The man of my dreams

Author's Note: This fic is placed before events depicted in KoF'96. When exactly? You decide… It is about Chizuru's life in college (of course, I don't know whether she had ever really attended a college, but I think she had. She looks very sophisticated… Yeah, yeah, I know that it's by no means an indicator of a person's education, but out of all KoF women, she is most likely to have a college education. At least, in my opinion… It's interesting, how well educated do you guys think KoF characters are? Well, we know about Kyo. :) But what about others? Send me your estimations, if you like.). But it's not about her college life, really. It's about……. love. Oh, I can't believe I've just written that. Sounds so cheesy. My first romantic fic. My previous ones have mostly dealt with break-ups. OK, I have babbled long enough. (I do tend to write overly long introductions, now don't I?) Here's the story. Oh, yeah, once again, the words in italics are used to represent a person's (this time Chizuru's) thoughts.

Disclaimer: I don't own King of Fighters, or Chizuru Kagura.

She didn' think it would be like that. As a matter of fact, she never thought it would happen to her. But it did. Chizuru Kagura was in love.

She had read plenty of books about it, and she had a certain idea of how it was supposed to look like. But it wasn't like that. There were no butterflies in her stomach, and it wasn't love at first sight. Books can't prepare you for the real thing, she thought. And the real thing was… well, indescribable. She read once that it's best if you fall in love for the first time when you're young, because first time, your feelings are the strongest, and you're most likely to do something really crazy, so it's not really convenient if you experience love for the first time when you're like 35. Chizuru was 19, but she already considered herself too old for that. She had always considered love a thing that…. well, that happens to other people. Not to her. She knew it existed, because she had listened about it for so many times from many of her friends… well, maybe acquaintances would be a better term… Chizuru didn't really have any close friends. So she couldn't confide in anybody. She felt she couldn't trust anyone completely ever since Maki died… Then why was she ready to throw her life away for him now? No, that will never happen, she tried to convince herself. I have a destiny. My life has been pre-determined before I was born. I am the last descendant of the house of Yata. I can't afford such foolish things as falling in love. That is for other people. It could interfere with my mission. That's why I should just forget about him. That was the voice of her reason. But it didn't really help much. He was all she could think about all day long. While she was eating, showering, washing dishes, doing homework… And she didn't even know his name.

She saw him for the first time at one of her classes, when he was late, so he came in after everyone else had already sat down. She wasn't smitten with love right away. Actually, she had barely noticed him then. A couple of days later, he sat right in front of her, so she was able to take a good look at him. She recognized him as the boy who was late the other day. He's pretty handsome, she noted rather indifferently. She was focused on the text in front of her. Later during the class, the professor started the conversation with the students about the text. Many of them were raising hands and saying their opinions, but Chizuru raised her hand more often than the others and her remarks were always the most intelligent ones. At one point, the boy in front of her also raised his hand and said something. Chizuru forgot what exactly did he say soon after that, but she noticed: Hmmm… he has such a nice voice. It wasn't very deep, but also not too high-pitched, it was pretty quiet and sounded really pleasant. Like an ocean breeze on a summer day… Jeez, what am I thinking? I've never been so cheesy before…Anyway, chapter 7, the analysis of the discourse… It wasn't until that evening that she noticed something strange happening with her. She couldn't stop thinking about him. Even worse, she couldn't stop smiling like an idiot when she was thinking about him. Which was all the time. So, Chizuru constantly smiled like an idiot. And she hated that. She had always prided herself on her intelligence, rationality and good judgement. What's going on with me? I'm certainly not falling in love with him. I don't even know him. It would be so superficial to like someone just based on his physical appearance. …He does dress elegantly, though… Stop it!, she reprimanded herself. I don't know what he's like, and it doesn't matter. I will never fall in love. I have a destiny. Love would be just one more obstacle. I'm too disciplined for that.

During the next couple of weeks, she noticed that he wasn't coming to the lectures regularly. Hm… , she thought conceitedly, he is obviously not serious enough to even attend all the classes. …Then why can't I stop daydreaming about him?, she switched from haughtiness to honesty. It's just a phase, she calmed herself. I'll get over it.

