfortunately become accustomed to. He's fighting his own mind, Wufei, and he can't do it alone."
"He's not alone!"
Quatre smiled at Wufei's fierce and determined expression, noting how the Shenlong pilot's arms tightened around Duo.
"Just make sure he remembers that," he said quietly before leaving.
"F-Fei?" Duo whispered, and Wufei looked down to find Duo peeking at him through his bangs.
"Yes, Duo?"
"Heero's coming back, right?" Fear darkened Duo's amethyst eyes, and Wufei realised just how young Duo was. For all his worries and fears, all his skills and weapons, he was still just a scared fifteen year old boy.
"Yes, Duo," Wufei whispered, attempting a smile, "Heero's coming back. You just have to be strong until then."
"You.... Can I... lean on you? Just a little bit?"
Wufei swallowed around a sudden lump in his throat and he was positive his heart had skipped a beat. Duo was reaching out to him, was daring to hope that he could trust Wufei. Wufei smiled broadly and kissed the top of Duo's head.
"You can lean on me for as long as you like."
Duo's smile was a bit wobbly and unsure, but it made Wufei's heart swell.
They sat in silence for a few minutes until Duo shivered again. Wufei tensed, unsure and slightly afraid.
"Talk to me, Fei," Duo whispered, and Wufei frowned, relaxing slightly.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't like silence. Talk to me, please."
"Um.... What do you want me to say?"
"Anything. When's your birthday."
"May 28th."
"What's your favourite colour?"
"Dark blue."
"How dark?"
"Um... kind of like a dark sapphire, midnight blue, the colour of... Heero's eyes, actually."
Duo smiled at that little bit of information, but didn't comment and just asked, "Favourite food?"
Wufei blushed and mumbled something. Duo frowned and asked him to repeat it. Wufei sighed softly and said, "Your chicken stew."
Duo blinked and then chuckled. "Really. My favourite food is chicken and rice, especially when Heero makes it. And my favourite colour is a bright, cerulean blue, sort of like Relena's eyes, actually. Hm, never noticed how similar her eyes were to his."
Wufei frowned at that, not sure of who Duo was referring to, but let it go. "What's your favourite book?" he asked gently, and Wufei frowned, absently chewing his bottom lip as he thought about it. Wufei waited patiently, mildly surprised that Duo was thinking about the question so much.
"I'd have to say anything by Edgar Allen Poe," he said after a while, "Specifically 'The Raven'."
"Hm. 'Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.'"
Duo looked up at him again, surprised and oddly pleased. "You've read it?"
"Of course. He was a talented man. Very... strange, but talented nonetheless."
"What's your favourite book?"
"Hard to chose, but probably... Oliver Twist. What's Heero's?"
"Doesn't have one," Duo grinned. "He doesn't 'have time to waste on a stupid thing like reading books when I have missions to plan, reports to write, research to do and databses to hack into, now let me work in peace, baka'."
Wufei chuckled at Duo's imitation of Heero's voice, and they fell quiet again, Wufei still absently rubbing Duo's back.
"I want some cocoa," Duo announced suddenly, standing up and pulling Wufei with him. Still holding Wufei's hand, he walked into the kitchen and very nearly collided with Trowa, who had just walked in the back door.
Stumbling backwards, Duo cursed and automatically reached for his gun. He froze, fingertips brushing the butt of his Beretta.
He blinked and a small voice in the back of his head pointed out what he had just done. He had been about to pull a weapon on his friend. For a split second, he had been ready to 'neutralise' what he perceived as a threat, whatever that involved. For just an instant, he had felt himself start to become Shinigami; he had taken a small step into that empty white place in his head where there was nothing, no emotions or sensations, just an empty static place where nothing existed. And he hadn't felt scared of that.
"Duo," Wufei said quietly, giving the hand he still held a little squeeze. Duo blinked rapidly a few times and slowly turned to look at him. Wufei frowned, reading the confusion in his eyes.
Duo licked his lips and took a deep breath. "I, uh... Do you want some hot chocolate?"
Wufei smiled softly and nodded. "Sure." He glanced at Trowa and found the emerald-eyed pilot watching them with a raised eyebrow. Wufei shrugged and Trowa nodded before walking upstairs.
They made the cocoa in silence and Wufei didn't comment on the faint trembling of Duo's hands. Gripping their mugs, they sat down at the kitchen table and Duo picked up a philosophy book that Wufei had left there. He flipped through the pages with a sceptical expression. After a while he snorted and let the book fall shut.
"Dunno how you can read that shit," he mumbled into his mug.
"It's interesting," Wufei replied, shrugging on shoulder.
"Maybe, but most of it's about God and I don't believe in Him."
"Really?"
"Well, yeah. I just never saw any proof that He existed as a kid; all I saw was blood and death, so the only God I could and do believe in is Shinigami."
Wufei looked at Duo with sad eyes. It wasn't so much the actual words as the way Duo spoke them. He spoke as if hit should be obvious, his voice calm and empty. He spoke as if hit were just a meaningless fact that he could only believe in the God of Death.
"I'm sorry," Wufei murmured and Duo frowned at him.
"What for?"
"The lack of happiness in your childhood."
Duo grinned at him and waved a hand dismissivly. "Ah, it wasn't all bad. It had good moments and bad moments. Playing noughts and crosses with Solo was good. Learning to read with Father Maxwell was good. Listening to Sister Helen read fairy tales was good. Even training with G had its good moments; he used to give me lots of books to read and when I wasn't busy his assistants sometimes played games with me. Yeah the bad outweighed the good, but I take what I can get."
"I admire that."
Duo blushed and mumbled a thanks, taking a long gulp of his drink. Wufei smiled and sipped his own cocoa, thinking about what Duo had just said.