Help me forget
She opens her eyes, and pain shoots through her head.
She moans and pulls the blanket over her head.
Why did she drink that much last night, it definitely was a mistake. But then again, what else will help to numb the pain she feels?
It's been 3 years since Thanos snapped half of humanity.
3 years since Natasha lost so much.
The red haired spy got up and walked in the direction of the bathroom. She switched on the light and went to the sink to wash her face.
Looking into the mirror, she looked at the bags under her eyes and the exhaustion all over her face. The last few years have been hard on her.
She dried her face with the towel, brushed her teeth and went to the bedroom to change into her training clothes.
Even though it wasn't a great part of her childhood, ballet was still a way to keep her body in shape and forget about all the pain she feels.
She went to the gym, tied her shoes and put some music on.
Natasha danced for about two hours until her whole body arched and her stomach growled. She left her Pointe shoes in the gym and walked over to the kitchen to grab some water and a peanut butter sandwich. Her hangover long forgotten.
With her food on a plate she went over to her desk to check on her Mail. It's been a while since Rocket sent her his last update on their mission and she's getting worried. It's not like she knows that they're probably traveling through some galaxies a million light years away from earth and Mail might not get through that easily but that does not calm her mind.
Steve also hadn't shown up for a few days, probably out there trying to help other people getting their lives back together after the snap.
So it's been just Natasha for some time now and truth be told, this self inflicted isolation on herself is starting to tear her apart.
She's been to New York a few years ago, helping in orphan shelters, building trust with those kids whose history she can identify with way too well, because she's been in that situation herself before the Red Room got to her.
She still tries to help those orphans but she hasn't been to the city for a while now. For her the focus changed to trying to keep the remaining Avengers together and focused.
Natasha missed Clint's advice. She went to the farm after everything calmed down after Thanos, only to find the farm vacated. But she also found evidence that Clint survived and just left. She tried to contact him but he didn't pick up his phone anymore after a few calls they had.
Natasha worked restlessly for a few hours. Only hours later the silence got interrupted by someone clearing their throat.
"I thought you were too busy to come by and visit me.", said the redhead, her voice cracked from not talking a lot in the past few weeks.
"Well. What can I say. Not even catastrophes on planets far away can keep me from visiting you."
"Really? Why does it sound like it not true tho? Why are you here, Carol?"
"I wasn't lying. I wanted to see you. I feel like you're not okay. All by yourself here."
Natasha stood up.
"I cope with the situation. It's not the greatest but I try my best. Most of the Avengers are off trying to get a life and truth be told, they deserve it. I mean who would have thought that world famous philanthropist, playboy Tony Stark will ever settle down and even have a child. Definitely not me. And Steve, he shows up from time to time. He's working hard on those group therapy sessions for those who lost everything. They take care of themselves."
"And who is taking care of you Nat? You look like you haven't been outside for a while and what is this? Peanut Butter sandwiches? Those aren't really the best thing to eat and you know that. What do you think about a girls night. You and me and pizza maybe? You need to have some fun in your life as well. Yet it feels like you carry the weight of the world and what happened on your shoulders."
"Carol. Who else will keep track of everything that's happening? Someone has to carry that weight and I'm happy to."
"Even though it's destroying you? Come on, Romanoff! Let's have some fun! You need this!"
With this Carol grabbed Natasha´s hands and pulled her out of the office and into the living area.
"Okay okay... but let me take a shower first. I was dancing this morning and I feel like I need to freshen up first."
"Fine. Need help?" Carol smirked.
Natasha blushed. Nothing usually made her blush but thinking about Carol in the shower with her definitely does the trick.
"No thanks. I guess I'll be fine."
"Too bad. I'll be here ordering food and maybe choose a movie if that's fine with you."
"Ehm sure."
Natasha disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Why is Carol getting under her skin like this? She had her history with men and women she had to seduce in her time in the Red Room but Carol felt different. Was it because Natasha had been isolated for that long? It's been years since she dated.
She shook her head and turned on the water.
"Keep it cool Nat. It's just Carol. Nothing to worry about."
10 minutes later she stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, hair still dripping.
