Once More

She stared the rumpled sheets of her unkempt bed. She couldn't believe she was finally just by herself. That she was back. That she had the chance to get some rest.

She had to the chance. However, she doubted she would get any sleep tonight, even if she felt ready to drop to the ground from exhaustion that seemed to pull at her whole being, causing an unpleasant throb in her head that threatened to spread further down to her neck and shoulders. They were stiff and hurting. She winced as she brought up a hand to massage the tight muscles there.

But if she was honest, Hange doubted any of them would get a good nights rest tonight. Because with sleep came the dreams—images, of all what had played out before her very own eyes, and also what she only could but imagine.

Unconsciously a hand came up, fingers carefully touching the white bandages over her injured eye. It was just now that she began actually feeling the sharp stinging sensation of her wounded eye. Before there had been simply no time—no room for that. But now. Now—

Her gaze slid back to her bed. If she could just make her feet move. If she could just take a few more steps forward. God, she was so tired.

Yet, she couldn't. Her feet wouldn't obey her.

The emptiness of her bed, it scared her. Her room appeared bigger than before. Like space had stretched itself out somehow, corners curving and deep. Unfamiliar. Unnatural. It was anything but comforting. It was anything but reassuring. Even if it was such a stupid thing, there was nothing to be scared of, right? It was her own room, damn it! Maybe it was the fatigue that was making her see things. Making her think about stupid and unnecessary stuff. God, she really needed to go to sleep.

Yet, her feet still wouldn't move.

Because, of course. Of course, there was nothing reassuring at the moment. Not after—

She swallowed painfully, tasting bile at the back of her throat, a shiver running down her spine. Cold. She was freezing. Or was it...? What was it? Oh, you know that very well, don't you? A voice whispered.

Everything they had to leave behind, all precious that was lost.

In exchange for victory, they had paid the highest price; the ones who had charged right into the dark depths of hell, the brave and too young soldiers who had given everything up, had given their all, for humanity. For the truth.

And they, the ones who were left behind, them who were still breathing, had had no other choice but to leave their fallen comrades there, amid the dusty gravel and crimson blood splatters. Once more, once again, there had been no other way.

And she knew, it wouldn't be the last time.

It all had opened up a void in her chest, an emptiness that threatened to consume her whole. It hurt.

It was familiar.

Hange raised her face toward the ceiling until the rough, dark wood blurred into an ugly smear. Only then, she closed her eye. Sending burning tears down one cheek. They didn't lessen the sharp emptiness she felt. They brought no relief. They wouldn't bring back the ones who were not here anymore.

She stayed that way for a long while, stock-still, barely breathing. Not be able to move. Still not wanting to move.

"Farewell, Erwin. And thank you."

End.

After three years of waiting, we finally got to see chapter 80 animated! And man... they did an astounding job of portraying the brutality and hopelessness of that situation. The voice acting, the animation, the music... 10/10.

All the mistakes are mine.