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If You Could See Me Now
There was a reason Arthur preferred to be the dreamer rather than the subject. Especially during February. Only one other person knew that reason. Dominic Cobb. His mentor, friend and the only person other then himself who knew what happened four years ago on February the fourteenth.
It was on this date four years later that Dom found Arthur sitting on one of the lounge chairs. He was staring at a sheet of paper in his hand. As Dom approached he knew something was wrong. As a point man its Arthurs job to know every possible detail and that is a rule that he applies not only to his work but to life in general, so for Dom to be able to not only reach his side but to read the first few lines on the paper without alerting the point man's sharp eyes was truly troubling.
"Arthur…is everything alright?" Dom spoke in a low gentle voice.
Arthur's eyes locked with Dom's, revealing an expressing of true pain. "I finished it…the song…but I don't…it doesn't change…" Arthur's voice drifted away as he held out the paper to Dom.
"It sounds really good," Dom assured after a few moments. "Will you play it for me?" he asked gently.
After several heartbeats Arthur nodded and picked up the guitar that leaned against the back of the chair. He took a moment to tune the guitar while Dom pulled the other chair closer. When he was ready Arthur closed his eyes and started the song…
Oh if you could see me now…
Oh if you could see me now…
It was February 14 Valentine's Day
The roses came but they took you away
Tattooed on my arm is a charm to disarm all the harm
Gotta keep myself calm but the truth is you're gone
Dom heard the emotion in Arthur's voice as he remembered that horrible day. He had been sixteen when it happened. His house had been broken into. He remembered his father going downstairs to see what had happened while he and his mother waited in his room. He remembers the gun shot…his mother's screaming…then it goes black.
Three days later he got the tattoo. It was a simple design, angel's wings on either side of his mother's favourite Spanish sain: Por siempre y para siempre. Forever and always.
And I'll never get to show you these songs
Dad you should see the tours that I'm on
I see you standing there next to Mom
Both singing along, yeah arm in arm
Arthur's father had always encouraged him to become a professional singer. Arthur and his mother would spend hours singing along to his father on the piano.
After their death Arthur hadn't sung for a year.
And there are days when I'm losing my faith
Because the man wasn't good he was great
He'd say "Music was the home for your pain"
And explained I was young, he would say
Take that rage, put it on a page
Take that page to the stage
Blow the roof off the place
I'm trying to make you proud
Do everything you did
I hope you're up there with God saying "That's my kid!"
Despite never really being a religious man Arthur found himself praying that there really was a heaven because, more than anything, he wanted to see his parents again.
His voice changed pace as he sung the chorus, and portrayed the loneliness he felt when he thought of them.
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
And there it was. The reason he hated the idea of sharing dreams on their death anniversary. Arthur was afraid of seeing his parents there. He was afraid of having their memory destroyed by watching them tear apart his teammates, he was afraid of them turning into his own personal Mal.
(Oh if you could see me now)
If you could see me now would you recognize me?
Would you pat me on the back or would you criticize me?
Would you follow every line on my tear-stained face?
Put your hand on my heart that was cold
As the day you were taken away
Arthur changed after their death. He didn't laugh as often as he used to and his smiles were different. He was different. His heart had turned cold.
I know it's been a while but I can see you clear as day
Right now, I wish I could hear you say
I drink too much, and I smoke too much dutch
But if you can't see me now that shit's a must
This took Dom off guard. He knew that after Arthur had started drinking, but he hadn't known about the anti-depressions. Arthur had stopped drinking by the time Dom took his god son as an apprentice. Dom could only presume that that went the same for the drugs.
You used to say I won't know a wind until it crossed me
Like I won't know real love 'til I've loved and I've lost it
So if you lost a sister, someone's lost a mom
And if you lost a dad then someone's lost a son
And they're all missing out; yeah they're all missing out
This made Dom think of Philippa and little James…would they one day sing a similar song about him? No he wouldn't allow it!
So if you get a second to look down on me now
Mom, Dad I'm just missing you now
'There' Arthur thought, 'I've said it.'
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
As Arthur sung the chorus Cobb saw the tears gather in his eyes.
Oh, oh
Would you call me a saint or a sinner?
Would you love me a loser or winner?
Oh, oh
When I see my face in the mirror
We look so alike that it makes me shiver
The tears fell.
Cobb knew that behind the calm and collected mask, behind the professional point man camouflage, Arthur craved approval. No, he needed it. He was so insecure of what his parents would think of him, of what he did, that he took all negative criticism to heart.
Arthur didn't have many photos of his mother and father, but thankfully Dom did.
The similarities he and his father shared never stopped to amaze him. They had the same dark hair, same eyes, even the same cheek bones. But it was always the dimples that gave Arthur goose bumps under his suits.
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Yeah I'm just missing you now
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
If you could see, you could see me now [x2]
Arthur hated the fact that tears were now flowing freeing from his eyes. Hates the fact that throughout the last chorus his voice continued to miss the notes purely because it was too full of emotion. He hates the fact that despite being finished he can't bring himself to put the guitar down and move on…because he's not sure how to move on.
Dom must have realised this because suddenly the guitar was gone and he was crying in his godfathers arms. "I-I miss them- so- much." He managed between sobs.
"Shhh, Arthur, I know. I know. I miss them too." Dom said softly. "Arthur…Look at me." Dom waited until Arthur managed to compose himself enough to obey him. "Your parents would be so proud of you! You are the best at what you do. You are a loyal friend and an incredible singer. Don't let your memories of them be tainted be grief. Remember to smile when you think of them."
Arthur nodded slowly and fought against the new tears in his eyes. "Your right."
"Damn straight I am!"
"Dom?"
"Yeah Arthur?"
"Don't tell Eames, please!"