Don't Jump, a big time rush fanfic

AN: My first BTR fanfic, so go easy on me, please! It's so angsty…what have I done? Sorry, I was in a very weird mood while writing this fanfic. It's not slash! My first non-slash fanfiction! Yay! Anyway, it's a songfic using Don't Jump by Tokio Hotel.

Forget me. Just forget that I ever existed. It'll make life a hell of a lot easier, and I know that. Besides, if you forget me, then there's no way you'll feel pain when I'm gone, if you would've in the first place. I doubt that, but anyway, now the rest of you can go back to Minnesota and return to the lives you actually want. Kendall can work on becoming a pro hockey player, Logan can become a doctor, Carlos can do…well, whatever it was Carlos wanted to do. It'll all be alright. You don't need me to keep making your lives hell. Hopefully by the time you read this, I'll be gone. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is goodbye, guys. And…I'm sorry.

-James Diamond

On top of the roof
The air is so cold and so calm
I say your name in silence
You don't wanna hear it right now
The eyes of the city
Are counting the tears falling down
Each one a promise
Of everything you never found

James stood on the ledge of the roof, staring down at the streets and sidewalks so far below him, shivering slightly in the cold air around him. He had decided to do this a long time ago so why was he hesitating? There was no reason he wanted to stay alive, no reason he SHOULD stay alive and he knew that. No one would care if he died anyway, so why couldn't he just jump? Why did he have to be a coward and stand on the ledge, crying his eyes out?

I scream into the night for you
Don't make it true
Don't jump
The lights will not guide you through
They're deceiving you
Don't jump
Don't let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don't jump

Kendall's green eyes widened as he reread the note he had found lying on the couch when he got back to apartment 2J. No one else was home yet, but James should have been. James should have been sitting in the apartment waiting, if he wasn't down at the pool or in the lobby, which Kendall knew he wasn't, not this late at night. It was already dark out, so the brunette should have been sitting on the couch watching TV or reading a magazine or something. Realizing this scared Kendall to no end. "This can't be real…he can't be planning to…" he struggled to say the words. "James can't be planning to kill himself, right?" But this was way too serious to be a joke, and the note was written in James's handwriting. Without another moment of hesitation, Kendall ran out of the apartment, leaving the door wide open behind him and not caring as he silently pleaded for James to stay safe until the blonde could find him.

You open your eyes
But you can't remember what for
The snow falls quietly
You just can't feel it no more
Somewhere out there
You lost yourself in your pain
You dream of the end
To start all over again

James silently calmed himself and opened his hazel eyes, once again staring at the ground far, far beneath him. Now he knew that he was drawing a crowd, since he could see the flashing lights of police cars leading him to the ground. Chuckling darkly, he stared up at the sky as it started snowing. "Appropriate weather…" he mused the words quietly to himself as he thought of what would happen next. First, he would jump off the roof, then hit the ground and die, and hopefully be reborn into a new life. A small smile graced his face at the thought.

Pushing people out of his way, Kendall raced down the street, not caring about the tears falling down his face as he searched for James. He had no idea where he was going, but his body was taking him somewhere, and fast. That's when he saw the police cars and crowd of people staring up to the top of a tall building, some people crying. He immediately knew what it meant. "Shit!" He pushed through the crowd and forced back the policemen grabbing at him as he ran into the building and up the stairs, praying he got there in time.

I don't know how long
I can hold you so strong
I don't know how long

What was going on down there? Did someone get into the building? If so, this was bad. He couldn't take it. He'd just jump if someone came to stop him and he knew that. He wouldn't let them see him as weak. Never.

Kendall raced up the stairs, ignoring his muscles screaming in protest and the stinging feeling he got from breathing as he yanked the door leading to the roof open and stared out to the ledge, where he saw James, his back turned to the doorway.

Just take my hand
Give it a chance
Don't jump

This couldn't be happening. That could NOT be James. James was definitely not about to kill himself. Not if Kendall had anything to say about it that was.

"James!" Kendall screamed the name into the darkness of the night, his desperate voice reaching the ears of the suicidal teen, who turned and stared with wide eyes, almost losing his footing on the ledge. "Don't…don't do this, James! Don't just give up! Please! James…please…I can't…I can't stand the thought of living without you.Not after all we've been through. So please, James…" Kendall slowly walked forward, afraid to startle James and sending him toppling over the edge. "This is it James." He stepped onto the ledge and grabbed James's hand.

And if all that can't hold you back
Then I'll jump for you

"If you jump, I jump, James." With those words, Kendall lost his footing on the slick ledge and fell over the edge, hurtling helplessly towards the ground as he heard James's screams of his name. He screamed back, his heart full of fear as he looked down and noticed how close the ground was now.

Then it was all over.

Kendall gasped as he woke up from his dream, covered in a cold sweat. The first thing he saw was the worried faces of his band members surrounding him. James was the first one to speak. "Kendall…are you alright? You were screaming in your sleep…what's up?"

The band leader simply pulled James into his arms and cried silently as the taller boy just laid there silently. "James…that was the worst nightmare ever…I…you were going to jump! And I was trying to stop you but…but…I ended up falling instead! Hopefully though…I…I saved your life, James. I died so that you wouldn't have to!"

There was a quiet in the room. James turned to Logan, fear evident in his wide eyes. Interpreting the look, Logan looked away almost guiltily. "Dreams like that…are really showing you your subconscious fears. Kendall…are you afraid of dying? Of James killing himself? Both? Or maybe…are you afraid to lose James?" It was evident to everyone how Kendall's grip around James tightened at the last option. "So it's that then…"

James smiled softly and ran a hand through Kendall's blonde hair. "its okay, Kenny. I don't plan on going anywhere. I'm going to stay right beside you."

The blonde boy finally calmed down as the taller brunette started softly singing to him. When he settled into sleep, he only had good dreams for the rest of the night."