"Oh that's not the worst view to have.", she heard Carol say behind her while she was walking in the direction of her room to get fresh clothes.
"Well take a picture and you have something to stare at later." Natasha replied, trying to keep her cool.
"Hmm...not a bad idea...", Carol just said sheepishly.
Natasha disappeared into her room and got dressed before the blonde can actually take a picture of her.
"So, did you decide on a movie?" Natasha asked as she stepped back into the living area, dressed in yoga pants and a slim fit black shirt that hugged her curves perfectly.
"Depends. I found a few. What are you in the mood for? Drama, Rom-Com, Horror? Or I heard about that one movie. It's about that young woman who doesn't get accepted into art school and starts a temp job. And somehow she gets that invitation to a store that sells unicorns or so. Sounds like a movie that you have to be high as fuck for but could be funny as well."
"Okay... why not." Natasha laughed.
They settled on the couch and Carol was looking for the movie when the doorbell rang.
"Ohh that's the food! Be right back!", the blonde yelled ecstatically while jumping from the couch almost flying to open the door.
Natasha heard voices and a minute later Carol came back loaded with food.
"I didn't know what you felt like so I got Pizza, Chinese, Burgers and even some healthy snacks for later."
"Oh wow that's a lot!I guess I'll have the pizza." Nat laughed. And it actually felt good. She hadn't been distracted from work for weeks and hasn't really felt that carefree. Maybe Carol was right by saying that she needs this girls night.
Both of them settled back in on the couch, next to each other with food in their hands. Carol started the movie and they fell into silence.
"Is it just me or does Kit look like you somehow?" Nat asked after a few minutes.
"What? You think so? I don't see it!"
"Yeah I mean you two could be twins! Carol Danvers are you secretly a famous actress?"
"Haha I wish. Would probably be an easier job than saving the universe all the time."
"Fair point."
They fell back into silence, with the only sounds being the movie itself and their occasional sounds they make about their food.
Halfway through the movie they are both done with eating and curled upon the couch with blankets, close to each other. Carols arm found its way from the back of the couch to Natasha's neck somehow, mindlessly drawing circles. The red headed woman relaxed into that touch and didn't want her to stop ever again. The movie ended way too soon in each of their opinions but they just laid there for some more time, while the credits were rolling.
At some point Natasha slowly sat up, looking at Carol, saying nothing. Carol also looked at her, mesmerized by Nat's perfect green eyes that had all the shades of green in there. She never saw more beautiful eyes.
They don't know who leaned in first but when their lips finally met it did not matter anymore. Nothing was important anymore. Just them. Kissing each other.
They both have waited years to finally do this and it showed. The kiss was passionate but also gentle. Pouring all their love in it.
When oxygen became an issue they pressed their foreheads against each other, breathing heavily.
"Wow. Do you know how long I wanted to do that?, Carol asked after a few seconds.
"Probably as long as I wanted to do that?", Nat replied sheepishly.
They both giggled at this and let their lips meet again.
Their second kiss was all about longing. They pressed each others bodies together, not letting anything between them. Their hands started roaming each others bodies and soon they were undressing each other.
"Bedroom!", Natasha whispered between kisses.
They got up without interrupting any contact and slowly made their way over to the bedroom, closing the door behind them, not without leaving several pieces of clothing strewn on the floor.
The next morning Natasha woke up, disorientated for a second, until she felt strong arms around her hip. She slowly turned around to see the blond woman, hugging her tight, still fast asleep. She looked at Carol and couldn't believe what happened last night. She wanted that for so long and here they finally are. She was curios where this would lead them to.
"You're thinking really loud.", Carol whispered with a raspy voice.
Natasha smiled and leaned in to kiss her softly.
"I was just thinking about how much I wanted this to happen and how happy this makes me.", the red head replied after she broke the kiss.
"Agreed." Carol said already leaning in for another kiss.
They laid in bed, just kissing for some more time until Carol's stomach growled so loud, it made them both laugh.
"Okay breakfast first and then shower? I think I might need your help after all this time.". Natasha laughed.
"Sounds like a solid plan to me."
They slowly got up and put on some clothes before heading in the direction of the kitchen holding hands.