The key evidence that it wasn't just a phase came the next day. She was standing in the hallway of the college building with one of the other students from her study group. They were discussing yesterday's lecture. She wasn't really close with the girl. Chizuru thought that she was all right and she didn't think anything negative about her, but they haven't shared secrets and have never gone out together, e.g. for a cup of coffee. That is why Chizuru was shocked at what happened next. The boy that occupied her thoughts was walking toward them. He stood briefly next to them, then checked the number of the classroom they were standing in front of and then left. Nothing remarkable. But Chizuru leaned toward the girl next to her and whispered: "Hey, don't you think that boy's totally…" She froze. (She was gonna say 'cute', 'adorable' or something along those lines.) What the hell was she doing? Talking about something like that in front of a girl that was a little more than stranger to her. "What?", the girl asked with a smile. "Oh, nothing!", Chizuru replied unconvincingly. "I have mistaken him for someone else."

Chizuru was mad at herself during the rest of the day, but that night, when she was lying in her bed, trying to sleep, he was all she could think about. And it felt good. Really good. Better than she had felt for ages. So, she finally stopped resisting her emotions and gave in. She became much more cheerful than usual and other people started noticing that. She liked her college even more, because now, it was the place where she could see him. But he still wasn't showing up each day. At first, it bothered Chizuru, but soon, she thought that it was kinda nice. She was imagining that it was his way to surprise her. She was aware, of course, that he barely knew she existed (if he knew that at all), but she liked to pretend that he was doing those things because of her. The fact that he wasn't present each day, made the days he was present that more special.

So, I guess this is what being in love feels like…, mused Chizuru one day when he didn't show up. She wasn't paying attention at what the professor was saying, which was very unusual for her. It's so weird. And I still can't believe I feel this way about someone I know nothing about. I guess I'm pretty superficial… Basing my feelings solely on physical appearance. But that's not completely true. I can see what's he like just by observing his behavior. The way he speaks… he sounds like such a kind, polite and gentle person. And he's pretty smart, too. Not smarter than me, of course…, Chizuru's pride took over briefly. But he doesn't need to be. I'm smart enough for both of us. And I love the way he walks. He's not strutting around. I hate when men do that. And his hands are so beautiful… Large, but they still seem really gentle. I wonder what it would be like to hold them. I bet they're really soft and feel really nice. …hmmm, I bet he looks gorgeous naked. Chizuru blushed. Her thoughts were interrupted. It was still very hard for her to think about him in a sexual way. In her daydreams, he was usually alone - she imagined two of them together very rarely, and even then, she was feeling kinda uncomfortable. So far, she never went further than holding hands and deep, meaningful conversations. But that day, the lesson was pretty boring, so she let her thoughts wander. I would really like to know what his lips feel like… What they taste like… He has such pretty lips. I wonder what kind of music he listens to. I can't really deduce that from the way he dresses. Mmm, I love the way he dresses. He has such good taste. Nothing flamboyant, but he still manages to be original. And I really like his shoes. And his hair is so beautiful also… Chizuru realized the class was over, because everyone around her started packing their bags and leaving. She felt somewhat guilty, for daydreaming throughout the entire lesson. Oh, whatever…, she calmed herself. I'll read those chapters at home. …I can't believe I still don't know his name. None of the other students seem to know him. I've never seen him talk to anyone…Well, next time he comes here, I'll use whatever excuse I can think of to talk to him and find out his name. Then I can write his name and mine inside little hearts during the lessons… Oh, God, I'm being cheesy again. I can't believe I was actually planning to draw the hearts… So pathetic… But still, I will learn his name, no matter what. Satisfied, Chizuru went home.

Next day, she was pleased to see that he has arrived. As soon as she had seen him, her heart started beating like crazy. It was because she was planning to start a conversation. But it was easier said (or thought in this case), than done. She blushed immensely, and a huge lump was brought to her throat, so when she got near him, she just walked past. I'm really hopeless…, she thought, irritated. OK, it doesn't matter, I'll ask him later. She was very nervous during the lesson. She checked the time every 30 seconds, but when the class was finally dismissed, she hesitated, and the boy in front of her (because she made sure she was sitting behind him, like usual), just stood up, and walked out. She was really angry with herself. She missed her opportunity. She stood up, and started packing, feeling depressed. But when she was about to leave, she noticed something under the chair in front of her. It was a notebook. His notebook. Chizuru just stood motionless for a few seconds, before she picked it up. She held something that belonged to him. Something that was touched by him, used daily by him. Chizuru felt the urge to smell the notebook, but she resisted it, feeling perverted. OK, now I know why they say 'crazy in love'. I think I'm going mad. OK, Chizuru, just breathe…, she took a deep breath. Now I have an excuse to talk to him. Next time I see him, I'll just give it back to him, and then ask him his name. Yes! It's perfect! (If Chizuru were an anime character, little hearts would appear inside her eyes and all around her. :P ) Oh, wait! Maybe he has his name written inside his notebook. That's right! He must have it! I write my name on the first page of all my notebooks. Chizuru opened the notebook hurriedly and examined the first few pages, but all she found was some random notes, no name. Oh, COME ON!!!, she thought, irritated. Who else doesn't write their name on their notebooks?!! Really…, she was vastly disappointed. OK, I'll just stick with the original plan and ask him his name when I give this back to him. I can't believe I have to go through all this just to get his name. That boy's really elusive.

