Title: Truth Vampires and PlayStation Controllers
Summary: Daryl tells Carol about his past and the secret he's been hiding. Crackfic.
Notes: This is awful. Terrible, stupid crap. But it was written for the amusement of myself and a friend.
Gentle fun is being poked at the volume of stories writing about certain things. And just as you have every right to write about certain pairings, I have every right to ridicule things in my story.
This certainly isn't any flaming, hating piece against any author. All of the things I have in this story I wouldn't actually read so rest assured, if you've wrote a story about anything that's in here, it's paranoia that's making you see them alike.

Woodbury was gone.

They'd bought it down. They'd won. And they bought all the people back. And in a terrible twist of fate, they'd been just one cell short of homing them all.

Daryl selflessly gave up his cell and moved in with Carol. They'd held hands briefly once and this felt like the logical next step.

Once he'd established a place for his poncho, he settled in with his new room-mate surprisingly quickly.

Since Merle's death, Daryl had trouble sleeping and the addition of someone being there for him was one he quickly relished.

So in the dark, he'd tell her things he'd never have uttered in the daylight. He was like a vampire that could only tell the truth in the dark. And in the light, his truths hid away.

He started telling her about his Daddy. She knew about the beatings, but she hadn't known about the tattoos. Daryl's Father, his own Dad, had tattooed his son. Each one a symbol of his power over him.

He did small tattoos at first. A heart, a cross, small tattoos you could barely notice. His Daddy had said that they were like the symbols on the controller of a PlayStation and that Daryl was his to play with whenever he wanted.

And his abuse became worse, the tattoos became bigger.

Daryl couldn't help but let the sobs escape as he told her about the devil on his arm, which his Dad do so he was always part of Daryl.

And then the tattoos on his back, for himself and Merle... his Daddy told him they were just like the tattoo in some bleak way, going nowhere or something. He never really explained it.

Carol rocked him as he cried hard into her arms. She was overcome by him strong emotions.

For the Daryl that she knew was strong and brave but really, he was like a hurt puppy and needed to be cared for.

She knew how she could care for him. She would just stroke him. Stroke him every day, and he would at first be afraid of her touch and he might have an accident, just like a scared puppy would. But she would not let this stop her. She would keep going, go on until Daryl grow hard in her hands and she would know that she had done that to him, with her own hands.

She had made him cumpletely strong.

"Oh Daryl, I love you. I've always loved you. I was so pleased that Ed got eaten and when Sophia died... as sad as I was it meant I had time to fawn over you. Because you are everything to me. And I was us to have a baby and we can call it Sophia. Unless it's a boy, then we should give it a great name like Falcon or Hawk... something natural."

Daryl turned from Carol suddenly. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you, in fact everyone. Guys?" he said allowed and everyone ran round Daryl to hear what he had to say. "I was supposed to tell you all back in Atlanta. See, me and my brother, Merle, the no good brother of mine, well, we were going to rob you all. And I'm sorry and ashamed. but there was a reason. for it. You see... I have triplets. My babies are with their Mommy and I was supposed to be getting diapers for them and then we ran across you guys and hung out for like a year and a half, but my precious babies... i must leave you all to find them. because you know, I just forgot about them for months and months."

"OH DARYL! YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE LIED TO US!" Rick screamed at him, threatening to throw him off the prison roof.

Glenn and Tyresse talked Rick down and he let Daryl go, who ran away crying.

He was at his bike, wearing his poncho when Rick found him. "I'm sorry I almost threw you off the roof, but... I just can't lose you..."

"DARYL! Look what we found? Your kids are here!" Glenn and Maggie and Beth said, carrying three tiny, wide eyed adorable, cute, bad ass kids.

"Awwww!" the whole group said as one as Daryl hugged the kids he'd not bothered about for ages. "These are my kids... This is little Sophie, this is Rock and this little lady is my favourite. And her name is Carole."

"They are beautiful children, Daryl, you are very lucky. I wish I had looked after my daughter as well as you raised yours."

"Yes, I made them tough so they can survive if they needed too. Where's your Mom, kids?"

"We had to kill her. And to survive... we had to eat her. We made sandwiches from her to bring with us."

"And we used her skin to make ourselves shoes..."

"Before we realised we were at home and already had shoes..."

"Oh, you kids!" Daryl laughed. And the others laughed too because they were all so cute.

"OH MY GOD, DARYL! LOOK!" beth screamed, excitedly.

"Merle?! It CAn't be! I stabbed you repeatedly... in the face because I was angry or something which didn't make any sense!"

"No! It wasn't me little brother! I dressed up a biter to look like me. And sound like me... and it was so good it fooled even you. And then I killed the Governor after you all left. So we are all safe. Forever. And I came back here for Beth! I want to take you to Woodbury and we can have babies together!"

"Oh, Daddy, I hope this is okay because I love Merle!"

"Of course baby. I only want you to be happy."

"Oh Merle, will you show me Woodbury's library?"

"Course I will, kitten. Think you can handle some of my big volumes?"

Beth giggled and Hershel laughed at the cute couple.

The sound of a door closing startled Daryl awake.

Damn that was a hell of a dream. Wiping the sweat that had collected on his forehead away, Daryl tried to push the crazy images from his mind. What the hell did he eat before bed?

"You okay, babe?" Rick asked, turning towards him, a questioning look on his face. He was always concerned about his lover.

"Some thing's not right," Daryl said. he looked behind him, at the empty space on the bed. Just at that moment, the door was pushed open and a large grizzly bear padded into the room. "There you are!" Daryl said as the bear climbed into bed behind him. "Roar!" it said, as bears do.

Daryl turned back to Rick and smiled. "Every thing is now perfect. Because we are not The Walking Dead."