At home, Chizuru examined the notebook thoroughly. There was about 20 pages of text. He's a very good note-taker… I could study out of this… And he has such a beautiful handwriting. She spent the next week full of expectations. But he didn't appear at all. Chizuru was getting worried. Maybe he's ill, she thought. She was sitting in her usual chair, waiting for the class to begin. For no particular reason, she took his notebook out of her schoolbag. She opened it up, but, this time, she turned the last page first. And there it was… on the inside of the back cover… his name. Well, a name, but Chizuru knew it must have been his name. Why would anyone else's name be there? For a moment, Chizuru was kinda scared to read it. The thing she had been searching so long for… was finally in front of her. But when she looked down at the cover to read it, her sight blurred. She couldn't make out the letters (Author's Note: or the Kanji, whichever you prefer…) All of a sudden, she heard the ringing, which was getting increasingly louder. She looked around and tried to identify the source of the noise, but the classroom around her was decomposing. She opened her eyes, and instinctively pressed the button on her alarm clock. Just as she was about to go back to sleep, she realized the shocking truth. She was in her bed. Her hands were empty. There was no notebook… There was no boy… All that had been just a dream… Just a dream…, Chizuru thought, almost paralyzed. No. That's impossible. It was so long… and so vivid… Dreams are never like that. It couldn't have been a dream. IT COULDN"T HAVE!, she almost screamed.

It was Saturday, so she didn't have to go to college that day. She remembered that yesterday (which now seemed like a month ago) she planned to use the weekend to study. But she had spent the entire day in a trance-like state, trying to recover from the shock. She tried to remember the name she saw, but to no avail. What's the use?, she thought bitterly. He doesn't really exist. And why am I getting so upset over a dream? It was just a stupid dream…

But it was more than that, because when Chizuru went to bed that evening, she hoped that she would dream about him again, but deep down, she knew that she will never again have a dream like that. I'll never see him again, she realized and that thought filled her with an overwhelming sense of loss. OK, I still remember his face. I'll draw it, so I don't forget it. She jumped out of her bed and took a pen and a piece of paper. But as she tried to form his features, she realized she had forgotten his face, also. Tears welled up in her eyes. She lost someone again. She hasn't felt that way ever since Maki's death, but this was different. She has experienced love for the first time, and even though it was just a dream, it was totally lifelike. Now, the only thing left from that dream was that feeling. It was the only thing she later tried to forget, but couldn't. She never forgot that feeling. The feeling of happiness, hope, pleasure, fulfillment. Only in that dream, she was happy enough to jump from joy. Later on, she realized that dream was the fulfillment of her deepest desires. What she was missing, what she lacked, what she desperately needed in her deprived life… was love. But she was too repressed to search for it in reality. So, in her dreams, when all her brakes let loose (but even then, not completely loose), she found what she secretly wanted, what she desired. But only for a while. So, that night, when she gave up trying to draw the face of the man of her dreams, she went back to bed, and the tears started rolling down her cheeks. They wouldn't stop, so after a while, her pillow was drenched with tears. Because she knew, she knew deep down - inside the very core of her being, that what she felt in that dream… she will never feel in real life… she will never find someone like that… she will never be able to open up… she will never love… and she will never be loved… Because she was Chizuru Kagura, the last descendant of the house of Yata, and she was taught that emotions were a weakness. She had a mission… and nothing could come between her and her destiny… Not even love… because love was for ordinary people… not for her…

Chizuru Kagura cried herself to sleep that night, but when she woke up next morning, her pillow was dry. She got up, not thinking about the dream, or the previous day, and calmly carried on with her tasks. And the night before… …was the last time Chizuru Kagura ever cried.

THE END

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OK, this was pretty short (like most of my fics), but I couldn't make it any longer, because dreams just don't last that long. And even this was a bit too much for a dream. Kinda angsty… I wish I could write happy, positive stories, but I can't. This is pretty much the reflection of my current state of mind. Anyway, please, read and review!

Yours truly,

ALLRRPRP